RU Crew, CJ has generously critiqued Kathleen Thigpen’s query letter. Let’s see what we can learn from her assessment. As always, feel free to ask questions!

Submissions
PO Box xx
Zxxxxx, XX 12534

Dear Sir/Madame:

I read on your website that your agency is actively acquiring contemporary women’s fiction. I would like to invite you to review my completed 82,000 word count novel, A Lasting Legacy. Your best bet is to start immediately with your main character and launch into a back-of-the-book type blurb/hook. Save the word count, title, and genre for the last paragraph.

When Dr. Cassandra Brownley, a shy, sensible high school principal, accepts a consulting project with a prestigious church, she is caught between two opinions regarding the project’s leader. The Rev. Dr. Finus Gideon Gates is pompous and condescending from the pulpit and she can’t stand him. Away from church he’s witty, warm and wonderful. Can she love him; except on Sunday? Semi colons are generally considered a less contemporary form of punctuation now. (Who knew certain punctuation marks could be trendy?) I’d use an em dash instead. Nice job giving us both characters in a nutshell. My only question is this—have you given us the sum total of the stakes in your novel? Is the only lingering question whether Cassandra can love the two sides of Dr. Gates? Does he have anything at stake here? Does he have to grow and change at all?

I am an active member of the Windy City Chapter of RWA, where I serve as the Assistant Newsletter Editor. My writing experience includes writing corporate training materials and quarterly articles for the Windy City newsletter, “Blowing Kisses”. Great stats paragraph. I’d make the first sentence A LASTING LEGACY is a contemporary women’s fiction complete at 82,000 words.

Thank you for your time and I look forward to hearing from you.

Regards,

Kathleen Thigpen

Thank you CJ and a special thanks to Kathleen for allowing us to use her letter.  Kathleen, let us know how these suggestions work for you.  We’d love to hear from you.  For our readers, if you have a letter you would like CJ to critique, go to our Labs page and click the link or send the letter to QueryWriting101@romanceuniversity.org.   CJ will also take questions if you would like to send them.  We will post a letter on the first Monday of each month so be sure to check back.

Join us on Wednesday when Wayne Levine will discuss wounded men in another installment of “Wayne Wednesay.”

CJ’s bio:

C.J. Redwine fears goats, loves stilettos and frequently lets her imagination run away with her. She writes edgy urban fantasy with a side of comic relief. You can learn more about her at www.cjredwine.blogspot.com and read samples of her writing, which is full of imagination and the occasional stiletto but is noticeably lacking in goats.

Want to learn how to write an amazing query letter? Need C.J. to comb through your query with a fine-tooth comb until you get it just right? Registration for her next online query workshop is open until October 10th. Go to http://queryworkshop.blogspot.com/ for more info.

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