Today, I’d like to introduce our readers to Ethan. Ethan is a 21-year-old man from a suburb of Houston, Texas. He’s currently an undergraduate student studying Mechanical and Petroleum Engineering. Last summer, he worked for a major energy company in California and this summer is working for an independent oil company doing offshore drilling.
NOTE: Ethan will be offshore today (6/3) and will check in to answer questions in the next few days.
Kelsey: Ethan, welcome to Romance University, and thanks for taking the time to talk with me. Tell me a little about your future plans.
Ethan: Right now the plan is to gain career exposure and expertise by working in the petroleum industry. A master’s degree and PhD might be in my future which would allow me to start my own consulting firm, and then retire as a professor. After that, maybe run for Congress… Oh, and travel the world. So no big plans, really. 
Kelsey: How would you describe yourself?
Ethan: Eclectic, enthusiastic, idealist
Kelsey: Ethan, let’s talk about women. What first attracts you to a woman? Physically? Besides the physical?
Ethan: The first thing any guy notices when he meets a woman is the physical. Whether we admit it or not, men are visual beings. That’s what all guys have in common. But here’s the secret…none of us agree on what’s attractive! So basically, don’t get all worked up if you don’t have that “magazine” look – not all guys like it.
Personally, I’m first attracted to a woman’s eyes and smile. I love it when a woman smiles with her eyes and her face lights up – it’s an incredibly attractive quality.
Non-physically, believe it or not, the attraction starts with the eyes as well. I love it when a woman looks me in the eyes while talking to me. Many of the women I’ve dated won’t carry on a full conversation while holding eye contact. This one simple attribute says a lot about a woman’s personality and her confidence. Confidence (not OVER confidence, however) is straight up sexy.
Kelsey: At the age of 21, are you looking for “the one?” Why or why not?
Ethan: Yes, and I’ve found her. It will still be a while before I propose, but I’m already planning the perfect proposal. I know, I know – I’m too young. Believe me, I’ve been told a million times I should wait until my 30s to even start thinking about marriage, but that’s not me – and that’s not what I’m looking for.
You know, maybe that’s the problem with relationship nowadays. The divorce rates (for those brave enough to go beyond just living together and get married) are in the stratosphere. I believe marriage is an engineering oddity. It’s the only equation I know where 1+1=1. Perhaps many couples find it difficult to form that union and be one after spending so much time looking out for themselves and pursuing their own goals. It makes it really easy to be selfish in a relationship and view yourself as two separate parties.
I want to go through life with my partner. Even when I wasn’t in a relationship and just knew “she” was out there, I didn’t feel totally complete. I love ‘love’ – it’s beautiful. And I can’t wait to have a family either and be a daddy (well, I CAN wait – but I’m excited for when the time is right). Many people have a family in addition to their career, almost as a trophy or as an accomplishment on their resume. For me, my career is only a means to provide for my family – they come first.
Kelsey: What are you looking for in that serious relationship?
Ethan: Oh, nothing much – just perfection.
Seriously, perfection is NOT what I’m looking for; no one is perfect. Many times it’s the little quirks that make me love someone more. I do definitely know what I’m looking for though. The woman must be a Christian. I’m not saying super pious holier-than-thou, but we wouldn’t be able to connect on a deeper level without a common faith. An adventurous spirit, willingness to push social norms and someone who isn’t afraid to get dirty. If it’s raining, a woman who would love to have fun sliding in mud puddles, but still has enough femininity to get dressed up too. Someone with a sense of humor, and appreciates mine. Someone who doesn’t mind being bored with me, and I don’t mind being bored with her – just that we’re together is enough – we don’t have to constantly be doing something or talking. Like Uma says in “Pulp Fiction” (oh, and liking “Pulp Fiction” is definitely a plus!), “That’s when you know you found somebody special. When you can just shut the f*** up for a minute and comfortably enjoy the silence.”
Kelsey: At what age do you think most guys are ready to settle down?
Ethan: Is never an age?
I think that most guys in today’s world are ready to settle down once they approach their late 20s and early 30s, especially if they want kids.
Kelsey: Tell us something you think women should know about men.
Ethan: Not all men are dogs. Yes, many are, but often women who want to find Mr. Right only look in the dog park. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had female friends tell me they’re looking for a guy and list out all his qualities. When I ask them to describe the guys they’ve been with or dated in the past year, it’s a complete 180. And of course, all of those guys came from a party or the bar. I’m not saying that all relationships that start at a party or a bar are doomed. I actually just went to a wedding of a guy I worked with and he and his wife met at a bar – they’re happy as can be. That being said, I don’t know many guys who go out for a bar looking for a serious relationship, most just want some.
Then I have guy friends who, in my opinion, fit every description that these same women have for their ideal relationship, but they’re not looking for women in the same place he women are looking.
Oh, and one more thing…try not to read too much into things. As much as I’d like to say that men think through every little thing and all our actions have a secret meaning just itching to be discovered, we don’t. So try not to take things out of context. If something’s bothering you, and we ask how you are, and you say “fine”, don’t get mad if we believe you. Most guys don’t like little games like that. Help us out, be straightforward – don’t make us play a guessing game, because that’s just annoying.
Kelsey: What’s something you wish you could figure out about women?
Ethan: Chivalry: do you want it or not?? I’ve literally had women yell at me for opening the door for them or asking if they would like me to carry something for them…but at the same time, I hear other women saying chivalry is dead and no men treat women with respect. If chivalry is dead, y’all killed it.
Kelsey: Do you consider yourself a reader?
Ethan: I love to read. During school though, I’m swamped. So when I have time, I normally binge read and will go through one or two books in a day and then not read another for another month.
Kelsey: What’s the last book you read?
Ethan: Currently I’m reading No Country for Old Men – primarily because a friend lent it to me. At the time of this interview I’m studying abroad, and novels aren’t readily available. The last book I read, when I had an option was Eclipse – the third book in the Twilight series, and before that was Next by Michael Crichton. I love all of Michael Crichton and most of John Grisham’s older works. I love the classics too. Pride and Prejudice and The Count of Monte Cristo are way up there (neither read for school, just for pleasure) and my all time favorite: Lonesome Dove.
Ethan, thanks for taking the time to join us at Romance University. Best of luck with your future career plans and marriage proposal!
To our RU readers: At what age do you believe most men are emotionally ready for marriage? Also, any suggestions for Ethan’s future marriage proposal??
Kelsey's serving up bite-sized morsels for your noggin on her new 
Ethan -
Thanks so much for allowing me to pick your brain! Sounds like some woman will be lucky to have a man you like propose to her.
Do you have any suggestions on how men and women can more effectively communicate with one another?
As for the questions posed…I think many men probably aren’t ready for marriage until their late 20s. Of course, that’s a generalization. My husband always said he wouldn’t get married until he was almost 30. Umm…he was 23 when we married. We’ve been together 16 years this year (yes, I was a child bride). However, looking back, I think we were probably a few years too young. More me than him.
As for Ethan’s proposal…Do something as wildly romantic as you can think of and afford. Get a woman to help you plan it. She’ll know what other women want, and your (future) wife will remember that day for the rest of her life!
Posted by KelseyBrowning | June 3, 2009, 8:17 amKelsey, thank you for picking me to interview! I’ve really had fun with it so far and feel free to call on me in the future as well. Let me know if you’re ever around – it’d be great to run into you again. You know how to contact me… and my secret identity (which still cracks me up that I have a pseudonym, how cool is that! haha)
Posted by Ethan | June 10, 2009, 5:28 pmThanks for posting Ethan, it was a very informative article! I like the part about just being bored with someone, and being bored together…lol…that i think is the hallmark of a great relationship. And impressed you’re so well read, good for you!
Best of luck in your career, proposal and subsequent married life. Sorry, I’m no help with a proposal….mine said “so are you going to marry me or what?”
lol….he’s such a romantic.
carrie
Posted by carrie | June 3, 2009, 9:41 amBelieve it or not, those are the EXACT words that my dad used to propose to my mom as they were sitting down to eat at a Pizza Hut. My mom has sworn that she’ll kill me if I propose in a fast food restaurant haha! I’m pretty sure that she wants to live vicariously through my proposal.
Posted by Ethan | June 10, 2009, 5:31 pmHi, Ethan and welcome to RU. This may make me unpopular, but I can’t say I disagree with your statement about women killing chivalry. However, and that’s a big however, I don’t think it’s our fault. I don’t think it’s anyone’s fault. I think, over the years, chivalry has become the collateral damage in the struggle for us to gain equal opportunities and equal pay. That doesn’t mean we shouldn’t be treated with respect. Personally, I like when a man opens a door for me, but he better not treat me as a weakling because of it. It’s a tough one and, I’m sorry to say, you probably won’t ever get a right or wrong answer to your chivalry question.
As far as the proposal goes, whatever it is, make it about the commitment and not the event. The event can be huge, but it needs to mean something to her. My husband proposed to me in my living room, but it was perfect because it was just the two of us figuring out where our future was going.
That being said, I’ll never forget the night we were on a dinner cruise on Lake Michigan and some guy proposed to his girlfriend. It was pitch black outside and the Chicago skyline was in front of us (an amazing sight, by the way) and all of a sudden I saw a glimmer of light coming from the rail. The guy had rigged the ring box with a light so when she opened the box the light shined on the ring. Of course, I waited a few minutes and then walked over to them because I had to see that rigged up ring box. It was very cool.
Posted by Adrienne Giordano | June 3, 2009, 10:44 amI definitely agree about chivalry being collateral damage to the struggle for equality in the work force – very well stated! I think it’d be really interesting to do a study about men and women’s respective expectations regarding chivalry based on geographic region in which they live. Maybe even see if there’s a difference in expected behavior in or out of the workplace? And as an engineer, I love the idea about the lit up box! Very clever!
Posted by Ethan | June 10, 2009, 5:33 pmRegardless of how you propose, she’ll remember it forever. It’s an important moment! Maybe this will take the pressure off? It doesn’t have to be blaring loudspeakers in a stadium for her to cherish the moment. Sincerity and tenderness are the best ingredients. And a ring and a question! Of course lol.
Thanks for sharing your insights!
Posted by Theresa Stevens | June 3, 2009, 11:43 amThanks Theresa! I’ve been getting a lot of suggestions regarding the proposal haha – I think that when I’m done replying I might put down a comment with some of the things that I’ve done in the past…I think y’all might like them. I’m a huge proponent that a guy should do little sweet things to surprise his gal every once in a while. In my opinion, random is better
Posted by Ethan | June 10, 2009, 5:36 pmHi Ethan,
You seem like a wonderful man and I enjoyed the interview.
Since a young age, I’ve taken care of myself. Opened my own doors, found a seat in a crowded room, and paid for my meals. If a stranger had offered or done this for me, male or female, I’d find it intrusive. It’s me, it’s my way of life, it’s how I am.
However, if someone I’m interested in shows me these gestures, I’d find it intimate. When my husband opens a door for me to walk through, I sashay. When he offers his chair, I love him more for it. When he knows me well enough to order for me, I blush.
Chivalry has changed from a flirtation between strangers to an intimate gesture of going above and beyond for the one you love. It’s a show of trust, respect, and adoration between committed couples. The small, thoughtful gestures on an everyday basis keeps a relationship going. And, this is what men don’t often understand. It’s how you treat each other after you’ve found love that keeps it going.
I propose, you use your chivalry skills on your relationship interest and see where it gets you. You’d be surprised at the difference in reaction from her vs. a stranger.
And, a proposal is as individual as the woman herself. Go with your gut, because in the end, it’ll be you she loves and adores. Not the event.
Posted by Judy Dawn | June 3, 2009, 12:32 pmI really appreciate your reply. It’s amazing to see how many different opinions there are…quite the range. Just curious, what region do you live in or grow up? I wonder if that has any affect. I know it does on the guys. For example, where I live, if you’re going to take a girl on a date, you park the car, go up to the house, meet her dad (if you’ve met him then you still shake his hand and talk to him a bit), and only then after that could you take her out on a date. I have a lot of friends up north who said that that kind of behavior is unheard of and that the guy just parks outside and honks! Wouldn’t fly down here haha! My brother was dating a girl and they had just got into his truck and about to back out of the driveway and her dad walked out, motioned for him to roll down the window, and then told him (while pointing two fingers at his own eyes and then my brothers) “I’ve got my eyes on you boy!” Things are a little different down here, to say the least!
Oh, and one time by chance I happened to order for my girlfriend since I knew what she wanted and she literally swooned! I was amazed, I had no idea!!
Posted by Ethan | June 10, 2009, 5:43 pmYou sound like a nice person. You evidently have it together, a perfect hero.
I love that you’re perfect woman isn’t perfect. As for chivarly, the woman will sometimes give you a sign- like she will stand outside her door waiting for you to open it. I’ve done this mostly on first dates. Kind of shows how interested the man is in you. You can tell a lot about the man who will just get in the car and ignore you, or make the effort to come around.
OK. Here’s a question for you if you’re taking questions:
From the guy’s side- what would you consider a man who is a real dog? Pretend you have a sister and she is going out with this dog. Curious to see what a guy would think of a creepy guy.
Also, from a guy’s perspective– what would you consider a villian woman?
This was a great article and I hope you come back. Thank you.
Posted by Cindy Maday | June 3, 2009, 3:21 pmDon’t worry, Cindy. He’ll be back next week as part of a “Guy Rules” post and it’s a hoot!
Posted by Adrienne Giordano | June 3, 2009, 5:18 pmOk…I’m not sure if this is an appropriate answer, but this is the first thing that I thought of. I think it’s hilarious (and slightly scary, probably because it’s founded in truth)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4JMOh-cul6M
The language is pretty bad…so if that would offend you don’t watch, or at least don’t hold me accountable for it haha.
And villain woman…hmm – I would say someone that purposefully manipulates in order to get her way and plays with guys emotions to do so. I’m not talking about batting your eyelashes to get him to do the dishes or go to see Up instead of The Hangover either. I only have two little brothers, but if I had a sister I’m sure I would be pretty protective of her..
Posted by Ethan | June 10, 2009, 5:53 pmHey Ethan! Sorry I’m late to the party.
In my case (and most of my friends), I love it when a guy holds the door open for me or let’s me pull in front of him when traffic’s bad. I’m something of a tomboy and love moments like these when I’m made to feel like a woman. It’s also refreshing to know there are still some nice guys out there.
Good luck with “the one” and your run for Congress! LOL
Tracey
Posted by Tracey Devlyn | June 3, 2009, 7:16 pmThanks! Haha – It’s nice to know that it’s appreciated somewhere :p I’ve never really considered letting a girl pull in front of you as chivalry before…interesting… And if I end up running for Congress I’ll be sure and let y’all know haha!
Posted by Ethan | June 10, 2009, 5:56 pmWell, Ethan, I’d love to see you decades from now. I do love your outlook and your youthful enthusiasm, and somehow, I think you’ll be a great husband. But…I married in 1958–now, I’d like for you to add that up and see how long I’ve been married to the same man. Yes, one man in my life. And still, he is the best husband around–I wouldn’t trade him for anyone. I subscribe to this blog to learn something that will help me with future romance novels I write–so far, I have three. I think I know everything about men–but maybe not. I don’t believe I understand the young men of today, but then, I don’t understand many of the young women, either. Longevity does not seem to be in anyone’s vocabulary these days.I have noted the things you like in a woman, and in my next novel, maybe you’ll see those exact things. See? You can teach an old dog new tricks. Good luck to you, whatever you do. Celia
Posted by Celia Yeary | June 3, 2009, 7:19 pm51 years! WOW! What an inspiration! I really hope to have that kind of relationship after 50 years
I’ve always wanted to be the couple that still holds hands in the grocery store after being together for that long…I also really really want to be an eccentric old man that wears bow ties and all the neighborhood kids come over to my front porch to have lemonade and hear crazy old stories that are “mostly” true haha. I’ve never read a “romance” novel before (rough crowd to admit that to!) but perhaps if I was an inspiration to you in some way you should let me know about you’re next book; I’d love to read it!
Posted by Ethan | June 10, 2009, 6:01 pmWhat a great article. I have to agree with Adrienne on chivalry. I’ve spent most of my life working for large corporations and over the last dozen or so years chivalry has declined as women demanded equality in the workplace. It’s a catch 22 and I’ve generally given up waiting for men to open doors or let me get off the elevator first. But when they do – I always say thank you. The effort is appreciated. By the same token, if there’s a stranger with his hands full I’ll open doors for him. Amazing how surprised they are.
My husband proposed over dinner. He slid the ring box onto the table while I read the menu. I couldn’t decide what to eat and went through every last thing on there, not understanding why he got so agitated and why the waiter hovered ten feet away.
I loved your comments about girls’ eyes and how they smile and make eye contact. Are you sure you’re only 21? ; ) I have three sons older than you and I think only one of them has finally “got” it. I look forward to reading your answers to everyone’s questions.
Posted by Elizabeth Pina | June 4, 2009, 7:02 amWhat a sweet proposal! I can only imagine him waiting for you to look out of your menu and the waiter standing by… And thank you for the comments about chivalry too. When I was working in California a bunch of the girls from different schools all over the country (we were all interns) were sitting together at lunch and were essentially bashing guys for how none of them respected women any more. I was listening to them and certainly interesting in the conversation. Then one of the girls who went to the same school as me spoke up and said that she had never opened up her own door in the past three years that she’s been at school here! It was great to watch all the other girls jaws drop. And it also felt really good to be coming from that school too. In general I would say that the guys there take more pride in honoring them women folk and showing courtesies. I really think it would be interesting to look into the practice of chivalry based on geographic location..
Posted by Ethan | June 10, 2009, 6:10 pmEthan,
Thank you. I have so enjoyed this interview. You’re funny and insightful. As a romance writer I thought more than once, “WOW” he’s the perfect hero. Two line I loved in particular: 1+1= 1 and the women looking in dog parks for men. Well of course I’ve turned your words around instead of going up and copying and pasting but you know what I mean.
I’m sending you good wishes for whenever you propose and wishing you a very happy future.
Dyanne
Posted by Dyanne Davis | June 4, 2009, 12:21 pmHaha – I’ve never thought of myself as a romantic “hero”, though I suppose that I would strive to be one
Thank you for the kind words and good wishes!
Posted by Ethan | June 10, 2009, 6:11 pmSorry to everyone for the late responses! I was offshore for a bit and then was out of town without a computer for a while. I really appreciated all the comments and positive words – they made me feel great! I thought that y’all might like hearing a few things that I’ve done as sweet little surprises for my girl…just to put your mind at ease that the proposal won’t be at Pizza Hut like my dad! And also, for those of you looking for ideas, maybe they would come in handy?
1. flowers for no reason, other than “i love you”
2. write a love note…I have terribly handwriting by the way, except for my cursive, which, not being arrogant, is gorgeous. I only use it for love notes though <3
3. write a note on a piece of cardboard and then cut it out into puzzle pieces so she has to put together the puzzle to read it.
4. midnight picnics out in the middle of a field under a full moon and texas stars…
5. ok, this one’s really nerdy…but oh well – put our birthdays into the GPS decimal coordinates and then drive to that spot to make out <3
6. i got her a pearl necklace as a surprise (most i’ve ever spent on a gift before! yikes! not to be topped until ring haha – good thing she doesn’t really like jewelry haha) and wanted to give it to her at dinner. so i went to the restaurant before hand and got some oyster shells and cleaned them and then put the necklace inside the shell. gave the shell with the necklace in it to the waiter while getting up to use the restroom and then made sure to order oysters as part of the meal. for some reason she didnt think to get the oyster in the center of the plate with ribbon on it until after several of the others haha – i was getting antsy in anticipation, but it was soo worth it! this one was one of my better ideas lol
7. made a heart made out of ice. when it melted there was a laminated piece of paper that said “you’ve melted my heart…i love you!”. and by the way, making a heart of ice is harder than you would think!! took several tries haha – eventually went with a heart shaped tin with chocolates. i ate the chocolate myself though. im not perfect
8. decorate her driveway in the middle of the night with sidewalk chalk
9. make her lunch in between classes. she had one class this past fall where she didnt have time for lunch, so i would normally make her something. one time i made pb&j for both of us and accidentally put the two slices with peanut butter together and the two slices with jelly together. she STILL gives me a hard time about that!
10. this is my favorite thing that we do as a couple: hide post it notes! we write cute little things, many times if they’re from me they’re nerdy/funny and then hide them. i can’t tell you how amazing it is to find them during the day! sometimes they’ll go a week or so without getting found haha! for example, some of the ones ive done recently: “you turn me on” (by the light-switch), “you electrify me” (by the power outlet), “you + me = <3″ (inside her calculator), “you’re my shorty” (in her shorts drawer…in case you don’t know that term, urbandictionary it), “you’re my dream girl” (under her pillow).
I guess that most of y’all, if not all, are married. Try that with your husband! Just surprise him. Leave little post-it notes hidden where he’ll find them. I PROMISE you that he’ll love it. It completely makes my day! And if you’re lucky, he might pick up the hint and do the same…never know
Posted by Ethan | June 10, 2009, 6:40 pmOkay, Ethan…you know you’ll be invited back after this. All the ladies are gonna be in love with you and will hope to move to Texas to meet a guy like you. Great ideas and answers for all of us! Thank you so much for taking the time to comment.
See, ladies. Better late than never. Men don’t always do things on our schedule, but if we leave them to it, they usually do a helluva a job!
Kelsey
PS – does your girlfriend know about this post??
Posted by KelseyBrowning | June 10, 2009, 10:53 pmHaha no she doesn’t. I told her that I was doing something like this though, but she hasn’t seen it :p
Posted by Ethan | June 11, 2009, 7:20 amHmmm. So – Ethan isn’t Ethan and (quite seriously) he sounds too good to be true.
Please don’t tell me he’s really a 65 year old grandmother and it’s all a set up.
But – as I work in Houston – I’ll be happy to meet him somewhere for verification…
Posted by Elizabeth Pina | June 10, 2009, 10:58 pmDon’t worry. Only his name is different. At least that’s what Kelsey tells us. LOL.
Posted by Adrienne Giordano | June 11, 2009, 6:38 amHahaha – everything is true, I promise! Except for that there’s a few different letters after the E…minor detail
And where do you work in Houston? I’m working downtown currently…
Posted by Ethan | June 11, 2009, 7:22 amI worked downtown for a decade or so! Shell and KBR.
Now I’m over by the Galleria.
I wish you much success.
Posted by Elizabeth Pina | June 11, 2009, 4:03 pmEthan, I love the list of sweet surprises. Are you sure you’re not a writer at heart? So imaginative. Thanks for sharing.
You must come back after you propose and tell us how utterly perfect it was. LOL
Posted by TraceyDevlyn | June 11, 2009, 7:26 pmHowdy, I found your site a few hours ago and have got through all the posts slowly. I decided I would make my firstpost. Not really sure what to write but anyway. Nice website. Will call back in a while to hear what else youve got to offer.
Posted by Mathews S2 | August 31, 2009, 9:45 am