I am so excited for today’s event! I’ll shut up and let Heather take it from here! Good luck everybody!!
Hello again, everyone! Thank you so much for the warm welcome on Tuesday. I’m excited to give feedback on everyone’s pitches… and request a few things as well along the way. There will be other editors from Entangled dropping by for the next 24 hours, so your chances of a request will only improve!
Entangled Publishing is a fresh and innovative new publisher of YA and adult romance. From our NY-style print lines (Entangled Select and Entangled Teen) to our digital-only novella and category romance imprints, there’s something for every reader on our list. Before we start taking pitches, here is a brief overview of what Entangled publishes and a reminder of what needs to be included in your pitch.
Below are the Entangled lines and a brief description of what fits the bill:
Single Title Lines:
Entangled Books/Entangled Select – These lines publish full-length single-title adult romance in the following subgenres: contemporary, paranormal, romantic thrillers, historical, urban fantasy, fantasy, and science fiction. Word count should be 70k to 120k, with contemporaries remaining under 90k.
Entangled Teen – YA titles in all subgenres are welcome! Romantic elements are required, though they may be light. Word counts run between 50k and 100k. We publish everything from young YA with MG crossover appeal to mature YA that will appeal to an adult audience.
Novellas:
Flirts (10k-15k) and Ever Afters (20k-40k) publish novellas in the following romantic subgenres: Contemporary, historical, thriller, science fiction, dystopian, steampunk, paranormal, urban fantasy, and fantasy.
Category Lines:
Indulgence – This is the category line that started it all! Seeking contemporary, trope-based romance with an alpha hero, a fresh voice, and a word count from 45k-60k. Moderate heat level.
Brazen – Our steamiest line yet. We like to call this the naughty little sister of Indulgence. Looking for trope-based, spicy stories from 45k-60k. Alpha hero in a high-powered or heroic profession a must!
Bliss – Entangled’s sweet line. Stories revolve around the blossoming romance, with families and communities playing a role in the couple’s relationship. The heat level ranges from closed door to non-explicit sexual language. 50k-70k. Trope-based as always!
Covet – Trope-based stories with a paranormal twist. The three pillars of Covet are trope, alpha male, and growing relationship between the hero and heroine. Word count is 60k-70k. All heat levels welcome.
Dead Sexy – Publishes trope-based romantic suspense, thrillers, and mysteries. Sweet or steamy, cozies or special-ops, if you have a sizzling, intriguing story under 70k, we want to see it!
Do you have a manuscript (or two) you feel would work well with any of these lines? Tell us about it now! This pitch event closes in 24 hours.
Each pitch should include:
• Title and word count
• 3 to 5 sentence description of the story
• The first 100 words of your manuscript
• For category romance, list the trope(s) and heat level
Please note: if your manuscript is incomplete, you are more than welcome to participate for pitch feedback, but please indicate if it’s a work in progress – we’d prefer to request manuscripts that are complete or within a month of being completed. Also, our category lines do not currently feature same-sex relationships, but we’re more than happy to take pitches for the other lines. (See more about this in the previous post.)
Happy pitching!
Heather Howland
Editorial Director, Brazen
Managing Editor, Entangled Select and Teen
Twitter: @HeatherHowland
www.entangledpublishing.com
***NOTE – This pitch event closes at 11:59 pm EST on May 31, 2012 ******
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Tomorrow Diane Alberts discusses how to make the important emotional connection with your readers.
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Matching Magic Book One: Reluctant Witch Meets Hassled Prophet
Word Count: 65,000
Line: Covet
Heat Level: Steamy
Trope: Celeste (Matchmaker) and Timothy: Friends to Lovers. Trinity and Lance (The couple Celeste thinks she’s helping.): Marriage of Convenience.
*Can be completed within one month. A partial is ready to send.
Five Sentence Pitch:
Powerful immortal being of the sky, Celeste Delaire, must convince Trinity Blaine, mortal magic maker, to pledge her fealty to the Guide of the Light.
Trinity always wanted to meet another person with powers . . . too bad witches tend to get what they wish for, because apparently, she needs to marry a being of the light to keep the world safe.
Lance King, a prophet with a chip on his shoulder, is haunted by the failure to save the victim in his last vision and wants nothing to do with a witch, no matter how tempting she might be.
Celeste can’t resist playing matchmaker. A little love never harmed anyone, unless her interference causes a witch to bind with ultimate evil.
First 100 Words:
Celeste curled her toes into the surface of the floating cloud, the softness contrasting against the tension in her shoulders. Puffy white air surrounded her with the scent of lingering rain, providing much needed relaxation as she settled onto her lawn chair in this abandoned stretch of sky.
Her sunglasses slipped down her nose, and she closed her eyes to a veil of soothing darkness. The Guild continued to work her hard, constantly sending her down to earth to recruit beings of magic. Weariness spread through her bones. By her calculations, she was overdue for a vacation by at least a month.
Thank you for this opportunity!
Posted by Kinley Baker | May 31, 2012, 4:20 pmHi Kinley! You know I love your writing (check out her Shadowed Love series, folks!) but this is too convoluted for a category romance. The focus in category romance must be on the primary couple and their growing romance. That you have two couples, complete with their own tropes, tells me this is too complex of a plot. I recommend pitching this to a line that doesn’t have to hold to strict category romance conventions. Best of luck and please do keep querying me with your projects
Posted by Heather Howland | June 6, 2012, 9:24 pmDear Ms. Howland,
Thank you for this fantastic opportunity.
ARACHNE’S REVENGE is a 70,000 word novel suitable for your Entangled Teen line and aimed at the crossover market.
Expected completion date: 16th June.
Pitch:
Arachne is given a choice. Stay as a spider for eternity, or work as a girl again with Ares, the untrustworthy god of war. Together they spin a plan to bring down Athene, the goddess who destroyed Arachne’s life. But can Arachne trust Ares? Because he certainly shouldn’t have trusted her…
First 100 words:
I had set up the trap months ago. I thought perhaps a juicy insect would crawl into it, a moth or a beetle maybe. So when the tremor ran through the thread, bouncing me on my web like a sail billowing in the wind, I crawled eagerly to the spot.
What I found, however, was a god.
‘Arachne.’
The vibrations wrinkled through the air. I felt his words rather than heard them. And once I saw who it was, I ran. Ares. God of war. He wiped my web from his shoulder.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Sincerely,
Rosanne Moulding
Posted by Rosanne Moulding | May 31, 2012, 4:23 pmI quite like the idea of a story with Ares, but I’m afraid the heroine starting out as a spider just didn’t do it for me. You have a great voice, though, so please do query us with your next project!
Posted by Heather Howland | June 6, 2012, 9:22 pmSORRY CHARLI (71K)
Entangled Contemporary (Sensual)
Description:
Ten years ago Charli Chamberlain made the biggest mistake of her life when she ended her relationship childhood best friend turned boyfriend, Donavan West.
When Donavan friends her on Facebook Charli is determined not to blow her shot at redemption, but Donavan has news of his own: he is engaged to a gorgeous, local lingerie model.
Charli is determined to be a good friend this time around, even if it means becoming frenemies with Donavan’s fiancee and wearing a bumble bee yellow hostess dress at his wedding.
When an unexpected turn of events presents another opportunity for Charli and Donavan they must decide if their friendship can withstand another attempt at love and if it’s worth the gamble.
First 100 Words:
“You’re the last person in the Free World who isn’t on Facebook!” Morgan, my best friend since college, proclaims as if it were akin to eating soup with one’s hands or an inability to walk upright.
“You’re exaggerating just a tad, don’t cha think,” I say.
“No! I’m not!” Morgan pokes the air with her salad fork. “Everyone is on Facebook these days. Everyone.”
“My parents aren’t.” The corner of my mouth turns up. “Guess I come from a long line of social media slackers.”
“It’s not that long a line,” Morgan counters. “I’m Facebook friends with your niece, Shelli.”
Posted by Roxanne | May 31, 2012, 4:30 pmI like the almost My Best Friend’s Wedding feel to this, but you lost me when I thought perhaps there is cheating involved when they get another chance together. Where did his fiancé go? I’m not sure having an engagement/marriage break up midway through the book so that a new relationship could blossom will resonate with readers. I worry that storylines where the heroine gets her hero from a soon-to-be-dumped gorgeous model feel like the conflict isn’t being derived from an organic place, but rather a stereotypical character. Something to think about. Best of luck with this and thank you for participating!
Posted by Heather Howland | June 6, 2012, 9:22 pmThanks Heather! I truly appreciate the feedback.
Posted by Roxanne | June 7, 2012, 6:22 pmHIGHLAND GAMES
complete at 22,802 words
Malcolm “Colm” MacRobert is ordered by his chief to travel through time and return with a woman; not just any woman, the daughter of Laird and Lady Grant.
When Piper Grant agreed to take her friend’s place on a trip to Scotland, she didn’t know it was a singles tour to the Highland Games. However she can’t shake the feeling that someone’s watching her. With a witch aligning their fates as if pieces on a chessboard, Colm and Piper have more than their own relationship to worry about.
First 100 Words:
The hag was pulling his strings, and Malcolm MacRobert hated having someone else’s will forced upon him. However, his laird needed him, and that was enough. Malcolm had heard of their ally the MacRae laird taking a woman of mesmerizing beauty from another time, and anything a MacRae could do, a MacRobert could do as well. Steeling himself and throwing his shoulders back, Colm braced himself for what they were about to do. Before he could so much as take a step, a heavy hand landed on his forearm.
“Are ye sure?”
“Aye.”
His best friend and son of the
Posted by Laura Hunsaker | May 31, 2012, 4:43 pmI was following the story until the last line of the pitch. Where does the witch come in, and is it absolutely necessary to bring her up in the pitch? Some questions I had – why that particular woman, what will happen to the woman, and does he actually succeed in taking her back in time or does he end up stuck in the present? I’d make that first line clear about why she’s important, and after the second line, make sure we have an idea about what (where, and when!) the book will be about beyond the setup. I’m also a bit concerned that 22k is not long enough to tell an entire love story without the couple having history together. Be sure you’re giving your couple the time they need to build a believable relationship–that’s the biggest complaint readers have about novella-length romance. Best of luck with this and thank you for participating!
Posted by Heather Howland | June 6, 2012, 9:20 pmTHE GHOST CHRONICLES
Wordcount: Complete at 79,000 words
Entangled Teen: YA w/ strong romantic elements, possible crossover appeal
Pitch:
Can Michael Andrews get to heaven before the devil gets him first, and if it means leaving Sarah is he sure he still wants to go?
Once a promising, young basketball star, Michael is now a marked soul pursued by demons, struggling to understand why he’s stuck, and led by a mentor who’s keeping secrets.
To make matters worse, he’s falling in love in the afterlife, where binding oneself to another soul is strictly forbidden, for it may keep one or both of the souls bound to earth for longer than they should be.
As if that’s not enough, there’s also a danger in going too far with Sarah, because the “joining” of two souls in the afterlife is also forbidden and they don’t know what will happen if they do go that far.
Each time they touch they can feel the boundaries of their energies slipping perilously into one another, so maybe falling in love in the afterlife isn’t such a good idea?
First 100 words:
Michael could feel the warm blood running down his face. Fully regaining consciousness, he had no idea where he was, or what had happened. He tried to lift his eyelids, but they wouldn’t budge. Moving any part of his body failed, so he just lay there, with an overwhelming feeling of having been pressed inside a small box. His head felt very heavy, as if doubled in size, and a rushing sound in his ears stifled his hearing. Indistinct voices warbled nearby, but he couldn’t quite figure out whom they belonged to, or what they were saying.
Thank you for this opportunity!
~Marlo Berliner
Posted by Marlo Berliner | May 31, 2012, 5:05 pmThe pitch confused us a bit because it felt like it kept repeating the same information–falling in love in the afterlife is bad. Are the stakes between binding souls and ending up in hell, or leaving Sarah (who I assume is also dead)? What’s holding them together that’s more important than an eternity in hell? I would use the last three sentences of your pitch to clarify what Michael’s choices are, what they mean for everyone involved, what the setting is, and a bit more about Sarah. As for the sample, the writing is a bit distant. Watch for telling words/phrases like “felt” and “couldn’t quite figure out” that keep the reader from experiencing it with the protagonist. Deeper POV definitely sells better. Best of luck with this and thank you for participating!
Posted by Heather Howland | June 6, 2012, 9:17 pmTitle Like it Never Happened
Word Count 62,000
Line Entangled Teen
Pitch
Remaining unidentified until the final chapter, the narrator returns home from a summer of self-imposed isolation only to fall victim to her own plot for popularity when she is dumped by her new senior boyfriend and snubbed by her old friends. While trying to mend both her broken heart and friendships over the following months she and her friends are faced with the enduring dilemma of doing the right thing versus doing what feels right at the time – difficult in a school full of hazing, gambling, and cover-ups.
Upon accidentally discovering the existence of a secret competition being run by the senior boys, she is faced with a decision that could affect all their futures. With reputations and college acceptances on the line, she must decide whether to expose the illicit contest for her own selfish reasons or to simply act, LIKE IT NEVER HAPPENED.
First 100 words
I should’ve been used to it. We’d been escaping every summer for as long as I could remember, and that was not the first, but the third summer of my no-contact rule. I had decided back in junior high that if I was going to spend ten weeks away from Eastbrook , it was best not to know what was going on at home. It killed me to miss out on pool parties and beach trips, so I refused all phone calls or letters to or from my friends. If I didn’t hear about it, I couldn’t miss it, supposedly.
Thanks so much, Ally Hayes
Posted by Allyson Hayes | May 31, 2012, 5:09 pmThe pitch is a bit too vague to give us a sense of what’s going on. Try to pitch in specific terms rather than vague, open-ended terms. Also, I’m not sure I understand the significance of keeping the narrator unidentified until the final chapter. The writing sample doesn’t give any insight into the story, either. I suspect it might be an issue of just needing to start with something happening instead of inner monologue. Best of luck with this and thank you for participating!
Posted by Heather Howland | June 6, 2012, 9:14 pmThank you for taking the time to respond! I appreciate the input and value your opinion. Glad to now have an idea of how to change what had not been working.
Thanks again!
Posted by Allyson Hayes | June 7, 2012, 7:45 amTitle: VEX
Word Count: 70,000 words
Line: Suitable for your Entangled Teen line
Pitch:
Sixteen-year-old Tana has two vexing problems: she’s in love with her best friend, Shane, and she’s addicted to a computer program called VEX. Shane’s father designed the virtual environment software to aid victims of brain damage.
After his father’s mysterious death, Shane convinces Tana to help him finish work on the software. At first, Tana just wants to help, but soon she can’t stop jacking into the computer.
Unfortunately for Shane and Tana, VEX carries heavy consequences when they become addicted to it and discover an entity living there is preparing to download itself into one of their weakening bodies and take over their life.
First 100 words:
I tried to ignore the steady hum of the computers that filled the sterile, white-walled room. “Don’t you think it’s a little weird?”
“He meant for this technology to be used by someone,” Shane said. “It was all he cared about…toward the end.”
His voice choked to a halt. I placed a tentative hand on Shane’s broad shoulder, offering all the support I dared without breaking the fragile ease that existed between us.
Toward the end. Shane meant before his father died down here using the same program Shane wanted us to try.
Posted by Norma | May 31, 2012, 5:17 pmCongratulations! Liz Pelletier would like to see VEX. Please send the full manuscript and either your query letter or this pitch to liz(at)entangledpublishing(dot)com. Thanks for participating!
Posted by Heather Howland | June 2, 2012, 9:17 pmTitle: Dance of Desire
80,000 Words
Entangled Select
Historical Romance, single title Regency era.
England, 1813
Every girl yearns to find a lifetime of love with the right partner. But as widowed aristocrat Elizabeth Carrisford has learned to her cost, the wrong partner can bruise more than a girl’s toes. Now that her vicious husband is finally dead, she wants nothing more than to remain in rural solitude and raise her young son. But when it appears that little Nicky is in danger of murder at the hands of a neighboring cousin who wants to inherit the entailed estate, Elizabeth is forced to flee with him to London and the safety of her own family, where her sister Caroline is making her debut.
Determined to protect her sister as well as her son, Elizabeth steps reluctantly into the swirl of the London season and onto a collision course with the wealthy and powerful Philip Moncrief, Earl of Meldon, the man who deserted her and broke her heart years before. She wants to avoid him, but when he offers to vet the gentlemen who are competing for her sister’s hand, she cannot refuse, and she is drawn back into a dance of temptation and desire. And when the murderous cousin makes an appearance in London, she finds herself turning to Philip again.
Resolving to win Elizabeth’s heart, Philip uses his considerable influence and braves the London underworld to protect her family and regain her trust. But the past has echoes in the present, and old secrets threaten to destroy his newfound chance for happiness with the only woman he has ever loved.
First 100 words:
It really was a blessing, Elizabeth mused as she followed her son out onto the terrace, that little Nicky never had become acquainted with his father.
Eager and unafraid, he wandered onto the wide lawn behind the manor. She watched him as he stooped to pick up a leaf and peer at the ground under it, as if looking for secrets that might lie hidden in the shadows beneath.
But he found nothing except more grass, so he dropped it and continued on, stumping forward with a wide-legged gait toward the woods that edged the lawn.
Posted by Mary Ann Schenk | May 31, 2012, 5:18 pmCongratulations! Erin McCormack Molta would like to see DANCE OF DESIRE. Please send the full manuscript and either your query letter or this pitch to erin(at)entangledpublishing(dot)com. Thanks for participating!
Posted by Heather Howland | June 2, 2012, 9:18 pmGUARDIAN REDEEMED
Urban Fantasy/Paranormal
115K Words
GUARDIAN REDEEMED is a novel that blends the paranormal and urban fantasy genres together into what I call Angelic/Demonic fantasy. The storyline has just as much weight as the romance between our two main characters.
Pitch:
A secret war has been raging between heaven and hell for centuries with a cardinal rule everyone must follow: Never intentionally reveal the presence of Guardians and Demons to humans. Both sides have held to that rule so well, they have mingled among us and we never knew it; until now.
Our hero, Kaiden, a Security Guardian in Archangel Michael’s army, relives his past as he battles his nemesis, Zarok, a demon re-released from hell. Zarok has a second agenda alongside his revenge of Kaiden who put him back in that fiery pit 300 years ago.
Miranda Elon, a human, wounded war veteran sent home from Iraq, is dragged into the secret war when she witnesses Zarok murder her two physical therapists in such fantastical ways, she can barely comprehend. Kaiden now has to catch Zarok while hiding who he really is as he fights to keep Miranda safe. Even though relationships between Guardians and humans are forbidden, love is inevitable between Soul Mates. When Zarok targets Miranda as his next victim, Kaiden will stop at nothing to save the woman he loves.
First 100 words:
Miranda Elon jumped into the shadow of the small hallway and pressed her back against the drywall. Her Army-honed intuition kicked in, “Potential threat. Freeze and assess.”
Faint scraping reached her ears—which was amazing since her two physical therapists had shoved Disturbed’s “Indestructible” into the stereo after closing the rehabilitation center for the night and it now blasted through the speakers system. What the hell was that sound? She searched the open space that held all of the therapy equipment. Mary, one of the PTs, sat on a bench protruding from the pulley machine talking to the other therapist, Hannah, standing by her side. The scraping wasn’t coming from them.
Thank you so much for the opportunity.
Posted by PA DePaul | May 31, 2012, 5:19 pmBe sure to follow the guidelines when entering contests like this. I know it can be difficult to keep it within the allowed pitch length, but doing so can really help define the essence of your novel. The story and the romance also felt fairly familiar for the genre. To up your chances of a request, try to infuse your pitch with the fresh and unique details that will make your story stand out from the rest. Best of luck with this and thanks for participating!
Posted by Heather Howland | June 6, 2012, 9:03 pmTitle: Reunited By Their Son (incomplete)
Anticipated word count: 55,000
Line: Bliss
Heat level: Sweet
Tropes: Reunited lovers and secret baby
Pitch:
Childhood sweethearts Michael and Emma are reunited after they learn the child they thought long dead is really alive… for now. Michael and Emma are their son’s best hope for life, but fitness fanatic Emma wants more than to just save his life – she’s desperate to reclaim her son. But first she has to convince wildlife warrior Michael, the man she left eight years earlier, they can overcome their differences and fight for custody.
First 100 words:
A jumbled knot of words pounded a tattoo against Emma’s skull. The most important words she’d ever have to say, and she still couldn’t get them in order.
But it was too late now; she was here.
Glancing down at the paper half-scrunched in her damp palm, she checked the number, forty-two, matched the shiny brass numbers on the front door. They did. Why she needed to check again, she wasn’t sure. The number and the street had been embedded into her memory since she’d looked them up last night. Frustrated at herself she jammed the paper in her handbag and wiped her palm on her dress.
Posted by Anita Joy | May 31, 2012, 5:29 pmCongratulations! Stacy Abrams would like to see REUNITED BY THEIR SON. Please send the full manuscript and either your query letter or this pitch to stacy(at)entangledpublishing(dot)com. Thanks for participating!
Posted by Heather Howland | June 2, 2012, 9:19 pmThank you very much for this opportunity.
Posted by Anita Joy | June 3, 2012, 5:44 amGood afternoon, Ms. Howland! I’d like to thank you for this wonderful opportunity.
“Into the Lives of Others”
Line: Entangled Books (Romantic Thriller) OR
Dead Sexy (Romantic Suspense)
Three to five sentence pitch:
Brennie Wilson, a CPS social work supervisor, finds it necessary to discipline Melinda, one of her social workers, pulling her into a conflict and endangering her supervisory role. Brennie’s newest case involves the Las Cruces Police Department’s Special Victims’ Unit, with the tall, handsome detective Martin Avalos who has long nursed an attraction for Brennie. Brennie resists her own attraction to the detective, fearing being hurt again. Detective Becca Flores, a female detective in the same unit is obsessed with Detective Avalos, refusing to accept that he is not attracted to her. Melinda and Becca team up to bring Brennie down in whatever way they can, leading to events that place Brennie’s daughters in danger.
100-word sample:
“Brennie, get in my office! Emergency!” shouted Larry Wells. Brennie grabbed a pen and pad, then ran. As she neared Larry’s office, she slowed down to avoid running into the detective striding into Larry’s office. Detective Martin Avalos stopped at the entrance to Larry’s office and gestured for her to enter.
“Thank you!” Sitting down, she opened her pad. Detective Avalos followed her in, along with a deputy from the Dona Ana Sheriff’s Office and Rick Dixon, Brennie’s supervisory counterpart on the Investigations team.
“Everyone sit,” Larry ordered.
Trope: Strong male hero, strong female heroine
Heat Level: Steamy
*Note: My novel is written, but I have not yet begun to read through to edit and make corrections. I will be making substantive changes, which will bring the word count below 70K. In addition, I have a professional editor offering to help me.
Posted by Barbara Alvarez | May 31, 2012, 5:31 pmCongratulations! Dead Sexy would like to see INTO THE LIVES OF OTHERS. Please send the full manuscript and either your query letter or this pitch to deadsexy-submissions(at)entangledpublishing(dot)com. Thanks for participating!
Posted by Heather Howland | June 2, 2012, 9:20 pmGood morning, Heather! I am very honored that you have accepted my submission. I am working on my query and clean-up of my manuscript and plan to submit both soon. Thank you very much! Barbara
Posted by Barbara Alvarez | June 4, 2012, 9:38 amTitle: Lucky Girl
Word Count: approx. 55,000 words complete but still polishing
Line: Teen/New Adult
Heat level: Sweet
Blurb:
Seven-year-old Abby survives the tragedy of 9/11 with amnesia, a wealthy guardian, and a mysterious nested box. Then on her eighteenth birthday, tragedy strikes and she discovers secrets tied to her only possession from childhood. Each box is a puzzle with a prophesy where people may die. Abby and her newly hired bodyguard, Ace, discover that she can save others from death by sacrificing herself. Some might call Abby lucky, but what happens if her luck and boxes run out?
100 words:
Abby lifted heavy eyelids to see nothing. It was darker than her bedroom without her Barbie nightlight. Blacker than the sharpie marker her mother let her use to draw on cardboard boxes. It wasn’t just the darkness that bothered her. Her arms and hands were trapped by the pieces of concrete surrounding her body, so it was impossible to rub the crusty substance from her eyes.
Abby opened her mouth, and her dry tongue stuck to the bottom of her teeth. The thirst annoyed her like the buzzing of the giant horsefly trapped inside their car last summer vacation. It
Posted by Brinda Berry | May 31, 2012, 5:48 pmThe biggest issue here is that the core element to the story – the box and sacrifice issue – is very unclear. Does she have to die herself each time to save one? Does each box save one person, and she can choose who it saves each time? While you do have a limited amount of space to clarify, these were questions that came up immediately. I also wasn’t clear how her lot in life could be considered “lucky” when she’s having to sacrifice herself (in some unknown way) to save others. As for your sample, we generally encourage authors to avoid starting with a character waking up. I understand she’s just been in a catastrophe, but is it possible to start with her conscious? Also, if a character is trapped in rubble, tension conveyed through tone is a must. Her thirst being compared to a summer vacation experience was jarring. I think you have a great idea here that needs just a bit more work and clarification in future pitches. Best of luck with it and thank you for participating!
Posted by Heather Howland | June 6, 2012, 8:54 pmMs.Howland,
I very much appreciate the time you took to respond to this pitch. I’ll heed your advice!
Thank you.
Posted by Brinda | June 8, 2012, 5:38 pmDear Ms. Howard,
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Best regards,
Jessica Smith
Title: MARGARET’S CURSE
Complete at 100K Words
Suitable for Entangled Teen: Definite crossover appeal
Paranormal Romance
PITCH:
Practical Magic collides with Romeo and Juliet in MARGARET’S CURSE, a modern love story where witches time travel, jaded ghosts misbehave, and young love is tested with the ultimate sacrifice.
Execution for the crime of witchcraft is a thing of the past, still in these modern times, Ophelia’s family shrouds their secret; A silence that has held Ophelia safe, until now.
When nineteen year old witch Ophelia falls in love with Elwyn she has no idea that he too is a witch and that their families share a dark secret; The centuries old curse cast by Ophelia’s family is slaying the men in Elwyn’s coven, leaving him the last of his line. Knowing death pursues him, Elywn has come to town on a mission – the cure to the hex lies in the killing of a witch, little does he know, Ophelia is that witch.
When the truth is divulged Ophelia faces a curse of her own, one that risks: killing her lover, condemning a dead woman, and ending her own life.
FIRST 100 WORDS:
Familiarity with the Devil
“Thou shalt not suffer a witch to live.” Exodus 22:18
I was born into this life a witch – naked and pink as nature intended. And it was for my birthright I was taken out of this world, naked just the same. Less pink. Less pure.
Hartford, Connecticut. 1652.
Unclothed, not a thread of dignity left, I sat, hunched and mortified. Knees pulled into my chest, I was seated at the bow, all eyes on my back. Storm clouds tumbling over head, a chill in the air, my body prickled with goose bumps.
The boat, a shallop large enough to support myself and seven others, rocked and billowed with the wind.
Posted by Jessica Smith | May 31, 2012, 6:20 pmMy deepest apologies Ms. Howland, I proofread everything but the spelling of your name. Huge mistake on my part! Hoping you can overlook my foot hanging from my mouth.
Best regards,
Jessica Smith
Posted by Jessica Smith | May 31, 2012, 6:26 pmI love the conflict inherent in Elywn’s mission and his relationship with Ophelia. That being said, this doesn’t quite feel like YA to me. What, beyond the characters’ ages, makes this a YA novel? Also, the cadence of your sample felt a bit choppy to me. Choppiness is good when used as an accent, but see if you can add a few smoother sentences between to keep the reader interested. Best of luck with this and thank you for participating!
Posted by Heather Howland | June 6, 2012, 8:49 pmEVER, YA Paranormal Romance
WORD COUNT: 91,000
FIVE SENTENCE PITCH:
Seventeen-year-old Ever Van Ruysdael’s love life has been in purgatory for the past two years.
Since the car accident that took Frankie’s life, but spared hers, she’s had to wake up every day to his ghost, making it impossible to mourn him or move forward.
Now she must make a choice: continue pining for the ghost of her dead best friend, whom she’s secretly loved as long as she can remember, or move on to an exciting, new relationship with her sexy neighbor, Toby.
But as Ever falls harder for Toby, Toby gets closer to Frankie.
Soon, Ever will learn that the price of her new romance isn’t just her heart our Frankie’s soul … but her own soul as well.
FIRST 100 WORDS:
One glance at the calendar is all I need. One quick glance and I realize why my heart feels heavy. Why Frankie keeps sneaking sideways glances at me. Why Jessie is more chatty than usual. My eyes widen. I’d almost forgotten. How could I have forgotten? This day is … unforgettable.
I’ve lived next door to Frankie my entire life. We played together when we were little. He pulled my pigtails. I tattled; he teased.
He’s the best friend I’ve ever had.
I’ve been in love with him as long as I can remember.
Today is the second anniversary of his death.
Posted by Jessa Russo | May 31, 2012, 6:21 pmOh sweet! A typo! I was trying to copy and paste from my phone. Please don’t hold it against me. *hangs head in shame*
Posted by Jessa Russo | May 31, 2012, 6:54 pmCongratulations! Heather Howland would like to see EVER. Please send the full manuscript and either your query letter or this pitch to heather(at)entangledpublishing(dot)com. Thanks for participating!
Posted by Heather Howland | June 2, 2012, 9:21 pmThis is the second I’d like to submit:
Title and word count: Armageddon – 21K
Line: Ever After
Paranormal
trope: ex-lovers reunited, opposites attract,
heat level: erotic
• 3 to 5 sentence description of the story
Suzannah Fisher has become vampire Bill Masters 24/7 sex slave to save her sister from one of Bill’s vampire enemies. The former lovers’ reunion brings them playfulness, passion and something unexpectedly deadly: love. By falling in love with Suzannah Bill is coming “alive” and thus is dying. He’s now so debilitated rescuing her sister will literally kill him. Bill’s sire heals him by breaking the bond between Bill and Suzannah, but forbids him to help with her sister’s rescue, leaving worse off than she started: about to lose her sister and hopelessly in love with Bill.
• The first 100 words of your manuscript:
Some decisions transform your life. Others remove cheese from your breakfast burrito. Becoming a vampire’s sex slave should have ranked among the former. God knows, Bill ravished me in ways I’d never imagined. One more hump and I’d have become a new kind of camel.
Yet I woke to a morning as sunny as yesterday’s. One glance in the mirror showed last night’s sexual calisthenics hadn’t burned away any calories.
What a gyp.
I looked around me, confused. The urgency that fueled my decision to renounce my religious convictions and “sell” my body to Bill appeared overblown.
Posted by Anna Taylor Sweringen | May 31, 2012, 6:36 pmTry to avoid starting your novel with the main character waking up. If you can start it elsewhere, it is generally considered a stronger beginning. We found the term “sex slave” to be a bit jarring especially given they were past lovers, and because it sounds like erotica, which Entangled doesn’t publish. The tone of your sample contradicts the tone expected from the description. High stakes are implied in your pitch, and then in your sample the heroine shows no concerns over the situation. For the erotica issue alone, this is a pass for us. Best of luck with this, and thank you for participating!
Posted by Heather Howland | June 6, 2012, 8:39 pmA HEAT OF THE MOMENT THING
Complete at 82,000 words
Genre: Contemporary Women’s Fiction
Pitch:
There’s only one thing worse than a love triangle: when your sister makes it a square.
Becky Jordan, T&T’s freshest travel lecturer, thinks she’s got men out of her system until she meets her new boss. Sizzling-hot and take-charge, Matt Frobisher has Superman aspirations and, dammit, he’s gunning for her to be Lois. No way will she risk her career on a workplace fling – been there, got the scars – so she takes desperate measures and goes for a no-strings distraction. But Mr. Distraction comes with unexpected complications, and when Becky’s sister wedges her stiletto into the mix, ‘no-strings’ explodes into a full-on Disaster-fest – one that will challenge Becky’s understandings of love, loyalty and life itself.
First 100 words:
What did you get when you crossed a head-splattering crash into the swimming pool wall with a swanky new job? Crippling mortification, a look-at-me headscarf and, probably, a ‘hypochondriac’ reputation before I’d even started. So much for first impressions.
The scarf’s reflection bounced off the elevator doors, and Jim’s Belisha Beacon comment taunted me. Crap. He was right. I looked ridiculous.
The doors opened, and it was too late to bail out. I took a bracing breath and approached reception.
‘Hi. I’m Jebecca Rordan—’ I blushed. ‘I mean, Rebecca Jordan.’
Great. Now they’d think I was dyslexic as well.
Posted by Maggie Le Page | May 31, 2012, 6:37 pmCongratulations! Libby Murphy would like to see A HEAT OF THE MOMENT THING. Please send the full manuscript and either your query letter or this pitch to libby(at)entangledpublishing(dot)com. Thanks for participating!
Posted by Heather Howland | June 2, 2012, 9:23 pmTitle: An Old Fashioned Blog (a work in progress)
Line: Entangled Books/Select – Contemporary
Thank you for taking the time to read pitches from new authors. I hope you will be interested in An Old Fashioned Blog, my story of a twenty-something who fell off her career path when she was laid off from her corporate job. The main character Amelia fills in for her friends and soon her friends’ friends by doing the daily chores they never seem to have time to finish. She finds herself in unfamiliar territory when she must take on the roles of a housewife, single mother, online college student, dog walker, and more. She soon realizes that some of the simplest pleasures in life are being outsourced in pursuit of success. The story is written in the style of blog entries to offer a unique and modern reading experience. An Old Fashioned Blog is currently a work in progress with nearly 40,000 words. Upon completion, I expect it to have 75,000 words. The manuscript begins:
Nov 6 4:51 PM
Today is my last day at this hell hole of a job! Tomorrow I start my new and improved job with a big fancy title. My former co-workers threw me a going away party in the breakroom (with fresh pineapple I might add), and now I’m beginning to look back at my year here with fondness. Seeing as I shouldn’t forget why I am leaving, I’ve decided to catalogue the top 10 reasons why I hate this job.
1) I am at least 76% smarter than both of my direct supervisors because
a. I know what an Excel spreadsheet is and how to make one.
b. I don’t use words like MANUGEMENT in corporate emails
c. I don’t put emoticons at the end of every sentence.
Posted by Amy Black | May 31, 2012, 6:38 pmWe’re not looking to take on a novel told via blog posts right now, but this is a super cute idea. The main issue I see is that a novel told via blog posts relies heavily on voice, and I don’t know that the voice I see in the first 100 words is consistent enough to pull this off. Your voice sways between being somewhat formal to chatty chick lit, and it was difficult to get an immediate sense of your character. Readers will want to know her immediately when they open this book. Best of luck with this and thank you for participating!
Posted by Heather Howland | June 6, 2012, 8:36 pmThanks for the opportunity, Miss Howland. I have two novellas I’d like to submit,
Title and word count: Alone On Earth – 21K
Ever After
trope: ex-lovers reunited, opposites attract,
heat level: erotic
• 3 to 5 sentence description of the story
Five years ago Suzannah Fisher left Bill Masters, her vampire lover, and became a Catholic to save her own soul. Five years later she needs him to save her sister’s. Suzannah has twenty-four hours to prevent her sister from being turned by the vampire who murdered Suzannah’s best friend. Since she won’t give him what he truly wants — her soul — Bill refuses to help unless Suzannah uses her body to make him agree. She succeeds but a complication arises: Bill has fallen back in love with her and now won’t rescue her sister unless Suzannah agrees to be his 24/7 sex slave for the rest of her life.
• The first 100 words of your manuscript:
Some relationships you wish could last forever. Others make you wish you’d never been born. Both sentiments warred within me every time vampire Bill Masters and I made love. He offered me everything I wanted: a throbbing dick, hot sexual domination and a chance at immortality. Not to be undone, I offered him a welcoming pussy, hot spread-eagled servitude and a grasp at humanity.
Our contrasts added an intriguing “forbidden fruit” vibe to our coupling. He White and me, Black; He an atheist, me a Christian (in name only of course). He dead – me, alive.
Posted by Anna Taylor Sweringen | May 31, 2012, 6:39 pmSame comments as above. This feels a bit too close to erotica for what we publish. Best of luck with this and thank you for participating!
Posted by Heather Howland | June 6, 2012, 8:41 pmThanks for the opportunity to pitch my erotic romances to Entangled and for the critique.
Posted by anna taylor sweringen | June 7, 2012, 6:36 amThanks for the opportunity.
Title: Never Surrender
Anticipated word count: 60.000
Tropes Reunited Lovers
Dead Sexy: Romantic suspense/intrigue.
Pitch:
“I’ll need you when hell freezes over”. That’s what Officer Maggie Sinclair says to her lover Detective Quinn McQuade, before she goes undercover.
Well it has. And she does.
But will Quinn remember?
First 100 words
Hell’s frozen over. Meet me tonight. 9. De’Lisle’s.
Quinn scanned the text for the twentieth time, then slammed his phone shut and shoved it in his pocket.
Flicking back his cuff, he checked his watch. Ten o’clock. He scoured the room. Where the hell is she?
Edgy, he turned back to the bar, lifted his glass and sculled the neat bourbon.
All around him patrons laughed and talked amongst themselves in the muted lighting of the exclusive club. Young waitress threaded their way between plush crescent-shaped booths surrounding low circular tables.
The barman slipped a bowl of nuts on the bar.
Posted by Roseanne Smiles | May 31, 2012, 6:59 pmCongratulations! Dead Sexy would like to see NEVER SURRENDER. Please send the full manuscript and either your query letter or this pitch to deadsexy-submissions(at)entangledpublishing(dot)com. Thanks for participating!
Posted by Heather Howland | June 2, 2012, 9:24 pmThank you. I will polish and submit. ciao Roseanne
Posted by Roseanne Smiles | June 25, 2012, 5:30 amThe Blood Bride (Paranormal)
Incomplete Currently 51 789 projected 70 000
5 Sentence Pitch:
Vampires have lived amongst us for many years hidden until they finally emerged from the shadows, carefully served by humans within the nests for centuries. There are, however, some humans with special calling and some vampire factions are willing to kill to obtain the skills and abilities these humans possess. Hope is one that they will do anything to capture while Xavier will take any and all steps to save her. Even from her own family and the darkness within.
First 100:
The shadows grew as silence descended on the house. First one figure then another broke away, making a run towards the house. Silent as the grave they moved swiftly over the dew slicked grass. Then they stopped still. Nothing betrayed them until a single movement would propel them into action. Suddenly they started to move, crawling up the walls the slick coating offering no resistance to them as they ascended.
The sound of glass broke out from each window and the figures were inside. The screams echoed through the night, but in this area, no one would hear.
Posted by Nicola Pitt writing as Imogene Nix | May 31, 2012, 7:18 pmThis pitch would be stronger if you started off with the characters so that we have a sense of what makes your story different, as the plot itself is one I’ve seen before. I’m also concerned that your first 100 words are very distant with all the “they” usages, which made the scene feel impersonal as opposed to instilling a sense of fear. Is this scene absolutely necessary? And if so, consider fleshing it out so that we’re drawn immediately into this frightening world and the characters that live in it. Best of luck with this and thank you for participating!
Posted by Heather Howland | June 6, 2012, 8:27 pmCONCEALED DESIRE
Word Count: Currently 53k and within two weeks of completion
Line: Indulgent
Heat Level: Steamy
Trope: Office romance. The playboy falls for his long time colleague.
Five Sentence Pitch:
The sassy yet sexually modest Beth Graison has dreamed of fairy tale scenarios involving Dean Sutherland since the day her employment started at Sutherland & Son.
Dean doesn’t ‘do’ love, the concept of a devoted wife and happy family was ruined by his manipulating father years ago. So why can’t he get his blushing colleague with the sharp tongue out of his head?
A palpable attraction will bring them together, but will their connection be enough to curb the playboy ways of a man who doesn’t believe in love? Or a woman determined not to risk her career over a sinfully hot fling?
First 100 Words:
Beth Graison raised a polite brow at her boss. She watched with intent as the man old enough to be her father, leaned back in the plush seat behind his desk, his fingers pitched over his chest in laid back patience. On the outside she tried to convey a calm she didn’t feel, pasting a soft smile on her lips, a thoughtful look on her face. Underneath the facade however, she was delirious with panic.
Why weren’t his lips quivering in contained amusement? This had to be a joke.
Posted by Jodie Smith | May 31, 2012, 7:35 pmCongratulations! Brazen would like to see CONCEALED DESIRE. Please send the full manuscript and either your query letter or this pitch to brazen-submissions(at)entangledpublishing(dot)com. Thanks for participating!
Posted by Heather Howland | June 2, 2012, 9:25 pmThank you so much.
I will polish it off and send it over within two weeks.
Posted by Jodie Smith | June 3, 2012, 8:20 pmTitle: Unconventional Love
Word Count: 71,000
Line: Entangled Books/Entangled Select – Romantic Suspense
Pitch:
Will Temple just hired a medical director for his fledgling international aid agency … and fell in love with her, too. For Will – a guy who always plays by the rules – being unable to keep his hands off his newest direct report, Dr. Anjali Shah, is a serious problem.
But when Will and Anjali travel to India together to investigate a slum redevelopment project gone corrupt, Will realizes there’s a lot more at stake than workplace ethics. Someone wants to stop the investigation at any cost – and they’ve finally found something that Will loves more than the rules.
First 100:
After taking tea with friends, Guru Sarkar came home to find his wife and mother-in-law bound and gagged, and the rest of his family – all seven of them – held at gunpoint.
“What is this?” he demanded in Hindustani, shaken. He was a poor man, but he was respected within the sprawling urban slum that he called home in the central Indian city of Nagpur. “Release my family! I have done nothing wrong.”
“No harm will come to your family if you do as we ask,” said one of the gunmen. He was unmasked, Guru noted, a local thug who could be bought for a bottle of alcohol and a few rupees.
Posted by Coleen Scott | May 31, 2012, 7:42 pmCongratulations! Dead Sexy would like to see UNCONVENTIONAL LOVE. Please send the full manuscript and either your query letter or this pitch to deadsexy-submissions(at)entangledpublishing(dot)com. Thanks for participating!
Posted by Heather Howland | June 2, 2012, 10:39 pmTitle: Vanguard
Word Count: 87,000
Line: Entangled Books/Entangled Select – Romantic Suspense
It’s been more than two months since Sophie Swenda has heard from Michael Nariovsky Grey. Since forming a volatile friendship as teens, they’ve pursued ambitious, successful careers that haven’t allowed any time for love. But their long-delayed chance at romance vanishes when war erupts in Northern Europe; Michael impulsively returns to his occupied homeland to join the resistance as a field doctor – and disappears.
Pitch:
An expert in refugee matters, Sophie believes he’s trapped in a massive civilian encampment on the edge of the war zone. But the camp is no safe haven for fleeing refugees – it’s a deadly prison in the icy grip of the northern European winter. Finding Michael and outwitting the vicious camp commandant to win their freedom is one hurdle … coming to terms with their explosive, intense love so they can finally put the mistakes of the past behind them is quite another.
First 100:
The dark-haired man lay on the frozen ground, surrounded by a dozen others. He was wrapped in a thin, filthy quilt, and he was dying.
His lungs were shutting down as he drowned slowly from the inside out. Thirty-six hours ago, he had been able to walk to the end of the row of shelters to collect his meager rations; now his emaciated body shook uncontrollably from the fever brought on by the pneumonia that was sweeping the camp. He wouldn’t last another 24 hours.
He ought to know. He was a doctor.
Posted by Coleen Scott | May 31, 2012, 7:43 pmCongratulations! Dead Sexy would like to see VANGUARD. Please send the full manuscript and either your query letter or this pitch to deadsexy-submissions(at)entangledpublishing(dot)com. Thanks for participating!
Posted by Heather Howland | June 2, 2012, 10:39 pmThank you so much! I’ll have both manuscripts off to you this week. Appreciate the opportunity!
Posted by Coleen Scott | June 3, 2012, 12:23 pmTitle: Diplomats Daughter
Word Count: 26,590
Suitable for Ever Afters, this is the first part of a seven story romance thriller series, completed and in the process of editing.
Description:
A covert operative, one of a small group of deadly agents is attracted to a woman he sees whilst on a mission. He vows to keep her in his past until five years later a stalker threatens her future, and possibly her life.
First 100 words:
Jared Knight lifted the glass of champagne to his lips and scanned the elegant crowd in the packed ballroom. His perusal appeared casual, but looks can be deceiving.
Another tuxedo clad man approached him, handing over a small plastic device.
“One of Bryce’s toys I assume Lucien?” Jared said, inserting the tiny ear bud.
“Yes,” Lucien sipped his own champagne, giving the appearance of casual boredom. “Our resident technical wizard said it should cut through the interference and give us a clear communication signal both in the room and the hotel grounds.”
Posted by Carolyn Wren | May 31, 2012, 7:43 pmYour pitch tells us nothing about specific characters or stakes, and the issue with being so vague is that many books have similar plots. The way to set yours apart is through the details. Be sure to watch your tenses in the writing sample! Best of luck with this and thank you for participating!
Posted by Heather Howland | June 6, 2012, 8:21 pmTitle: Empathy.
Word Count: 120k
Paranormal, suitable for Entangled Select.
The story is completed and in the process of final editing.
Description:
Three families with Empathic abilities are drawn together when a family member is kidnapped. Oliver Lord, hopelessly in love with his late brothers wife due to their close bond. Meredith Baron, incredibly strong but jaded and bored, and Kira Duke, the powerful princess locked in her beautiful house, her abilities too strong for her to live a normal life.
First 100 words:
She stood by the door watching the silent man on the balcony.
The wind was cold but as usual he seemed impervious to its biting breath. The pale winter sun held light but no warmth to ease the chill of the day.
She saw, in a way only a Mother would notice that his hair needed cutting. The thick brown waves touched his shirt collar and were lifted and tossed by the frigid air.
The balcony stood two storeys above the ground. An elegant addition to the Edwardian terrace house that sat next to its identical counterparts overlooking the park.
Posted by Carolyn Wren | May 31, 2012, 7:54 pmYou’ve established the characters and the event that will set off their stories, but the pitch doesn’t tell us what each character faces after this kidnapping event or how their lives tangle afterwards. How are their lives changed? Who is kidnapped, why are they drawn into the situation, and what is at risk and for reward? I’m afraid there isn’t enough here for us to get excited about just yet. Best of luck with this and thank you for participating!
Posted by Heather Howland | June 6, 2012, 8:20 pmLine: Ever Afters (urban fantasy)
Projected Length: 40,000 words
WIP: 25K
Title: Wicked
Five Sentence Pitch:
Grace Eaton is a Makitra, a disciple of the Hindu goddess Durga, and a protector of mankind against demonic forced. When the bodies of powerful supernatural beings start piling up in her territory, she turns to FBI agent Noah Silver, and mysterious fae prince, Quixotic for assistance against a magical foe intent on taking over both Unseelie and Seelie thrones, as well as enslaving all of humankind.
First 100 Words:
Heart pounding, I ran full tilt.
The vampire was behind me, approaching fast. The blood pounded in my ears and the air rushed from my lungs. Behind me, the vampire seemed to leisurely lope, unfazed by the breakneck pace. I pumped my arms and lengthened my stride .
She gave me a mocking little wave as she matched me. “You didn’t seriously think you could outrun a vampire, did you, Grace?”
I forced myself forward, putting everything I had into it. She blew past me and touched the back of the green bench.
Our agreed upon finish line.
Posted by Cynthia Ravenshaw | May 31, 2012, 7:56 pmI have a hard time with stories that start with a gimmick, which is what this feels like. Definitely reconsider baiting the reader with a dangerous vampire chase when it’s something else entirely. Interesting premise, though. Best of luck with this and thanks for participating!
Posted by Heather Howland | June 6, 2012, 6:28 pmTitle: LOVE CONTRACT
Word Count: 57K (completed)
Line: Teen
Five Sentence Pitch:
Seventeen-year old Taylor Simmons’s plan to get into Columbia University and become a hotshot lawyer like her dad flies out the window when she wakes up in bed with Evan McKinley after a late night party that she shouldn’t have been at in the first place. The school’s salutatorian together with Nathan Wilks High School very own infamous man-hoe are more than the gossips could bear.
As the day drags on, rumors grow and escalate until Taylor’s petite figure have been oogled—something her barely there A’s chest have NEVER experienced before—and compared to the Space Mountain ride at Disney World. Exciting, fast, and well used. The only way to salvage her tattered reputation is to convince the world that she had been having a secret relationship with Evan all along; better to be known as the one to tame the wild surfer rather than be just another notch on his surfboard.
Now if only he would agree.
First 100 Words:
Before I even opened my eyes, I knew something was wrong. Why? Because I wasn’t in my bed with the cream duvet comforter that Mom and I got at Macy’s last month like I should be.
The fabric under my fingertips was my first clue. It was cool and kind of scratchy.
Evidence number two: it smelled different. Not in a bad way though. Just not like the apple cinnamon air freshener that Mom was fond of and sprayed all over the house despite the fact that Dad and I hated cinnamon. I usually countered it by walking around the house with vanilla tea candles.
Thank you for this opportunity!
Posted by Jenn Nguyen | May 31, 2012, 8:15 pmSeveral of us looked at this pitch and asked the same question: How does one night with the wrong boy destroy her future plans? You may want to take another look at whether the plot and setup is realistic enough to carry the story. That being said, I love that she decides to convince everyone they’ve been having a secret relationship all along (though not sure that sends girls the right message!). Best of luck with this and thanks for participating!
Posted by Heather Howland | June 6, 2012, 6:21 pmTitle: They Fall Together
Word Count: First draft complete at 62,000 words.
Needs editing. Told from three points of view in first person.
Line: Brazen
Heat level: Steamy
Trope: Alpha Male with a dark secret falls in love
Pitch
Soon to be divorced Liza Reese needs to get a life and her new neighbor Audrey Nelson seems to have one—complete with more than one gorgeous man stopping by her beach bungalow. When one of these men, Dr. Burke Whitcomb, meets Liza, he’s intrigued by her shy naivety. But what’s really going on over at 15 Mayflower Lane? Liza needs to figure that out before she falls too hard for the handsome, mysterious surgeon.
First 100 words
Her laughter, soft and melodic, drifted through the forest of shrubbery separating our yards. The low rumble of a man’s voice blended with the hiss and gurgle of her hot tub. I sipped my crappy chardonnay and watched Hamish wander over my charred lawn, tongue slanting out the side of his mouth.
Lurching up from my spot on the back steps, I nearly sloshed all the yellow liquid out of my glass. Hamish’s head swiveled as the screen door banged shut behind me. Upstairs, the back bedroom was dark and cluttered with boxes from the move. I crept around them to the side window, the only one that would possibly allow me to see into her yard.
Posted by Clarissa Abbott | May 31, 2012, 8:24 pmI’m afraid three 1st person POVs won’t work for any of Entangled’s category romance lines. Also, “alpha male with a dark secret falls in love” is not a commercially recognized category trope. I recommend submitting this to a publisher that accepts steamy romance that doesn’t have to conform to the strict category romance guidelines. Best of luck and thanks for participating!
Posted by Heather Howland | June 6, 2012, 6:17 pmTitle: WISTFUL
Word Count: 77K (completed)
Line: Teen
Five Sentence Pitch:
Sixteen-year old Julie Avery Haynesworth flees after being forced to marry a seventy-year-old man in order to settle her parents’ numerous debts. She finds shelter with a poor farming family as ‘Avery Haynes’ and even falls in love with the eldest son, Hayden Bennett. Too bad he sees her as the brother he never had.
Despite the fact that he is in love with another, she plans to tell him the truth just as her world is rocked by the appearance of the two last people she ever wanted to see. Her parents.
First 100 Words:
With one last look over her shoulder at Fairview manor—the only home she’d ever known—Julie wrenched the thick gold band off her finger. She stared down at the large blood red ruby on her palm, momentarily mesmerized by the small diamonds on either side of the gem still twinkling in the darkness. The smooth band was broken only by the single vine engraving that connected the two diamonds together.
The ruby was very large—nearly four carats—and would be more than enough to provide money for her journey. And it did belong to her now, after all.
Posted by Jenn Nguyen | May 31, 2012, 8:26 pmHistorical is not my specialty, but I know I’ve seen this plot before. Girl flees dire circumstances, is taken in by a lower class family, and falls for the son who thinks she’s a boy. You have good stakes (being thrown back into the marriage with the 70yo is pretty darn dire), though. I bet the right editor is out there waiting to snatch this up. Best of luck with that and thank you for participating!
Posted by Heather Howland | June 6, 2012, 6:15 pmThank you, Ms. Howland for this opportunity!
Masked Hearts
Word Count: 50,000
Line: Bliss
Heat Level: Steamy
Trope: Minnie an Indian Maiden stuck in the white world falls for a man she shouldn’t. A white man.
Roy is half-Indian, and tied to Minnie’s broken past.
Together they fight their own prejudices to form a family with those around them.
Historical Western.
*MS Unfinished, but will be done within the month. Partial is ready.
Five Sentence Pitch:
Minnie is far from the maiden in distress, but in the traveling Wild West show she plays one.
Roy is her eternal rescuer on stage, but off-stage he needs her to rescue him. Memories he shouldn’t have are surfacing and Minnie holds the key to the mystery of his past.
Together they must fight prejudice and find a way to trust each other or history is doomed to repeat itself.
First 100 Words:
The war cries breached the silence moments before the men appeared. Three warriors in garish paint leaped out of nowhere. Their tomahawks rose as they moved closer, each step leading them in a circle around her.
Nonsensical words, gibberish rattled through the air. One tomahawk brushed aside the thick pile of gold hair on her shoulder.
The moment his hand gripped her head, her scream echoed through the shocked silence in the room.
“There was no one to save her. Helpless now with her husband murdered. The men had designs on evil deeds,” Mr. Woodward called to the enraptured audience.
Posted by Sarah Cass | May 31, 2012, 8:29 pmI’m afraid the stereotypes in this story might be a bit too strong for today’s political climate, even if the characters are only acting in a Wild West show. Also, tropes are plot elements readers expect when they open a category romance. A few common ones would be best friends to lovers, revenge, marriage of convenience, secret baby, etc. Best of luck finding this a home elsewhere, and thank you for participating!
Posted by Heather Howland | June 6, 2012, 5:21 pmMs. Howland,
Thank you so much for this opportunity. I’d like to apologize in advance if my HTML tags don’t take.
TITLE: Warder
Projected length: 105K
WIP: 97K
Line: Entangled Books/Entangled Selects – Paranormal, Contemporary Fantasy Romance
Pitch: Mona protects, ‘wards’ mortals from Folk. Not easy with renegade Weres on a rampage. Then she learns Warder is more than a title.
First 100 Words:
Br-r-r-ing!
Ugh. Phone. Need to get up.
Mona rolled over, her arms flailing for a brief moment as she pitched herself off the couch and on to the floor. Her hip hit the hardwood floor with a painful thump, only to be eclipsed as her elbow smacked the table.
Ow! Ow! Ow! Mona sat, rubbing the offending elbow.
Wait, why wasn’t she in bed?
The memory of cheek-stinging cold and the ground heaving under her feet flooded back. She’d headed out right after the bar closed to her pre-dawn lesson with Warder Smythe. Training my ass.
Posted by Ellie Heller | May 31, 2012, 8:31 pmQuite a few pitches in this contest begin with someone waking up. This is something you should avoid when writing, so I highly recommend rethinking the opening of this book. As for your pitch, I don’t have a clue what your story is about outside of the heroine being a warder–and not knowing what that means–and that there are weres involved. I recommend reading the list of things we asked be included in the pitch and see if you can craft something that will tell agents and editors more about your story. We can’t be excited about something if we don’t know what it is! Thanks for participating and best of luck finding this a home elsewhere!
Posted by Heather Howland | June 6, 2012, 5:10 pmTitle: Tales of The Realm
Word Count: currently at 36,722 projected 70k
Entangled Books/Entangled Select
Description:
A Romeo and Juliet style fantasy.
Rescued by her warrior prince a young princess from a bordering province finally has a chance at marriage for love. Yet two houses filled with prejudice and hate continue to keep them apart. With unknown identities and the constant threat of war, can two young lovers find everlasting happiness and two warring provinces find peace?
A tale of myth and magic.
First 100 words:
A lone rider bolted from the vast precinct slumbering in the sand, fleeing the magnificent golden confines of palace Illuminar. A small figure, dressed in brilliant yellow hues, long golden tresses styled elaborately in a series of braids, were restrained beneath a sheer silk veil. The end caught the breeze, fluttering about in the rider’s wake, like an exotic banner being carried into battle.
With a glance over her shoulder, Saréan relaxed slightly, relieved that her absence had yet to be discovered. They would come; it was only a matter of time. With that thought, she spurred her mount on.
Posted by Anna Parovel | May 31, 2012, 8:38 pmEpic fantasy isn’t my specialty, but I found myself wondering if there is any internal conflict in this story. The couple is in love immediately, but external forces keep them apart. If that’s all there is to it, it seems like they could just run away together and be done with the whole mess. What must they overcome internally to be together? And what are the stakes if they don’t? As an aside, I wasn’t a fan of the omniscient POV opening paragraph, but for all I know, that’s common in epic fantasy. Thought I’d mention it just in case. Thank you for participating and best of luck finding this a home elsewhere!
Posted by Heather Howland | June 6, 2012, 5:06 pmMs. Howland, thank you again! I have one other manuscript to pitch – this one is complete.
Changing Tracks
Word Count: 94,000
Line: Entangled Books (Historical Western)
Heat Level: Steamy
Five Sentence Pitch:
Cole Mitchell doesn’t let anyone in, ever. Then one night a woman stumbles into his saloon near death and he can’t stop his urge to protect her.
Jane Doe can’t remember who she is, but she knows someone tried to kill her. Only Cole offers a sense of peace in the strange world of amnesia. Together they try to learn the mystery of her past – while fighting feelings they don’t want to admit to.
Jane soon learns that sometimes the truth is the last thing you want to learn, and she starts to think it may be best to leave the past where it is.
That past isn’t that willing to let go. A stranger proves that he’s willing to kill to keep his secrets safe. If Jane doesn’t remember soon, everyone she loves will be in danger.
First 100 Words:
“I’ll take one card.” Cole’s smooth voice surged under the din of the crowded saloon. The enthusiastic determination of the brunette on his lap didn’t mess with his focus, at least not that anyone knew. That’s how he always kept it.
Two men folded their cards on the spot. Cole only chuckled, not wavering when Daisy’s hand slipped under her skirts to tease him through his trousers.
Shouts drew the attention of the other men, but Cole didn’t move an inch. Once in a game nothing could distract him. Not even any of his whores.
Posted by Sarah Cass | May 31, 2012, 8:40 pmCongratulations! Erin McCormack Molta would like to see CHANGING TRACKS. Please send the full manuscript and either your query letter or this pitch to erin(at)entangledpublishing(dot)com. Thanks for participating!
Posted by Heather Howland | June 2, 2012, 10:41 pmMs. Howland,
Thank you for this opportunity.
Title: DON’T COME BACK
Word Count: 80K
Line: Entangled Books/Contemp S.T.
Pitch:
Sue Brinkley is smart, sexy and has a tongue so sharp she can take a man out at the knees. She’s come a long way from the teenager who was abandoned with a baby. Now her seventeen-year-old son wants to meet the father who deserted them all those years ago. But during the fiery reunion, her son discovers a secret that Sue’s kept hidden for years. Now Daddy Dearest holds all the cards, and how he plays them will affect all of their futures.
First 100:
“What the hell is your problem?!”
Sue Brinkley yanked at the lock of blonde hair that refused to work with her. Tonight, of all nights, she didn’t need this.
“Who are you yelling at?” Kate Graham asked, walking into the bathroom with two glasses of wine.
“This,” Sue said pointing at her head in the mirror. “I look like a freakin’ Cockatoo.” She forced the piece into place and plastered it with hairspray.
“Take it easy on that stuff.” Kate fanned her hand through the air. “If there’s a candle on the table, you’re going up in flames.”
Posted by Chris Campillo | May 31, 2012, 8:51 pmCongratulations! Dead Sexy would like to see DON’T COME BACK. Please send the full manuscript and either your query letter or this pitch to deadsexy-submissions(at)entangledpublishing(dot)com. Thanks for participating!
Posted by Heather Howland | June 2, 2012, 10:42 pmTitle: The Space Between – 62,000 words
Pitch: Margaret embarks on a Polynesian vacation with her husband in an attempt to save her marriage. The plane crashes, leaving her stranded with David, a popular actor. The challenges of survival pull them together. Her dormant sensuality reawakened, she wonders if her attraction for David is real, or the effects of their beautiful island home.
First 100 words:
Margaret stole a glance at her husband to check if he was really asleep. He’d been taking pictures for hours, but now his head nestled into an airline pillow tucked against the cabin wall.
She’d given up her efforts to peer around his broad shoulders at the scene below, and settled back to immerse herself in a paperback novel. Now bored, she pulled her purse from the floor and stiffly extricated herself from the cramped airline seat, sliding past the aisle occupant’s knees.
Jeff opened one eye, frowned and inquired sleepily, “Where are you going?”
Trope: Wealthy actor, desert island, second chance at love.
Heat level: Between sweet and spicy.
Note: This novel was previously published in 2007 by The Wild Rose Press. Rights have been returned to me.
Posted by Sandra Cormier | May 31, 2012, 8:56 pmI’m afraid I can’t get past the fact that her husband died (and if he didn’t, even worse) in the crash and she’s moving on so quickly while stranded on an island. This is entirely personal preference and I have no doubt another editor will feel differently, so best of luck finding this a home elsewhere, and thank you for participating!
Posted by Heather Howland | June 6, 2012, 4:49 pmTitle and word count : The Love Deception, 47,000 words
Trope: Cinderella/Office Romance
Heat Level: Moderate
Description of the story : Can twenty-four year-old Felicity Carter’s life get any worse? Her father was jailed for a crime he did not commit and she has given up her dreams of becoming a writer to study law with the hope of having her father acquitted. Now she finds herself naked in a strange bedroom the day before her all important interview with the legal firm representing her father.
Damon Fullbright’s life is work, work, work but life takes an interesting turn when a gorgeous blonde stumbles in front of his car and is in such a state he feels responsible for her and takes her home.
It is a shock to them both when Felicity turns up for a job interview at Damon’s legal firm.
First 100 words :
Am I naked?
Every drop of blood in Felicity’s body turned to ice. She slid her hands down her body. Not a shred of clothing.
Where are my pyjamas?
Opening her eyes a fraction, she tried to orientate herself. She winced. It felt as if someone were trying to crush her skull with a hammer.
Ouch. Where the hell am I?
The harsh Australian sunlight penetrated the cracks in the shutters on the windows. In the half-light, she could see she lay in a huge, luxurious bedroom.
Not my bedroom. Her breathing went from measured to panicked in a second.
Posted by Jennifer St George | May 31, 2012, 9:09 pmCongratulations! Heather Howland would like to see THE LOVE DECEPTION. Please send the full manuscript and either your query letter or this pitch to heather(at)entangledpublishing(dot)com. Thanks for participating!
Posted by Heather Howland | June 2, 2012, 10:43 pmTitle: ‘What Happens In Ireland…’
Word count: 100k
Pitch:
When Kate meets a Tall, Dark and Handsome Irishman in a bar in Dublin, she hasn’t a clue that he is about to turn her world upside down and inside-out.
In Ireland to take on a co-managing position at O’Reilly stud, Aussie, Kate has no clue that her future manager-in-co is the very same devious and rakishly handsome Irishman from the bar. Kate want’s nothing to do with love and nothing to do with Jack. But when naked torsos, Mother Nature, white T-shirts and Dysfunctional umbrellas start plotting against her, she begins to realize that resisting the charms of an emerald-eyed Irishman is a lot harder than she first thought.
100 words:
Kate had dreamed of this trip for years and finally, she was here…
Ireland. A land where men with sexy accents were plenty and the grass was emerald green. The country that housed four million citizens who were allegedly intoxicated ninety-nine point nine percent of the time and where it was said whiskey was in higher demand than water.
And she was right in the thick of it, in the wonderful city of Dublin.
Posted by Whitney K-E | May 31, 2012, 9:11 pmCongratulations! Libby Murphy would like to see WHAT HAPPENS IN IRELAND…. Please send the full manuscript and either your query letter or this pitch to libby(at)entangledpublishing(dot)com. Thanks for participating!
Posted by Heather Howland | June 2, 2012, 10:44 pmThank you so much!
Whitney K-E
Posted by Whitney K-E | June 5, 2012, 8:45 pmForgot to mention that ‘What Happens In Ireland…’ is contemporary and perhaps a great opportunity for a Saint Patrick’s Day release. It also has two related novels to follow, with the possibilty of a third.
And I’d also like to thank Ms Howland, Entangled publishing and RU for this wonderful opportunity.
Kindly,
Whitney K-E
Posted by Whitney K-E | May 31, 2012, 9:26 pmTitle :Embracing Scandal
Word Count : 95,000
Line: Entangled Select – Single Title Historical Early Victorian
Lady Rebecca Jamison, the eldest of five scientifically-gifted siblings, bolsters the family’s dwindling finances by using her mathematical genius to invest in railways. But when the Jamison’s wealth attracts the attention of an unscrupulous investment syndicate, Becca is forced to beg the Duke of Sherwyn for assistance. Cayle was Becca’s childhood hero, and her first love, but she’d never forgiven him for retreating to the continent after a scandalous incident with her cousin. Now, five years later, Cayle sacrifices all to protect his lost love as he and Becca race the clock collecting evidence so Scotland Yard can arrest the criminals. If they fail, their peers who are involved with the syndicate will reveal Becca’s secrets and carry out their threats to harm members of both families.
Martin House, Mayfair,
London, 1843
Curse the city and its constant interferences.
Secluded in his fire-heated library, Cayle St. Martin, Duke of Sherwyn, attempted to block out all things British by imagining himself back on a Mediterranean beach, unfettered, unhurried, and warm.
The brandies he’d downed didn’t guarantee peacefulness but they fired his blood and ensured some dreamless sleep. No doubt they’d earn him a pounding morning head as well.
His butler’s shoes echoed on the marble tiles in the hall, the reverberations making it easy to trace Jenkins’ progress to and from the front portico as he opened, closed, and secured the heavy oak doors, twice.
Posted by Suzi Love | May 31, 2012, 9:26 pmErin says she has several of your submissions under consideration already, and that she’d speak with you directly. Thank you for participating!
Posted by Heather Howland | June 6, 2012, 4:45 pmTitle: Widowhood
Word Count: In Progress
Line: Indulgence
Heat Level: Pretty light albeit one steamy scene
Trope: Falling in love under unlikely circumstances.
Summary:
As her 10-year wedding anniversary creeps up on her, Kate Jordan can no longer take the pain of the loss of her husband five years prior. Condemning herself to a life of solitude, Jordan becomes locked inside her own heartbreak. That is until her mother and sister convince her to take a vacation that isn’t really what it seems. Dropping her off at a remote retreat for the widowed, Jordan must learn to come to terms with her experience while battling rising feelings for her head shrink, who isn’t at all what he seems either.
First 100 Words:
Of all places, it was the card aisle at the local grocery store that led to her undoing.
Kate Jordan, or just Jordan as her friends liked to call her, aimlessly pushed her cart in the direction of nowhere in particular when it caught her eye. A whole gleaming, sparkly row of cards in honor of a ten year wedding anniversary. Her body froze and she gripped the cart like a vice as she tried to steady herself. It would’ve been ten years this summer for them. Her and Marc. The little couple that could, and then suddenly couldn’t.
Posted by Stephanie Adele | May 31, 2012, 9:28 pmMedical health professionals are not allowed to get involved with their patients for ethical reasons, and we’re unwilling to cross that line in the books we publish. Thanks for participating and best of luck finding this a home elsewhere!
Posted by Heather Howland | June 6, 2012, 4:43 pmShrink was probably the wrong word to use. He isn’t quite so much her doctor, but the grief counselor who owns and runs the retreat. Thanks for the feedback
.
Posted by Stephanie Adele | June 9, 2012, 4:34 pmCrash into Darkness
Word count: 35,000
Line: Ever After
Pitch
Amber, a counsellor, and Jaden, a sailor, who both possess extra-sensory skills, are thrown together on a prison ship when the inmates rebel and an explosion breaches the hull of the ship during a storm. Together they battle the elements, a new, cold-eyed prisoner who has Amber in his sights and their traumatic pasts which sent them to the ship in the first place.
First 100 words
Amber stared over the ship’s rail at the rush of black water. Death lived in its depths, dark and quiet. Amber knew about darkness. Her gaze followed a shaft of light across the water to the heavy droop of the moon – an illuminated circle, a reflection of the sun’s power. She needed to turn towards the light.
“Amber,” a voice called through the night, “you’re needed on the third level. Trouble.”
She breathed out her disappointment at being disturbed. Being alone was her life’s blood. In solitude she restored her soul and found the strength to continue.
Posted by Suzanne Perazzini | May 31, 2012, 9:35 pmI have no criticism for you! In fact, the more I read the pitch, the more intrigued I get. Please do send the full to heather(at)entangledpublishing(dot)com and I’ll see if this grabs me the way I think it might
Posted by Heather Howland | June 6, 2012, 4:38 pmBrief Synopsis:
Intended line: Covet
Heat: 3/5 – contains sex scenes & high level of sensuality
In this WIP about the power of the heart, the strength of the family, and the importance of treasuring every day of one’s life, Georgeanne Dundas leads a life other women can only dream about. She’s wealthy, smart, and runs her own multi-national cosmetic company.
Then fate intervenes when a drunk driver runs her car off the road and into a ditch, leaving her trapped in rising water. The man who rescues her is Andrew Dundas, her long-dead relative. Andrew tells her of a centuries-old feud that exists between the Logan and the Dundas Clans, and solicits her promise to visit Castle Logan, uncover their well-kept secret, and use it to restore the Dundas family honour.
The incident causes her to re-evaluate what she wants from life. She sells Wildflower for a fortune, changes her alias to Smokey Prescott, and heads north, to Scotland. When Iain Logan, Laird of the Clan and master of all he surveys, mistakes her for his replacement housekeeper-cum-cook, she seizes the opportunity to get inside his stronghold.
As she becomes more and more involved with Iain, his family and staff—living and dead—her affection for the castle and the glen and its people grows. With each successive day, it becomes increasingly difficult for her to continue pretending she’s someone she’s not, and hiding her real reason for being at the castle.
Excerpt:
Ghosts are liars Smokey decided as she searched Logan Castle’s castellated battlements.
According to Andrew Dundas—her lying ancestral ghost—Logan Castle was one of Scotland’s medieval landmarks, and the finest in the Highlands. But, he’d conveniently glossed over any mention of the broken masonry, tendrils of moss clinging to the walls and the grass that pushed through the cracked paving.
She should never have listened to him, or agreed to make this visit.
Now, the daunting task of breaking into an invincible castle lay before her, and she didn’t have a single clue how she would pull it off. She’d read the glossy tourist brochures. Not once in its notable six-hundred year history had an enemy breeched the castle’s walls. Smokey wasn’t surprised. There was such an atmosphere about the place, any second, she expected a horde of tattooed warriors to descend on her brandishing claymores and shouting blood-curdling Gaelic war chants.
Posted by Amy Talbot | May 31, 2012, 9:37 pmCongratulations! Liz Pelletier would like to see your untitled pitch for Covet. Please send the full manuscript and either your query letter or this pitch to liz(at)entangledpublishing(dot)com. Thanks for participating!
Posted by Heather Howland | June 2, 2012, 10:45 pmTitle: Heat Rising
Word Count: 70,000
WIP, to be finished in one week.
COVET
Heat Level: Steamy
Trope: Adults learning to love again after tragedy
5 Sentence Pitch:
There’s a designer drug on the streets making people spontaneously combust and paramedic Jayda Swenson thinks she knows exactly what it is. Trouble is, the drug doesn’t just make human brains shatter with ecstasy—it also fuels demons. Recovering after a violent accident, Jayda maintains tight control of her life until a demon-turned-incubus starts probing her meth-soaked past. She’s forced to turn to Ben, a gorgeous demon hunter who will only help if Jayda agrees to surrender everything—her tightly secured life, her passion and her blood. While demons threaten to infect the entire town by the 4th of July, Jayda must decide if she’s willing to trust a man who offers more than one route to salvation, even it doing so means she loses everything.
First 100 words:
The silver glint of a truck underbelly caught Jayda Swenson’s eye as she rounded the corner. Smoke billowed from beneath the truck’s bed in the ditch. Jayda stopped her Jeep; grabbing blue medical gloves from the center console, a little frustrated that work couldn’t wait until she started her paramedic shift in half an hour. A trail of black and red flannel spilled from the driver’s side window; a pale arm sticking out, the hand splayed and bloody. Jayda’s brain screamed that she race to the victim, but she paused with the age-old struggling between rushing into the fray alone, or forcing herself to wait.
Posted by Elizabeth Otto | May 31, 2012, 9:55 pmOh dear! I am so sorry about the typo in my first 100 words. That last line should read, ‘Jayda’s brain screamed that she race to the victim, but she paused with the age-old struggle between rushing into the fray alone, or forcing herself to wait.’
Thank you.
Posted by Elizabeth Otto | June 1, 2012, 7:59 amCongratulations! Liz Pelletier would like to see HEAT RISING. Please send the full manuscript and either your query letter or this pitch to liz(at)entangledpublishing(dot)com. Thanks for participating!
Posted by Heather Howland | June 2, 2012, 10:45 pmThank you so much!! I will be sending the completed manuscript by the end of this week.
~Elizabeth
Posted by Elizabeth Otto | June 3, 2012, 4:25 pmSeaside Sorcery is a 90,000 word lighthearted YA fantasy romance set in contemporary times.
Pitch:
A hotshot witch’s scheme to compete in a secret duel backfires when Coral’s parents ground her magic. When a grudge-bearing rival corners her, newcomer Ty takes him on, but to hide his magical prowess, insists on a different challenge—a sailboat race. Now Coral has just one week to teach Ty the ropes—and sort out her growing crush on him—when the incredible happens: her hand brushes his, siphoning his intense magic to her. Loaded with his power, she must decide whether to return it and forfeit her title, or break all the rules, and Ty’s heart, to compete.
First 100 words:
Coral’s ribs felt like they’d been kicked in. Giving another flap of her wings, she drifted through the night, her throbbing left arm wrapped tight to her torso. Injuries were part of dueling other wizards, but this hadn’t been a duel. It’d been a fight.
She spread her feathered wings to coast on the wind. Under the barest sliver of moonlight, the rolling hills of the Scottish moor gave way to a rocky cliff at the edge of the sea. Churning air currents jostled the sixteen-year-old witch. She threw out both arms for balance.
“Ouch!” A stab of pain shot
Thank you for the opportunity to pitch.
Posted by Laurel Wanrow | May 31, 2012, 9:55 pmCoral has a big decision to make, yes, but what are the stakes if she doesn’t do anything? Losing her title isn’t a very high stake. Also, what is the conflict? She has to teach him to sail (I think?) before his race, ignore the taunts of her rival who she can no longer duel (I’m guessing), and decide whether to do the right thing, but that’s all I’m seeing. See if you can rethink this plot so that the stakes are high (life or death–or close–is generally best!), and the conflict is unavoidable. You’ll need these things to compete in the overcrowded YA market. Thank you for participating!
Posted by Heather Howland | June 6, 2012, 4:26 pmThanks for the helpful review and suggestions!
Posted by Laurel Wanrow | June 6, 2012, 8:21 pmTitle : the Viscount’s Pleasure House
Word Count : 70,000
Entangled Select : Historical Erotic Romance
Hawkesbury House, London 1840
When Lady Christina Wellsby dons widow’s weeds to bluster her way into the townhouse of Viscount Hawkesbury, the most notorious lover in London, she risks everything in order to engage Justin Tremayne’s services as tutor for her two naïve friends.
Chrissie barters her knowledge of the whereabouts of Justin’s lost mother and two sisters in exchange for their lessons in bedroom techniques. Although Justin is desperate to find his family, driven from home years earlier by his sadistic father, he argues that three gently bred women will never survive either the lessons or an hour at his estate’s infamous Pleasure House. Catering to sexually-bored aristocrats earns money for Justin to pay his investigators, but years of such immoral behaviour has deadened his soul and hardened his heart. But watching Chrissie’s sexual awakening and her innocent yet eager participation in the Sultan’s Tent, he begs her to marry him and help him live a normal life with his recovered family.
“Remove that hideous gown!”
Justin Tremayne, known in amusement-seeking society as Handsome Hawkesbury or the Virile Viscount, struggled to hide his rising frustration.
“I need to examine your body. All of it.”
The woman, clad in unrelenting black and looking more like a newly-grieving widow than an enchanting bird of paradise, had pushed past his butler and stormed into his library as though claiming her right to be seen and heard. As if she feared her late arrival might have cost her the chance to strut around the room with the other peacocks and show her wares. And as if her life depended on him offering her employment.
Posted by Suzi Love | May 31, 2012, 10:01 pmErin told me she has several of your submissions under consideration already, and that she’d speak with you directly. Thank you for participating!
Posted by Heather Howland | June 6, 2012, 4:20 pmTitle: A Lady’s Scientific Guide to an Enigmatic Earl
Word Count: 95,000
Entangled Select: Historical
When Lady Laura Jamison evades an assassin’s bullets, twice, while attending her sister’s wedding, she concedes to the wishes of her frightened siblings and accepts the protection of their trusted friend and her nemesis, the Earl of Winchester. The family’s old enemy has escaped her asylum and returned to London and Laura and Richard are the only ones able to identify the madwoman and her underworld cohorts. The mismatched pair risk their wealth and reputations as they race around the seedier areas of London in a desperate attempt to uncover Lady Hetherington’s hiding place before she can recruit more criminals and rebuild her illegal share trading syndicate. Laura, a follower of evolutionary theorists and a great friend of the younger Mr Darwin, Charles, believes that by marrying a strong mate whose scent strongly attracts her, she can ensure the survival of the species through their strong children. Richard refuses to enslave himself to passion like his parents and vows that his countess will be sweet and docile rather than headstrong and intelligent but he and Laura form such a formidable duo that he realizes he needs Laura beside him, and no one else.
St. James Church, Piccadilly, London, 1843
If Lady Laura Jamison had inherited her great-grandmother’s ability to portend disaster, she’d have pleaded a megrim, locked herself in her bedchamber, and avoided this morning’s humiliation and stomach-churning terror.
To her chagrin, her senses only warned her of more immediate danger. So when a grubby urchin had slipped a piece of crumpled paper into Laura’s gloved hand outside the church, she’d acted on instinct and thrust the note into her pocket. She’d read the message from their informant in private, after her sister’s wedding, when she’d have time to consider which, if any, of her family members should be informed.
Posted by Suzi Love | May 31, 2012, 10:16 pmErin told me she has several of your submissions under consideration already, and that she’d speak with you directly. Thank you for participating!
Posted by Heather Howland | June 6, 2012, 4:19 pmThank you for the opportunity and any feedback is greatly appreciated.
TITLE: Untouchable
Word Count: 100,000
WIP – in rewrite and downsizing stage
Line: Entangled Teen
Touch is something Amy can’t stand. At the age of five, Amy witnesses the brutal murder of her parents and only survives the tragedy with the help of some ‘angels’. Eleven years and fourteen foster homes later, Amy is still searching for a home and a family. This time she’s gets a little more than she bargained for – she discovers her angels aren’t what she thought, and the boy she’s miraculously falling for is much, much older than he appears. To top it off, Amy has to hold off another girl after her man, and she can’t even touch him … yet.
100 words…
The nightmares were always worse when I knew. They mocked my hope of ever finding a home, a new family. Hell, just a place to belong. After eleven years, I should be used to it. At sixteen, I should be over this family business already.
I glanced at my meager belongings packed at the end of the bed, my shabby banker’s box containing my old, meticulously patched teddy bear, martial arts medals, and books and two tiny, battered suitcases. Silent observers to the tears that slid silently down my face.
I drew in a shaky breath. While the Gavins went on their family vacation, I would be once again dropped off to Sandra to find a new home.
Posted by Renee Henthorne | May 31, 2012, 11:09 pmI apologize, I didn’t mention its a YA paranormal.
Posted by Anonymous | June 1, 2012, 3:09 pmThere are a couple elements in your plot that feel a bit overdone in the genre. First, that her parents were brutally murdered. Many YA books feature protagonists whose parents are dead or were murdered, so there isn’t much shock value anymore. Second, the mortal teenage female that falls for the much, much older immortal boy. I was also a bit confused by your opening paragraph. What do nightmares have to do with the fact she’s about to lose another foster family? It felt like perhaps you were trying to go for a strong first line (excellent instinct, there!), but I don’t know that the tie in is strong enough to use this one. Thank you for participating and best of luck placing this elsewhere!
Posted by Heather Howland | June 6, 2012, 4:18 pmThank you for your comments Ms. Howland. Confusion is definitely not good. I appreciate your time to go through this. I can see its back to the drawing board for the right pitch.
Posted by Renee Henthorne | June 6, 2012, 6:19 pmTitle: His Bargained For Bride
Word Count: 46000 (Complete)
Line: Entangled Indulgence
Trope: Revenge / Family Enemies
Heat Level: Moderate
Playboy billionaire Jack Carmichael finally has within his grasp the means to reclaim the company stolen from his family a decade ago. Nothing will stop him from achieving his objective – even if it means seducing the daughter of the man who stole the company. But can he control the passion she ignites within him as easily as everything else in his life while still trying to remember she’s the enemy?
Forced into a position of working closely with Jack Carmichael, Mia Hall must try to put aside her suspicions in a man who has every reason to hate her. What terrible secret does Jack hide that could destroy any chance a relationship they may have and are her suspicions in him justified?
100 words….
Tell me you can fix this.’ Mia Hall sprang from her chair, biting hard on her lip to stop the trembling.
She clutched her stomach and fought the rising nausea. Her mother had never needed an excuse to manipulate her life – but her latest interference was beyond comprehension.
You’re my lawyer, Jacob, you have to fix this.’ Mia’s grip tightened on her mobile phone.
‘My hands are tied, Mia.’
Jacob’s placating tone set her frazzled nerves alight.
‘I’ll put forward a counter-action, but your mother’s lawyers have your inheritance tightly tied up for the moment.’
‘Damn it, Jacob, I need that money now.’
Thank you for this opportunity.
Posted by Jodie Morphett | May 31, 2012, 11:42 pmCongratulations! Alethea Spiridon-Hopson would like to see HIS BARGAINED FOR BRIDE. Please send the full manuscript and either your query letter or this pitch to alethea(at)entangledpublishing(dot)com. Thanks for participating!
Posted by Heather Howland | June 2, 2012, 10:48 pmThanks so much for this pitching opportunity.
Title: WAITING FOR FAITH
Word Count: first draft complete at 62k (currently in fleshing-out/editing phase)
Genre: Single Title – Contemporary Women’s Fiction
Pitch:
A freak accident leaves mother-of-two Faith Parsons in a coma, looking down on her body, her memory wiped clean, unable to leave the room, and only her dead gran for company. Faith’s life has been reduced to a bunch of questions: who is she, where is she, what’s going on? How could she have fallen from a third-story balcony? And why does she feel more for long-time friend Nate Sutherland than her own husband? Whatever the answers, Faith needs to find a way back to her body fast, because there’s a murderer on the loose and they’re back to finish the job.
1st 100 words:
It’s one of those heart-racing, murderer-at-my-heels awakenings; the kind where I have to deep-breathe myself calm then check the room for throat-slitters.
Nothing so extreme, but – my heart heaves into my throat – the floor. It’s down there. Miles away. I’m floating.
I screw my eyes shut, gulp in some air, then sneak another peek. Yep, there are my feet, dangling in mid-air, my plum-painted toenails not quite touching the bed below.
No way. It’s an optical illusion, right? My feet are on the floor. Where else would they be? “For God’s sake,” I mutter. “Get a grip.”
Posted by Maggie Le Page | June 1, 2012, 3:50 amWhile I’m extremely intrigued by the mystery of why she feels more for Nate than her husband, Entangled readers expect the women’s fiction we publish to be more of the contemporary romance variety than a plot with two men (one of which is the husband!) can provide. Thank you for participating, and best of luck placing this elsewhere!
Posted by Heather Howland | June 6, 2012, 4:12 pmHeather, thanks so much for your comment. I appreciate your time and expertise.
Posted by Maggie Le Page | June 6, 2012, 5:36 pmWoW!!!!!! Thanks so much to everyone who participated in this event.
Heather and her team are compiling the list of requests, so keep an eye out for the post which will give the details on where to submit.
Robin
Posted by Robin Covington | June 1, 2012, 5:53 amThanks for hosting, Robin!
Posted by Marlo Berliner | June 1, 2012, 2:51 pmThank you so much for the update and hosting. This was fun!
Posted by Ellie Heller | June 1, 2012, 5:06 pmYes, thank you for the great opportunity!
Posted by Eliza Knight | June 1, 2012, 5:38 pmJust wanted to add my thanks, too. It was fun! And a great opportunity.
Posted by Maggie Le Page | June 1, 2012, 7:06 pmRobin,
Thank you for hosting. So much talent, so many interesting stories-what a fantastic job by everyone involved!
Posted by Kelley Bowen | June 4, 2012, 6:53 amTitle: Three Weeks with a Sheikh
Word Count: Approximately 45,000(WIP)
Category Line: Brazen
Heat Level: Smoking Hot
Trope: Wealthy Alpha Male Abducts Woman tries to win her love
PITCH: After a wild Vegas weekend, Calliope Handle wakes to find herself stranded in a small Lebanese village with a man who claims to be not only her husband but also the new owner of her Sacramento catering business. In a deal with the handsome devil, she agrees to three weeks as a dutiful wife in exchange for a divorce and her business back.
Patriarchal leader Adonai Byblos has literally found the woman of his dreams. Unfortunately, she’s a foulmouthed, chain smoking, party girl, and he has twenty-one days to whip her into shape and win her heart or risk God’s perfect plan for him and his people.
Spending three weeks with a sheikh isn’t that bad, and what else does Calli have to lose?
FIRST 100 WORDS:
Calli Handle blinked her eyes, trying to clear the film from contact lenses worn through too much partying. Vague dreams of a bull riding contest, signed papers and an airplane fogged her mind. She smacked her lips and stuck out her tongue. Her mouth seemed to be coated in the same gunk as her eyes. Judging from the scratchy lace at her waist and clasp cutting into her back, she was still wearing her best bra and matching panties. She turned her head on the pillow to locate the soft snore next to her. Whoa!
Posted by Kary Rader | June 1, 2012, 10:10 amAbduction plots have a Harlequin Presents-type of vibe, which is not quite what I’m going for on the Brazen line. That being said, it was the fact that your hero is a patriarchal leader who feels he’s carrying out God’s perfect plan by kidnapping and fixing up this woman that ultimately made my decision. You may want to rethink that aspect of your plot. Thank you for participating!
Posted by Heather Howland | June 6, 2012, 4:06 pmI know I’m late, (different time zone) , thank you for this opportunity – understand if this door has already closed to me.
Tina.
Title: Tears of a Cheetah
Word Count: 54 574
Pitch:Jessica Storm Aurett’s gone underground. And loving it! Discovering she can be independent and support herself is a by-product of her fleeing the USA to Crystalberg, South Africa after receiving death threats from Charles Fletcher, her father’s psychopathic ex-protégé. Cole Howe, owner of ‘nTabaGrequa Wild Life Rescue, has sworn off commitment. He’s accepted he’ll never get over the loss of his son, so he’s thirty-five, single and satisfied, except for his interest in The Cyclist – Jessie Jones who’s image has filled his nights with erotic dreams for the past year. Can they survive the attacks by Charles and the poachers, and realise they are stronger together?
First 100 words: Cole held his breath as the American woman prepared to pit herself against the fastest cat in the world.
Sasha, born on nTabaGrequa two years ago, bounded into action. Her agile body stretched to maximum, then bunched as her feet whispered to the ground. Her unsheathed claws created traction. Her oversized nasal passages allowed oxygen into her lungs, as her metabolism kicked into higher gear – zero to forty miles per hour in two and a half seconds flat.
The American pushed her bicycle to overdrive. Neck on neck, they sprinted together, a pure adrenalin rush in the African bush.
Posted by Tina Marie Clark | June 1, 2012, 3:10 pmYou’re in luck! Dead Sexy would like to see TEARS OF A CHEETAH. Please send the full manuscript and either your query letter or this pitch to deadsexy-submissions(at)entangledpublishing(dot)com. Thanks for participating!
Posted by Heather Howland | June 2, 2012, 10:49 pmLine: Dead Sexy (Romantic suspense under 70k)
Posted by Tina Marie Clark | June 1, 2012, 3:12 pm