Posted On December 23, 2009 by Print This Post

Guy Rules II

Good morning and welcome to Anatomy of the Male MindAfter the fun we had with the first Guy Rules post (, we thought we would test a few more of these tidbits.  For those of you who missed the first post, these “rules” are from a book entitled Guy Rules:  The Unspoken-and Previously Unrecorded-Rules That Govern Men’s Social Behavior and it is a hoot (at least from the female perspective).

 Let’s turn it over to our ever-popular man panel and see what they think.  

 Rule: Every guy must laugh when his buddy gets hit in the testicles.  All guys have experienced this dreaded event and know the difference between the “light-brush-bead-sweat” and the official, full-blown hit in the balls.

 Just laugh out loud then see if he needs help, and laugh at him the whole time.


 We laugh the laugh of “better you than me” and laugh over the circumstances that caused the strike to the nuts. Guys laugh at other guys when the strike is unintentional and unexpected. I’ve seen some of the funniest nut crunch videos on TV’s funniest or outrageous video programs.


 Ohhh the dreaded “tap”. Sack tap, nut tap – whatever you want to call it – it is a part of every man’s life. In high school there was actually a points system…depending on the tapee’s response, the tapper would get a certain amount of points. A light tap with a small response was 5 points, a groan was 10, a yell was 15, dropping a guy was 20, and tears was 30. You had to be careful about going for tears though. The strategy of the game came with the realization that revenge is inevitable. You’re better off for your own safety to build up small points.

I wish I could say that men grow out of this, but the fact is that they don’t. There is a picture of my dad with his two brothers at my uncle’s wedding. They are in a line with their tuxes standing at an angle and covering their manhood. Initially when looking at the picture you think, “Well that’s an interesting pose the photographer chose”. The real story though is that they were all three tapping each other.  The photographer finally gave up and took the picture. This is a wedding. Their ages are 55, 49, and 45. I love being a man. 


 Rule: You control your own domain of grilldom.  No other guy can come in there and fire up your grill.  You own that grill.  The difference between firing up a guy’s grill and making a pass at his wife is that you might live if you make a pass at his wife.

Dumb asses.  If you can rope someone into coming into your house and cooking for you while you sit back and drink a beer then DO IT!!!!!  Then make a pass at his wife and ask that he not overcook your steak.


As Rodney Dangerfield might say, “Take my grill. Please”. I am so grilled out; any guy friend who wants to fire up my grill and cook the food for a get-together at my place is welcome to it. I’d love to sit back, drink beer and socialize while someone else is cooking the food. However, making a pass at my wife, not a good idea. Once her coals are fired up, it takes the skill of a Master Chef to keep the house from catching fire. It’s a job better left to me and me only.


There are rare occasions that you may use another man’s grill – and all of them require express permission and most likely have limitations associated with them. Lord help you if you just show up and use the grill. I’m not sure that it’s as bad as making a pass at his wife…but damn close.


Rule: When a guy realizes another guy is talking a bunch of crap, it’s acceptable to break in and call him on his bullshit.  Trumping a guy’s bullshit is not only acceptable, but expected practice between guys.

Absolutely.  Call it like you see it.  BULLSHIT.


Guys definitely need to feel that they’re one-up on every other guy. Better job, faster car, stronger, bigger dick, getting more sex, etc, etc, etc. Not only is it acceptable to challenge your friends’ bullshit, its necessary in order to keep us from believing our own bullshit.


 Bullshit should ALWAYS be trumped. It doesn’t even matter if you know him. If you overhear some shit flying through the air from some guys at a bar talking at the next table it is your God given duty to call him out. It is also acceptable practice to call out a guy for constantly being a “one upper”. Many of the one-up’s often involve a heavy amount of bullshit, so a call out in this situation is like striking gold. It provides entertainment for all and builds character for the shit-slinger.



RU Crew, what do you think?  Have you seen any of these rules in action?  We’d love to hear from you.

Thank you to the man panel.  You guys never disappoint.

 Be sure to join us on Friday when Tracey will explore the hidden wonders of subtext.

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5 Responses to “Guy Rules II”

  1. Sack tap, nut tap — you guys are killing me.

    Thanks for the fun post.


    Posted by TraceyDevlyn | December 23, 2009, 6:42 am
  2. Men really do have their own language.

    Thank you Rob, Ethan and Jack for enlightening us!

    Posted by Adrienne Giordano | December 23, 2009, 7:38 am
  3. lol…great posts guys….love it!


    Posted by carrie | December 23, 2009, 10:53 am
  4. I do love these “male mind” posts! Thank you, guys!

    Posted by Kelly Jamieson | December 26, 2009, 12:21 pm
  5. I’m Australian, Australians play cricket, and we watch cricket on T.V. Some of the players, usually the batsmen, occasionally get hit ‘on the spot’. In spite of the protection gear called ‘the box’. The point is, when it happens the spectators snigger. It’s quite interesting to hear 10 or 20,000 people snigger at once… As a woman I’m more inclined to say, ‘the poor bloke’. My husband says the same thing then laughs quietly. He’s 70.
    Maybe the underlying male thought is, ‘There’s one bloke (potential competitor?) at least out of action for the time being!’

    Posted by Monya Clayton | December 27, 2009, 7:39 am

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