What’s it like to be a man writing romance? What’s it like to be a black man writing romance in a predominantly Caucasian and female romance industry? We are thrilled to have Wayne Jordan here to give us the in-his-shoes perspective on publishing in romantic fiction.

People always ask me – Since you’re a man, what is it like writing romance?
On one level writing and reading romance isn’t easy. I started reading romance while in my teens and I’ll be 50 next year, so it’s been a long time. I endured years of silent ridicule at school, college and even in the workplace because I read romance. For a few years, in the early 1980s, because I thought a literature major should be reading ‘proper’ literature, I gave up my secret fantasy…or should I say fetish.
But as any romance lover knows, it’s not easy to give up reading romance novels, so I returned to the genre. However, I was a bit more mature now, and found that, I really didn’t give two ‘hoots’ what anyone thought of my preference for romance. I was a man who loved reading romance!

In high school, I discovered that I loved writing and ‘had a talent for it’, said my teachers. Scenes from stories would flash in my mind’s eyes, and I’d quickly write them in my never-ending supply of notebooks. Like the stories I read, there would always be a beautiful heroine and a handsome hero. In the stories I created, I would become that hero and in the end too, I’d get my heroine and swoop her into a passionate embrace. Even then, writing romance came naturally. The words flowed freely from my brain. I created wonderful heroes and heroines, placed them in situations with intense, sexual tension, the customary misunderstanding, but eventually I’ve give them their ‘happily-ever-after’.

I submitted my first romance novel years ago (the late 80s), submitted a query and was rejected. Now I look back on that attempt, I’m not surprised that it got rejected. It was almost twenty years later that I submitted my first ‘fit-to-be-published’ manuscript to BET Book for their Arabesque line. I received the CALL. Today, I know a lot more about romance and have published eight books; my ninth, To Love You More, will be released in April 2012 under the Harlequin Kimani Romance line.

However, almost six years after my first book, Capture the Sunrise, went on sale I still feel like the ugly stepbrother of romance. Why? You ask me.

Because, I have two things going against me….I’m still a man (lol) and I’m black.

I’M STILL A MAN
I’m still very much a man writing in a woman’s world and that’s definitely a negative when it comes to writing romance. I’m not saying this is a problem with all readers, but the majority of women still believe that a ‘real’ man can’t write romance.
Have you ever heard these? Or even heard them echoed in your mind?
A man can’t write romance because:
• He would find it difficult to get into the mind of woman.
• He lacks the sensitivity needed.
• He can’t be emotional.
• He can write about sex, but he definitely won’t be able to able to write love scenes.

Crap! Or should I say poppycock!

For me, there are two important factors which define the ‘good’ romance writer. There are others, but these are significant.
1. An individual (male or female) who knows and loves the genre.
2. An individual (male or female) who loves to and knows how to write.
Those are the qualities I possess and have helped me to create the stories I write. I know I’m a good writer. But I also know I still have a lot to learn to become a great writer.

I’M BLACK!
In the world of romance, black writers are the ugly step-sisters! While the acceptance of and respect for African-American romance writers is slowly changing, it’s far from the equal acceptance that should be the norm.

When I started reading romance novels in my teens, I never found it strange that the hero and heroine looked nothing like me. In fact, since my reading at school was comprised of the works of Shakespeare, Keats, Dickens and many of the British elite, I didn’t find it strange at all. It was only when Sandra Kitt’s Harlequin American, Adam and Eva, that I realized that stories could be written about people just like me. In 1999, with the increasing number for African-American romance writers and the growing success of the Pinnacle Arabesque line (eventually sold to BET who created BET Books) I created a website, www.romanceincolor, which focuses on promoting African-American romance authors and their work. Since then, I’ve become a strong advocate for African-American romance. My dreams of being a romance writer changed. I wanted to write about characters who looked just like me.

The state and acceptance of African-American romance in 2011 is still of serious concern to me. The works of African-America continue to be segregated and shelved under the African-American romance, thus limiting the audience potential. While this is technically true, I’m yet to hear a category called Caucasian romance. For me, romance is romance and love is love and has nothing to do with the color of the reader’s or author’s skin. This can change and has to change.

I have the ideal solution. The same way black readers have been embracing books with Caucasians hero/heroines for decades, the reverse is necessary. I read a wide cross section of romance. I have a diverse taste and enjoy all. I read from several Harlequin series lines (Love Inspired Historical, Blaze, Romantic Suspense, Intrigue, Kimani Romance, Superromance, Desire and Presents). Along with this, I read from several other genres (mystery, suspense, mainstream). My favorite authors are Brenda Jackson, Nora Roberts, Beverly Jenkins, Catherine Mann, Mary Balogh, Maureen Smith, Tami Hoag, Marie Force… and the list goes on.

How many of you can say without hesitation that your reading is a diverse are mine; that when you pick up a romance it’s not about the color of the hero and heroine, but the promise of a story that will transport your into a world where love conquers all.

***

What’s on your bookshelf?  What are your thoughts on the distance between the races in romance fiction? Do you have favorite authors who are males writing under a pen name? Do you have any questions for Wayne about how he handles the female perspective in his books?

C.J. Redwine continues her HolyCowAwesome story series on Monday.

***

Wayne is giving away two copies of his July 2011 book, SAVED BY HER EMBRACE to to two lucky commentors

After dumping her cheating boyfriend, Sandra Walters doesn’t trust men…especially men in white coats! So when she runs into Troy Whitehall in Barbados, she vows to steer clear of the heart-stoppingly handsome surgeon. The passion they once shared is something she’ll never forget, but she isn’t going to let down her defenses again. Even if the good doctor has a bedside manner no woman can resist.

BIO

For as long as he can remember, Wayne Jordan loved reading, but he also enjoyed creating his own make believe worlds. This love for reading and writing continued, and in November 2005 his first book, Capture the Sunrise, was published by BET Books. Wayne has always been an advocate for romance, especially African-American romance. In 1999 he founded www.romanceincolor.com, a website that focuses on African-American romance and its authors.  Wayne is a high school teacher and a graduate of the University of the West Indies. He holds a B.A.  in literature and linguistics and an M.A. in applied linguistics. He lives on the beautiful tropical island of Barbados, which, with its white sands and golden sunshine, is the perfect setting for the romance stories he loves to create. Of course, he still takes time out to immerse himself in the latest release from one of his favorite authors.

We are thrilled to have Josh Lanyon with us at RU!  When you think of sexy, well-written, and riveting M/M romance and gay fiction  – Josh is the first one who comes to mind.  His witty, evocative prose and tightly woven mystery plots have created fans of anyone who picks up his novels.  (I picked  up the first Adrien English book and lost a weekend reading all five in the series).  Josh joins us today to discuss key questions to ask when creating believable male characters in your M/M fiction.

The Man in the Grey Flannel Suit

Probably the number one question I’m asked by women hoping to write m/m or gay romance is how to make their main characters believably masculine. Usually the primary concern revolves around the sex scenes, but the sex scenes — the insert tab A into slot C are actually the easy bit and any biology book should be able to tell you what you need to know if you’ve never actually enjoyed sexual relations with a man (or you kept your eyes and ears shut the whole time).

No, while I do totally understand why so many writers prefer to pay closest attention to the most obscure details of sexual relations in the interests of “getting it right,” it’s actually more when it comes to male psychology that most of these books fall flat. Alas, I can’t give you a magical tip for capturing The Male Psychology anymore than one size fits all when it comes to female psychology.

What I can do, though, is offer you five super easy tips for adding believing dimension to your male characters by answering the following questions.

1 – What is your main character’s political affiliation?
I’m not saying turn your character into a vehicle for pushing your own ideological agenda, but it’s fascinating to me how few characters in m/m fiction have any political thought beyond that of gay rights. Most of us identify with a political party and a set of political beliefs. Would it surprise you to know that there are gay Republicans out there? Gay does not automatically equal Liberal. There are gay socialists. Gay independents. Gay people who have never voted and don’t think beyond the next party. And I don’t mean political party.

Your character’s political beliefs probably won’t come up in the course of the story, but thinking them out ahead of time will give you fresh insight into exactly who this man is.

2 – What’s on your main character’s bookshelf?
This is another one that intrigues me — how few characters in m/m romances have ordinary reading habits. They either don’t read at all or they’re fabulously well read and spouting Shakespeare at the drop of a hat. None of them seem to own Kindles or Nooks. Few of them take anything other than a generic newspaper. And yet there’s no better way to get insight into someone than taking a peek at their bookshelf. Likewise, if your character is someone who doesn’t read beyond thumbing through Car and Driver occasionally or looking up a recipe, that tells the reader something too.

Ask yourself: is your main character the kind of guy who kept his treasured childhood favorites? Or was the last thing he read a high school textbook? Does he glance over the National Enquirer headlines while standing in the grocery checkout? Does he subscribe to Mother Jones or the National Review? Does he read Lee Child on long plane flights or Agatha Christie? Does he strictly read non-fiction? Any or all of these mentioned in passing will tell your reader something interesting about the character and make him more real. The character, I mean. Hopefully the reader is real.

3 – Does your character believe in God?
Most of us have some opinion on whether God exists. Again, it doesn’t have to play a role in your story, but answering this question about your character will give you a different perspective on who he is. Almost always it’s going to reveal aspects of his personality that you hadn’t yet considered.

4 – What music does your character listen to?
There’s a standing joke in the mystery genre that all hardboiled PIs listen to jazz. Usually classic jazz, at that. In m/m fiction, an inordinate number of characters listen to classical music or classic rock and roll. Nobody wants their character to confess to a love of musicals or Liza Minnelli or Snow Patrol or Emmy Lou Harris or girl bands or boy bands (unless the characters are in a boy band). But the fact is, almost all of us listen to music.

Think about how interesting you find someone’s taste in music when you’re first falling in love with them. We expect to gain insight into the person through their taste in music — and we’re not far off. Well, think about it. You want your readers to fall in love with your main characters, so it’s only natural that those readers would find your characters’ taste in music of interest.

5 – What does your character wear?
Clothes maketh the man and I’m not talking about boxers or briefs. M/M fiction is clothed mostly in jeans, tee shirts, kilts, and Italian suits. And, yes, it’s about that generic. There’s nothing wrong with any of these choices, it’s just that digging a little deeper will tell us more about the character. What slogan or graphic is on the T-shirt? Or does your guy have an aversion to free advertising? What colors does he like? There’s a difference between a guy who chooses designer jeans and a guy who prefers button fly Levi’s. Is your character self-conscious about his weight? Does he wear pajamas to bed? Does he pay to have his suits tailored? Would he rather be garroted than wear a tie? Does he use shoe trees? Does he travel with garment bags?

There’s a very good chance that having painstakingly answered these questions, you won’t use a single piece of this information in your m/m romance. But having this insight into your characters will make them both easier to write and more grounded and real to your readers.

 ***

Do you struggle with trying to create believable masculine characters? Have you considered writing M/M fiction but are afraid to take the plunge? Josh will be here today to answer your questions.

Stop by Friday when Wayne Jordan, Kimani Press author, talks about being a man who writes romance fiction.

 ***

Three lucky commentors will win a downloadable copy of Josh’s October 2011 release, MUMMY DEAREST

Drew Lawson is on the clock. He’s got twenty-four hours to authenticate the mummy of Princess Merneith and get back in time for his boyfriend’s garden party. What the wound-too-tight professor didn’t calculate in was a centuries-old curse, a reality TV show crew, and handsome, brash Fraser Fortune.

Drew just might not ever make it home in time for that garden party. What’s worse, he just might not care.

Josh also has DEAD RUN coming out on September 13.

Dead Run
Book #4 in the Dangerous Ground series
Contemporary, Action-Adventure, Law Enforcement

The boys are back in town — and Paris is burning!

For Speical Agents of the Department of Diplomatic Security, Taylor MacAllister and Will Brandt, the strain of a long distance relationship is beginning to tell after eleven months of separation. A romantic holiday could be just the thing to bridge the ever-growing distance, but when Taylor spots a terrorist from the 70′s, long believed dead but very much alive, it’s c’est la vie.

Now instead of sipping wine and seeing the sights, the boys are chasing a wily and deadly foe through the graveyards and catacombs of Paris.

Of course, it could always be worse — and soon it is.

Jen: The locales in your books are from places you’ve visited. Do you visit these places with a story in mind or does the story come later?

AC: Unfortunately, the story comes much later. There will inevitably be something or somewhere in the locale I’m writing about that I did not see. For example, in The Treasures of Venice, I wanted to set some key scenes on San Michele en Isola, the Cemetery Isle. Venetians have buried their dead on this little island in the Lagoon for centuries. Of course, the one time I was actually in Venice, I didn’t set foot on the place. Never in my wildest dreams thought I’d have a reason to, since this was several years before I started writing seriously.

Lucky for me, I have a good writer-buddy (yes, YOU, Tina Ferraro) who has family near Venice and she just happened to be visiting them the summer I was writing the book. Not only did Tina force her three teenagers to accompany her to the Cemetery Isle so she could take pictures for me, but she also bought me a map that highlighted all the famous people (like Ezra Pound) who are buried there. She also read and critiqued the chapters set on the Cemetery Isle to make sure I got it right. What a pal!

Jen: I’m amazed by the authentic flavor of the locale in your books. Your latest, The Wild Irish Sea, which encompasses Irish folklore and history with paranormal elements and suspense, is a wonderful example of your ability to capture the essence of the setting. How much time did it take to research the book?

AC:  I hate to admit that most of what I researched for The Wild Irish Sea was the folklore about selkies. I’d already done quite a bit of research on Irish history, art, topography, you name it, for The Wild Sight, and even though they are not set in the same counties, Ireland really is a pretty small island. The spectacular scenery in the north is present whether you are in County Antrim, Derry, or Donegal.

I did spend the better part of a day at the Giant’s Causeway, and I tried to render it as accurately as possible in The Wild Sight. But most of the descriptions in The Wild Irish Sea were based on personal memories that were often spurred by pictures, and of course, my own imagination.

Jen: Which comes first, your characters or the story line?

AC: Definitely the characters. They usually arrive in my mind with their looks and full names intact. Once they start revealing their backstories, then I start to formulate the story line too.

Jen: I’ve noticed all of your heroes all have dark hair. Is that a conscious decision?

AC: They are all of Celtic heritage, and true Celts have dark hair and blue eyes. I’m just sticking with genetics.

Jen: What are you working on now?

AC: What I hope will become a series of books centered around a cruise line. The first one, predictably, has an Irish hero.

Jen: With three books under your belt, did you use the same approach for each of them?

AC: I’m sorry to say that each book was an entirely new writing experience. Sorry because I keep thinking it would be much easier if each book happened the same way. Unfortunately, they didn’t.

My first published book, The Wild Sight, was actually the third one that I wrote, and I did a lot more planning on it than I’d ever done before. I can’t say I really plotted it out, because the story kept going off in different directions than I’d planned, but I always had the basic framework in mind.

My second published book, The Treasures of Venice, was actually the first book I wrote with the express intent to publish. I’d messed around with writing for years and even finished a couple of other books, but when I started writing Treasures, I’d made up my mind that this was IT! I wrote the book that I wanted to read, and I totally pantsed the whole thing. I didn’t even know how it was going to end until I was in the middle of chapter six and I dreamed the ending!

The Wild Irish Sea was a different experience yet again. My editor told me she wanted another Irish book. I’d become fascinated with the subject of twins, and mental telepathy. Then I remembered a beautiful film from the 1990s called The Secret of Roan Inish and I tossed all those ingredients around in my mind and the ultimate result was The Wild Irish Sea. I was very nervous because it was the first book I’d written under contract, and only one of my critique partners was able to stick with me through the writing from beginning to end which was about ten months. Even though my CP told me it was my best work yet, I was still plagued with doubts until I submitted it to my editor and she email, “Congratulations on a beautiful book.”    

Jen: I’m sure everyone wants to know…what’s the most important advice you can give to an aspiring writer?

 AC: Besides Finish The First Draft ( FTFD)? Find yourself a good critique partner or group. Honestly, a good CP is invaluable! Finding one can sometimes be a challenge but once you do, you’ll wonder how you wrote without one. We all know the “real” writing happens during revisions and a good CP will give you the feedback and encouragement to help you to turn out your absolute best work.

Jen: Write to market or write from your heart?

AC: Honestly, do a bit of both. I’d never recommend following a trend because they can come and go so quickly. By the time you recognize something is “hot,” write and submit your book, even if it is accepted, it will easily be another year before it hits the shelf. By then, something else will be “hot.” Or even if you were lucky and got in at the beginning of a trend, unless the book is something you enjoyed writing, I believe your lack of enthusiasm will show.

But on the other hand, if the book of your heart is set during the American Civil War, you should be aware that you will have an uphill battle trying to sell it right now. So an awareness of the market is not a bad thing.

Jen: Would you ever consider writing outside of the romance genre?

AC: Possibly. I hadn’t really considered it. Romance is what I like to read – I must have my Happily Ever After!

Jen: I’ve noticed that all three of your books are available on Kindle. What’s your take on the future of e-books? Do you believe e-books will eventually replace books in print?

AC: Yes, I believe e-books probably will replace print books, but I hope not in my lifetime. There’s just something about the feel and smell and weight of a print book. An electronic reader will never be able to replace that for me.

 Okay, enough of the serious stuff! I’ve got three travel-related quickies for you.

Jen: Your favorite travel accessory.

AC: Those handy little adaptor plugs so that my hair dryer and curling iron work in any country.

Jen: Your next travel destination.

AC: Sorry to disappoint you, but I don’t have one yet. We were scheduled to go on another cruise in January, but the ship was the Splendor – yes, the one that had the engine fire back in November and had no power for like three days. The repairs took longer than the cruise line anticipated and they had to cancel all the December and January cruises.

My DH is talking about another cruise to Alaska at the end of May. He tends to book things at the last minute to get the best deal. That’s how we ended up going to New Zealand last June. Air New Zealand had a two day sale around the middle of May, and we left on June 2^nd!

Jen: Your top three favorite places.

AC: I love every place I’ve visited. Each one has something unique and wonderful to offer, and most all of the people I meet are great! So my favorite places are the ones I haven’t visited yet, like the Greek Isles (I’ve only been to Athens), Croatia, Japan (I’ve only been to the Tokyo airport) and the Panama Canal… OOPS! That’s four, sorry.

Travel and writing are two of Loucinda’s great passions. Do you have any questions for Loucinda about writing, researching exotic locales or travel?

In honor of having Loucinda as our guest on RU today, we thought we’d have a little fun. 

How many cruises has Loucinda taken? The first person who guesses the correct number of cruises wins a $10.00 Amazon gift card. Post your lucky numbers and we’ll announce the winner later in the week.

Wait! There’s more! Loucinda’s generously giving away an autographed copy of her latest book, The Wild Irish Sea, to one lucky commenter today.

Loucinda McGary is the author of three contemporary romantic suspense novels, The Wild Sight, The Treasures of Venice and The Wild Irish Sea.  Loucinda blogs regularly with Romance Bandits (www.romancebandits.blogspot.com) and on her personal blog Aunty Cindy Explains It All (www.auntycindy.blogspot.com).  Please check out her website: www.LoucindaMcgary.com

Welcome back, Tawny!

I’ll admit it, the major hook for me in any romance is the hero.  I love me a sexy hero.  Alpha, beta.  Nerd, Soldier.  Teacher, biker, CEO.  I love ‘em all.  I read romances for the story, of course, but also to fall in love with the hero.

Or I should say, to fall in love—along with the heroine.

Because as hot and sexy and wonderful as the heroes are (and they definitely are, aren’t they!) it’s the heroine that most readers connect with the strongest.  And it’s the heroine that we, as writers, need to focus on to draw readers in to the story.

One of the best pieces of advice I’ve ever gotten in writing was from my uber-awesome editor, Brenda Chin.  She said that the heroine had to be relatable.  The reader falls in love with the hero, but does so through the heroines’ eyes.  She has to be empathetic—someone the reader can identify with in some way.

Does that mean the heroine has to be syrupy sweet perfection?  Of course not.  Does it mean she has to be a good girl, an average woman, a just-like-Jane-up-the-street character?  Not at all.

She has to be relatable in some small way, so the reader can feel an affinity with her.

In my first book, DOUBLE DARE, Audra was a bad girl in every way.  She was super-sex, with spiked black hair, wore leather and had multiple piercings.  She was wild, ambitious and overly-confident in herself.  She wasn’t the average woman at all.  But I received so much mail about her from readers who said they didn’t think, when they started reading, that they’d understand or relate to her at all. But to their surprise, she was just like them.  Not in any of the ways I’ve already described, but in her deepest fear.  Her need to be accepted and fear of chasing her dreams at the expense of the status quo.

Because really, everything else is just surface.  It’s the emotions that we capture our readers with.  It’s the character’s emotional journey that they’re interested in.

And what if you, as the writer, are nothing like the heroine you’re writing?  I can’t speak for all writers, but for myself, it’s all about finding that emotional connection. What does the heroine fear?  What does she dream of?  These are powerful motivations that both drive her, and that in the heroines I’ve written, I can relate to.  In many ways, their fears and dreams are universal.  They are the same fears and dreams that I have, that many of my friends have, that I’ve seen played out over and over again. It’s finding that emotional connection, as a writer and as a reader, which makes our heroines so wonderful to take that romantic journey with.

An example would be my current heroine, Rita Mae Cole, in A BABE IN TOYLAND, a novella in the December Harlequin Blaze MUST HAVE BEEN THE MISTLETOE anthology.  She’s a bad girl (I have to say, I do love to write the bad girls, and even more those sexy bad boys).   She’s making her way home for the holidays by selling misfit sex toys, has no problem seducing the guy her family has the hates for, and is so flighty she’s never been able to hold down a job for more than six months.  None of this spells relatable, although it does make for some fun writing and reading *g*

It was her emotions, though, that readers can connect with, even if they’d could never-EVER imagine themselves selling the Tyrannosaurus Sex of dildos out of the back of a pickup truck to make enough money to buy their parent’s a gift.

Rita Mae is the youngest of three sisters, and has always felt like the biggest loser in her family.    No matter what she’s done, one of her sisters already did it better.  They are more talented, smarter, better.  She loves her family, but she seriously wonders if someone made a mistake at the hospital, because she has none of their gifts.   It’s her dedication to her family, and her fears and self-doubts, that make her relatable.  And because the reader can connect with that, they are able to laugh about the way she packages fur-lined handcuffs and edible body paint into Christmas stockings instead of cringe.

Rita Mae’s story, A BABE IN TOYLAND, is out now in the MUST HAVE BEEN THE MISTLETOE Blaze anthology.   I hope people will check it out and let me know what they think… did they relate to Rita?  I’d also love to invite readers to stop by and check out the contest I’m holding to celebrate the holidays and the release of my novella, A BABE IN TOYLAND.  I’ll be giving away the sweetest chocolate truffle ornament – it looks good enough to eat – and a copy of one of my books.  Details are on my website contest page.

***

RU Crew, have you ever had a tough time writing about a particular heroine? What gives you fits about character development? Tawny will drop by to answer question. And don’t forget she’ll give away a book from her backlist to one lucky commenter!

Join us Friday when Harlequin Super Romance author Liz Talley will talk about taking your readers for an emotional roller coaster ride!

Tawny’s Bio:

Tawny Weber is usually found dreaming up stories in her California home, surrounded by dogs, cats and kids.  When she’s not writing hot, spicy stories for Harlequin Blaze, she’s shopping for the perfect pair of boots or drooling over Johnny Depp pictures (when her husband isn’t looking, of course).  In December 2010, her ninth Blaze, A BABE IN TOYLAND hits the bookshelves.  Come by and visit her on the web at www.tawnyweber.com.

In February 2009, I stepped away from writing for adults to try a young adult novel after attending a meeting where students, teachers and librarians discussed reluctant (insert young male) readers. The average male teen isn’t interested in books about kick-ass heroines who defeat the bad guys without assistance and score a date to the prom in the process. He doesn’t want to read about her relationship angst over problems with her mother, sister, best friend, etc., or about boys who act like wimps. Reaching guys requires books populated with realistic boys facing issues they relate to.

The teenage phenomena

At no time in our lives do we experience greater feelings of passion and power than during our teen years. Teens form and break social bonds almost daily, and yet make unbreakable, lifelong friendships. They think themselves superior to most adults although they secretly ache for validation from the grownups in their lives. They care how their peers perceive them and long to attract the attention of the opposite sex. They want to show-off their mastery of the world even as they struggle with self-doubt, raging hormones and self-esteem issues.

And that’s only the guys.

Boys and girls have more in common with each other than either has with adults of the same gender. But changing gender isn’t as simple as changing a name from “Jane” to “Jim” and using a few masculine pronouns. When my daughter started day care she came home and told me she was a boy—the creatures who ran around, shouted, climbed and built things while girls sat politely and played with dolls. I had to tell her that wishing would not make it so. Decades later I found myself using mind over matter to make myself a boy, at least temporarily.

Boys are NOT girls with a few anatomical differences

I studied my subjects like an anthropologist. Read books and talked to male friends and sought out social workers, teachers, and counselors; all to learn which of my pre-conceptions were real and which based on T.V. and Hollywood. Mostly I stalked teenaged boys. I haunted high schools, attended sporting events and hung out at concerts. My first observation was that no one can ignore the unwanted like a teenage male. The old lady in the corner taking notes was accepted as part of the scenery.

Second, I learned that he is VERY interested in sex. I was told by adult males that no matter how much I had my teen male character think about sex I would never approach reality. His brain isn’t used to surging testosterone levels and struggles for control. Teen girls may get hot and tingly around boys; your average teen boy deals with ten or more erections a day. Imagine finding yourself aroused, discomforted, confused and distressed simultaneously AND in public.

They may not admit it, but friendships are as important to boys as girls. They usually don’t talk about feelings except around girls (because thanks to that testosterone thing he’ll even say the mushy stuff to gain her attention) but he wants friends. Turns out guys really can bond via an argument or even a fight, and body-boxing is one of their favorite ways to show they care.

Sight is the important sense for teenaged boys; almost every other sense is ignorable. This is no problem for him, but it is for an author trying to describe the sensory setting from his POV. My adult male beta readers unanimously nixed the idea that a male high school athlete would describe locker room scents. If the boy even noticed the smell he’d be branded a wimp by readers. Add in an ability to exclude any distraction and teen males become nightmare POV characters to work with. Yet female readers expect these descriptions, so compromises with reality have to be made.

Speech is another problem area for us as writers. Our readers want dialog, yet the typical teenaged boy believes in short, clipped sentences, and won’t use two words if one will do. And most act like they get double points for using gestures instead of words. When they do speak, profanity is often a major part of their vocabulary.

The Goal-Motivation-Conflict paradigm provides additional issues. Impulse control, planning and foresight are still works-in-progress. Surging testosterone levels combine with a belief in his own invulnerability and a brain that seldom considers the possibility that anything might go wrong. The idea that many young men act first and think about reasons why later—if at all—doesn’t bother scientists who point to the forebrain and talk about myelination rates and maturation. It sometimes doesn’t even bother the boy involved. But their impulsivity means trouble for authors trying to write believable scenarios for readers who need to know Why did he do that?

Putting it all together

Sometimes I had to bend realism to keep girls from being turned off by the thoughts going on inside the hero’s head. But that’s what writers do—manipulate reality to provide the reader with an extraordinary and enjoyable experience. My compromises aren’t critical to recreating the boy world, my teen male Voice remains rough at the edges. My hero is a composite of countless guys who joke and argue and remain fiercely loyal to friends and family members; who show off when girls are around and then lay back and become themselves again once they are alone. Boys aren’t clones or stereotypes, no one is solely the jock or only the geek or just the bad guy. Each must be written so they are as unique and three-dimensional as any female character.

***

BIO:

B. A. Binns is the pseudonym of Barbara Binns, a Chicago Area author who writes to attract and inspire both male and female readers with stories of “real boys growing into real men…and the people who love them.”  She is a member of RWA (Romance Writers of America), SCBWI (Society of Children’s Book Writers and Illustrators) and YALSA (Young Adult Library Services Association). She finds writing an exercise in self discipline, and the perfect follow-up to her life as an adoptive parent and a cancer survivor.

PULL, her debut YA novel published by WestSide books, chronicles a young man’s journey from guilt and the fear that biology forces him to repeat his father’s violence, to the realization that his future lies in his own hands.

For more information visit http://www.babinns.com.

RU Crew, today we’ve snagged a fascinating interview subject, Alex Maddow, the hero in Tawny Weber’s September release

. Alex is here with me on a beautiful beach at the Sea of Cortez (near Baja California for the geographically-challenged

Kelsey: Alex, I understand you’re an astrophysicist. #1: What is an astrophysicist? And #2: What inspires a guy to become one? (We’ve settled onto a couple of colorful beach towels facing the surf, and I’m trying not to stare. This guy—with his killer body—looks nothing like any science nerd I ever knew in school!)

Alex:  (He leans back on his elbows, totally unaware of how this showcases his abs.) Astrophysics is basically the study of physics in space.  The project I just assisted Drucilla studied the interplay of cosmic strings, hydrogen gas and gravitational influences. My dad and grandfather were astrophysicists, so you could say it’s a family thing.  I don’t remember ever wanting to be anything else.  I fast tracked through school – I started college at sixteen.

Kelsey: You’re obviously a smart guy, which means you were a smart kid. Tell me a little about how other kids treated you.

Alex: (His auburn hair reflects the intense mid-day sunlight.) I never quite fit in with the other kids.  I had friends.  Usually kids on the beach, in the neighborhood who liked to play ball.  That kind of thing.  I was always into sports, so that helped people ignore the brainiac tendencies, making it easier to fit in.

Kelsey: Your profession sounds intense. How do you chill out in your spare time?

Alex: (He turns to me, pulls off his sunglasses and smiles. I knew it! Warm brown eyes that crinkle slightly at the corners.) I surf.  I spend at least three months a year hitting the waves.  Nothing brings life back into perspective than flying through the ocean mist.  It used to be, the only time I felt at peace was when I was surfing. Now?  It’s amazing how great I feel just being around Drucilla.  The woman is amazing!

Kelsey: You sound pretty well-rounded—smarts and surfing. So what scares you to death?

Alex: (He frowns and covers up those incredible eyes with his shades.) Following in my father’s footsteps.  Being all about the work, locked up in a lab somewhere, ignoring life around me.  I love what I do, but it’s easy to obsess with a theory.  The men in my family suck at relationships, too.  I don’t want to end up ruining the best thing that’s ever happened to me.  But my mom rocks, and she’s always been there to teach me balance.

Kelsey: I’ve heard psychologists say that men are often attracted to women who remind them of their mothers? Would you agree?

Alex: (Huffs out a little laugh.) Now that’s not an image I want to consider for too long.  I mean, I love my mom and all, but attraction?  Other than maybe their sweet nature, Drucilla and my mom are nothing alike.  Dru is a little obsessive about the work.  She’s more like my dad when it comes to that – totally focused on success.  I’ve been there, seen that, though, so I’m good at talking her off that ledge and back to the fun side of life.

Kelsey: What’s the one question you hoped I wouldn’t ask in this interview?

Alex:  (He ducks his head and then looks back up at me.) Well, I was hoping we could sidestep that whole ‘why did you almost ruin the best relationship of your life and blow it with Drucilla’ question.

Kelsey: (From the intensity in every line in his body, I can tell this Drucilla is one lucky woman.) And the answer is?

Alex: (Shakes his head.) Aww man, I really don’t know.  I mean, maybe it’s like Dru says, maybe I was so afraid of being like my father and  hurting people who loved me, that I sorta sabotaged things so she wouldn’t get hurt. But see, that makes me sound like an idiot.  I hurt her so she wouldn’t get hurt?  Yeah, really dumb.

Kelsey: Thanks so much for the interview, Alex. Good luck with that Dru problem!

Alex: Thanks. Later, Kels.

***

Okay, RU Crew. This is your chance to grill Alex. What’s really going on with him and Drucilla? What’s he doing hanging out at the Sea of Cortez instead of working in his lab? And feel free to toss out questions to Tawny as well!

Join us Friday when Laurie Schnebly Campbell talks about creating your hero’s fatal flaw. (Hmm…wonder what Alex’s fatal flaw is??)

Tawny’s Bio:

Tawny Weber is usually found dreaming up stories in her California home, surrounded by dogs, cats and kids.  When she’s not writing hot, spicy stories for Harlequin Blaze, she’s shopping for the perfect pair of boots or drooling over Johnny Depp pictures (when her husband isn’t looking, of course).  In September 2010, her eighth Blaze, RIDING THE WAVES hits the bookshelves.  Come by and visit her on the web at www.tawnyweber.com.

There are differences between the way men and women fight.  Some are physical due to size and strength discrepancies.  Others are psychological or physiological.

Good fighters, male or female, know what works for them.  They train moves to see how their own bodies respond and to find out if they are able to make different techniques work.  For self-defense/combat fighting, it’s important to practice the moves on opponents of varying sizes, shapes and abilities.  A 250 pound male isn’t going to be as easy to hip throw as a 130 pound female.  But the biggest guy goes down like a tree if you sweep his feet out from under him.  Conversely, leg sweeps are harder to accomplish on short, stocky men.

Smaller size can be put to advantage. Men in my classes sometimes comment that it’s harder for them to do certain holds, locks and traps on women. Larger hands have difficulty maintaining intricate grips on slender limbs.  Sometimes women can slide right on out.  Joint locks are harder to perform on women because females are naturally more flexible.  It can also be harder to knock a woman off balance because her center of gravity is lower.

Women need to use leverage as much as possible when fighting and to avoid being hit. TV and movie fights aside, in reality, one fist to the face is devastating to a woman’s small bones.  A trained female fighter also isn’t going to slug a guy in the jaw.  It’s her bones that will break in that contest as well.  Strikes to soft targets are a female’s best bet. Kicks/knees to the groin or belly allow a woman to use the largest muscles in her body, her legs, to deliver a blow to a man’s weakest points, which fall in a straight line from a man’s face to his groin.  If hand strikes to the face are required, then a woman should use a heel palm instead of a fist to keep her fingers intact.  A chop or half-fist (fingers bent at the second joint) fits nicely in the throat.  Eyes can be gouged with fingers or thumbs.

I’ve found that my female students are often more technically correct.  Because of their smaller size, women have to be more precise. If they don’t perform the maneuver perfectly, it won’t work on someone with a hundred pound weight advantage.  Men can muscle over technical errors.

In addition to size/strength issues, men are hard-wired differently than women.  Males are naturally more aggressive.  They have a reflex in their brain. When they are struck, they automatically strike back with equal force. (This is another reason why women should never initiate a striking match with a man.  She’s better off leveraging her body into an optimal position for a crippling blow to a soft target.)   Young male fighters often have to learn to control their natural responses in order to keep a cool head.  Strategy is a critical element to any fight.  There exception to every rule, but most women will avoid physical confrontation until they’re backed into a corner or their children are threatened.

In my own experience, I’ve found that in the sparring ring, men will come right out swinging.  Women, myself included, tend to hand back and wait.  They fight reactively.  I like to get a sense of my opponent’s style.  Then I wait for him to commit to a strike and use his momentum against him.

All in all, size and gender do matter.  The best way for a fighter to overcome physical and psychological differences is by using the most important organ in the human body:  the brain.

More than a decade ago, Melinda Leigh left a career in banking to raise her children and never looked back. She began writing romantic suspense when her youngest child entered first grade as a way to preserve her sanity and put to use the overactive imagination that caused her so much trouble as a child. She is the winner of the Put Your Heart in a Book, Marlene, Where The Magic Begins and Gateway to the Best contests.

She holds a 2nd degree Black Belt in Kenpo Karate and studies Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu and Muay Thai kickboxing. She’s also a certified women’s self defense instructor with the Fight Like A Girl program. When she’s not writing or practicing martial arts, Melinda lives in a chaotic house with her husband, two kids, and too many pets.

For more information on Melinda, please visit www.melindaleighauthor.com and Attacking the Page: a blog about martial arts and writing

Wayne Levine chatted with some men about a very sensitive topic, whether or not they fantasize about other women while they’re intimate with their significant others. If you’re easily offended by

either the truth or crude language, today’s lecture may not be for you. However, for me the topic is like a train wreck—wrenching—yet I’m absolutely unable to look away.

Here’s Wayne…

This month I’m playing the role of middleman. Adrienne asked some male friends whether they fantasized about other women during sex. Being the bright men that they are, they either: refused to answer, danced as fast as they could, or benefited from some well-timed distractions or natural disasters.

And so, the RU ladies came to me. That’s my business. You come to me for the hard-to-get stuff, the info others haven’t the cojones to handle. This job takes real men…and real confidentiality.

Now, I have a wife. She can read. Though she’s not so interested in following my every word—after almost 30 years—with my luck, she’d read this. So I’ll just moderate this one.

I posed the question to the men of our BetterMen Community.  Below you’ll find their responses. Perhaps next month we can find out whether you women fake orgasm with your significant other. And if so, when and why?

Men, it’s all yours:

The question: Have you fantasized about other women while having sex with your wife or significant other? Tell us what or who you fantasized about and why. Also, do you have any feelings, positive/negative/neutral about having done so?

Man #1: I always fantasize about another sexy women while having sex with my wife. She could be a girlfriend, or her girlfriend, or just someone that I had recently come in contact with. Could just be a 30-second chat at the grocery store.

Anyways, we had a few sessions with a Pilates instructor who she [my wife] knows and we discussed wanting to have a threesome with her, but never did.  However, I’ve had plenty of fantasies about it while we’re doing what we do.

Man #2: This is an easy one!
 
After having sex with the same woman for a while, it’s the fantasy of that hot chick that you saw earlier that day or week that keeps us going, especially while getting a blowjob!
 
I believe men weren’t built to just have sex with one woman for long extended periods of time. But that’s what our society has deemed to be the proper relationship with a woman.
 
If it weren’t for the fantasy of fucking that other woman while fucking your partner, I sincerely believe that the majority of men would stop fucking all together, especially those married to out of shape, unattractive women! Although, I’m not suggesting sex with your partner can’t be intimate from time to time. I do believe those intimate occasions are sparked by either an event that brought the couples closer together for a period, or as a man, you feel your partner may not be into you any longer and you want to reconnect with her. Otherwise, most of us are fucking our fantasy women while having sex with our partners.

Man #3: Yes, I do this, but not very often, maybe 5%-10% of the time. For me it tends to be someone I know that I fantasize about, not a random person that I saw that day. Can’t really say why. It is not always someone who is really hot. I think it is more about the thought of something different that is exciting. My feelings are neutral. I think it is pretty normal, I don’t obsess over it, and I still have fun times with the wife.

Man #4: I have done it few times, and only when I have the hots for another women in our circle of friends (usually married, untouchable women). That’s the closest I can get to those women without taking any risk. My feelings are neutral and my curiosity to hear these fantasy women moaning and reacting to the pleasures of my lovemaking still remains. I have to watch out not to mentioned their names during sex.

Man #5: If I need to I do it.  Not too often because it distracts from the intimacy, but sometimes you just need to get the job done. 

And then there’s this:

Man #6: I do not fantasize about other woman while having sex with my wife.  In fact, it’s wild considering our very healthy physical life (or maybe that’s why)…any sexual fantasizing I do is about her. Maybe our situation is unique.

Man #7: At first I thought not to respond – just too busy and not interested. Well, after reading a number of responses to Wayne’s question, I thought is was time someone should weigh in on the other side. I do not use fantasies of other women when making love to my woman. I have chosen (it is a choice, not a “falling into”) to love my wife and am turned on by our intimacy. While the “physical” stuff is part of it – the far greater portion of the “turn on” is intimacy – the love I have for this woman. And, in fact, when an occasion arises (no pun intended) that I choose to masturbate, the fantasies of my wife are a far bigger turn on than a Penthouse girl – a Penthouse girl may be interesting, but it is the thoughts of my wife and how I feel when we make love that is most stimulating.!!!
 
So…, I do not relate to most of the comments from the men. I do believe most guys “have it all wrong.” I am 67 and my wife is 70 and I have had the best sex of my life in the last 10 years. My wife is dying of cancer, so the sexual part of our marriage has declined in the last months, and we are entering a new phase of our relationship. But my memory of our lovemaking will stay with me.
 
Thank you, men.

© 2010 BetterMen

*** 

Whew, I’ll admit this was an intense one today! And I’m not completely sure which question to pose to our readers. So maybe some general reactions to the topic? And do you want to know if your guy fantasizes about others while in bed with you?

Join us Thursday when Jeannie Ruesch of Will Design for Chocolate returns for the final lesson on websites. This installment concentrates on multi-published authors and what they can add to a website to enhance the experience and connection with readers. On Friday, Theresa Stevens helps us ground flying body parts.

Wayne’s Bio:

Wayne M. Levine, M.A. is the director of the West Coast Men’s Center in Agoura Hills, CA, where he coaches and mentors men, and facilitates men’s groups. He also created the BetterMen Retreats for men, and for fathers and sons. In addition, Wayne is the founder of BetterMen.org, a life coaching and mentoring resource for men.

Wayne’s interest in men’s issues began in the early ‘90s with his participation in men’s work activities. His experiences with men’s groups, as a participant, leader and program developer, taught Wayne to “father” men and to support them in making difficult and important changes in their lives.

He earned his Master’s in Clinical Psychology from Antioch University/Los Angeles. Wayne also received his BA in journalism and graduated Magna Cum Laude and Phi Beta Kappa from the University of Southern California.

Wayne’s been married to his first and only wife, Ria, for over 25 years and is the proud daddy of Emma, Austin and the family’s menagerie of animals.  Wayne strives to be a better man, husband and father each day in Oak Park, CA.

Sarah will stop by later this afternoon to answer your questions.

The class is yours, Sarah!

Many adults have been hearing about the crazy obsession that seems to have consumed the teenage/young adult world; the Twilight Saga. T-shirts, posters, buttons, mugs, bumper stickers…in a “gimmie-more,” capitalistic society the Twilight series has whipped up a frenzy that is as intoxicating as it is profitable. Most adults are questioning why their children, grandchildren, nieces, etc…, have become so fixated with this series. Having been fifteen when the first book was released, I have a pretty good hold on why the masses are becoming so consumed with everything Twilight. Atfifteen, with hormones raging and such a limited scope of what the “real world” is like, teenage girls’ thoughts are overrun by boys, dating, and love. So when a book comes out that has somehow successfully married all of these ideas and then proceeds to add a hot werewolf and a sexy vampire into the mix, you can bet money that it’s going to be the next BIG thing. On the surface, you might be wondering what is so appealing about a dead guy who sucks blood and a feverish wolf boy with a bad temper.

Let’s go Team Edward for a moment. Edward is a 17 year old boy who has been the same age since 1918. His life began in a time where women were meant to be treasured and cared for. Consider how well he would treat you, being from the early 1900s and having completely different standards and morals than say a 17 year old boy born in 1990. In 1918, a man wooed a woman, courted her, and showered her with affection and gifts. Fast forward to 2010 and I can barely get my boyfriend to remember to put the toilet seat down. Despite the way relationships function now-a-days, the idea of a chivalrous gentleman who will open doors, write you musical lullabies and save you from danger still makes women’s hearts go pitter patter. Perhaps the most romantic thing Edward has going for him is that while he has spent the past 100 years of existence as a vampire, never before has he found anyone he wanted to be with for eternity until he met Bella. Furthermore, he is willing to risk the torture of his insatiable desire for her blood – he goes against his very nature, his own carnal instinct, to continue to love her. What teenage girl wouldn’t want to be “the one”?

Team Jacob is not to be out done though. His most appealing quality is that of his happy and outgoing personality. He has fun with life–enjoys every second of every day, because he has a sense of aging. Another of Jacob’s most valuable traits is that although he turns into a wolf sometimes, he’s also human. He is a living, breathing, being. He can relate to Bella on being a confused growing teenager because he’s actually getting older. Although Jacob is only 16 and hasn’t been around for 100 years, his maturity level is sky high. He knows he wants Bella and loves her so he’s going to do everything he can to be with her. Even if that means being there for her while she’s pining over another guy. In the series, Bella and Jacob develop a very strong bond and become the best of friends. In our real life relationships we all look for a lover and a best friend in one, which is why so many people think that Jacob is the right choice for Bella. He, like Edward, is willing to do whatever it takes to keep Bella safe from harm. With his inhuman strength and speed, protecting her comes easy to him. Bella means the world to him and he won’t let anything or anyone get in the way of his love for her.

The battle of who is better for Bella will continue until the Twilight hype decreases, so Team Edward and Team Jacob are here to stay. The fans of both the novels and movies have their own opinions about who is better than who but the main points are clear on both sides. If you appreciate a cultured, world traveler, who shimmers in the sun, Edward is your man. If you long for strolls under the full moon, puppy dog eyes, and a warm, kind-hearted heart throb, Jacob is your man.

If you’re smart, like Bella, you’ll let both of these men fight over you!

* * *

Thanks, Sarah!!

RU Crew, which are you–Team Jacob or Team Edward? Inquiring minds want to know. Well, I do ’cause I’m just nosey, er, inquisitive that way.

Curious about paranormal? Wondering what it takes to succeed as a writer in this ever-popular sub-genre? Then stop by on Friday to hear what authors Angie Fox and Erin Kellison and Dorchester’s editorial director Leah Hultenschmidt have to say!

Welcome, Dr. Debra!

A few days ago, I received a newsletter from my publicist, Annie Jennings, where she wrote of an incident she’d recently observed. She was at a bagel shop, and she saw a woman, laden with food and coffee, walk out the door behind a man. He didn’t notice her, and she ended up becoming squashed as the door closed on her. The man continued on, oblivious.

Annie freed the woman and watched as she scurried after the man. In Annie’s words, “She was gaining on him, little by little, but he did not notice. She could have been hit by a car right behind him, and he would not notice. I was horrified when I realized he was her husband.”

After I read the newsletter, I continued to think about the story.  For one thing, it made me thankful to have a boyfriend who’s a gentleman. Don would never squash me in the door. Instead, he’d hold it open for me. But he can still have those male moments, one of which occurred a few hours after I read Annie’s newsletter when we attended church.

As the service concluded, our beautiful, world-class pianist played “On the Wings of Love.” I started to leave, but Don, instead of following me like usual, stood watching the piano. I could see he was enraptured by the music.

Don walked toward the piano as if mesmerized, leaving me waiting at the pew. He never glanced behind him to see what I was doing. I stood there for a few seconds, remembering Annie’s story and feeling amused that a harmless and mild version of that woman’s experience was now happening to me. I sat down in our pew to wait until the spell ended.

These two examples illustrate something about the male brain that women don’t understand and often take personally:  The corpus callosum (the bundle of fibers that link the left and right brain hemispheres) is thinner in the male brain by about 10%, with as much as 30% fewer connections. A man has a harder time crossing his brain hemispheres. This means LESS information is exchanged between the two sides. However, this gives him GREATER ability to focus on a specific task, often to the exclusion of everything not relevant to him at the time.

Therefore, male brains are organized for monotracking. Men have difficulty concentrating on more than one thing at a time. For example, a brain scan while a man is reading or at the computer will show he’s mostly deaf.

A woman, with her thicker corpus callosum, has the physical ability to connect and relate large pieces of information. This allows her to see the “big picture” and remember more details. Therefore she’s good at multitasking. (She wouldn’t leave her husband trapped in the door.)

As for Don and I, if the situation were reversed, I probably would have said something to him before wandering over to the piano: “This is my favorite song. Please, wait a minute.” Or “I want to hear this. I’ll meet you outside.”

While this excuses Don becoming beguiled by the music and forgetting me, it doesn’t excuse the man who left his wife trapped in the door. I’ll bet he’s probably a man who often forgets his wife, not showing her the gentlemanly courtesy and attention she deserves. And perhaps her self-esteem is so low, she doesn’t realize she deserves better.

Thinking about Annie’s story also made me remember a man I’d briefly dated. Mike was a nice, attractive, intelligent man. But he also had a very male-focused brain.

On one of our first dates, we attended a Bruce Springsteen concert. As we walked through the crowded parking lot, threading through the cars, he kept striding away from me. I was tempted to stop walking and see how long it would take before he realized I wasn’t behind him. Even through, I knew what was happening wasn’t about me, but about his male focus on getting us into the concert hall, I couldn’t help becoming a little frustrated. I finally grabbed his hand, so we could stay together. Not a romantic start to the evening.

So, what does this mean for your romance hero? If you’re writing romance, you don’t want a man who loses his focus on the heroine. That means if he’s watching his favorite football team play a championship game, between plays, thoughts of her still need to creep into his mind. (And not just when he wants her to fetch him a beer or he’s watching the cheerleaders bounce around.) This is probably why we don’t see a lot of sport game scenes in romances.

On the other hand, your hero needs to have that male focus when it’s necessary and realistic for the story. For example, I’m often frustrated by books and movies where the hero stops to TALK in the middle of the action, especially if the scene is supposed to be suspenseful. If he’s trying to keep them safe, that will be his focus, not stopping to romance her.

And make sure that no matter how rough-hewn your hero or how tough your heroine, you show the reader that he treats her in a way that shows she’s special to him.

###

If you want to learn more about men, sign up for my August online class, Understanding Men.

***

So RU crew, what questions do you have for Dr. Debra today? And do you believe women can ever truly understand men and vice versa?

Due to the late post, we’re going to give away one of our RU leather pocket jotters to a random commenter.  Thanks for your patience!

Be sure to stop by Friday when Laurie Schnebly will be here to talk about the personality ladder. Sounds like some good character development help!

Dr. Holland holds a master’s degree in Marriage, Family, and Child Therapy, and holds a PhD in Counseling Psychology from the University of Southern California, and is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist.  She has twenty-one years of experience counseling with individuals, couples, and groups.

Dr. Holland is a popular psychotherapist, consultant, and speaker on the topics of communication difficulties, relationships, stress, and dealing with difficult people.  She is a featured expert for the media, and does entertainment consulting.