Today on Romance University we are going somewhere that we’ve only gone a couple of times. It’s dirty little secret time, gang and we’re talking about professional jealousy.
Have you ever experienced that moment every writer dreams of? That moment when “the call” from a publisher comes because they want to buy your book?
Only, the call is not for you. It’s for your critique partner. Suddenly, the moment you dreamed of is happening for someone else and, as thrilled as you are for your friend, there’s a bit of a pity party going on inside you. Tracey, Kelsey and I thought it was time to share our own experiences with professional jealousy.
Kelsey: I won’t BS you. Being the last of your group of critique partners to be offered a contract is hard. As many of you know, I still haven’t been offered a contract, but in all honestly, I haven’t submitted much over the past couple of years. Life and relocation have interfered some. 
However, rightly or not, I take pride in the role I’ve played in Adrienne’s and Tracey’s success. I’m sure they’d still be published without me, but I love that I’ve been along for the journey. There’s nothing better than sharing in the success of someone who truly deserves it!
I’ve also learned a ton by watching my two buddies ride the often choppy waves of edits, reviews, and publicity. Who do you think I’ll run to for advice when I’m facing the same issues? You got it: the gals in the know.
I’ve also had to come to the realization that no two writers walk the same path to publication. It’s a unique journey for each person and only s/he can determine the map to use. I’m still trying to unfold mine (you know maps never fold up neatly again either), but I know when I get it wrangled into shape, Tracey and Adrienne will be right there helping me navigate my way!
Tracey: On the flip side, being the first to sign a contract was both exhilarating and heart-breaking. Never in a million years did I think I would be first–and I’m not just saying that. The difficult part was knowing how my good news affected Kelsey and Adrienne. I knew they were genuinely happy for me, but I also understood they would be struggling with the news as well. I knew this, because I would have fought all the same emotions had our roles been reversed.
But being the clever girls that we are, we had also prepared ourselves for “The Call” moment. We knew it was only a matter of time before one of us sold. It would be awesome, but it would hurt. So how did we handle the moment we were all dreading and anticipating? We had a conference call. LOL Yes, that’s how we always work through our issues, whatever they may be. We turned this exhilarating/heart-breaking moment into an RU-style lecture, a private educational session just for the three of us. With all the awareness provided by RU, I still experienced many surprises through the process. I shared these with my CPs. We gasped, we oooh’d, we chuckled. And most importantly, we learned.
Will I share that level of detail with them after signing my next contract? Probably not, unless I believe my experience can help either Kelsey or Adrienne with something they’re going through. But this time it felt right. It was in keeping with our strong belief in educating writers–at all levels–about writing craft and the business of publishing.
Interestingly enough, the first to contract did not mean the first to publish. Two years ago, I had the great pleasure of sharing my successes and challenges with Adrienne and Kelsey. Today, I’m picking Adrienne’s brain (first to publish) about reviews, marketing, book tours, etc.
So take heart, if you’re not the first to sell. You never know what your first will be. Contract? Published novel? New York Times bestseller? RITA winner? Next Nora?
Adrienne: I think it’s natural to feel a bit of envy when a critique partner experiences a measure of success that hasn’t yet come our way. The day I got the call from Tracey telling me that she’d sold I was sitting on a baseball field watching my son’s team get crushed. We cried together (in this moment there was indeed crying in baseball! ) and I had a feeling of exhilaration for her that overwhelmed me. She’d done it! She’d sold. That fact told me that, yes, it could happen. It gave me hope that hard work paid off in publishing.
Over the next few hours, I experienced a range of emotions that quite literally knocked me on my butt. I was thrilled for Tracey. My heart soared because she had worked so incredibly hard, but at the same time I began to wonder what I’d done wrong that the rejections kept coming in for me. I felt like a horrible person. She was my friend and I adored her. How could I be feeling this way?
And then my husband convinced me it was okay to feel great for her and feel like crap for myself. I thought long and hard about it. I realized the jealousy really had nothing to do with Tracey. It was about me and what I hadn’t achieved. I decided the best way for me to deal with it was to recognize the envy, give it a voice for a brief period of time and then use all that emotion to motivate myself. Which is exactly what I did.
I did not tell Tracey about it until a few months later. I didn’t think it would be fair to her. It was a life changing moment for her and I didn’t want to make it about me. I’m actually grateful for the experience (as horrible as I felt about it) because I think my friendships with Tracey and Kelsey became stronger. We now know how to talk about these things without it being something that will destroy our relationships.
So now that you know the good, bad and ugly about our critique relationship, feel free to ask us questions!
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What challenges have you faced with being offered a contract or representation at different times from your critique partners? How did you cope?
Join us Wednesday when Damon Suede returns to discuss how the dark moment in a romance can make the HEA even sweeter!
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Adrienne Giordano writes romantic suspense, contemporary romance and women’s fiction.
She is a Jersey girl at heart, but now lives in the Midwest with her work-a-holic husband, sports obsessed son and Buddy the Wheaten Terrorist (Terrier). She is a co-founder of Romance University blog, is a member of Romance Writers of America, Windy City RWA, Kiss of Death, and RWA’s Women’s Fiction chapter.
Tracey Devlyn writes historical romantic thrillers (translation: a slightly more grievous journey toward the heroine’s happy ending). She’s a member of Romance Writers of America, International Thriller Writers, and the Women’s Fiction, Beau Monde and Windy City Romance Writers of America chapters.
Tracey accepted a three-book deal from editor Deb Werksman of Sourcebooks, Inc. in April 2010. Her first release, A Lady’s Revenge, will hit the bookstores in April 2012. Tracey is represented by Donald Maass of the Donald Maass Literary Agency.
Tracey lives in the Midwest with her once-in-a-lifetime husband.
Kelsey Browning writes contemporary and paranormal romance with a hint of southern sizzle. In her former life, she worked at one of the ten largest universities in the U.S., raising money and teaching students how to land their dream jobs. These days she pursues her dream job of freelance and fiction writing, which provides excellent benefits such as unlimited coffee and an office dress code that permits flip flops.
Originally from Texas and after four years in the Middle East, she now lives in Southern California with her IT-savvy husband, baseball-obsessed son and seriously spoiled dog. She’s currently at work on a paranormal novella.
Similar Posts:
- 10 Turning Points to Publication
- Can I Get A Moment?
- Beta Readers: Saints or Sinners?
- To Be or Not To Be…Agented, That Is
- Weekly Lecture Schedule for Aug 30 – Sept 3, 2010: Simone Elkeles, Amy Alessio, Tracey Devlyn & Ruth Kaufman
see? now you made me cry. =) But I’m so glad you guys are brave enough to come out with your feelings on it. Each of us knows it’s going to happen, and just don’t know how we’re going to handle it. I’m guessing in my case it’s going to be a toss-up between vodka and chocolate. =)
Thanks for baring your souls, it’s a tough post to write, but in your usual style, you did it perfectly.
carrie
(ps, Kelsey, I refuse to believe each and every one of your maps isn’t folded into complete submission!)
love,
carrie
=)
Posted by Carrie Spencer | January 30, 2012, 2:51 amVodka and Chocolate? That’s a tough choice. I’d have to say chocolate.
I think the biggest lesson I’ve learned in this process is that if it’s a true friendship, and all people involved feel that way, you figure it out. It’s not easy, but the relationship become stronger and it’s fantastic.
Posted by Adrienne Giordano | January 30, 2012, 9:26 amCarrie –
I hate to disappoint you, but I’m pretty sure my maps are in as bad–or worse–shape as anyone else’s
Believe me, if anyone knows just how messy life can be, it’s me.
And speaking of maps, I think with all the changes in publishing over the past couple of years, it becomes more important for a writer to know what path to publication she wants to take, at least initially. And I’ll confess that one has had me stumped for a while.
If and when I get it figures out, maybe I’ll give up my label maker and give it to you as a gift.
Big hugs!
K-
Posted by Kelsey Browning | January 30, 2012, 9:44 amLadies – as usual – you blow me away! Thank you for sharing this!
My critique partner, Emmie Dark, sold first to Harlequin Superromance last June and it was amazing moment. I was and am genuinely thrilled for her and she totally deserves it.Her first book, CASSIE’S GRAND PLAN, comes out in March!
Yep, there was a moment of “when is this going to happen for me” but the most overwhelming feeling beyond “she’s awesome” was “this give me hope.” Instead of hearing yet another call story from a person I didn’t really know and hadn’t seen their work, Emmie was a good writer, she’d worked hard, and I knew she was ready because her craft was at the right place.
But, I also knew this about myself. I knew the caliber of my work and I knew that I was at the same craft level as Emmie – and so I gained hope that my time was coming. I just had to keep working at it. And, she was there encouraging me all along the way!
Robin
Posted by Robin Covington | January 30, 2012, 5:25 amHi, Robin. I think it says a lot about your relationship with her that you were able to keep your feelings in check. This writing thing is so strange. We’re all basically competitors, but we forge these amazing bonds. I think when you care enough about someone, it’s easier to seperate if the jealousy is about you or about them.
Posted by Adrienne Giordano | January 30, 2012, 9:32 amRobin -
I think you have a great point. It’s way more encouraging to see someone sell when you know both their writing and their journey to publication. You know your CP deserves it.
And doesn’t it feel sweet now that you both will see your books out there in the world??
K-
Posted by Kelsey Browning | January 30, 2012, 11:33 amGood morning ladies,
A rising tide floats all boats, but some rise higher than others. Envy is a sin for good reason. It gnaws at you and tries to pull the other person down. Success is a relative term. You root for each other and stay close. It’s about as successful as it gets. Kelsey, being the youngest of a big family, waiting is my middle name. It doesn’t get any easier, but when it hits, it will be worth it.
Mary Jo
Posted by Mary Jo Burke | January 30, 2012, 6:41 amYOu are so right, Mary Jo. Good thoughts!
Posted by Adrienne Giordano | January 30, 2012, 9:33 amThanks, Mary Jo -
I’m not a patient person by nature, but I’ve come to understand the world has lot (LOTS!) of lessons for me.
I’m in the place right now where I’m really scrutinizing not only my writing goals, but my life goals. I’m hopeful with a little reflection, my path will become clearer. That being said, I want to leave room for a little serendipity!
Hugs,
Kels
Posted by Kelsey Browning | January 30, 2012, 11:35 amGreat topic ladies and very brave of you to be so honest about it. Jealousy is something we all experience and hopefully grow from. Hell, even Nora Roberts has to be jealous of someone at some point.
Posted by Avery Flynn | January 30, 2012, 8:09 amAvery -
Is it bad of me to love the idea that Nora get jealous too?
I have to admit there are times I have absolutely NOT been jealous of Adrienne and Tracey. They’ve both hit some snags along the way (as to be expected), and I’ve been privy to their good, bad and ugly – LOL. But I am so, so fortunate to have found friends in this business who know how to “stick” and that I trust completely.
Thanks for hanging out with us at RU today and in the past!
Kelsey
Posted by Kelsey Browning | January 30, 2012, 11:39 amHi Avery. Thanks for popping in.
I think in a business like this, jealousy is bound to happen. As Mary Jo said, I think we need to be sure it’s not pulling the other person down. When Tracey got the call, I knew (without a doubt) I was happy for her and would support her in every way. The bad stuff was all directed at me (which isn’t a great feeling either! LOL), but I can honestly say those feelings motivated me to make important changes in the way I chased my dream.
Posted by Adrienne Giordano | January 30, 2012, 9:38 amAww, I got all choked up reading this! Thanks for sharing a difficult subject so honestly.
Boy, can I ever relate. I’ve been in several critique groups and I have started working with new critique partners, but the two CPs I’ve worked with since pretty much Day One are Gabriella Edwards and Keri Stevens.
Gabriella’s stories are packed with passion and heat, and I wasn’t a bit surprised when she sold her first novella, UNTIL EMIE, to Red Sage. She has several other stories either on submission or about to be, and I predict her second book or novella will be published soon.
We had just returned from RT when Keri’s magical story, STONE KISSED, sold to Carina and, again, I was thrilled but not surprised.
Their stories were ready to make that leap into publication and I could hardly have been more excited than if I had sold myself.
I didn’t feel jealousy, but I DID feel frustrated with myself. It seemed like I was the slowest learner in the world as I struggled to get my stories right. I KNEW their stories were ready. On the other hand, while mine were getting closer, I suspected I wasn’t quite there yet.
I keep writing new stories, and every time I hope THIS time I’ll catch the brass ring. I’m pretty good, but the competition is fierce. “Pretty good” isn’t going to cut it.
It’s beyond frustrating to put a year of my life into a story that may never see the light of day. I’m getting better, though, and hopefully one day I’ll get that call, too.
Yes, it can be depressing – at this rate, I’ll be the last person in my RWA chapter to get published, and I’m not getting any younger. Luckily, writers don’t have a mandatory retirement age!
Tracey and Adrienne, I hope you both have long and successful careers. Kelsey, when you sell – and I know you will – I’ll be first in line to buy your book. I know it’s just a matter of time!
Posted by Becke Martin/Davis | January 30, 2012, 9:39 amYou’ll get there, Becke! I have no doubt. I’ve come to believe getting published is its own trifecta. It takes hard work, passion and luck. You’re doing the work, you have the passion and the luck will follow. It only takes one yes.
Posted by Adrienne Giordano | January 30, 2012, 9:45 amBecke –
I try hard not to think about how old I might be by the time I see my name in print – LOL.
I think the good news about working with such accomplished CPs (like Keri, Gabriella, Tracey & Adrienne) is that we can take some heart in how that reflects upon us. I don’t mean that I think we should take their kudos, but let’s be realistic, if we totally sucked, they would probably cut us loose – LOL.
I’ve read your work, girl. And you are talented with a capital “T.” And I have to say I love, love, love counted talented women among my friends. It’s a double rush when I get to buy their books!
Hugs,
Kels
Posted by Kelsey Browning | January 30, 2012, 11:42 amKelsey and Adrienne – Thanks for the encouragement.
Kelsey – Yeah, I’ve joked that I must be a really excellent critique partner since so many of my CPs are in print now! (Not just Gabriella and Keri!). *grins*
And I fully expect to see another CP published before I am, too. (*cough* Jen *cough*)
Posted by Becke Martin/Davis | January 30, 2012, 12:40 pmBecke, you are amazing and you’ve heard me say it before, but I would have never published without you. That you’re unpublished frustrates me because I know how enjoyable your work is and the amazing potential it has.
One day I know, as I know my name, that I will be floating in your jet-stream, baby. Mark my words!
Posted by Gabriella Edwards | January 30, 2012, 4:44 pmMwah!
Posted by Becke Martin/Davis | January 30, 2012, 9:30 pmHello to three of my favorite ladies! Thanks so much for sharing this heartening story. It was interesting to get all of your perspectives on your individual journeys.
Each of you have experienced success in your own ways, and if we are open to thinking broadly about success, that is true for most writers. It’s a matter of how you look at things!
Congratulations to you all, and thanks for being there for all of us!
Posted by Tracy March | January 30, 2012, 10:01 amTracy!
So glad you stopped by today. It’s been too long since I “talked” with you!
Your comment about success is a great reminder. I was just telling my husband last night that I’ve written more–both fiction and non-fiction–in the past five years than I have in the many years before. I’m listening to the siren call of a new non-fiction project right now. In the past, I’ve tried to fight away everything but the fiction.
Then I realized I’m denying at least half my life experience by doing that. I love writing romance, but I have a ton to say on topics like travel, creativity, change, education and generally coloring outside the lines. That’s why I’m slowly, slowly coming to grips that my path may end up being winding and very different from Tracey’s and Adrienne’s. I’m just hoping they’ll be there to cheer for me regardless because they’re never getting rid of me!
K-
Posted by Kelsey Browning | January 30, 2012, 11:49 amDon’t make me slap you.
You know we’ll be there. Whatever road you choose, it’ll be the right one for you. Plus, it’ll be a new learning experience for us. Win-win!
Posted by Adrienne Giordano | January 30, 2012, 12:01 pmLOL – I just wanted to see how long it would take you to make a “slap you” comment.
Good point, though – I never really thought about the fact that my diving off into some other areas might benefit you guys. Very, very interesting perspective…
K-
Posted by Kelsey Browning | January 30, 2012, 12:09 pmHello Tracy! Thanks for stopping by. I completely agree. All three of us started out on the same path, but over the years our journey’s have varied wildly.
I think in this business, we need to learn to be flexible. I knew I needed to change my way of thinking because what I was doing just wasn’t working for me.
Posted by Adrienne Giordano | January 30, 2012, 10:13 amI love this, ladies! Thank you for being so candid and honest about a very real, yet delicate topic.
Posted by Laurie London | January 30, 2012, 11:28 amLaurie –
We’re fortunate to have found one another in this crazy business. And I love knowing we can be honest with one another. That’s not always the case with critique partners.
But Tracey, Adrienne and I are so much more than just CPs. Like I said above to Tracy, these women are never getting rid of me regardless of our career and life paths!
Hugs,
K-
Posted by Kelsey Browning | January 30, 2012, 11:51 amHi Laurie. I think the three of us have gotten to the point where if something is bugging us, we just throw it out there. We don’t have time to mess around.
As for sharing a delicate topic, for me, if being honest about feelings I’m less than proud of will help another writer, I have no problem sharing.
Thanks for coming by.
Posted by Adrienne Giordano | January 30, 2012, 11:59 amAdrienne’s comments resonate for me, because I’m always happy for my writing buddy and at the same time reflective on what I haven’t done/need to do.
I have former crit partners who are now multi-published authors to whom new writers go for advice. I never fail to realize that they’ve worked hard to get where they gotten, so I don’t think of it as jealousy as much as a kick to get me thinking/moving in the right direction with a little “what if” swirling around my head.
Posted by PatriciaW | January 30, 2012, 2:22 pmYes! It’s like that little kick in the pants that makes you take stock of where you are and what needs to change. For me, not being the first to get “the call” made me realize I needed a new plan.
Thanks for posting, Patricia.
Posted by Adrienne Giordano | January 30, 2012, 2:46 pmYep – that’s a constructive way to look at the situation. But I’m also learning to be careful of thinking I need to do the same things as my CPs.
Thanks, Patricia!
Kelsey
Posted by Kelsey Browning | January 30, 2012, 6:08 pmI think jealousy is a mammalian trait. My cats get jealous if one gets petted and the other one doesn’t.
We create our own stories, our own little universes and because of that, the playing field isn’t the same for all of us.
I think I’ve been alive long enough to realize that sometimes, people (even your closest friends) don’t want to see you succeed.
A good CP is someone who cares about your success. At times, I’ve filled the margins of my CPs manuscripts with comment balloons, struck out words and sentences. And when I send it back, I wonder if I’ve been too harsh? Will they think I’m more vindictive than helpful? I wouldn’t spend all that time reading and critting if I didn’t care about their success.
Writing isn’t just about talent or penning that unputdownable story. Luck and timing are significant factors too. But the absolute worst thing is allowing someone else’s success to deter you from your goals.
Posted by Jennifer Tanner | January 30, 2012, 3:51 pmToo true, Jen. There’s enough “success” out there in the world to go around. And if we’re spending energy on jealousy, then we have that much less energy to make positive things happen for ourselves.
And as for being too harsh, I worry about that on occasion because I have a certain way I crit. (Believe me, several times I’ve not been invited to crit someone’s work again
) So I’m happy to have critique partners who know where I’m coming from and don’t totally hate me when I make comments all over a MS. And hopefully, they know when to just ignore me.
K-
Posted by Kelsey Browning | January 30, 2012, 6:12 pmSame here. Some folks have not asked me to crit their work again, too.
Posted by Jennifer Tanner | January 30, 2012, 7:58 pmLOL – sounds like we may be a match made in heaven, Jen
.
K-
Posted by Kelsey Browning | January 31, 2012, 10:48 amHi All,
So sorry for chiming in late. It’s been one of those crazy days.
I enjoyed reading everyone’s view on the subject. Having CPs like Adrienne and Kelsey is an incredible gift. I hope every writer who is searching for such a treasure finds their own soul-CP.
Hugs,
Tracey
Posted by Tracey Devlyn | January 30, 2012, 7:34 pmLove this perspective. And I love all the gracious attitudes that come along with it.
Posted by Dana Elmendorf | February 2, 2012, 2:37 pmThanks, Dana – hope you’ll join us for other posts here at RU!
Kelsey
Posted by Kelsey Browning | February 2, 2012, 4:13 pm