Comments on: Wayne Wednesday: When Men Cheat, Should They Confess?

By: Wayne

Wayne — Wed, 01 Feb 2012 20:17:37 +0000

Well, the cat’s out of the bag. You know. It’s time to bring it to him. Perhaps he’s had the time he needs to be able to own it and have a healthy dialogue with you. It’s not confrontation, it’s coming from an honest place with care for you, him, and the relationship.

By: Abby

Abby — Wed, 01 Feb 2012 16:23:09 +0000

ok, what about this dilemma… a man cheats and decides its just a one time thing, feels awful and tries to make it up to his gf/wife with caring actions, extra “i love you’s”, etc, but never confesses. maybe he is scared she will leave, or maybe he just doesnt want to hurt her, either way he never tells. however, he has a photo of the incident on his phone, time stamped, and she accidently see’s it. so now he’s caught, but he doesn’t know it. reading your advice here makes me want to believe he is sorry and has been trying to relieve his guilt without me knowing through his actions, and yet he keeps the picture in a place I will easily stumble upon it… would you say hes really sorry, or is he trying to get caught rather than confess (which doesnt make any sense!). on a bigger note, how the heck does the woman CONFRONT the man over that?

By: CThomas

CThomas — Mon, 07 Mar 2011 03:14:31 +0000

As a woman who is finding her way through a newly discovered infidelity, I am more than a little shocked at the bad advice given to this husband. Of course he should tell his wife–preferably in person. How do you think she will feel if she finds out some other way (through a fellow band member or after contracting an unexplainable STD)? What his wife doesn’t know now can and probably will hurt her. Being honest about the transgression early may in the end safe their relationship.

By: Tracey Devlyn

Tracey Devlyn — Sat, 05 Jun 2010 11:51:51 +0000

Good points, Lyn.

“but did it mean that much to you, anyway?”
I wondered the same thing too.

Thanks for stopping by.
Tracey

By: Lyn

Lyn — Sat, 05 Jun 2010 04:09:21 +0000

I’ve been married a very long time, and there have been times when my husband traveled. He’s good-looking, too. If he has cheated, I don’t know about it. He has the right of privacy, as do I.

What nobody has mentioned–and I’m astonished–is STDs. Look, fellas, if you’ve done something that could kill your wife, like picked up AIDS somewhere, you’ve got to tell the truth. It might end the relationship–but did it mean that much to you, anyway? Better to break her heart (they mend, you know) than to keep her ignorant while she incubates a fatal disease.

By: KelseyBrowning

KelseyBrowning — Thu, 13 May 2010 04:26:49 +0000

Wayne -

Thanks so much for the great topic and discussion today. Perhaps we can consider a lecture on why women don’t always want to know what men are thinking. I know I’m interested.

As always, thanks for spending time with RU and our readers!
Kelsey

By: Wayne Levine

Wayne Levine — Wed, 12 May 2010 21:19:38 +0000

Hot topics like this are very interesting. We all project our own experiences onto them and see the situations from unique perspectives. I encourage each man to be the man he wants to be. I also encourage men to pay attention and be sensitive to their women’s needs. Each man has to figure out what’s best for his relationship, especially when he’s acted out inappropriately. Having initiated men to lean on helps men get clear. These sorts of relationships are rare. They take time and energy to build and maintain. They’re so valuable. They can help save lives and relationships. And my final word on this “lie” issue. I’ll go down swinging on this: there are some things you ladies DO NOT want to know. You may think you want to know everything about us, what we do and what we think. But men know differently. Men and women are different. they think differently, process differently, act differently. We’re not the same, it’s not all even steven. Another great future topic. I appreciate your thoughts and participation in today’s lively discussion.

By: Wendy Marcus

Wendy Marcus — Wed, 12 May 2010 20:28:12 +0000

http://www.choice101.com/19-lies.html#LiesOfOmission

The Biggest Lie About Lies — A Lie of Omission Is Not a Lie!

A lie of omission is the most insidious, most pervasive, and most common lie on the entire planet. Commonly, those who use this type of lie, have conned themselves into believing that to intentionally remain silent when ethical behavior calls for one to speak up is not a lie at all. In spite of overwhelming evidence that their silence deceives, misleads, and often causes untold grief and misery, they refuse to speak the truth.

The Inevitable Consequences: There is also the common misconception that intentional deception by silence has no consequences. Lies of commission (telling a lie) and lies of omission (withholding the truth) are both acts of intention deception. Both reap the same consequences.

By: Wayne Levine

Wayne Levine — Wed, 12 May 2010 18:57:27 +0000

Not telling and lying are two very different things, not just semantics. When I refer to having men to go to, I’m talking about men who will hold you accountable, not co-sign your idiocy. To know more about what I mean when I refer to masculine relationships, you’ve got to read my book.

By: Wendy Marcus

Wendy Marcus — Wed, 12 May 2010 18:51:57 +0000

I agree with msl. How does this man know it’s a one time thing? And if he doesn’t confess/apologize and see how truly hurtful his actions were, what (other than conscience) is to keep him from doing it again?

Re: Having another man to talk to. Yes, this is important. But more important is who that man is. If it’s one of his free-love band members advising “what the little woman doesn’t know won’t hurt her” I envision continued infidelity.

And I would caution men about not coming clean. Secrets have a way of being exposed at the most inopportune times. And as much as maybe I don’t want to know if my husband’s been unfaithful, he’s got a much better chance of survival if he tells me before I find out he’s been unfaithful AND lied about it!