Morning, RU crew! Romance readers love their HEAs (Happily Ever Afters), but we don’t want the hero and heroine to hit that spot in their relationship immediately. We want to go along for their relationship roller coaster ride first. Only after the H/H weather those ups and downs do readers think the author should allow them happiness. Laurie Schnebly Campbell is here today to tell us how writers can throw their characters on the tracks before allowing them to board the love train. Welcome, Laurie!
Challenging couples in love is fun. We get to take two wonderful people who are really just perfect for each other, and make them suffer. If you’re cringing at the very idea, you’re not alone — most of us became romance writers because we believe in happy endings, and we hate to see the people we care about suffering!
So all too often, we don’t let it happen. My critique partner used to warn me, “Laurie, you’re acting like a counselor again…you’re trying to fix these people’s problems in Chapter Two.
You gotta make ‘em suffer.” And I’d flinch — “I don’t wanna be mean to these people!”
But of COURSE they need to go through that suffering in order to deserve their happy ending. Who’s gonna want a book where everything goes perfectly from page 1 right to the end? By the time our characters are marching up the aisle to their happily-ever-after, everyone’s bored.
So we writers are actually being very NICE by challenging these couples. Because we’re saving our readers from boredom…we’re giving them something to root for.
Which means we need to take two people who really are just perfect for each other, let them fall in love, and then show how loving each other makes their world a lot tougher. Yet BECAUSE they love each other, they can’t just walk out. (If they could, we wouldn’t have a book.)
So we’ve got these two swell people, and they’re both reasonably intelligent and reasonably kindhearted and reasonably willing to compromise. (If not, it means one of the characters is a jerk.) But if they’re BOTH nice, competent, good-hearted people, how can there possibly be conflict between them?
That’s a question that marriage counselors face every day. And they’ve saved us a lot of work, because the American Association of Marriage & Family Therapists has come up with a list of the seven basic conflicts that are most likely to cause problems between couples in love.
These aren’t weird, exotic conflicts like “she’s a mermaid who has to live in the ocean; he’s a birdman who has to live in the sky.” Or “one’s a vicious child-abusing serial killer; the other is an angel come to life.” (Not to say you couldn’t get a decent conflict out of that situation, but it’s not one that troubles many couples.)
No, what we want are realistic conflicts. Things that could bother any couple…things that might’ve even bothered US at some point. Things that can tear a couple apart — or, if you want a happy ending, that can be overcome when the couple is willing to work at it.
So, those seven basic issues are:
- GENDER ROLES (things like who should make decisions for the castle, who should change the flat tire, who should nurture or protect the other one?)
- LOYALTIES (where does each person rank the importance of family, work, community, friends, etc?)
- PRIVACY (is each person a “glommer,” who likes to glom onto their loved ones and spend as much time together as possible, or a non-glommer who wants more time alone? Either can work fine, but couples are a lot better off when they’re both the same type.)
- MONEY (how does their approach to earning-spending- saving reflect their values? It’s not too likely their choices will be a perfect match.)
- SEX (when-where-how-why-what? It can be a huge source of conflict in real life, but sex rarely creates problems in a romance novel…well, unless maybe they break the bed?)
- POWER (or CONTROL can be the worst of all, showing up in any of the other areas or in unrelated areas — like who decides on the dinner menu?)
- CHILDREN (should we have any? How should we raise them? What about kids from a previous marriage?)
Now, children aren’t usually a problem during the first date. The problems change as the relationship develops, and a hero & heroine probably aren’t going to run into any issues about privacy while they’re gazing rapturously at each other. Once they’ve been together a while, that’s a whole different story.
A first-date problem might be something like Gender Roles — he expects to pay for everything and she expects to at least buy the popcorn — or Loyalty — he wants an evening for just the two of them; she wants to give her sister a ride home since they’re driving that way.
But whether it’s on the first date or later in life, any of those problems can create wonderful conflict for your characters!
And we NEED those issues — because, in romance novels just like in real life, no couple ever gets by without facing some kind of challenge.
Some challenges bring the couple closer together. Some drive them apart. And depending on whether we’re setting up the black moment or the happy ending, we can make it happen either way in our books.
Let’s take a shot at this — think about Scarlett O’Hara and Rhett Butler. Which of those seven areas do you think bothered them? Or how about Beauty and the Beast? Elizabeth and Darcy? Buffy and Angel? Ross and Rachel?
Along with any questions on making things better or worse, I’d love to get your opinion on which of the seven issues challenge the couple in a book YOU love — one you’re writing, one you’ve read…
And since I believe in rewarding people who post, this weekend we’ll have a drawing where somebody wins free registration to one of my upcoming online classes: “His Personality Ladder” or “Plotting Via Motivation.” So I can’t wait to hear your thoughts and/ or questions on challenging couples in love!
RUers, what’s the biggest “challenge” you’ve forced on your hero and heroine in one of your books?
Don’t forget to join us Monday when Tracey Devlyn talks about the benefits of recruiting a beta reader (or two).
BIO
Laurie Schnebly Campbell (www.booklaurie.com) grew up in a family that discussed psychology around the dinner table. With a marriage counselor for a mother, she felt well equipped to get her romance-novel couples to a happy ending…which might be what helped her win “Best Special Edition of the Year” over Nora Roberts.
The only thing she loves more than writing romance is working with other writers, which is why she now teaches an online class every month and has written a book for novelists who want to create believable characters with built-in fatal (or not quite fatal) flaws.
Carrie Spencer, writing romantic comedy and goofy middle-grade, personifies her alter-ego - 
Thank you for your post, Laurie.
Wow, what questions! Plenty of food for thought here.
Personally I’m not exactly a fan of romances that are just accounts of a power struggle between the hero and heroine. I realize many readers go for romances in which the two focal characters alternately fight and make love, with little if anything else going on. But that’s not my bag.
Far more interesting, IMHO, are romances in which the conflict is about one or (preferably) more of the following: conflicts within a protagonist (or both of them), a protagonist (or both) in conflict with some person or persons (usually an authority figure), conflict between the protagonists and social conventions/laws/institutions, and the protagonists in conflict with fate (a pretty vague term, but it would be more particular in an actual work of fiction). Though I’ve listed these conflicts separately, in practice they would develop together to create the situations, events, and overall story.
As plot complications develop, one or more of these conflicts might also cause trouble between a hero and heroine who love each other, I can go along with that kind of hero-heroine conflict.
But in power-struggle romances, those in which the only real conflict is between the hero and heroine, these two figures typically hate each other. How often in real life do two people who feel this way about each other end up in love? To the best of my knowledge, never. Not in the mentally healthy, anyhow.
Some might claim this hatred is necessary for interpersonal drama. It heightens the emotions of the characters, and therefore the emotional involvement of the reader. I disagree. It’s a contrivance; and to my mind, artificial drama is worse than none at all.
Again, I’ve gotten a little long-winded in my comments. But thanks for bearing with me. I’m looking forward to what others have to say on this score.
Keep up the good work!
Posted by Mary Anne Landers | March 26, 2010, 12:50 amLaurie, thanks for an awesome lecture! It’s great to remember the basics – I’m going to turn to this list the next time I get stuck and can’t remember what might be keeping my h/h apart.
I love personality conflicts. They’re inherent to every relationship, and not just the romantic type.
My hubby and I still have disagreements from time to time over so many of the items on this list, and it’s always interesting to realize after it’s over that neither of us is completely right or completely wrong – we just have different opinions. (That doesn’t always make me feel better when I can’t quite get where he’s coming from, or he completely misses my point, but I know it’s part of being human.)
And slightly off-topic – my friend Kristen has been telling me you’re awesome, and I can totally see why.
Jamie
Posted by Jamie Farrell | March 26, 2010, 8:41 ammorning Laurie!!!
Make ‘em suffer! I agree, it’s hard to do it to the poor darlings, but suffer they must.
A lot of my stories use Loyalty as a sticking point. He’s all about work coming first, she’s all about family. Toss in an elderly grandmother, a small fire in the fax machine and voila, conflict coming out of your ears! =)
Great post Laurie!!
carrie
Posted by carrie | March 26, 2010, 8:43 amHi, Laurie!
Great post. Very informative and helpful.
Posted by Wendy Marcus | March 26, 2010, 8:48 amLaurie -
Thanks for being with us today! Privacy is definitely the main conflict between the H/H in my current WIP. Conflict, however, is an area where I would love to do a better job of using external conflict to ignite internal conflict.
My question for you is how do we keep the conflict between the H/H from being episodic – by using an overarching theme like loyalty or privacy?
Again – we’re delighted to have you at RU!
Kelsey
Posted by KelseyBrowning | March 26, 2010, 8:58 amKelsey asks: how do we keep the conflict between the H/H from being episodic — by using an overarching theme like loyalty or privacy?
That can sure work. But so can giving either or both of them an internal conflict that takes the entire book to overcome.
They need, within themselves, something that they don’t seem to be able to get…no matter HOW well things are going with their loved one. They probably don’t even recognize what it is they need, but it keeps them struggling and making mistakes — and it might even lead to trouble in their relationship.
Take that classic developer-vs-preservationist story, when their external conflict is clear and we can assume that the problem BETWEEN them is a difference in loyalty (to the family company or to the historic heritage). Both people are totally reasonable and sympathetic, and they can’t walk away from each other because — oh, right! — they’re falling in love.
But an episodic series of Family Loyalty vs Community Loyalty will be a whole lot richer if we know what’s driving each person. Why does family matter to much to the developer? Why does community matter so much to the preservationist?
What do they need that they THINK can only come from this source?
Of course, by the end of the book they’ll discover that — with each other’s help — they can find that somewhere else (like within themselves) or they don’t need it at all because now they’ve found something else (like love).
But meanwhile, it keeps them in conflict with each other…even when they want to be on the same side!
Laurie, who just loves it when good people STILL wind up clashing (even though they’re behaving decently and lovingly the whole time)
Posted by Laurie Schnebly Campbell | March 26, 2010, 10:53 amLaurie, great list! I agree so much with Mary Anne about the power-struggle romances. I avoid books where that’s the main conflict.
Probably the biggest challenge I gave a couple was in my WF. The children of one of the main woman characters wouldn’t allow her to see her grandson unless she broke off her new relationship. That was a heart-breaker for my character.
Posted by Edie | March 26, 2010, 9:26 amOh, boy, fun to see comments this early in the morning! (Okay, I’m on Pacific time.) And GOOD comments, to boot.
Mary Anne and Edie, you’re right in thinking a power struggle between people who hate each other is pointless for a romance. The only kind I like is when the each feel passionately about some OTHER issue that they fear their loved one will never get.
Jamie, thanks for the perfect illustration of you and your husband! (And tell Kristen thanks as well; that’s lovely to hear.)
Carrie, I’m still chortling over the “small” fire in the fax machine…see you in class very soon.
Wendy and Kelsey, I’m heading off to work and will keep replying from there — it’s so COOL to see people coherent at what feels to me like the wee hours of the morning!
Laurie, who can’t wait to check in again
Posted by Laurie Schnebly Campbell | March 26, 2010, 9:37 amLaurie, this is a great list! I love books where the characters have conflicts I can relate to. In my current work in progress, the issue is loyalty – the hero works too much and the heroine is jealous of the time he spends away from home, but she eventually realizes he does so because he wants to provide a secure future for her.
I think this is something real couples struggle with today and is caused by differences between the sexes more than anything. Women require emotional connections to feel loved, men show love by providing security, which often means he’s away, mentally and physically. Psych 101 at work…
Thanks for your time in presenting this!
Posted by Katrina W | March 26, 2010, 10:04 amTrust is probably the biggest conflict in my current WIP. My heroine is independent to a fault, not used to relying on anyone or trusting anyone to do anything for her. This is partially about gender roles, but also just about letting down one’s guard to allow someone else in.
Posted by Laura K Curtis | March 26, 2010, 10:11 amLaurie,
Thank you for sharing your expertise with us! Ok, I am hanging my head in shame. I am one of those writers who does’nt like to be mean either. It is so hard for me to actually write pain and suffering for my characters. I know I have to do it and It seems to be pretty good when I am finished. It just makes me cringe, I sit and look at the page for hours sometimes, before I can do it. LOL!
Have a great weekend everyone!
Posted by Jane L | March 26, 2010, 11:09 amGreat lecture. I hadn’t thought about all of the conflicts fitting into one of those seven categories, but storylines are flitting through my mind and easily depositing themselves in one of the seven areas.
I think the one that seems to show up most in my own writing is loyalty. Not sure why. I think it’d be an interesting exercise for some multi-published authors to consider their works in light of these seven issues and see where they tend to fall.
Posted by PatriciaW | March 26, 2010, 11:19 amOh, dear, it looks like the fabulous long post I sent half an hour ago never made it over here — but I hate to recreate what I told Kelsey about creating conflict, so I’m gonna wait in hopes that it just ran into delays somewhere out there in the ozone.
(But I’ll copy-and-past everything else, just to be safe!)
Anyway, onto Katrina’s mention of how men and women differ in their ways of showing love — SO true. I love Chapman’s book called “The Five Love Languages,” where he says (in effect) that relationships are better when couples GET each other’s way of showing love:
words of affirmation
quality time
tangible gifts
acts of service
physical touch
And it’s pretty rare when two people speak the same language right from the start…but we can always learn!
Posted by Laurie Schnebly Campbell | March 26, 2010, 11:22 amLaurie, the couple in my book has all of those issues except children. They have some others as well. Is that too many?
Posted by Naomi Phillips | March 26, 2010, 11:43 amHi Laurie,
Thanks for hanging out with us today! Making my h/h suffer is something I struggle with. It’s difficult for me to gauge what’s too little and what’s too much right now.
An agent once told me to let them breathe a bit more, so maybe I’m torturing my characters too much. What does that say about me, I wonder?
In my current WIP, my heroine’s in the midst of a power struggle with her parents (historical) and my hero is full of guilt over the death of a sibling. I’m not sure how to classify his conflict.
Thanks for the fantastic post! I’m looking forward to May’s Alpha Male discussion.
Tracey
Posted by Tracey Devlyn | March 26, 2010, 12:58 pmHey Tracey.
You said: “and my hero is full of guilt over the death of a sibling. I’m not sure how to classify his conflict.”
If he’s full of guilt over the death of a sibling, in some ways, that seems about control. Does he think he could have changed the outcome somehow? Maybe he feels guilty because he believes he had the ability to change it (or adversely angry because he couldn’t control it, so a lack of control.)
Posted by Jeannie Ruesch | March 26, 2010, 2:10 pmYou’re brilliant, Jeannie. That’s exactly why he’s feeling guilt. He blames himself, even though he was a lad when his brother died.
Thanks!
Posted by TraceyDevlyn | March 26, 2010, 2:22 pmGreat things to think about, Laurie. I wasn’t thinking about those 7 issues explicitly, but looking back, I’ve used some of them before.
I had a wealthy hero paired with a thrifty accountant, and a couple of my heroes have been the type who never let a woman pay, even though it irritates her.
Good food for thought. Thanks!
Posted by Gwen Hernandez | March 26, 2010, 1:02 pmJane, we need to put you in a blender with Naomi and Tracey — between the three of you, all those characters would have JUST the right about of suffering.
As for “how much is too much,” readers have different levels of expectation. Some want angst on every page. Some want it slowly building to a heartwrenching climax. Either way, like all those in between, can work fine.
But it does help the conflict if it’s focused rather than scattered. We don’t want them conflicting over X in chapter one, Y in chapter two, D in three, S in four, Y again in five, B in six, and so on…because that doesn’t give us so much to root for. It’s stronger if they have just one or two issues, and all their conflicts feed into that.
And, Tracey, don’t worry about classifying your conflict into one of those seven issues. Those are just the seven most frequently seen by marriage counselors, but there are all KINDS of others out there! So if yours doesn’t fit anywhere on the list, there’s nothing to worry about.
Laurie, with a question for anybody who knows: how can I make my photo appear beside my post?
Posted by Laurie Schnebly Campbell | March 26, 2010, 1:23 pmLaurie, I can reply to that question.
The photos are based on gravatar. You can sign up for a gravatar here: http://en.gravatar.com/site/signup/
You upload your photo, be sure you are using an email address that is connected to your gravatar account, and it will appear on any gravatar-enabled site (like this one.) There are a lot of them out there, so you’ll see it pop up elsewhere, too.
Posted by Jeannie Ruesch | March 26, 2010, 1:58 pmJeannie – thanks for jumping in with the info. Since Fridays are my “Saturdays,” I was enjoying a dinner and movie with friends
.
Laurie – if you need help with the gravatar, please let me know!
Kelsey
Posted by KelseyBrowning | March 26, 2010, 3:28 pmLaurie: I believe my picture is coming through from Gravatar. http://en.gravatar.com/
Posted by Gwen Hernandez | March 26, 2010, 1:29 pmOn the topic, what a wonderful post! Putting the elements of conflict into seven basic issue sets definitely makes sense. I’ll choose one of my favorite TV couples to figure out: Luke and Lorelai from Gilmore Girls. This couple had issues galore, but you always knew they were meant for each other.
I would say privacy was a huge issue for them. Luke was something of a loner, while Lorelai was very involved in the community, in her circle of friends. There were plenty of conflicts over the series between them in understanding this conflict. As I go back through some of the episodes in my head, I can see how a lot of their conflict relates back to this issue.
They had others, too, but this was a core difference in who they were… and they had to find ways to compromise at times with each other, because of it.
Posted by Jeannie Ruesch | March 26, 2010, 2:06 pmThanks, Laurie for the fantastic post.
Oh, how I love to make my characters suffer. I used all the issues mentioned except for money in my last book. 
Posted by Kim Cresswell | March 26, 2010, 2:19 pmHi, I’m Donna and I’m a member of the “Hates to Make My Characters Suffer” Club.
I guess there are lots of way to make them suffer. They could suffer embarassment. They could suffer fools gladly (or not!)
I like to write humorous contemporary romance, and I don’t want to make things too heavy. I like the idea of “challenging” the characters, especially challenging their belief systems, the one they hold onto so tightly until the other character shows up on the scene.
Great post, Laurie. And lots of great comments giving me tons of things to think about while working on some revisions!
Posted by Donna Cummings | March 26, 2010, 3:22 pmDonna –
Sounds like your writing would be right up my alley!
That “making things too heavy” issue is one I struggle with as well. Maybe I need to go back and re-read some SEP/Rachel Gibson/Christie Ridgway. Their characters seem to have real problems, but the tone of the books stay light.
Kels
Posted by KelseyBrowning | March 26, 2010, 3:38 pmOh, boy, thanks for the gravatar info — can’t wait to see how it works!
Jeannie, good example from The Gilmore Girls…that relationship lasted a lot longer than what we’d see during a novel, and the conflict kept right on working.
Kim and Donna and Kelsey, we need to get you into that same blender mentioned earlier and make things come out even.
I’m intrigued that the issue most often mentioned (at least so far) is Loyalty. And, hmm, nobody has a couple challenged by Sex? Why is that not any big huge surprise amidst a bunch of romance writers?
Laurie, who loves not having to worry about “will the mystery / horror / children’s / etc writers feel left out of the discussion” because that shouldn’t be a problem at Romance University!
Posted by Laurie Schnebly Campbell | March 26, 2010, 3:54 pmGreat discussion here today, folks. Just wanted to chime in with the two most obvious conflicts in my WIP : control and money. These two seem to make repeat performances, especially the control issues.
Guess my take on “privacy issues” differs from that listed above, as it revolves around “invasion of privacy” rather than the “glommer” issue mentioned above.”
I’m surprised that “communication” isn’t listed as one of the seven basics, because we can certainly devise some tantalizing and even uproarious scenarios with MIScommunication. I
Posted by Barbara W. | March 26, 2010, 9:45 pmGreat discussion here today, folks. Just wanted to chime in with the two most obvious conflicts in my WIP : control and money. These two seem to make repeat performances, especially the control issues.
Guess my take on “privacy issues” differs from that listed above, as it revolves around “invasion of privacy” rather than the “glommer” issue mentioned above.”
I’m surprised that “communication” isn’t listed as one of the seven basics. We can certainly devise some tantalizing and even uproarious scenarios with MIS-communication. This is one of my personal “fav’s” for setting up conflict.
Posted by Barbara W. | March 26, 2010, 9:52 pmBarbara, you’re right that miscommunication can be a HUGE source of conflict — same as communication can be a great way of clearing it up!
In fact, that’s one of the tools counselors preach for clearing up conflict…same as editors preach that they don’t WANT any conflicts that could be cleared up with a single honest conversation.
Which I guess might be why it’s not usually a big factor in romance novels. Even though it can be funny…
Laurie, suspecting all the people in earlier time zones have already gone off to bed — but I’ll check back tomorrow just in case there are any more posts!
Posted by Laurie Schnebly Campbell | March 26, 2010, 10:02 pmHi, Laurie! Great post. I can see that’s another one of your classes I will need to take pretty soon.
That’s a good thing, since I’m so bummed that the current one is ending already.
I don’t seem to have too much trouble making my characters suffer. I kinda like it… should that worry me? LOL But making them suffer effectively to move the story forward is another issue. I’ll look forward to seeing you in class!
All the best,
Chassily
Posted by Chassily Wakefield | March 27, 2010, 1:24 amHi Laurie,
I love the idea of children being a conflict. eg Both H and h started ou their relationship (marriage) not wanting any…. then the h falls pregnant and discovers she’s pleased. Hero believes she did it on purpose, isn’t happy and can no longer trust her. That might lead to a power struggle. And to a clash of loyalties. And if this is the back story a split. I think I might write this story!
Is it best to stick to one big conflict issue or should i look for ways to naturally extend the core conlfict into the other areas in the list?
Posted by Janet | March 30, 2010, 9:33 amJanet: Thank you for your question: Since I don’t have any book-length works on my list of publications, I can’t give you an authoritative answer.
But for what it’s worth, allow me to note this: In real life, when there’s one big conflict in one aspect of a relationship, or one big problem in one aspect of an individual’s life, it ALWAYS extends to other aspects of the relationship or individual and creates problems there. At least, that’s what I’ve observed in others and experienced in my own life.
And speaking strictly as a reader, if this didn’t happen to the characters facing challenges in a work of fiction, I’d find it pretty hard to swallow.
Hope this helps. Keep up the good work!
Posted by Mary Anne Landers | March 30, 2010, 11:20 amJanet, the couple you’re describing has a fabulous challenge ahead of them!
It sounds like they had a problem with trust even before she got pregnant, though, because he’s assuming that she fooled him all along rather than assuming that pregnancy has changed her. So there’s a great conflict already in place, even if she had a miscarriage tomorrow.
(Which I hope she won’t, because a baby is such a great way of increasing the drama.)
With a really solid core conflict, you sure don’t NEED to pick any others from the list or even from thin air…they’re going to come up naturally. So the trick is focusing on those which’ll create the best dramatic arc!
Laurie, already thinking this sounds like a book I’d want to read
Posted by Laurie Schnebly Campbell | March 30, 2010, 12:33 pm