I will contact John privately as my romantic gesture here has obviously offended him as he continues to ignore me. So I will make one final contact with him privately to say goodbye then let him go out of my life as I can only assume this is what he has chosen.

There will be no blog or further comment from me. I made my comments here as a once off out of love for John. I have been nothing but loving and truthful so I have no regrets.

Thank you for your thoughts.

I have addressed all these issues privately; I have embraced love in my life, and that was the object of my blogs.

I did not realise this was the object when I started- I assumed I was incabable of love, as I have said.

I have had a number of emails- and even a few phone calls- asking me about my decisions. When you blog in the manner I do, you have to accept that it is no longer your own life and business, but a shared adventure.

I have learned to be humbled and honoured by the interest my journey has attracted. I seem to be touching on common theme and anxieties- not to mention pain- and to my mind, I have not even touched the surface of my work yet. I have 600 written pages on my hard drive dealing with this subject in all it’s permutations, much of which will never see the light of day.

But I have shone a tiny light here with my little torch of the heart, if only for a brief moment.

Life is seldom as simple as a TV serial; you might think I seem cold and methodical, but the truth is, I am terrified most of the time- especially when I write here.

I feel like I am doing something ‘bad’- “KEEP IT TO YOURSELF” my dad used to say.

Of course my Dad slowly went mad with his misanthropy and misogyny.

I will not go there; so whatever he advised me as a child, I usually do the exact opposite.

I try to tell it like it is, even – nay especially- when I am terrified.

And the truth- such as it is- is usually more interesting than the TV.

At least for me.

As I stated, I still have a long way to go, and the resolution to this journey will be recorded- but might not be made public. I would be happy to track my progress here, but that is of course up to Tracey.

Although I do feel I have had a generous say; and am not a fan of ‘hogging the spotlight’ beyond the length of my stay.

My next priority is to leave the clean waters of Australia, and help with the clean up operations in Louisiana. When caught up in one’s own drama- there is little, in my experience, that is more healing than thinking about others. Other people suffering the oil spill- and all the little animals choking in this black poison we have allowed to spill.

Helping others is the best heart balm I know.

While there, I hope to learn more about loving myself, as I try to love the world we have collectively destroyed over the years…

And perhaps even learn to love others better.

And allow them to love me.

Hope springs eternal.

Tracey has been more than generous with her time and resources here; more than she had to. Much more than she asked for.

I would not like to push my luck…

But Cathy made her side of the story public- and it might (nay, will) be far more interesting than mine.

She might like to write a blog.

For me, for now, my work here is done.

My best wishes to all of you…and thanks for your healing presence.

J

First off I would like to commend Cathy on her first attempt at blogging – very well done my dear! You might have a talent for this style of forum. I might suggest though that you accept your decision from the past and not regret it – you made the decision at the time based on your feelings and the situation at the time – this is what life is about!

Secondly, John you seem to have used smoke and mirrors to avoid replying on the blog from Cathy. I found it hard to work out whether she was the “innkeeper” or the “object of your hurt and anger” or maybe even neither of those two options – especially when you never addressed her directly with your replies.

Are you replying to her personally to answer her questions above or will we have another installment? She seems to have put it all on the line for you and if you are really trying to become a better person, one way to do that would be to give her some answers (either via this blog or to her directly). Just because you have been hurt in the past I dont think that it is fair or just to lead other people on or make their life any harder than what it has to be!

If she is the object of your “hurt and anger” does that mean you are now progressing on with a relationship with the “innkeeper” and if so I hope you can give all your honesty to that relationship as that is the basis of all relationships. If that is the case (that you are moving on with the “innkeeper”) I would suggest in keeping with you evolving that you let the “object of your hurt and anger” know that you have released the anger to them or if it is Cathy let her know where she stands.

I have an empathy with her having been in the same situation myself afew times throughout the years. I think alot of “dramas” in relationships can be avoided if there is honesty from the get go!

Give us your thoughts….

Jasmine

Thank you so much for spending time with us. It’s been an awesome journey. Good luck and may you find the truest happiness.

Tracey

John – I’m wishing you the best. Perhaps you’ll embrace a second chance at love or you’ll embark on a first chance at love journey. Regardless, I hope you come to realize that we’re all deserving of love.

Best,
Kelsey

John, thank you for these thought-provoking posts. I wish you the best on your search for love.

.