Tracey

Thank you all. Today has been a very good day. Also very tiring. If after all this support, I still can’t get my act together…

Can’t say no one tried to help me.

Best wishes,

JWA

Sorry, I had a reply for you, but it is not taking.

I am experiencing some fatigue at having taken the time to write it, and now the technology will not accept it.

It is fairly substantial, so if you have an email address, I would be happy to mail it.

Otherwise- my heart goes out to you, and I wish you well…

JWA

And Sara- funnily enough, I have been guilty of all that. Being in a relationship, and flirting- yes, FLIRTING- with women in a sexual manner online, and then telling my significant other I am merely being ‘sociable’. Reaching out, hands over the water, to my fellow man. And…WOman. Getting to know women better; being caring, sharing. Being a top fellow; one of the ‘few decent men left’ in an otherwise rotten, corrupt bunch.

I’m not like them, darlings.

‘Sistahs’…

Let’s stick together, against those swine; those brutes.

Here; take my hand..

I’m the Christ, resurrected.

You can’t trust those other lying, cheating bastards, but you can trust me.

I’m above all that.

Aint that sweet. How humanitarian of me.

Bullshit.

Pure, unadulterated bullshit.

I should have known better; ought to hang my head in shame, & stand in the corner forever for my crimes against the fair sex, rather than being allowed out to mix with the real humans. Not to mention being allowed to post the ephemera relating to my crimes on a site run by, and patronised by such decent people.

I have no right to be here for some of the selfish crap I have perpetrated on women. And yet, women seem hell bent on giving men like me another chance.

And another.

Whether I deserve it or not.

On the off chance THIS TIME, I might reward the favor by changing my ways. Truly changing my ways.

Not SAYING I will ‘change my ways’, but actually DOING IT.

Time will tell. And hope springs eternal.

Then again, all I can really know for certain is that I have made the commitment to be a better man, one day at a time.

To give up my salacious ways, ONE DAY AT A TIME.

This is my manifesto.

It could be bullshit, from where you are standing- God knows, I’m sure you have heard your share of male bullshit- but you will just have to take my word for it.

Let this be my epitaph, lest I do not make it through the night.

I WILL be a better man.

And that bullshit I carried on with that passed for being a ‘man’?

Never again, God willing.

I’m not saying that is what yr man is doing, Sara- just what I did. I could go into the bizarre, labyrinthine maze of my behaviour- and my rationalisation of same- engaging in this comparatively ‘new’ way of behaving (but what really amounted to the same old tricks dressed up in a new suit) and delve into my own reasoning, and justification and line of bullshit I used to spend hours doing it and then smooth it over with my trusting loved ones, but this is neither the time nor the place. I like to tell myself it might serve some academic interest to tell exactly what was going on in this man’s mind while I was pulling this crap, but it is more likely only to have, at best, specious, prurient interest; more again of the same trashy sleaze served up in gossip mags.

‘Sex addict’ my ass.

My heart goes out to you Sara. I have shrugged this insidious demon beast off my shoulders- I hope the man you love (and who says he loves you) does the same- for both your sakes.

Hang in there. You have a good heart. You are worth being treated decently, and loved properly.

Most definitely.

Take care…

JWA

Thanks for posting.
Life is strangely fascinating.

Drea aka Laurel

http://web.me.com/alchemymercury/SymbolicBridging/voice.html

carrie

Re point one: I feel old. The battle waged within has taken it’s toll. I might have a few years yet, but that will depend either upon me, or my maker. (depending on your position religious beliefs)

Point two: I need love. Without it, I’d rather be dead.

I have said before; a life without love to me might as well be slow death.

But thank you anyway.

I guess I just have to ‘be a man’, be brave, keep the faith, and keep fighting for love…

Two things:
1) I don’t know how recent your picture is, but you hardly look on the cusp of your frail dotage. Looks to me like you’ve got quite a few good years left.
2) Not being alone and not being in love are two totally different things. Maybe instead of love you would be content with companionship, be it male or female, to ease the lonliness.

Just my thoughts….for what their worth. Good luck!