Hi, I’m a romance author with my debut ready to go out sometime this year. However, the date has been pushed back because of my bad grammar. My publisher wants me to fix certain things such as “wandering body parts”.
She gave me examples such as:

I would write “She tossed her chin over her shoulder”

Would the right way be: “She jerked her head around”?

 Another example:  “Her fingers raked through the hair on his chest” when I should say it as “She ran her fingers through the hair on his chest”. I love to write but always had a weakness with grammar. I’d be happy to get the help and if there’s a site or guideline you know I can go to, or if you can answer this, let me know.

I’m also real bad with sex scenes. I try to describe a position or action and it wouldn’t make sense to some people. I wonder if there’s a site that offers pointers in writing these sex scenes.

I appreciate your time and looking forward to hearing from you.

 Sincerely,

 Nona Sebastian

 Hi, Nona,

Thanks for the question, and congratulations on your sale.  The problem of wandering body parts is a common one, so common, in fact, that my friends and I used to trade egregious examples like little boys with baseball cards.  Some particular favorites from my old file:

Her eyes flew across the room.  (Did they sprout wings when they sprung loose from the sockets?)

His feet raced down the hill.  (I always wondered which foot won that race.)

Her ass beat time with the drums.  (I don’t even want to know how her ass held the drumsticks.)

In my experience, the source of the problem is usually the verb.  By that I mean that the action being ascribed to the body part is not one that can logically occur.

Let’s take a look at your first sample sentence.

“She tossed her chin over her shoulder”

When we think of someone tossing something, the motion usually involves using the hands to propel an object away from the body.  In this case, your sentence implies that she has somehow detached her chin from her face and thrown it over her shoulder.  We know this can’t be correct.

There is a secondary meaning with this verb, one that comes up in phrases such as, “She tossed her hair over her shoulder,” or, “She tossed her head.”  In both cases, the verb is describing a motion of the head rather than a motion with the hands. The problem with using the verb in this sense with the direct object chin is that the chin is not separate from the head.  She cannot toss her chin without tossing her entire head.

The cure for this problem is careful editing and attention to the nuances of verbs.  Whenever you name a body part in a sentence, identify the verb describing any action or motion of that body part.  Can this body part actually act in this way?  If the answer is yes, then you should be fine.  But don’t be too quick to answer yes.  Open your dictionary and check it.  Compare the definition in your dictionary to definitions in online dictionaries or to other words listed in the thesaurus.  This process will often reveal subtle shades of meaning that might make you question whether you actually have the right verb.

The second step is to question whether just one part of the body performs the action or whether it’s the entire person.  For example, in our sentence,

His feet raced down the hill

his feet don’t race by themselves.  His entire body is moving.  He might be noticing how quickly his feet are moving in his haste to get to the bottom, but his feet don’t cross the finish line while his arms and legs are still in the starting gate.

My guess is that you’re experiencing a similar problem in the sex scenes.  Sex scenes are loaded with body parts doing all sorts of inventive things.  Edit carefully to make sure that the verbs describe an action which is physically possible.  For me, personally, I have no problem with the sentence,

“Her fingers raked through the hair on his chest”

because in all of my dictionaries (and I checked three), a secondary meaning for rake was to scratch, which is something that fingers can easily do. And it’s just the fingers (not the whole body) performing the act of raking. (Your editor might object to this sentence for other reasons, though, and the only way to find out what she means is to ask her directly.)

It does become easier with practice, and before long, nobody’s body parts will wander in unexpected ways.

Got a question for the editor? Email it to askaneditor at romanceuniversity dot org.

* * *

Theresa, thanks for the lesson on flying body parts.  Thank you also to Nona for sending in her letter.

Join us on Monday when author Christi Barth joins us to talk about small publishers. 

Theresa’s Bio:  

Theresa Stevens is the Publisher of STAR Guides Publishing, a nonfiction publishing company with the mission to help writers write better books. After earning degrees in creative writing and law, she worked as a literary attorney agent for a boutique firm in Indianapolis where she represented a range of fiction and nonfiction authors. After a nine-year hiatus from the publishing industry to practice law, Theresa worked as chief executive editor for a highly acclaimed small romance press, and her articles on writing and editing have appeared in numerous publications for writers. Visit her blog at http://edittorrent.blogspot.com/ where she and her co-blogger share their knowledge and hardly ever argue about punctuation.

Hello, everyone!

Join Romance University this week as we cover the gamut from refocusing on your writing, whether men fantasize about other women, connecting with readers via your website and grounding those flying body parts!

Mon 7/12 – Crafting Your Career: Find out how a PERT chart helped Sally Bayless recognize her lack of writing discipline. She’ll walk us through the drastic steps she took to refocus on her writing.

Wed, 7/14 – Anatomy of the Male Mind: RU once again goes where few others dare. Wayne Levine asks some men if they fantasize about other women while making love to their wives. A not to miss lecture!

Thu, 7/15 – Special Lecture: Jeannie Ruesch of Will Design for Chocolate returns for the final lesson on websites. This installment concentrates on multi-published authors and what they can add to a website to enhance the experience and connection with readers.

Fri, 7/16 – Chaos Theory of Writing: Join us for Ask An Editor where Theresa Stevens helps us ground our flying body parts.

All Romance University lectures are generously provided by our Visiting Professors. RU is a tuition-free zone!

Best regards,

Tracey Devlyn, Carrie Spencer, Kelsey Browning & Adrienne Giordano

PS  - Want RU’s weekly lecture schedule in a cool new email format straight to your in-box? Sign up on RU’s homepage or any of the lecture posts!

Good morning and welcome Chaos Theory of Writing! Today, I’m excited to introduce supernatural thriller author Alexandra Sokoloff to the RU Crew. I first heard of Alex through a friend who used her Screenwriting Tricks for Authors blog to help her learn how to plot. Then I saw Alex’s latest novel Book of Shadows featured on the International Thriller Writers web site. And the clincher, the moment I knew I had to invite Alex to blog with us, was after listening to an RWA workshop on the paranormal sub-genre, featuring Alex and bestselling novelist Heather Graham. It became very clear to me why I was seeing and hearing Alex’s name here, there, and everywhere. She knows her stuff. It’s that simple.

Leave a comment for your chance to win a copy of The Harrowing or Alex’s newest release Book of Shadows. Thank you, Alex, for your generosity!

It’s time for me to let the expert takeover. Welcome to RU, Alex!

When Tracey asked me to guest lecture here at RU, the question she lobbed at me was “How have you successfully distinguished yourself in a genre dominated by men?”   (By which she meant – horror).

Hah.

I can tell you exactly.   I have never, ever forgotten that the most interesting authors in this genre have ALWAYS been women.

Don’t get me wrong.   I am the most avid fan of Stephen King, Ira Levin, Sheridan LeFanu, Richard Matheson, Ramsey Campbell, Peter Straub, Dan Simmons, Thomas Harris, Bram Stoker, Shakespeare – and the grandfathers of horror, the Greek tragedians (ever read or see Medea?   Yike.).

But ever since I was – well, way too young to be reading this kind of thing – I have loved Shirley Jackson, Mary Shelley, Daphne DuMaurier, the Bronte sisters, Anne Rice, and the lesser known but absolutely revolutionary Charlotte Perkins Gilman, who in The Yellow Wallpaper turned post-partum depression into a descent into hell that I personally may never recover from.

There are advantages and drawbacks to being – “special”.   When there are so few women writing what  do, I tend to stand out.   On the other hand, a male-dominated genre tends to have more of its share of not exactly female friendly critics and reviewers (recently a prominent dark genre magazine editor came under fire for running an article on 34 horror writers and directors – that had not one single interview with or mention of a female author or director).

But let’s face it – women have a lot to say about horror. We live with violence on a much more intimate and everyday level than most men do. A walk out to the parking lot from the grocery store can on any given night turn into a nightmare which a woman may not survive, or from which she will never fully recover.

I think security expert and author Gavin DeBecker (who wrote the must-read The Gift of Fear) got it exactly right when he said, “A man’s greatest fear about a woman is that she’ll laugh at him. A woman’s greatest fear about a man is that he’ll kill her.”

Women know what it’s like to be prisoners in their own homes, what it’s like to be enslaved, to be stalked, to be prostituted, what it’s like to be ultimately powerless. And they know everything there is to know about rage, even when it’s so deeply buried they don’t know that’s what it is they’re feeling.

(Actually the mystery to me is why more women AREN’T writing horror.)

So it’s that truth that I try to tap into when I write:  my outrage at the truly evil things that happen in the world… and my absolute belief that human beings have the capacity to fight and overcome evil.

Now, I don’t consider myself an out-and-out horror writer.  What I think I write is supernatural thrillers.    Well, kind of.   Maybe supernatural mysteries.    Or paranormal mysteries?

Oh all right, I admit it – I have a genre identity problem.  Depending on which bookstore or library you walk into, I’m shelved in horror, mystery/thriller, fiction and literature.  I go to mystery, thriller, romance, horror, and even sci-fi/fantasy conferences, and have avid readers at each.   Add to that the fact that as a screenwriter I would work on projects that could start out as adventure thrillers and end up as musicals, through that special process Hollywood calls “development”; and add to THAT my own personality disorder – I mean, chameleon nature – and the fact that my own publisher is careful not to call what I do “horror”…  yes, I’m a bit confused.

And I admit it – it’s hard, when paranormal and urban fantasy are SO huge, not to want to just jump on the bandwagon.  After all, I write about the paranormal, and about the erotic, and my books attract a lot of paranormal fans… it’s not that much of a stretch…   so tempting…

But the truth is,  I’m not a big fan of the wisecracking kick-ass heroine.   I would so, so much rather an author get serious and scare me, especially in a psychological way.    And I love a life-affirming ending, but I’d rather have honest ambiguity than a blanket Happily Ever After.

I can’t tell you how often I’ve asked my agent if I should just write a straight thriller for the next book, and he always says, “No, it’s going to take some time, but you’re doing something that almost nobody else is doing, and people will find you.”

Well,  people have found me, and I keep getting book deals and royalty checks, and I am starting to understand that my agent is right – not many people at all are writing this kind of thing, and people are paying attention.   I’ve been reviewed by the New York Times, nominated for Anthony (mystery), Bram Stoker (horror), and Black Quill (horror) awards and am the first and only woman so far to win an International Thriller Writers Thriller Award.

And I know from the letters I get that a lot of readers read me because I really do scare them, in a nail-biting, hair-raising kind of way -  I just don’t do any of that in-your-face stuff.   I won’t even read a book or see a movie that has torture or rape in it, so you know I don’t write it (I do write about characters who have been sexually abused, but that’s not something I’ll ever show).

The sensual thrill of the unknown…   the chilly feeling of something unfathomable behind the door…  that’s what I’m after.

So I’ve learned that I have to be true to myself and write what I most love to read – the same kind of thing that terrific writers like Tana French, Mo Hayder, Sarah Langan, Sara Gran, Elizabeth Hand, Sarah Pinborough, and Rhodi Hawk are writing.   What it is, is feminist horror.  Or since the Right has somehow insidiously twisted “feminism” into as dirty a word as “politically correct” – even just “feminine horror.”

That’s what galvanized me about Shelley, Jackson, DuMaurier and Gilman when I discovered them, growing up. Not just that they told ripping good scary stories, dripping with perverse sexuality and unnerving psychological insight, but that those stories were from an unmistakably and unrelentingly female point of view. About oppression and patriarchy and a kind of madness, but prophetic madness, that comes with always being the Other.

It might not be mainstream, but it’s the truth, as I see it – and live it.   And writing is just too hard to try to write against your own nature.

I’m lucky enough to be a full-time writer, writing what I love.   And that – is no small thing, these days.

So how about you?   Do you ever walk on the dark side in your reading and/or writing?    Or have you ever hesitated about writing something you were drawn to write because you thought, or someone told you, it wouldn’t sell?

Let’s talk about it!

- Alex

* * *

Thanks, Alex!

RU Crew, be sure to answer Alex’s question for a chance to win a copy of The Harrowing or her newest release Book of Shadows.

Be sure to visit again on Monday when urban fantasy writer C.J. Redwine critiques another reader’s query letter.

Alex’s Bio:

As a screenwriter, Alexandra Sokoloff has sold original mystery and thriller scripts and written novel adaptations for numerous Hollywood studios.  Her debut ghost story, THE HARROWING, was nominated for both a Bram Stoker award (horror) and Anthony award (mystery) for Best First Novel.   Her second supernatural thriller, THE PRICE, was called some of the most original and freshly unnerving work in the genre by the New York Times Book Review, and her short story, The Edge of Seventeen, won the International Thriller Writers’ Thriller award for Best Short Fiction.

Alex’s third spooky thriller, THE UNSEEN, is based on real-life experiments conducted at the Rhine parapsychology lab on the Duke University campus, and her new release, BOOK OF SHADOWS, teams a cynical Boston cop and a beautiful, mysterious witch from Salem in a race to solve a Satanic killing.

Alex is also the author of SCREENWRITING TRICKS FOR AUTHORS, based on her internationally acclaimed workshops and blog. For more information about Alex, visit her web site http://alexandrasokoloff.com.

Good morning and welcome to Chaos Theory of Writing! Today, our dear friend Laurie Schnebly Campbell joins us to discuss the hero’s arc via the personality ladder. Laurie has a lot of ground to cover, so I’m going to “button it” and hand the class over to the professional. BUT first, I want to mention that Laurie’s generously giving away one free registration to her personality ladder class. All you have to do is leave a comment!

Laurie, welcome back to RU!

DAYS OF THE WEEK, DWARVES AND STAGES OF CHARACTER

There’s something magical about seven.

Seven wonders of the world. Sailing the seven seas. Seven deadly sins. The seventh-inning stretch. Seventh heaven. The seven stages of man. And the seven steps on the personality ladder.

What, yet ANOTHER way of charting our hero’s progress through the plot and character arc of a book?

Haven’t we got enough of those already? The 36 basic plots. The nine personality types. The four quarters of a synopsis. The 12 stages along the hero’s journey. The seven habits of highly –

– Oops, we’re back to seven.

There’s just something ABOUT that number! In fact, maybe that’s why the personality ladder has seven steps.

In real life, of course, we’re all climbing ladders all the time. From infancy to childhood; from childhood to adulthood; from irresponsible student to responsible worker; from carefree party-goer to committed spouse…life is full of ladders.

But the ladder our book characters climb isn’t a lifelong one — it lasts only from Chapter One through The End. Maybe that’s a five-day period of thrilling adventure; maybe it’s a two-year saga of blooming love…but regardless of length, it’s a ladder they climb from bottom to top during the course of the book.

We know they start at the bottom because, when the book begins, they haven’t yet needed to face the big challenge they’ll face by the end. They’ve probably had their share of struggle and growth and change during the backstory, before Chapter One ever started, but as we open the book they’re only beginning the journey that’ll occupy the next 250 (or however-many) pages.

During that journey, we want our characters to face something that’ll take some WORK for them to rise above.

And no matter what they face on an exterior level — a bank robbery, a pirate raid, being jilted at the altar — the biggest challenge is going to be interior. That’s where the real excitement takes place — not in how they handle the bank robbery (well, unless you’re writing a police procedural) but in how they grow & learn & change in order to become a stronger and better person by the end of the book.

So that’s why we care about the seven steps along the personality ladder.

Of course, not every character MAKES it all the way to the top. Villains, especially, get stuck on the fifth step…which is why they’re villains.

And even with those characters who go through all seven stages, some have a more dramatic climb than others. Have you noticed that in books of your own, or books by other writers?

Not every character achieves the same amount of triumphant growth from beginning to end.

Which is okay. Even in a romance, where we want the hero & heroine to be well matched, one might go through a whole lot more turmoil and challenge than the other.

EVERY character, main and supporting, has their own ladder to climb. Some of them, like the wise mentor or grandparents, have completed their climb before the book ever begins — their only job now is to offer sage advice.

Others reach the top of one ladder in THIS book, but we know that the next book in the series will have them climbing a whole new (and equally thrilling) ladder.

Some struggle with every stage of the journey, some soar through the first five steps and then get flummoxed by the sixth, and some proceed so steadily we don’t immediately realize what they’ve overcome along the way. All of those people can be fabulous characters, each climbing their own personality ladder.

Which is the topic of my August class, and which is what I’d like YOUR thoughts on.

In fact, I’d like to quote you in the class — because it turns out people love quotes from real-life readers and writers! — so be sure and let me know if that’s NOT okay.

My question for you: which character in your current book (the one you’re reading or writing) is going through the most dramatic journey? And do you like that character better than the rest?

No right or wrong answer…I’m just interested in characters going through those steps on their personality ladder. So I’d love to know who stands out in your mind when you think of people making a climb!

Laurie, with free registration to “His Personality Ladder” at

http://www.writeruniv.com/august_10_Laurie.htm

for someone who sends a comment (I’ll do a random-number drawing tomorrow)

* * *

RU Crew, now it’s your turn. Laurie will stop by to answer your questions.

Be sure to stop back on Monday for our spotlight on the medical romance sub-genre. Author Janice Lynn and Harlequin Mills & Boon Assistant Editor Lucy Gilmour will be here to share their thoughts.

Laurie’s Bio:

Laurie Schnebly Campbell (http://www.BookLaurie.com) created the Personality Ladder workshop after people from her psychology, fatal flaws and enneagrams classes requested more information on using ALL those techniques for building great characters. She’s introducing this expanded course in August at WriterUniv.com, and looking forward to meeting some great new heroes…as well as some she’s enjoyed before!

We’re delighted to have psychotherapist Dr. Debra Holland join us once again. Last year, she briefed us on the ever-intriguing bad boy. Today, she’s here to talk with about making the impossible possible: Understanding Men.

Welcome, Dr. Debra!

A few days ago, I received a newsletter from my publicist, Annie Jennings, where she wrote of an incident she’d recently observed. She was at a bagel shop, and she saw a woman, laden with food and coffee, walk out the door behind a man. He didn’t notice her, and she ended up becoming squashed as the door closed on her. The man continued on, oblivious.

Annie freed the woman and watched as she scurried after the man. In Annie’s words, “She was gaining on him, little by little, but he did not notice. She could have been hit by a car right behind him, and he would not notice. I was horrified when I realized he was her husband.”

After I read the newsletter, I continued to think about the story.  For one thing, it made me thankful to have a boyfriend who’s a gentleman. Don would never squash me in the door. Instead, he’d hold it open for me. But he can still have those male moments, one of which occurred a few hours after I read Annie’s newsletter when we attended church.

As the service concluded, our beautiful, world-class pianist played “On the Wings of Love.” I started to leave, but Don, instead of following me like usual, stood watching the piano. I could see he was enraptured by the music.

Don walked toward the piano as if mesmerized, leaving me waiting at the pew. He never glanced behind him to see what I was doing. I stood there for a few seconds, remembering Annie’s story and feeling amused that a harmless and mild version of that woman’s experience was now happening to me. I sat down in our pew to wait until the spell ended.

These two examples illustrate something about the male brain that women don’t understand and often take personally:  The corpus callosum (the bundle of fibers that link the left and right brain hemispheres) is thinner in the male brain by about 10%, with as much as 30% fewer connections. A man has a harder time crossing his brain hemispheres. This means LESS information is exchanged between the two sides. However, this gives him GREATER ability to focus on a specific task, often to the exclusion of everything not relevant to him at the time.

Therefore, male brains are organized for monotracking. Men have difficulty concentrating on more than one thing at a time. For example, a brain scan while a man is reading or at the computer will show he’s mostly deaf.

A woman, with her thicker corpus callosum, has the physical ability to connect and relate large pieces of information. This allows her to see the “big picture” and remember more details. Therefore she’s good at multitasking. (She wouldn’t leave her husband trapped in the door.)

As for Don and I, if the situation were reversed, I probably would have said something to him before wandering over to the piano: “This is my favorite song. Please, wait a minute.” Or “I want to hear this. I’ll meet you outside.”

While this excuses Don becoming beguiled by the music and forgetting me, it doesn’t excuse the man who left his wife trapped in the door. I’ll bet he’s probably a man who often forgets his wife, not showing her the gentlemanly courtesy and attention she deserves. And perhaps her self-esteem is so low, she doesn’t realize she deserves better.

Thinking about Annie’s story also made me remember a man I’d briefly dated. Mike was a nice, attractive, intelligent man. But he also had a very male-focused brain.

On one of our first dates, we attended a Bruce Springsteen concert. As we walked through the crowded parking lot, threading through the cars, he kept striding away from me. I was tempted to stop walking and see how long it would take before he realized I wasn’t behind him. Even through, I knew what was happening wasn’t about me, but about his male focus on getting us into the concert hall, I couldn’t help becoming a little frustrated. I finally grabbed his hand, so we could stay together. Not a romantic start to the evening.

So, what does this mean for your romance hero? If you’re writing romance, you don’t want a man who loses his focus on the heroine. That means if he’s watching his favorite football team play a championship game, between plays, thoughts of her still need to creep into his mind. (And not just when he wants her to fetch him a beer or he’s watching the cheerleaders bounce around.) This is probably why we don’t see a lot of sport game scenes in romances.

On the other hand, your hero needs to have that male focus when it’s necessary and realistic for the story. For example, I’m often frustrated by books and movies where the hero stops to TALK in the middle of the action, especially if the scene is supposed to be suspenseful. If he’s trying to keep them safe, that will be his focus, not stopping to romance her.

And make sure that no matter how rough-hewn your hero or how tough your heroine, you show the reader that he treats her in a way that shows she’s special to him.

###

If you want to learn more about men, sign up for my August online class, Understanding Men.

***

So RU crew, what questions do you have for Dr. Debra today? And do you believe women can ever truly understand men and vice versa?

Due to the late post, we’re going to give away one of our RU leather pocket jotters to a random commenter.  Thanks for your patience!

Be sure to stop by Friday when Laurie Schnebly will be here to talk about the personality ladder. Sounds like some good character development help!

Dr. Holland holds a master’s degree in Marriage, Family, and Child Therapy, and holds a PhD in Counseling Psychology from the University of Southern California, and is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist.  She has twenty-one years of experience counseling with individuals, couples, and groups.

Dr. Holland is a popular psychotherapist, consultant, and speaker on the topics of communication difficulties, relationships, stress, and dealing with difficult people.  She is a featured expert for the media, and does entertainment consulting.

This month, we’re answering a question from the FAQ files. This one comes up once every month or two, and it goes something like this:

My agent asked me for an outline of my next book. Is this different from a synopsis?

The answer is yes and no and maybe, depending on the how the person meant it. I know, that clears it up, right? So let’s look at how these terms are commonly meant.

An outline generally is:

1. A chapter-by-chapter capsule summary of a nonfiction book.

2. Think of it like an enhanced table of contents.

3. The purpose of an outline is to summarize the information which will appear in the finished book.

4. Its format will include chapter numbers, chapter titles and/or headings, and a point-by-point breakdown of topics covered in each chapter.

5. When we evaluate outlines, we’re checking whether the topic is meaty enough to fill enough chapters for a whole book.

6. We’re also checking whether the core thesis is thoroughly developed.

7. We’re also looking at things like organization of ideas, the way the chapters build upon each other, and so on.

Many nonfiction books are sold on an outline plus some configuration of sample pages, such as an introduction and sample chapter. We evaluate the sample pages for writing quality. We evaluate the outline for content. There will be other relevant questions, too, such as whether the author has a platform and how broad that platform might be, which might be addressed in the outline, cover letter, sample chapters, or pitch, but ought to be addressed somewhere. (“Platform” is an author’s established presence as an authority on a topic. It’s the professor of economics who writes a book about money management, or the personal trainer with a blog that takes 100,000 hits a month who writes about fitness.)

A synopsis generally is:

1. A narrative summary of a work of fiction or narrative nonfiction.

2. Think of it like enhanced jacket copy which relates the beginning, middle, and end of the story.

3. You will use your synopsis to introduce your main characters, establish the themes, and describe the events in the plot.

4. The synopsis might mirror the flow of events in the plot in a chapter-by-chapter manner, but it will still be presented in narrative format.

5. A synopsis rarely uses headers and similar material, except that some formats have separate paragraphs to introduce characters. In that case, those paragraphs are sometimes headed “Characters,” and the plot summary is headed “Plot.” But these formats are less common than ordinary narrative formats.

6. When we evaluate a synopsis, we’re checking that the plot is interesting and coherent.

7. We’re also checking whether the characters are interesting, but that might be easier to determine from sample pages. The synopsis will at least give us a starting point, though.

8. We might also be checking for other things like writing quality and tone, but the sample pages usually will be more useful for that purpose.

Many novels, memoirs, and other narrative works are sold on a synopsis plus some configuration of sample pages (generally the first seventy-five to one hundred pages or thereabouts). The purpose of a synopsis is to give a flavor of the tone and characters, the complete but condensed plot, and perhaps some thematic or other elements.

The kicker is that many people use these terms interchangeably. Or maybe they’re so used to asking for one that they use that one term without realizing they want the other document. Or maybe they’ll assume you know which format they actually want. In other words, even though there’s a technical difference between an outline and a synopsis, there’s a bit of looseness in the way we use the terms.

So what’s a writer to do?

If this is someone you’ve got an established relationship with, just ask them which they would prefer. “Do you want a chapter-by-chapter outline or a narrative synopsis?” See how easy that is?

If this is an over-the-transom submission and asking might be awkward, you can either check their submission guidelines for clarification, or you can assume that a narrative work takes a narrative synopsis. That assumption is probably safe, but there may be rare cases when it’s not. So if you’re uncomfortable with this assumption and the submission guidelines are silent, you might have to find a graceful way to ask for clarification. “Sorry to trouble you. I checked your guidelines and couldn’t find the answer. Do you want a narrative synopsis or a chapter outline?”

So now that we know the difference between a synopsis and an outline, do you have any questions about formats?

Theresa

Got a question for the editor? Email it to askaneditor at romanceuniversity dot org.

* * *

Theresa, thanks for the clarification about these two important writing tools!

Join us on Monday when writer and Facebook guru Haley Hughes provides an in-depth look at how writers can make FB work for them.

Theresa’s Bio:  

Theresa Stevens is the Publisher of STAR Guides Publishing, a nonfiction publishing company with the mission to help writers write better books. After earning degrees in creative writing and law, she worked as a literary attorney agent for a boutique firm in Indianapolis where she represented a range of fiction and nonfiction authors. After a nine-year hiatus from the publishing industry to practice law, Theresa worked as chief executive editor for a highly acclaimed small romance press, and her articles on writing and editing have appeared in numerous publications for writers. Visit her blog at http://edittorrent.blogspot.com/ where she and her co-blogger share their knowledge and hardly ever argue about punctuation.

Good morning and welcome to Anatomy of the Male Mind. Today, Laurie Schnebly Campbell joins us to dissect Alpha Males. Sound like fun? I thought so too!

Here’s Laurie!

Alpha males sell books.

No matter what else they might be good at — and we’ve all seen them be good at LOTS of things! — they’re fabulous at selling books.

But that doesn’t mean every reader, much less every writer, adores those classic alpha males.

For one thing, we have a hard time defining exactly what an alpha male IS. I’m going to ask your opinion, down below, but first let’s look at what we love about these guys…and why we resent them.

Alpha males take command, right? Which can be wonderfully attractive — and which can also be downright annoying.

What makes the difference?

Or IS there any difference?

COOL VS NOT-SO

Picture a guy who’s standing at the scene of a disastrous five-car collision, telling everyone what to do. “You! Back up the van. You! Get that bike out of the way. You! Move your vehicle toward the curb.”

He’s a laudable hero, managing to accomplish whatever needs taking care of and getting everyone around him to do what he says.

But now picture that same guy giving those same orders in a grocery store parking lot where nobody’s hurt; there are just a lot of cars milling around. Suddenly he’s a bossy jerk.

Yet he hasn’t changed his behavior. It’s only our interpretation of his behavior that’s changed.

Which is part of why it’s so tricky to write the kind of alpha hero who’s guaranteed to delight readers.

What else makes it tricky? Well, let’s see:

* There’s a fine line between a man who’s powerful enough to stand strong against whatever the world throws at him while never breaking down, and a man who’s incapable of expressing any emotion except anger.

* There’s a fine line between a man who’s all about protecting what’s his, including the woman he loves, and a man who views that woman as his possession.

* There’s a fine line between a man who’s so incredibly sexy that every woman in the room is dazzled by his sizzling presence, and a man who’s willing to share that smoldering sexuality with every woman in the room.

How much is too much alpha?

How little is too little?

(Okay, did everyone else’s mind just go to the same place mine did? Uh, never mind.)

Back to the fine line — women who love reading about alpha males don’t usually stop to think where that line should be drawn. All they know is, they LIKE their romantic heroes strong, courageous, forceful, vigorous, confident. Suave or rugged is okay, millionaire or firefighter is okay, battered Harley or magnificent steed is okay, but aside from those little details there’s not a whole lot of room for compromise.

With alphas, there’s NEVER much room for compromise.

And that’s exactly what makes them so easy to resent.

How come they always get to call the shots?

How come they can attract any woman they want just by crooking their little finger?

How come they don’t have to deal with the things all the rest of us do?

Oh, but wait!

Once this alpha hero falls in love with the heroine, he’ll have to change his ways. Right?

ALPHAS CHANGED BY LOVE

Er.

Well…

That’s tricky, too.

Because if suddenly this rip-roaring testosterone-driven leader of the pack is murmuring, “Yes, dear, I’ll pick up the drycleaning and be home for dinner whenever you say” — drat it, he’s no longer quite such a thrilling prize.

He’s more of a regular guy…the kind most readers experience in everyday life. So where’s the romantic excitement in THAT?

You see the dilemma?

Genuine alpha males can be as tough to write as they are to live with — and yet they’re so attractive, we can’t just throw them out of our pages!

How do we get around that?

Here’s where your opinion comes in. Two questions, and I’d love to hear what other writers and readers think. (I’d also love to quote you in my “Alpha Males From Abe To Zeus” class next month, so please let me know if that’s NOT okay.)

First question: Do you know any alphas in real life — and if so, what are they like?

Second question: Have you written any alpha heroes — and if so, what was the biggest challenge you faced?

I’m eager to get your thoughts on this…and by the way, if you live with an alpha male in real life OR in fiction, you have both my admiration and my envy!

Laurie, betting everyone here would appreciate tips on How To Live With An Alpha from those who’ve figured out the techniques

* * *

Thanks, Laurie!

RU Readers, get your keyboards a cookin’! I can’t wait to see your answers to Laurie’s questions.

Don’t miss C.J.Redwine’s special installment on Friday. She’s going to give readers her fabulous tips on synopsis writing.

Laurie’s Bio:

Laurie Schnebly Campbell has been intrigued with alpha males ever since she heard that they’re the ones who are always breaking dishes. (Suddenly her husband looked less clumsy and more sexy!) She’s teaching a brand new class on writing irresistible alpha-male heroes, from June 7-25 at http://www.cameoromancewriters.com/online_class.htm

Dear Theresa:

This might not be earth shattering enough to be posted – BUT – I’d really appreciate an answer on this one – as this type of scene is in two different spots in my current WIP. Basically, it’s a one-sided conversation being heard by the POV character outside of the scene (does that make sense?). What I’d like to know is – do I need to structure this differently because there’s one side the reader can’t hear? I kind of clumped the sentences together because I thought it reads better this way – but is this right? Should there be the dreaded … in between those sentences?

“Mom it’s for you, it’s Aunt Kelly.”

“Hey,” Jake heard Peyton say. “No, no better, I’m afraid. They have no idea. Good news? Yeah. I could use some.”

He heard silence for a few seconds and then Peyton literally sputtered. “Tell me you didn’t. To Mr. Ginger ale! No, seriously, you didn’t, did you? Why?” That last word came out as a soft wail. “I know. I know. It was my idea. It was a brilliantly funny idea and if I wanted to go out with him I would have-” Silence again, so Jake waited quietly, unwilling to miss any of this. Clearly, they were talking about him. She couldn’t have two Mr. Ginger ales in her life.  “What do you mean, why do I sound mad? Why wouldn’t I be mad?”

“Don’t even–” Kelly must have cut her off again because there was momentary silence. “No, I did not tell you that. You–no, I said – Okay, I said he was better looking than I remembered. You said he was a hunk. I did not – aww, man, he’s going to think-” Silence again and then, “Oh, yes he will, he’s–” she either turned away from the family room or wandered deeper into the kitchen and lowered her voice, because Jake couldn’t hear what she was saying.

“Quarter! You said a bad word,” Paige called out.

Thankfully, Jake heard her again when she said, “Just a second,” to Kelly and, “I thought you guys were doing your homework,” to the kids.

“We are. You still owe a quarter, Mom,” Paige insisted.

“You do know that what I said is the actual name of an animal, don’t you?”

“Um, not when you end it with ‘hole’, Mom. Sorry.” Jake laughed out loud at Spencer’s logical interference.

“Oh, for cripes sake. Yeah, Kel, just a minute.” Jake heard rustling sounds and then a clink. Apparently, Peyton paid the piper in the form of a quarter in the mason jar and if he didn’t miss his guess, he was the asshole. Great.

Okay. I can see why this is giving you some trouble. First, let me point out that Jake is doing nothing. The scene feels static because it is static — he’s silent, unengaged, and unseen, a ghost in the corner. Give him something to do. And remember the importance of relevant action. Don’t just have him watering flowers as he’s listening. Give him a goal, and put that goal into conflict with the overheard conversation. Maybe he needs to get something out of the room with the phone, and he needs to do it without being noticed. (In that case, his need for stealth takes on an extra dimension of dramatic purpose.) Maybe he needs to get out of the house — some emergency elsewhere — and the phone call is causing him to delay. (In that case, the dramatic tension would come from the opposition between the need to stay and the need to leave.)

Do you see how that works? The phone call doesn’t happen in a vacuum. Even if it’s not currently written that way, other plot elements are occurring around the phone call. Bring them in and let them put some dramatic tension into the scene.

My next tip is for the call to be tightened. There’s a lot of extra chatter in this scene snippet, and it weighs down the pacing. Now, before you go cutting to the bone, I want to point out that in its current state, this dialogue feels and reads very much like a real phone call. Natural social conversation is rarely direct and concise. People interrupt each other and themselves. Sentences wander. Ideas are dropped only to re-emerge ten minutes later. You’ve absolutely caught that reality in your scene here.

But this isn’t real life. It’s a fictional representation of how a real life might be, and to that end, we must sometimes sacrifice a bit of reality to keep the pacing tight and clean. For example, you could cut almost all of the interchange with the kids — which, near as I can tell, has little dramatic relevance. I think you may have included it for flavor, for a bit of liveliness and fun and character interaction. A bit of flavor is a good thing, but keep it neat.

You could pare that part of the exchange to something like:

“Quarter! You said a bad word,” Paige called out.

“I thought you guys were doing your homework,” She must have turned back around to talk to the kids, because Jake could hear her clearly again. He could also hear some rustling and then a clink. Apparently, Peyton paid the piper in the form of a quarter in the mason jar and if he didn’t miss his guess, he was the asshole. Great.

So there you have it, the two secrets to managing an overheard phone call scene:

1. Let the call unfold in the midst of another scene so that more is happening than just standing and listening.

2. Keep it tight.

Where else can this exchange be tightened in a way that doesn’t interfere with tone?

Theresa

* * *

Thanks, Theresa and Murphy!

All right, RU Readers, Theresa’s issued a challenge? Any thoughts on where else the exchange can be tightened? Be sure to post your comments below.

Join us again on Monday when agent Scott Eagan discusses the benefits of category romance authors having agent representation.

Theresa’s bio:

After earning degrees in creative writing and law, Theresa Stevens worked as a literary attorney agent for a boutique firm based in Indianapolis where she represented a range of fiction and nonfiction authors. The lure of the courtroom led to a nine-year hiatus from the publishing industry, but now Theresa is back as Managing Editor for Red Sage Publishing, a highly acclaimed small press. Her articles on writing and editing have appeared in numerous publications for writers. Visit her blog at http://edittorrent.blogspot.com/ where she and her co-blogger share their knowledge and hardly ever argue about punctuation.

Welcome to Chaos Theory of Writing day! Author Keena Kincaid is here to answer your questions about how secrets motivate characters at the deepest level and how these secrets, when properly revealed, propel the plot forward in a logical, engaging manner and can cement or destroy your hero or heroine’s romance. Sound like fun? Knowing Keena as a do, it’s sure to be a fun day!

Take it away, Keena!

Good morning. I’m so glad to be a visiting “professor” at Romance University and I hope we can have a great discussion on secrets and how we can use them to drive the plot—and the romance—forward.

I love finding out my characters have a big secret because it gives them an emotional depth that I wouldn’t have known about otherwise (and, yes, I’m a pantser). I’ve also found that by exposing the layers of smaller lies and the habits my characters develop to keep that secret, I can still give readers plot twists that take the story in an unexpected direction without them throwing the book against the wall.

I fully examine this topic in-depth in The Dirty Little Secrets of Character Development workshop, but there are a few rules of the road that we will explore today.

• It’s not enough to have secrets; your character’s secret must complicate her life to the extent that she will take action, preferably extreme action, to keep the secret.  She may lie, steal, forge documents, or even consider killing someone. Regardless of what she does, it’s these actions that drive the plot forward.
• The depths—or heights—to which your heroine (or hero) goes to keep his secret must change the way the she sees herself, which sparks character change. She must want to change, but be conflicted about it, too, because it’s hard and scary to reveal this secret. Eventually, she will be willing to face the consequences of her actions and her secret rather than continue on her current course.
• Consequences need to be real. Whether it’s the nature of the secret or the actions required to keep it secret, the consequences must jeopardize the happy-ever-after (HEA). Otherwise, your readers have no stake in the outcome.

The heart of the matter

The critical component is having a core secret that is wrapped in layers of smaller secrets and self-deception. And you peel back those layers one by one, chapter by chapter, until the core secret is exposed and your character is left emotionally naked and vulnerable.

If that isn’t torturing your characters, I’m not sure what is.

For example, in my first book ANAM CARA, my hero’s core secret—that he’s a seer who most clearly sees death—drives almost every single action of his life, whether made by him or for him. Bran can’t control it. He looks at someone and he knows how he or she will die. And he’s been keeping this knowledge secret for so long that he no longer knows how deeply it affects his choices.

The catalyst for the story is his vision of his younger brother’s death. And when Bran suspects the heroine could save his brother’s life, he must decide whether to trust her—or lie and hope he’s not found out until his brother is safe.

Naturally, he lies.

And though his guilt becomes heavier as he falls in love with Liza, our heroine, Bran doesn’t reveal his secrets until he has no other choice.

Only with the very last secret does Bran step out on faith that Liza will not reject him. His internal conflict is to keep his secret or save his brother. He tries to find a way to do both (as most people would) and fails.

But it isn’t until we’re about three-quarters of the way through the story that readers know fully what’s at stake and why. And readers have told me I kept them guessing.

Unspooling the secret

Layering your secrets allows you to tell the reader right away the one or two things she needs to know about your character to understand him. Additionally, your character will often not realize the importance of his core secret until its nearly exposed. This is when panic will set in and your character will make choices that threaten the HEA.

For instance, going back to Bran, if you asked him in Chapter One, he would say his core secret is that he’s a seer. Now in the time period when my story takes place, being a seer could get you killed or sanctified. So he keeps his visions to himself as much as he can. But his core secret is why he’s a wandering minstrel, why he has few friends, why his father sent him from home as a child. Almost every event in his life is somehow influenced by this secret.

How I unspooled Bran’s secret:

• Chapter 1: Reveals Bran is a seer and that he’s seen a vision of his younger brother, Aedan, dead on a battlefield. The story opens as he’s trying desperately to get his brother to a cousin’s home where he believes Aedan will be safe. His goal is to save his brother’s life. (Note: I’ve obviously hinted at the nature of his core secret, but it becomes apparent in hindsight)
• Chapter 8: Tells the heroine he’s a seer; she doesn’t believe him, at first, but subsequent events show he told the truth.
• Chapter 16: Tells the heroine he’s pagan (just before they make love for the first time). This adds validity to why he keeps the secret. Obviously what he sees isn’t going to be sanctioned by the ruling religious authority.
• Chapter 19: Admits that he’s seen a vision of Aedan’s death.
• Chapter 23: Tells Aedan his core secret. He need only glance at a person and he sees their death. Sometimes it’s preventable, sometimes it isn’t, but it’s always there.
• Chapter 24: Tells the heroine his core secret in a desperate bid to save Aedan’s life. By now, she has come to trust him and she believes him enough to tell him he’s going about it the wrong way (I love that about Liza. She’s never afraid to share an opinion).

Now many other things are going on in the story, but these are the steps in Bran’s character arc that chart his change.

Your character’s secret doesn’t need be this big to drive the story, but make it as big as you can within the confines of the story. The bigger the secret, the greater the risks and the more satisfying the outcome.

* * *

Thanks, Keena!!

So RU Students, what’s your protagonist’s dirty little secret? How did you unspool it through the story?

Join us again on Monday where C.J. Redwine critiques another reader’s query letter. Always lots to learn in our Query Writing 101 class!

Keena’s bio:

Keena Kincaid is a true history geek. The author of three historical romances, she can spend hours perusing the Oxford English Dictionary online or debating the merits of the 12^th century renaissance.

She studied history, English and philosophy at Wittenberg University, concentrated on medieval history in graduate school at Miami University in Ohio, and keeps up with academic research and thought as a member of the Medieval Academy of America. What she likes best about writing medieval romances is the ability to creatively—but logically—fill in gaps in the historical record while telling a love story.

Kincaid’s novels are available from The Wild Rose Press, Amazon, Borders and other booksellers. You also can find her at http://keenakincaid.com, MySpace and Facebook (and she’s always looking for new friends).

This month we’re starting a new feature in the “Ask An Editor” column at Romance University. We’ll continue to answer your questions as they come in. (The address for questions is askaneditor@romanceuniversity.org .)

Present Tense

Definition: Present tense verbs indicate that action is taking place right now.

Example: The baby sleeps through the night.

We’re not talking about last night or tomorrow night. We’re talking about this night right now.

Literary Present: Here’s where things get interesting. Literary convention says that the “now” of the story is related with past tense verbs. In other words,

In life: Present time = present tense

In books: Present time = past tense

So how do fiction writers use the present tense? When is it appropriate? (We’re not talking about fiction that experiments with tense or deconstructs the convention. We’re talking about typical books.) You can safely use present tense in dialogue. You can also use it in italicized interior monologue, but with a light touch, please. You can, with some clever phrasing and very careful writing, use it in non-italicized interior monologue, but it’s not an easy thing to pull off. Use extreme caution.

Common error: Using a present tense contraction. “That’s when she realized the baby was sleeping.” (That’s = That is)

Past Tense

Definition: Past tense verbs indicate that the action took place in the past.

Example: The baby slept through the night.

Literary Past: As we’ve already mentioned, in fiction, the past is the present. The vast bulk of your story should be written in the simple past tense. Any time you stray from the simple past tense, stop and ask why. Why are you shifting out of the scene moment? Staying in scene is a good thing. Try to do it. J

Common Error: Sticking to the simple past when the time sequencing doesn’t permit it. “The baby slept through tomorrow night.” The simple past should be your default, but it’s not foolproof.

Future Tense

Definition: Future tense verbs indicate something that will happen in the future.

Example: The baby will sleep through the night.

Literary future: If the past is the present, then when does the future arrive? That sounds like a philosophy riddle. Rather than meditating on this one, let’s just remember the general rule that the simple future tense is safe to use in dialogue when the characters are discussing things which might happen in future scenes. As with the present tense, infrequent uses of the future tense in italicized interior monologue will be okay, too. Most other uses will sound awkward.

As with all general rules, there are exceptions. But please do flag any outside-the-quotation-marks usages of future tense and scrutinize them carefully.

Common error: Using the future tense in action sentences to impart a casual or conversational feel. “Marie poured a large cup of coffee before heading into her morning meeting. She’ll feel a lot better if the baby will sleep through the night.” (Second sentence is future tense. See how awkward that is?)

Present Perfect Tense

Now comes the tricky part. Perfect tenses can give even the best writers a migraine.

Definition: The present perfect tense connects the present and the past, but sometimes those connections are indefinite or intangible.

Example: The baby has slept through the night for some time now. (It happened on past nights. It happens on the current night. We connect those past nights with the present night in a single verb, “has slept.”)

We’re not going to worry about defining the three specific usages of the present perfect tense, though, because–

Literary Present Perfect: Almost never occurs outside of dialogue. Even interior monologue, whether italicized or non-italicized, will almost always be less awkward in past perfect than in present perfect.

Why is this? Well, if you think the “future of the past” question sounded like an unsolveable zen koan, try this one. If the literary present is expressed in past tense, and if you want a verb tense to connect that literary past tense to the past of that literary past, how can you do that in present terms? Is it even possible to connect the past to the past in the present?

Confused? You should be. It’s awkward and non-intuitive to try to shoehorn this tense into a typical story. So if you can’t wrap your mind around all this riddle stuff, just remember the general rule: In fiction, the present progressive almost never occurs outside of dialogue. Forget about the present perfect and stick with progressive conjugations for ongoing actions (“has been sleeping”) or the past perfect for completed action (“had slept”).

Common error: Using this tense in a present participial phrase. “Mary often found herself wondering if her baby has slept through the night.” I think the -ing participle throws people off tense sometimes.

Past Perfect Tense

Definition: The past perfect tense indicates an action completed in the past before some other past action or event. (The past of the past is the past perfect.)

Example: The baby had slept through the night.

Literary Past Perfect: Indicates actions or events that precede the current scene. The “now” of the story is told in past tense. Anything that happens before that “now” story moment will generally need the past perfect tense — the dreaded had.

Have you been warned not tooveruse the word had? This might mean that you’re slipping out of the scene “now” and using too many past perfect moments. Try to stay in scene. It’s a good thing. J

Common error: Using past perfect to describe sequential events in the current scene. “Mary had heard the baby crying and she got out of bed.” Hearing comes before getting up, but you’re in linear scene time, so no past perfect usage is necessary.

Future Perfect Tense

Definition: The future perfect tense indicates a future action or event that will be completed before some other future action or event.

Example: By the time he’s in kindergarten, the baby will have slept through the night. (The baby has not yet slept through the night. In the future, the baby will be in kindergarten. Before that future scholastic event, another future event — sleeping through the night — will be a done deal.) (Yes, the adverbial clause contains a present tense verb that snuck in via a conjuction. Good on you for spotting it!)

Literary Future Perfect: Follows basically the same rules as defined above. Does this surprise you? Think of it this way. The future happens after the past and after the present. Doesn’t matter if we’re talking about the real past or the literary “now.”

Common error: Substituting the future tense for the future perfect. “By the time he was in kindergarten, the baby will sleep through the night.”

Congratulations to all of you who have managed to read this far. Ask your questions in the comments, and everyone who comments will be entered in a drawing to win a download of Nathalie Gray’s steampunk novel, “Full Steam Ahead,” where the past and the present mingle freely in that way familiar to fans of the subgenre.

* * *

A huge thanks to Theresa for providing such an amazing resource on verb tense! This lecture is going in my keeper file.

Join us on Monday when Tracey chats with author Marjorie Liu about her new romance-themed video game.

Theresa’s Bio:

After earning degrees in creative writing and law, Theresa Stevens worked as a literary attorney agent for a boutique firm based in Indianapolis where she represented a range of fiction and nonfiction authors. The lure of the courtroom led to a nine-year hiatus from the publishing industry, but now Theresa is back as Managing Editor for Red Sage Publishing, a highly acclaimed small press. Her articles on writing and editing have appeared in numerous publications for writers. Visit her blog at http://edittorrent.blogspot.com/ where she and her co-blogger share their knowledge and hardly ever argue about punctuation.