Part Two: Internet Dating-One Guy’s Perspective
Welcome to Part Two of our Internet dating series. A couple weeks ago, Cathy P shared her view and related her experiences on this growing phenomenon. And, since RU’s equal opportunity, we asked Greg to give a guy’s perspective on the same questions. You might be surprised by their similarities. I was.
Name: Greg
Age: 50
Gender: Male
Ethnicity: White
Region: Midwest
Status: In a Relationship
What led to your decision to try Internet dating and how long did you use it?
A break up with a live in girlfriend. I knew about Internet dating and was working at a place where there were many opps to meet females and thought I would just give it a shot.
About 4 years on and off.
What was your goal – to find the one, companionship, sex?
Yes, to all of them. Whatever came my way. I was open to a relationship, companionship, and, yes, sex. Wanted to meet women and see where it went.
How does it differ from traditional dating methods?
It turns up the process of meeting someone by 20 times. It speeds it up tremendously. You’re not waiting around to bump into someone or get set up. With Internet dating, you can meet two women every night–speeds things up.
What sites have you utilized?
Match, Yahoo, and looked on many others.
Did you have any long-term relationships occur as a result of this service? One night stands?
Two long term relationships. Yes, a few one night stands.
Have you ever seen your date from afar, didn’t like what you saw, and left her sitting there waiting?
No, never did that.
What misconceptions do people (users & non-users) have about Internet dating?
People that use it are desperate.
Do you recommend Internet dating versus traditional?
Recommend both. I’ve had just as much success with traditional but your chances of meeting someone are much fewer and far between. Successful relationships are better with traditional dating. Internet–there are a lot of hit and miss like a part-time job. You have to put time into Internet dating.
Where did you meet women prior to Internet dating?
Bars, work
What advice do you have for women considering this option? What do they need to know in order to protect themselves from potential predators?
Always meet in a public place. Never go to the guy’s house or let him pick you up. Never let him know where you live no matter how nice he is. Successful predators are always nice. If they weren’t, they wouldn’t be successful. Don’t get sucked in.
Are you still involved in Internet dating? If not, why? If yes, have your goals changed from when you first began using this service?
No, not currently. I’m dating someone exclusively now. If I were still using the Internet I’d still take things as they come. If a long term relationship was what I wanted with that person, I would take it. If companionship is all I got, I would take it. And if I got only sex, that would be great.
For the first date, what do you generally do (drinks, coffee, dinner)? Did your “process” change?
Drinks..alcohol..Applebees/Chilis/Fridays type of place. Something casual and not too ritzy. And not a crappy bar. Not too noisy, not too quiet. Been doing it this way since I started.
How many women have contacted you first for a date?
Half the women I have met have contacted me first. More women have contacted me then I have contacted, usually ones that I don’t want to be contacted by.
Do women ever offer to pay or split the bill? If so, do you accept their offer?
Women never ever offer to pay the bills, and they very rarely offer to split the bill. If I have no interest in the person, then yes, I accept their offer to split the bill. If I am interested, I will pay the tab.
What’s your strategy for a quick exit?
I set it up before the date. I always tell them that we are meeting for a drink. If I am having a good time, I can stretch it out, and if I don’t want to pursue it, I have my out.
Have you ever expected sex on a first date? Have you ever gotten sex on a first date?
No, never expected it. Yes, I have gotten it.
Did you ever have sex with a woman you weren’t attracted to?
No, never did. However, there were a couple I wanted to. I met a girl I wasn’t attracted to and we had a good time, drank a lot, and she wanted me to come home with her. We did make out in the car but I said no in the end.
Do you usually end up at her place or your place?
Her place. After meeting and an interest develops, I usually go to hers but it’s her choice.
What’s the first thing you saw on a woman’s profile that made you want to contact that person?
Her photo. I’m a guy. I’m visual.
What was the second thing you look at besides the photo (income, kids, smoking)?
What they write about themselves. You can tell a lot by what they write. Distance is the second thing look at. How far away they are from me. If they want to have kids in the future, I am out of the picture, kids are okay, but I’m not in the market to have a baby.
Big turn off on a profile is if she doesn’t have a large income or a great job but loves to travel out of the country. Those are women who are saying that they would love to travel as long as you pay for it. Woman love to brag about where they have been in traveling and I find it a turn off. I would love to travel too as long as someone else paid for it. I think it’s tacky.
What are the top two things women lie about on their profiles?
Age, weight or physical type (slender/athletic).
Thanks, Greg!
RU Readers, unfortunately, Greg won’t be available to answer your questions today. However, I’d love to hear your thoughts. What did you find surprising about Greg’s answers, if anything?
Be sure to return on Friday when Ann Leslie Tuttle, Senior Editor at Harlequin Books, discusses the top three submission errors authors make and her advice on how to fix ‘em.
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I don’t know about you all, but I found Cathy and Greg’s differing answers on where they end up at the close of the evening fascinating. Greg’s going to “her” house and Cathy’s going to “his” house. LOL
I especially found their similar answers to why try Internet dating – meet more people – interesting. Greg likened Internet dating to a part-time job. How perfect is that? Sounds like the “benefits” are good.
A special thanks to both Cathy P and Greg for sharing their insights with us.
What advice do you have for women considering this option? What do they need to know in order to protect themselves from potential predators?
Always meet in a public place. Never go to the guy’s house or let him pick you up. Never let him know where you live no matter how nice he is. Successful predators are always nice. If they weren’t, they wouldn’t be successful. Don’t get sucked in.
of Greg’s answers, the one above was most terrifying. I’ve not found Cathy’s answers. I will look for her responses, unless there is a link I missed.
Recently single I’ve tried online whatever one calls it. All I can say, so far, is wild. I’ve not met anyone yet, by choice. But I have voice on my machine from Glascow, Rome, Dublin, Wales, ….a theme emerges…
Hi Laurel,
Thanks for stopping by. Scroll to the top of this article. You’ll see “Cathy P” underlined – click on it and the link will take you to her posts.
Good luck with the dating scene!
Tracey
Okay – I found the part about the bill splitting fascinating. He will accept her offer to split if he’s not interested, but won’t allow her to pay if he IS interested. I wonder what our pal Evan would have to say about how that fits into the heterosexual mating dance and desire to impress?
“Me man. Me like you woman. Me pay.”
OR
“Me man. Me no likey you woman. You pay.”
LOL,
K-
Morning all..
I found this line interesting…
Half the women I have met have contacted me first. More women have contacted me then I have contacted, usually ones that I don’t want to be contacted by.
Just wondering what do you do when someone contacts you that you’d rather they didn’t? Quick go look at their profile and then just say I’m not interested? What if they’re a sucky writer (lol) and they turned out to be a great person, but you’d never know…..and vice versa, what if they have their profile written up professionally to make them ‘look’ super cool, but really aren’t….
one of the perils of online dating!
kelsey…lol….
carrie
Kels, I think you have a man panel topic there. Boy, I’d love to hear Rob’s take on that one.
Thanks to Greg for his honesty. Great post. After reading both Greg’s and Cathy’s posts I think it still comes down to dating being a process. Whether you do it online or not, it’s still a matter of finding someone you click with. It seems like the online option probably offers more opportunities and speeds the process.