To me, the word conjures the image of a riding lawn mower plowing through a thicket of overgrown chest hair. But the pectorals aren’t the only area where some men unleash a weed whacker. In fact, Gillette’s website boasts a series of animated videos with step-by-step instructions on how a man should effectively shave his bits and pieces. (My favorite slogan is: “You might say when there’s no underbrush, the tree looks taller.”)

I asked a few people their opinions of the manscaping process and this is what I received:

The women said:

“Not a fan. I don’t dig men who tan, blow dry their hair, or spend more time in a salon than me. Only acceptable manscaping is nose hair, ear hair and unibrow…those are gross and should be dealt with.”

“Yuk. Period. Yuk.”

“Ok, first of all, is there a cute little title women can use for WAXING?!?! Hell no, we don’t have to sugar-coat anything…we just say it like it is: ‘I’m getting WAXED today!!’ For men to even consider something so painful there has to be a term to make it not sound so bad. So, on to my thoughts on the actual process of ‘manscaping,’ I HATE HAIR!!! But I don’t have to worry about it because I married my bald, hairless man.”

“Oh hell yes…If I am expected to scape…so are the men!”

And from the guys:

“Manscaping? OK, I’ll go on the record that there is no need for waxing or shaving below the neckline. However, I’ve reached a point where the need to go to the barber is most often precipitated by hair on the ears and eyebrows.”

“Well, I married my wife and she knew what she was getting on that fateful day. So, there is no need to coif my plumage for the younger and newer trends. Not saying I would do that for her, but I don’t see the need as it is a ‘self-inflicted’ pain. Mark my words……70′s Hairy will be back!!!!”

So in celebration and admiration of men who do (and don’t) manscape, take a minute to take these polls and give RU readers the down-low (sorry, couldn’t resist) on this topic. (The poll is formatting strangely on some browsers, so please overlook our post grooming today. )

[polldaddy poll=3076094]

[polldaddy poll=3076079]

[polldaddy poll=3076090]

[polldaddy poll=3076097]

***

Readers, what’s your call? Just how low should a man go? And what are other essential grooming habits every man should embrace?

Be sure to stop by Friday when the fabtabulous Margie Lawson discusses the writers’ “dirty little secret” – jealousy.

Kelsey’s Bio:

Kelsey Browning writes contemporary and paranormal romance with a hint of southern sizzle. In her former life, she worked at one of the ten largest universities in the U.S., raising money and teaching students how to land their dream jobs. These days she pursues her dream job of freelance and fiction writing, which provides excellent benefits such as unlimited coffee and an office dress code that permits flip flops. Originally from Texas, she now lives in the Middle East with her husband, son and seriously spoiled dog. She’s currently at work on the first books in two new series. For more information, please visit www.KelseyBrowning.com.

Our only request was that both scenes be written utilizing the same factors (location, time, etc.).  Jeanne and Mario took it one step further and gave us the same dialogue from both  points of view.   

Let’s turn it over to Jeanne and Mario for some fun. 

Felix-Anna, Not Quite Wedding Crashers

Mario Acevedo

He Said  

She was definitely a vampire.  It wasn’t just her scent–that undead aroma mixed with dried roses–but it was the way she carried herself.  Proud.  Aloof, like she didn’t belong here.  A kick-your-ass vibe coming off her like cologne.

Champagne flute in hand, she circled the enormous wedding cake, a gaudy column of icing that towered over the table set in the middle of the reception floor.  A string quartet played in one corner of the room.  The other guests milled about, sipping punch or champagne, as we waited for the wedding party to arrive.  Wall-to-ceiling windows overlooked the Golden Gate Bridge with a view that said: Ain’t no recession in this neighborhood.

She wore a designer dress, a glamorous slinky number that covered her trim form with just enough material to remain decent.  Stiletto pumps made her legs look dangerously inviting.  My fangs started to itch.

I fell in step behind her and acted like I was interested in the cake.  But my attention was on her rump to see if I could detect a panty-line beneath that clingy sheath.

“The answer is no,” she said.

Since I was the only one within earshot, she had to be talking to me.  “What was the question?”

She turned to face me.  “Whether I was wearing underwear.”  Her blue eyes simmered with attitude.  “That gaze of yours was as subtle as a grope.”

“Blame your dress.  And your shoes.”

She gave me the once-over.  “Didn’t the invitation say ‘white tie?’ ”

I smoothed the front of my white shirt.  “I was close.”  I wore black jeans with a black leather jacket.  “My clothes are washed and my boots polished.”

“And you bathed?  Right?”

“Armpits and everything.”

Her lips pursed to hold back a grin.  “Pure class, aren’t you?”  She quirked an eyebrow toward the other guests.   “This is not your crowd.  You crashing this party?”

“If I had a choice, there’s a dive in North Beach where I’d rather spend the afternoon.  I owe the bride a favor so I have to stick around.”  Which was true.  But I was in San Francisco on an assignment and was killing time.  This reception was good cover for my trip here.

She put her champagne flute on the table and panned the room with a restless expression.  “A dive?  Sounds interesting—”

My cell phone vibrated.  She cocked her head toward the faint buzz.

I expected the call.  Time for me to split.  I turned for the door.

“Heading out?” She asked.

“Duty calls.”

“Lucky you.”

Jeanne Stein

She Said 

What am I doing here?

I look around the room. Big white wedding bells. Flowers in tall vases. A champagne fountain flanked by three-tiers of some kind of white-frosted concoction.

What were they thinking? This is a vampire wedding. Okay, the champagne works. But a cake? Especially one that probably set the bride and groom back a cool thousand? Who the fuck is going to eat it?

I pick up a glass, circle the table.

I feel him looking at me.  His eyes on my butt. When I turn, meet his eyes, he looks away. He acts like he’s looking at the cake, but I keep my eyes on him and sure enough, his gaze circles back. This time to my chest.

Not that I have a particularly impressive chest. I was not over-endowed as a human and as a vampire, it didn’t improve. But I’m wearing an Armani jersey number and Jimmy Choos. A scarecrow would look good in this outfit.

I pick up a flicker of thought.

“The answer is no,” I say.

He acts surprised. “What was the question?”

“Whether I was wearing underwear. That gaze of yours is subtle as a grope.”

“Blame your dress.  And your shoes.”

Since he’s giving me the once-over, I return the favor. He’s not bad looking, not too tall, maybe five-nine or ten, just a hint of a five o’clock shadow on an otherwise clean-shaven face. But what he’s wearing makes him look as out of place as I feel: black jeans, white dress shirt, leather motorcycle jacket, short zip-up boots.

Nice outfit. “Didn’t the invitation say ‘white tie’?”

He’s not letting me into his head. Probably so I won’t read his intentions. Like I need mental telepathy to figure it out.

He says, “I was close. My clothes are washed and my boots polished.”

“And you bathed? Right?”

“Armpits and everything.”

“Pure class, aren’t you?”  I glance around the room.  “This is not your crowd.  You crashing this party?”

“If I had a choice, there’s a dive in North Beach where I’d rather spend the afternoon.  I owe the bride a favor so I have to stick around.”

Restlessly, I sip at my drink. I don’t know why I came. Weddings are not my thing. No one seeks me out. Having extra-powerful vamp mojo tends to isolate one—other vamps either fear me or resent me. And I’m alone. No date. Everybody else is paired up like animals in the arc. All except–

I look up at the guy. He’s still watching, waiting. Then he smiles.

I put my glass down on the table. “A dive? Sounds interesting—”

A purring sound. From his jacket. Too faint for most to hear, but I do.

He puts his glass down. He was expecting the call.

“Heading out?”

“Duty calls.”

Figures.  I sigh and pick up another flute of champagne, watch him walk toward the door. “Lucky you,” I say, raising the glass in a salute to—whoever the hell he was.

 ***

Thank you to Jeanne and Mario for a wonderful post.   And thank you to Holly Atkinson for giving us this great idea! 

Readers, we’d love to hear what differences you found between the male and female point of view? 

Jeanne and Mario will be with us today to answer questions.   Be sure to join us on Friday when CJ Lyons will discuss turning points and pinches.

Bios: Mario Acevedo writes the Felix Gomez vampire-detective series for Eos HarperCollins.  He travels the psychic plane to research his stories about vampires, werewolves, alien gangsters, and radioactive nymphomaniacs.  In the latest adventure, JAILBAIT ZOMBIE, Felix battles zombies for the ultimate undead smackdown.  Mario lives and writes in Denver, Colorado. Visit Mario’s website at http://www.marioacevedo.com.

Jeanne Stein is the bestselling author of the Urban Fantasy series, The Anna Strong  Vampire Chronicles. Last April, her character, Anna Strong, was chosen 2008′s Best Urban Fantasy Protagonist by RT Book Review Magazine. The fifth in the Anna Strong series, Retribution, was released in August.  Visit Jeanne’s website at www.jeannestein.com

But Cathy’s here to give us the “good stuff” and internet dating safety tips every woman should know. She’ll be checking in throughout the day to answer questions. Don’t be shy–it’s impossible to make Cathy blush. Believe me, I’ve tried.

Here are a few vitals about Cathy:

Age: 45

Gender: Female

Ethnicity: White

Region: Midwest

Status: In a Relationship

Cathy, take it away!

What led to your decision to try internet dating and how long did you use it?

I decided to try out internet dating because I really didn’t know where to meet men.  I work two jobs, so time is an issue. Plus I don’t go to church or belong to any organizations, never meet or see many men in the grocery stores, don’t care for dating people I work with and with the bar scene you run into the same crowd.

What was your goal – to find the one, companionship, sex?

I started out on the internet with the idea of finding the one, my soul mate.  I did date several men some for short periods and others for longer periods. As time progressed, I found that I didn’t need that soul mate. I actually liked being my own person but it took some heartbreaking rejections, me being rejected and me doing the rejection.  I found I didn’t want to live their life. I wanted to live my life my way. So then the dating became companionship, someone to share time with, yet still have our own places and our own space to escape to.

How does it differ from traditional dating methods?

I think this method is a great way to meet many people and is much better then the traditional methods. I have met men in my own neighborhood on the net that lived down the street that I have never ran into in the grocery store due to the simple fact we have too many of the same stores within blocks of each other.  I would never have run into a man who lived 10 miles away because I tend to shop, eat, have cocktails in local places, not 10 miles away.  It does open up your boundaries from even 2 miles away.

Where did you meet men prior to internet dating?

I didn’t do much dating until the net. I’d meet guys at the bar, but it never turned into anything. Most of the guys at work were married or too young.

What sites have you utilized?

I have used Match.com, Millionaire Match, Date.com and many others thinking not everyone joins all of these services. I was wrong. Other people were doing the same thing I was. It’s the same people on many sites, probably hoping like I was that they were going to find the one person who only joined one service.

Did you have any long-term relationships occur as a result of this service? One night stands?

I have had a few relationships and made many friends that I’m still in contact with, and, yes, I do have to admit I’ve had a couple one night stands.

Have you ever seen your date from afar, didn’t like what you saw, and left him sitting there waiting?

I am not that kind of person to ditch people, however, my sister would do this to men all the time.  My first date was like the date from hell. I met the guy at a bar/restaurant. When I arrived, I called him and asked him to meet me outside. He replied, “No, just come in.” Now, I started thinking about my sister and how she treated men, so I figured this was gonna be the pay back. I walked in, pretending I was suppose to be there and walked into a mass of people. How was I suppose to find this guy? There were no single guys sitting at tables, so I figured he had to be at the bar. With his back to me. No photos on dating sites of guys’ backs! Then, an idea came to me. I called him again and waited for one of the guys at the bar to answer his phone. Needless to say, that date didn’t work out. But it felt good to outfox the guy.

From this incident, I learned never to let myself get into a position where the guy can check me out and dump me before ever meeting me! It’s hard enough to go somewhere alone to meet a stranger. So, I would get the guy’s cell phone number, call him on arrival and have him meet me at the door. No way would I look through a bar to find my date. If the guy wanted to meet me, then he could greet me at the door and we’d enter together.

What misconceptions do people (users & non-users) have about internet dating?

A lot of people think it is a meeting place strictly for sex (for some men, this is true). That it’s dangerous (who says you can’t meet a serial killer at a grocery store?). Women are selling themselves (don’t we always sell ourselves?). And the men are not what they pretend to be (well, are we always telling the truth?).

Do you recommend internet dating versus traditional?

Yes, I highly recommend internet dating versus traditional dating!  You can meet a person 5 miles away that you would never have run into otherwise. It opens many doors compared to traditional dating.

What advice do you have for women considering this option? What do they need to know in order to protect themselves from potential predators?

I can write a book on this, but my biggest recommendation is always tell someone what you are doing, send them a copy (NOT THE LINK) of the guy’s profile to their email so they have a photo and whatever else he wrote and it can never disappear. Always meet at a public place and, if you get drinks, always get the drink when you are present.  I would tell the waitress when I went to use the washroom that if my friend orders me a drink to wait till I come back to the table to deliver it. They knew what I was doing and I never had an issue. I don’t want something dropped into my drink while I’m away. If you both decide to change locations, never ever get into his car. You drive yourself to the next spot. By entering his car, you put yourself at risk.  Never invite a guy back to your place–no matter how good it sounds. Remember, he will now know where you live!! Always check in with a friend when you leave and when you get home. A good friend will not have a problem with this. You need to think and protect yourself. A guy should never get offended with you doing any of this. If he does, then there is an issue with him.

Are you still involved in internet dating? If not, why? If yes, have your goals changed from when you first began using this service?

No, I have not used it in over 5 years, I did meet someone who was on the service as well. We met at a bar, but never ran across each other on the site. We started dating seriously, so I ended internet dating. That relationship ended, and I have since met another person, but I haven’t returned to internet dating.. If I do go back on, I will be looking strictly for companionship, and, if I come across the one, then I will go from there.

For the first date, what do you generally do (drinks, coffee, dinner)? Did your “process” change as you went along?

I usually went for drinks at a bar. I never felt right going for dinner on a first meet and making him pay for it, plus, if I wasn’t interested, I didn’t want to have to sit through the whole dinner with him.

How many men have contacted you first for a date?

I contacted several men. I felt safe since it wasn’t really a face to face rejection. I was a little bolder on the net. You actually feel kinda of in power because you know you would never have done it in person.

Did you ever offer to pay or split the bill? Did the guys let you pay?

I would usually offer to buy the 2^nd or 3^rd round of drinks if we were there that long. It is only fair in my eyes, and, if I liked the guy, I didn’t want him to think I was just there to free load off him. Oh yeah, they always let me pay.

What’s your strategy for a quick exit?

I would meet the person, have a drink, and then tell them I have to get up early so I’ll have to make this an early evening.  I never could just up and leave him there without saying goodbye and thank you. I find most guys are interesting to chat with even if you have no thoughts of ever seeing him again.

Have you ever expected sex on a first date? Have you ever gotten sex on a first date?

I never planned sex on the first date, but it has happened.

Did you ever have sex with a guy you weren’t attracted to?

No, I would never have sex with a guy I wasn’t attracted to. I don’t mean in a physical way only either. I do become attracted to guys for their personality, humor etc.

Do you usually end up at his place or yours?

If we end up somewhere, it would usually be his place. I don’t want someone to know where I live until I am 100% comfortable.

What’s the first thing you saw on a man’s profile that made you want to contact that person?

Photos

What was the second thing you looked at besides the photo (income, kids, smoking)?

Kids at home (I am not looking to be a mom), and then income (not looking for a millionaire but don’t want to support him either. I like it when they guy’s making a tad bit more then me usually).

What are the top two things men lie about on their profiles?

Men always lie about their age, of course, making themselves younger. They use older photos but not like from high school. Next, they lie about their height. They always make themselves taller than they really are.  Last thing would be salary. I like when they say they’re making $150K a year, but they’re living with roommates.

Thanks, Cathy!

RU Readers, do you know anyone who’s used an internet dating service? Did s/he find The One? Check back on October 28 for Part Two: A Guy’s Perspective on Internet Dating.

Tune in Friday for Mary Buckham’s lecture on Troubleshooting Your Plot Holes! Leave a comment for a chance to win a copy of Break Into Fiction or a one-on-one help with a query letter–winner’s choice!

Her years of military experience, at a time when a woman in the military wasn’t so common, gives Terri a unique perspective on the male mind that many women cannot relate to. 

Here’s Terri!

Why can’t men think more like a woman?

There’s a song I remember hearing when I was a kid growing up in California, “Why can’t a woman think (or be) more like a man.”  Of course, none of us really want that.  What we want is for the opposite sex just to understand where we’re coming from and to hear us.

When I joined the U.S. Army back in 1979 after graduating from UCLA and the Army ROTC program it was a very, very interesting time.  It had only been a few years since the end of the Viet Nam war, but it was also less than a year after the military integrated women into the regular ranks with the men.  Most young folks don’t realize that when women joined the military prior to 1978 they joined a separate military – pink for girls and blue for boys.  For the army it was the WACs or the Women’s Army Corps.  As a result, there were many jobs and assignments that were not available to women, something that took years to overcome even after the integration.

I was one of the very first female engineer officers in the army after the integration, having graduated from ROTC two years prior to the first female officers graduating from the U.S. Military Academy at West Point.  So, when I showed up for the Engineer Officer Basic Course at Fort Belvoir, VA in March of 1979 there were only two women in the class – I was one of them.  The higher ups decided to put us in different training platoons, because heaven forbid two women should be in close proximity to each other.  I guess they were afraid that we’d conspire to do something unfathomable like work well together, or teach the men to do the dishes — or, heaven forbid, get in touch with their feelings.  Maybe they were afraid we’d both have PMS at the same time.  Although, this was a time when men had a growing fascination watching women mud wrestle.

As the training progressed, I noticed that there were lots of senior officers observing our training sessions in the field, including some with stars.  Now, it’s possible that these high-ranking officers would have been around anyway, but I suspected that was not the case.  I sensed that they were there to make sure everything was going well because of the presence of women and the political and PR fall out there would have been had something terrible happened.  You see the military had also gone all-volunteer and it was very difficult to convince men to join the military after all the negativity of the last years of the Viet Nam War.  So, really, women helped save the day by joining and keeping units at minimum strength levels.

I became convinced that we had so many high-ranking observers because of the females when I was singled out to place explosives in an obstacle that the other platoon had built.  The training Sergeant had a wry sense of humor by choosing me as it made the senior officers watching very nervous and he was a bit disgruntled that so many had shown up when in the past that wasn’t the case.  The Sergeant whispered in my ear that all eyes were on me as I calculated how much C-4 (plastic explosives) to use.  I showed him my calculations and he verified that they were correct and then he instructed me to use all the C-4 we had left, which was more than required.  He told me that he didn’t want to do the paperwork to turn in any excess C-4 after we returned from the field exercise.  Made sense to me.  Apparently paperwork is equally disliked by both sexes.  I smiled and packed the C-4 into the obstacle.

Then we moved a safe distance away, lit the det cord, and waited.  The explosion was impressive and it felt great having made the earth move a little beneath such higher-ups’ feet.  It was unclear if there was any doubt in their minds after this as to whether or not women could or could not do the job.  Then I was selected to make a road crater, using nitroglycerin.  The same senior officers showed up to watch the show, but this time they moved further away, clearly a bit nervous from the last experience of combining me and explosives.  Once again, I made the earth move beneath their feet, but more than that, I communicated to them that I could relate to them on their terms.  It was a blast on so many levels!

The attention remained focused on me as I progressed to my first assignment.  Female engineer officers were very rare back then and I routinely had the opportunity for conversations with senior officers.  The topic of women in combat was a frequent one and I found the attitudes very interesting.  I remember one conversation with a Colonel about some of the jobs that were closed to women, which meant assignments and promotions were limited as well.  A common answer was that the U.S. wasn’t ready for women to come home in body bags.  My answer – “Oh really, sir, women end up in body bags on main street USA all the time due to domestic violence – we seem to be ready for that.”  Another time, to a different officer my answer was, “So, I only have to worry about the bullets that are pink for girls and not the ones that are blue for boys.”  I even had the nerve to ask one senior officer to give me a written guarantee that women wouldn’t die in combat because we weren’t ready, something he admitted he couldn’t do.  My point of course was that there’s only so much control any of us have and to say we aren’t ready for something doesn’t mean it won’t happen.  Fast forward to the Iraq war and we all know how true that is.

After serving as a platoon leader and company commander, I moved up to a staff officer position with our higher headquarters.  One day I engaged in a lively conversation with one of the supply sergeants.  It was Black History Month and as an African American he had concerns about how this was being approached.  Since it was the early 1980′s and before the World Wide Web or before having more than a hundred channels available on television sets – including the History Channel, the approach really was limited.  The Sergeant had just left the Group Commander’s office where he had pitched an idea about presenting an improved historical perspective during duty hours.  The Group Commander said that the Sergeant could hold a session after duty hours but not during, something that made the Sergeant unhappy. 

Now I had worked with this Sergeant extensively when I was a company commander and had great respect for him as a person and soldier so it was important to me that he not walk away so disgruntled or feeling left out.  I offered up my assessment that at least the commander was offering him the use of the large briefing room and allowing him to invite the soldiers in.  The Sergeant’s response was that it needed to be mandatory otherwise people would blow it off.  I said I understood but countered that if I went into the commander’s office and asked for the same concession but regarding the history of women and all that they’ve contributed, I would get the same response from the commander.  I then asked the Sergeant if he thought the troops would willingly sit through my presentation — thinking to myself they’d show up only if there were bikini-clad women pole dancing.  This was before Women’s History Month was established. 

The Sergeant calmed down a bit but was determined to share his thoughts so I listened.  He talked about how most people just didn’t understand the racial history of the world and I agreed.  He pointed out how most of the world depicted Jesus as a white man despite the fact that the area Jesus came from would not support this false image.  Okay, so the talk was turning towards religion.  If you think the communication between the sexes is bad, we all know that communication between major religious groups is even worse.  I tried to get the Sergeant off the talk of religion but he went for the Holy Grail and asked me why white people always insisted that God is white.  I looked him right in the eye and said, “Sergeant, I don’t care what color She is.”

The Sergeant walked away with an understanding smile and laughing, which was my objective all along.

You see – we all just want to be understood.  We just have to listen to find the right words the other person will understand, regardless of gender or race.  Humor often helps.

Thank you to Terri for being with us.  I’d have loved to see you with that C-4!  Terri is here to answer any questions we may have about working with men in a predominantly male environment so have it everyone.

Here is a little more about Terri: 

She lives in the Chicago area with her daughter and musician Sarah Stone, and a stubborn West Highland Terrier named Rocky who just turned sixteen.  Terri holds a Bachelors Degree in French from UCLA and Masters’ Degrees in Geography from UC Santa Barbara and Systems Management from the University of Southern California (USC). A former Army engineer, Terri taught Geography and Leadership at the prestigious United States Military Academy at West Point.  She has served at Army facilities from coast to coast and along the Demilitarized Zone in South Korea and left the Army with the rank of Major.  Terri devours both Mysteries and Romances and is a member of the board for the Love Is Murder Con (www.loveismurder.net) held every year in Chicago on the first weekend in February. She has completed a screenplay and her first romantic suspense fiction work. She can be reached at the Windy City RWA website (www.windycityrwa.org) or by e-mail at tvmstone@yahoo.com.

Be sure to check in on Friday when Tracey will have a great post by literary agent Donald Maass.