Posted On June 11, 2014 by Print This Post

Pucker Up: Writing the Kiss That Makes Readers Melt by Anise Rae

In scientific terms, a kiss is the anatomical juxtaposition of two orbicularis oris muscles in a state of contraction. But in romance, a kiss is conveys emotion and so much more. Today’s Visiting Professorauthor Anise Raeexplains why. 

Welcome to RU, Anise! 

A kiss speaks beyond words, whether it’s between lovers, between mother and child, or between friends. It can be a simple peck against a cheek, a soft brush of two pairs of lips, or a soul-deep press of open mouths and tangled tongues. A kiss arouses the senses and triggers an elaborate system of nerves and chemicals, taking us on a momentary journey of love and desire that needs no description.

Unless you’re a romance writer.

Words are the only tools writers have to translate the feeling and meaning of a kiss for their readers. A kiss happens when one person’s lips connect to another person’s lips or skin. Though on the surface it might seem simple, it’s one of the most intimate experiences two people can have. A kisser must surrender to having her senses fully entwined with the person on the other end of her lips. She’s face-to-face, nose-to-nose, and breath-to-breath with her partner. That alone is a lot of input, not to mention the emotions and the chemical reactions a kiss ignites.

So where to begin?

Call me a science geek, but I find that having a few facts inspires my imagination to build the rest. (These facts are taken from research scientist Sheril Kirshenbaum’s book, The Science of Kissing. It’s a very readable book if you’d like to know more.)

Kissing Truths to Ponder While You Pucker

  • Evolution has made us partial to red lips. They lure us in like the ripe, red fruit at the top of the tree.
  • Lips are one of the most sensitive parts of our bodies. They are densely packed with nerves and are sensitive to heat, cold, and pressure. A larger section of the brain is dedicated to our lips than any other erogenous zone.
  • Some physical reactions of a “passionate” kiss are: heart rate increases, pupils dilate, cheeks flush, breathing becomes deeper and more irregular, blood vessels dilate and deliver more oxygen to the brain.
  • The average person remembers his/her first romantic kiss better than the first time he/she had sex.
  • Our noses can sense genetic differences in potential mates. We’re more likely to find the scent of someone with genetic differences appealing. Conveniently during kissing, our noses are pressed against our partner’s skin. Sniff, sniff.
  • When it comes to kissing, men and women, on average, have different preferences. (Surprise, surprise!) Men opt for a wetter kiss with open mouths and more tongue. Women prefer a tidier kiss with less tongue and less spit.
  • There’s a reason men prefer wetter kisses. Men pass testosterone to their kissing partner through their saliva, a plus since the hormone raises a woman’s sex drive. This effect builds up over time. It’s not a one-kiss wonder.
  • Likewise, there’s a reason why women prefer a more delicate kiss. Women are more sensitive to taste and smell; therefore, it only takes a small amount of saliva to evaluate her kissing partner.
  • The whole ‘kiss and make up’ thing has a scientific basis. Kissing releases oxytocin, the ‘love hormone,’ that’s not only released in a mother nursing her baby, but it’s also released in response to hugs and kisses. Thanks to this hormone, a kiss…preferably more than one…makes a woman’s forgiveness a little easier to come by.
  • Kissing is good for you. A German study showed that husbands who kissed their wives before they left for work earned more money and lived longer than those who left the house without a smooch. The reason? It’s likely because the kissers had a happier attitude toward life and a healthier lifestyle compared to the men who didn’t pucker up. (Picture it in your own mind. It’s hard to kiss someone when you’re bitter.)

Now that you’re armed with some facts, let’s outline some rules on how to pen a pucker…

Rae’s Rules for Writing Kisses That Will Rock Your Readers

First off, I’m not really one for rules. Especially when it comes to writing. But I do like alliteration, so please forgive the section heading. Rae’s Suggestions for Writing Kisses just doesn’t have the same ring.

Rule #1: Build the Anticipation.

Even if you’ve been married for fifty years, we all remember the thrill of wanting, the tingles of excitement, the jittery nerves, the infatuation…will he or won’t AniseRae03_lo_reshe? These reactions build inside us because of a cocktail of hormones. Thanks to these those chemicals, these feelings are legit. They’re not made up by some crazy romance writer who likes alliteration.

As writers, we need to create this feeling of anticipation on paper. Hormones in literary form, if you will. Make your reader anticipate the kiss along with your characters. Let your characters’ hands brush, let him caress her cheek, have their eyes lock. Start doing this pages, maybe even chapters, before your characters’ lips meet.

Of course, keep in mind, rules are made to be broken and suggestions are meant to be ignored. Who’s to say the first kiss can’t happen on the first page…in the first paragraph…as the opening sentence? Not me!

Rule #2: Action/Reaction

If you break down a kiss in a novel, you’ll find two parts. First there’s the physical action, the choreography of the kiss, if you will. This is the who, what, when, and where aspects of the kiss. Where do his lips go and what are they doing? What is her tongue doing and how she doing it?

The second part is how a character reacts to the action. For example, how does your heroine feel when her hero presses his mouth to hers? What does she think? What does she do in response?

The physical actions, such as lips parting or tongues sliding across lips, are the skeleton of the kiss, but the characters’ emotional and physical reactions are the muscles and the skin and the hair…and everything else that makes a body beautiful. These reactions complete the picture, change a charcoal sketch into a grand masterpiece filled with such color and detail that the reader wants to step inside and live there.

The same action/reaction principle applies for all that sexual tension you’re building along the way to that kiss. What does the hero do when his pretty girl leans her head on his shoulder? Does he want her closer? Does he tilt his head and let his cheek rest against her hair? Peppering your manuscript with these tidbits draws the reader in.

Rule #3: Study Up

To become better writers, nothing beats studying your favorite authors. When you’re reading, pay attention to how the author builds up the need for that kiss in her characters. Stay alert for how she increases the sexual tension before the big moment.

Here’s a short cut for getting to the parts you need to study. (Call this the data-mining version of studying a kiss.) Bring up one of your favorite books in your e-reader. Search for the word ‘kiss.’ You’ll get a list of sentences and their locations. Don’t click away from the list just yet. This list is a study guide all on its own. Scroll through it. It’s a quick source of examples on how to write a sentence that describes a kiss.

Depending on how the author uses the word, your data-mining might also catch sentences before the kiss happens, sentences that talk about how the character is yearning for the kiss. This can provide insights on how to build that anticipation.

Granted, this is a quick and dirty way to get to the stuff you want to study, not a comprehensive analysis of kissing in a particular book. And, of course, it will only catch the sentences that have the word ‘kiss’ in it.

Rule #4: Seek Inspiration

In order to create our fictionalized worlds, we must first observe the real world. Yes, we must spy on people. Therefore, in addition to keeping a pen and a notebook in your writer’s bag, you also need a pair of very dark sunglasses, especially when you’re seeking out lip-locked lovers.

Though they’re hard to catch, they could happen anywhere…under the umbrellas at a suburban Starbucks, the hockey game after the home team scores, outside the movie theater, even in the grocery store. Keep those sunglasses at the top of your bag or purse at all times. You never know when a pair of lovers might spontaneously pucker up. Ok, so it might be awkward to whip out sunglasses in the grocery, but at least I’m not telling you to whip out the cell phone and take a picture. Although…

When you finally catch a pair in the act, observe shamelessly from behind your dark glasses. Study the moves, the tilt of her head, how he reaches up to touch her cheek, how she puts her hands on his arms, his smile down at her, her smile afterwards. Good heavens…you get the picture. Write it all up in your notebook. Capture it while the moment’s hot.

If you’re going to be indoors on this little inspiration excursion, here’s a hint. Take a couple of girlfriends with you. That way when you’re sitting at your dark table with your sunglasses on, passers-by won’t suspect you’re spying. They’ll just think something’s wrong with you, and they’ll admire your friends for so kindly taking you for a night out. What nice friends you have.

In case all of this is creeping you out, another way to seek inspiration is on the big screen. There are plenty of movies and TV show that have magnificent kisses. One of my favorites is Thor. Natalie Portman has to wait almost the entire movie before she gets that kiss. Oh, that kiss! Talk about building the anticipation! Look for the moments that build up to it, the looks, the little touches, and then observe the character’s body language afterwards. What does it tell you about what’s going on in her mind?

Naturally, the Internet has plenty of opportunities to observe kissing. A couple of months ago, a video of strangers kissing for the first time went viral. Turns out it was a clothing company who’d hired actors and musicians to kiss. Though we all fell for their gimmick, it’s not a bad source of inspiration. You can find it here: First Kiss.

Another source of inspiration is photos of kissing couples. (Check out my Kiss board on Pinterest for photo inspiration.) Compared to movies, photos let your imagination fill in the details for itself, garnering inspiration from the tilt of her head, the placement of his hand against the back of her neck, the expressions on their faces that give hints to their emotions.

My favorites photos are of real life lovers, couples who are unknowingly caught on film in the act of that most intimate connection. That’s where the true romance is captured. Photos of models and actors are great, but real life holds a genuine vulnerability, a risk that reaching out to that other person will end in rejection. If you can capture that vulnerability with your written descriptions of the characters’ physical and emotional reactions, you’ve got gold, baby.

And last, but not least, in the inspiration category, if you have your own partner who’s willing to practice puckering, by all means…go ahead. If you happen to do it in public, just ignore that woman over there wearing the dark sunglasses.

So go forth, my writer friends. Study the experts. Don your sunglasses and seek inspiration from the lovers of world. Pen your stories with promises of kisses to come, building up with amorous touches and lingering looks. When your characters lean in, hover for a moment a breath’s distance away, and then press their lips with a soul-melting touch, they’ll steal your readers’ hearts as well as each others.

Kiss, kiss.

Do you have a favorite kiss from a book or a movie? Has a pair of real-life lovers ever inspired a kiss or a love scene in your writing? Any particular turn-ons or turn-offs that writers do in regards to kisses? Oh, please do kiss and tell! 

On Friday, June 13th, Author Jo Robertson presents: Revisions Using Diction and Syntax 


syphonssongSyphon’s Song: Mayflower Mages, Book One (Lyrical Press)

Legends say a syphon can drain a mage dry. He’ll brave the danger. Will she?

Someone’s playing pranks. The body of the late Casteel patriarch has been stolen and gifted to the family’s enemy, the powerful Rallises. As far as Bronte Casteel is concerned, they can keep it. She hasn’t spoken to her family in thirteen years, not since they exiled her from society for her lack of mage power. But she’s a syphon mage, able to drain another mage’s power. Syphons’ destinies are always the same: death by fiery stake. She hides her secret by living among the Nons–powerless humans and the lowest class in the Republic. When her family orders her to go plead for the body’s return, she comes face to face with the one man who knows her secret.

Colonel Vincent Rallis isn’t letting his syphon get away this time. Not when she’s under suspicion of body-napping and aiding anti-mage terrorists. He’ll prove her innocence whether she wants him to or not, and then convince her they belong together…forever.

Vincent’s help comes with a steep price: Bronte must reveal her power. The inevitable ensuing witch-hunt and trial would be bad enough, but even a tough girl might buckle if her prosecutors are her own parents.

CONTENT WARNING: Hot, steamy nights with the colonel’s magic touch

Syphon’s Song, a 2012 Maggie Award of Excellence finalist, is the first book in the Mayflower Mages series. Enchanter’s Echo, Book Two, will be released in 2015. 

Bio: Anise Rae grew up among the cornfields and soybeans of Ohio, dreaming of being a ballerina, an astronaut, and a romance writer. Thanks to her soul-deep love of chocolate and a lack of natural grace, her ballerina dreams floated away as high as the moon, equidistant with the astronaut aspiration. She stuck with writing. Now transplanted to the south, Anise lives in the suburbs of Atlanta with her kids and a dog gifted with the power of finding dirty socks. To learn more about Anise, visit her website or connect with her via Facebook, Twitter and Pinterest.


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33 Responses to “Pucker Up: Writing the Kiss That Makes Readers Melt by Anise Rae”

  1. Loved this post, especially the more technical aspects of a kiss. Some fascinating and useful insights!

    Posted by Sharon Struth | June 11, 2014, 7:29 am
  2. I never knew that part about the man passing testosterone in his saliva. Gosh, you DO learn something new every day, don’t you?

    Don’t know if they inspired me or not, but I was fascinated with this couple who kissed in the parking lot of a restaurant my husband and I were at (we were arriving, the couple was leaving). He leaned her up against his car and went at her. I wish I had sunglasses to wear so I could have stared (although I think I could have stared and they wouldn’t have known). I just found it fascinating that they didn’t care they were outside for anyone to see. And no, they weren’t a young couple. Made it even better!

    Posted by Stacy McKitrick | June 11, 2014, 8:02 am
    • Ah, passion. We could all use a little more of it in our life. Oh to be so bold!

      And my mother always told me you should learn something new everyday. You can check that one off your list for day, Stacy! Thanks so much for sharing!

      Posted by Anise Rae | June 11, 2014, 9:24 am
  3. Awesome post, Anise!

    Posted by Larissa Reinhart | June 11, 2014, 8:08 am
  4. Love this post, Anise! Mwah!:)

    Posted by Terri L. Austin | June 11, 2014, 9:13 am
  5. Really loved hearing about the scientific aspects of smooching! That’ll give me a good cover when I’m caught spying from beneath my sunglasses – I can call it research 😉

    Posted by Lori Schafer | June 11, 2014, 10:40 am
  6. Great post! And your timing is perfect – in the ms I’m working on, the attraction has LOTS to do with pheromones. Your list of “kiss facts” will help me make that scene so much more emotionally intense. Thanks!

    Posted by Frances Brown w/a Claire Gem | June 11, 2014, 10:59 am
    • So glad to hear, Frances/Claire!

      And pheromones definitely play a role. Hormones too. The chemistry of attraction gives romance writers tons of fodder.

      Posted by Anise Rae | June 11, 2014, 3:41 pm
  7. Wow, what a thought-provoking topic!

    “The average person remembers his/her first romantic kiss better than the first time he/she had sex.” I hadn’t thought about it, but this is so true!

    Thanks so much for a fascinating post!

    Posted by Becke Martin Davis | June 11, 2014, 1:17 pm
    • It is true, isn’t it! “A kiss is where the romance is.” I can’t remember who said that. It wasn’t me though. But I think that’s why we remember a first kiss more. It’s all about the connection.

      Posted by Anise Rae | June 11, 2014, 3:48 pm
  8. Loved this! Where are my sunglasses? Better yet, where’s my husby?

    Posted by Wendy Beck | June 11, 2014, 3:33 pm
  9. Hi Anise!

    I love the scientific facts you’ve shared. Your post makes me think about how a kiss (or a touch for that matter) is an action but the underlying emotions and physical response is what supplies the voltage.

    My favorite on screen kiss is from “Message in a Bottle” with Kevin Costner and Robin Wright. Talk about an all-consuming, desperate lip lock.

    My first kiss…I think I was six. It didn’t go well.

    So happy you were able to blog with us today!

    Posted by Jennifer Tanner | June 11, 2014, 3:36 pm
    • I don’t think I’ve ever seen that movie! I’m going to have to check it out.

      Also, I heard through the Facebook grapevine that Thor 2 has a lip lock to die for, but it comes AFTER the credits. I can’t say if this true because I turned off the movie at the credits. Naturally.

      I’m going to have to rent it again and fast forward.

      Thanks so much for having me here, Jen!! I’m wishing you kisses that far exceed your first experience.

      Posted by Anise Rae | June 11, 2014, 3:52 pm
  10. Great post with a lot of excellent detail. I think the best first kiss I’ve ever seen is in the most recent version of Pride and Prejudice with Keira Knightley and Mathew MacFayden. Once again, we had to wait for the end to earn it, but it was worth the wait. X0

    Posted by Gemma Brocato | June 11, 2014, 4:09 pm
  11. Love the last six minutes of “North and South”. So sweet! Richard Armitage described filming it in his interview as a nice way to spend and afternoon. Understatement of the century!

    Posted by Zoe Y | June 12, 2014, 5:50 am
    • I had to look this one up. At first I assumed it was the Civil War mini-series that aired in the 80s, but no! This is a BBC mini-series and it looks almost Jane Austen-ish. I love it when it I find a new show to watch!

      Thank you, Zoe Y! I’ve added it to my Amazon Prime watch list and will be anxiously awaiting those last six minutes!

      Posted by Anise Rae | June 13, 2014, 10:08 pm
  12. So interesting your post. I love writing romance shirt stories and glossed over the kissing bit. I didm/t know how. I’m going to do some re-writing.
    I don’y watch much movies – we sail so other stuff keeps me amused hahah !!!
    As for the very first kiss. I do remember and a few since too.

    Posted by Patricia Storbeck | June 12, 2014, 2:35 pm
  13. An Absolutely Awesome Article!
    Thank you for pointing out all that’s involved in a kiss. I hadn’t given most of this any thought.

    Posted by Connie Terpack | August 4, 2014, 5:42 pm
  14. One of my favorite movie-kisses of all times is from Disney’s The Apple Dumpling Gang.
    “Do you always kiss like that?”
    “I’ve been saving up.”
    It’s glorious!

    Also, though it’s probably not the best example to follow as a romance writer, I really, really love the first kiss in Variant by Robison Wells.
    “Before I left, I kissed her.”
    (That’s it. That’s the whole kiss.)

    And the first kiss between Sophie and Nate in Leverage is great, too. Mostly because it ends with her slapping him. And I always enjoy that.

    I definitely over-analyze kisses ^_^ Thanks for this article, I really enjoyed it! I especially like the bit about keeping dark sunglasses in your writer kit. Very useful advice ^_^

    Posted by Kat!e | May 21, 2015, 2:17 pm
  15. This helped me so much! Thank you. I’m 14 and writing three romance novels right now; I had no idea how to set up the kissing scenes! I have no experience whatsoever and all of the scenes seemed the same. Thank you for explaining it. I hope things’ll go better with the scenes now. 🙂

    Posted by Leola McLeod | May 26, 2015, 5:33 pm
  16. I was delighted that you mentioned Thor’s kiss! He wasn’t actually kissing Natalie Portman in that scene. He was kissing his wife who stepped in as a double (shows, doesn’t it?) One of my favorite kisses in cinema is in Penelope. The movie itself isn’t that phenomonal…but the kiss is second to none.

    Posted by Corinna | August 23, 2015, 2:52 pm
  17. whoa, your name is Rae too??

    Posted by Rae | August 31, 2017, 11:33 pm


  1. […] From Romance University. Pucker Up – Writing The Kiss That Makes Readers Melt, by Anise Rae: Read more… […]

  2. […] and what is writing if not a reflection of the human condition? A few weeks ago in the post Pucker Up: Writing the Kiss that Makes Readers Melt, Anise Rae pointed out that men pass testosterone to their partners in their kisses. This hormone […]

  3. […] from the Romance University blog, JENNIFER TANNER‘s post about kissing scenes is another article I think every romance novelist should read. After all, for some of us, it is the […]

  4. […] Be on the look out for a follow-up post on the emotional build-up to the first kiss. In the meantime, check out this great article on writing the first kiss from Romance University. […]

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