And…as an extra bonus, she’s graciously offered two 1,000 word crits to two lucky commenters.  

More than any other genre – in fact, more than all the other genres combined – Romance has a “THING” about contests. 

When I first joined RWA I was astounded at the number of contests that existed for both published and unpublished authors. I’ve judged dozens of unpublished contests over the past few years, including the Golden Heart. I usually judge romantic suspense and paranormal since those are the genres I’m most familiar with. But I’ve also judged historical and single title contemporary romance. 

The vast majority of entries I receive are… pretty terrible. Honestly, I don’t believe they have been critiqued, edited, revised… NUTTIN HONEY! Just a lot of dreadful first draft thrown out there. When I do get an entry that the writer put more than 5 minutes into writing IT SHOWS!

But what about all those other entries: The Good, the Bad and the Horrid? 

Most of them shared common shortcomings. I hesitate to call them actual mistakes, because in most cases, they were easily fixable.

Instead, I’ll just say here are the five things that drive contest judges (and agents and editors too, I’m sure) BONKERS! 

1.    The story starts in the wrong place  

• 9 out of 10 Prologues are unnecessary

Most of them show (or worse TELL) a bunch of back story that the reader doesn’t need to know yet (or maybe ever). Or they show an event unrelated to the present course of action in the story. 

If it is that important then it needs to be Chapter 1. 

•  There’s no hook

In these days of instant gratification everyone has a short attention span. If you don’t pull the reader in on the very first page (or the first paragraph) they won’t stick around to read the second. 

•  The opening is a cliché

Here are a few I and every contest judge have seen too many times:

Hero or heroine (H/H) has a dream,

looks at self in mirror,

contemplates house/apartment,

hates job,

is late,

gets fired.

I’m not saying you can’t make one of these work, I’m just saying you better put a HELLUVA twist on it to make it feel fresh.

 2.   The pacing is off

•  Glaciers move faster 

Remember what I said about everyone’s short attention span? A slow moving story puts you at a disadvantage right off.

•  Pace is uneven – starts with fast action but suddenly shifts to slow introspection, or vice versa 

I love suspense in a story. But I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve been reading along during a face-paced action sequence and suddenly, the heroine (or hero) STOPS in mid-action to remember something in her (his) past. 

Or worse, the H/H are fleeing for their lives, the bad guys are closing in. But their attraction gets the better of them and the H/H take time for a little quickie… Um NO! Not even a make-out scene when they’re in mortal danger. 

• Character development, setting, etc. are sacrificed for a fast-moving pace 

I know you’ve seen this one too. The story opens with a BIG BATTLE or a FRANTIC CHASE. People are fighting with each other or running from each other, and you have NO IDEA WHY. You don’t know who these people are or what they are fighting against or running from NOR DO YOU CARE!

Readers need to know enough about the characters and their plight to become invested in the story… 

 3.    Hero and/or Heroine is under-developed or unsympathetic 

•  If your H/H don’t like each other at the beginning of your story, chances are one or both of them may strike the judge as   unsympathetic.

•  If one of your main characters is not introduced right away (not until page 23 of a 25 page entry) then chances are the judge will consider them under-developed. Remember I can’t judge something that’s not there.

• Be sure your ‘cute meet’ is actually cute and believable.

 4.   Info Dumps 

• Use back  story like fertilizer – sprinkled lightly over a wide area. Large chunks of either tend to stink. I know you know everything in the world about your hero (or heroine), but does the reader really need to be shown all that in the first or second chapter? Probably not.

• Ditto with descriptions (be they of setting, characters, whatever), they are necessary but need to be spread with a measured and thoughtful hand. I know you meticulously researched the flora, fauna, and architecture of the Outer Hebrides, but you are not going to impress me (or 99 out of 100 readers) if you dump all your findings on page 3 of your manuscript. More than likely, you’re going to annoy me.

• Writing needs to flow. ‘Action then Dump’ or ‘Dialogue then Dump’ is not flow (see “pacing” above). Remember what I said about dumping a bunch of info in the middle of a fight or chase. Also, don’t end (or worse stop in the midst of) an intense conversation with a 3 paragraph dump of your heroine’s (or hero’s) back story!  

5.   Dialogue Issues 

• Talking Heads – Ernest Hemingway and Janet Evanovich can get away with it, but you can’t! Two characters are talking away – there might even be dialogue tags or some body language – but ABSOLUTELY NOTHING is going on around them! If the characters are in a restaurant then WHERE is their waiter? The other diners? What about their food? Anchor that scene and show the reader where they are and what they are doing besides talking.

• Everybody talks the same. Sorry, but that well-educated and sophisticated Dallas lawyer is not going to talk like the cop from Jersey. And I do not mean dialect, I’m talking about vocabulary and syntax. Well-done movies can help you recognize regional and ethnic speech differences.

• People don’t really talk that way, or they do and that’s the problem. I don’t care if he is English, if your hero is trying to extract life and death information from your villain, he is not going to say, “Sorry old chap, but if you don’t tell me, I’ll be forced to shoot you.”

And please, PLEASE don’t have your heroine give me that flora and fauna info dump in her conversation! She can say, “Pretty blue flowers” but even if she IS a botany professor, don’t have her give a lecture.

•  Finally, dialogue is not meant to be a word-for-word transcription of actual conversation. You don’t need to write, “Hey you!”

“Who me?”

“Yes, you.”

“What do you want?”

“Are you John’s sister?”

“No.”

“His cousin?”

“Yes.”

I’m afraid I’ve seen dialogue just that bad. It needs to advance the plot and/or develop your characters, otherwise you risk driving your poor contest judge (and readers) BONKERS!

So there you have my five things: bad beginnings, pacing, under-developed hero or heroine, info dumps, and dialogue issues. Grab your contest entries and scour them for these offenders. I can’t guarantee if your manuscript is free of all five that it will be a winner, but I can guarantee that your poor contest judge won’t be carted off to the rubber room. At least not because of your manuscript!

Aunty Cindy would love to help you with your contest entry, so she’s giving away two critiques of the first 1,000 words of your manuscript to random commenters.

***

Please feel free to ask questions about my five things. Have you ever judged a contest, or read a book that had one of them? Are there other things you’ve read that drive you BONKERS? Please share with us.

Harlequin author Christina Hollis presents Five Things to Smooth Your Road to Publication on Friday, November 18th.

 ***

Bio: A Golden Heart finalist, Loucinda McGary is the author of three contemporary romantic suspense novels, The Wild Sight, The Treasures of Venice and The Wild Irish Sea. Her novelette, The Sidhe Princess, is available on Amazon, Smashwords and Barnes and Noble. Loucinda blogs regularly with Romance Bandits (www.romancebandits.blogspot.com) and on her personal blog Aunty Cindy Explains It All (www.auntycindy.blogspot.com).  Please check out her website: www.LoucindaMcgary.com

Mon, 11/14 – Adrienne gives us an update on her publishing journey and why she considers it a marathon and not a sprint. Adrienne will give away one copy of Risking Trust. http://adriennegiordano.com/

Wed, 11/16 – After judging dozens of contests, Loucinda McGary has seen it all — the good, the bad and the horrible. Make sure your entry falls into the first category by reading her 5 things that drive judges bonkers. http://www.loucindamcgary.com

Thurs, 11/17 – Romance is a big genre with a large audience. Julie Rowe shares her thoughts on the long list of subgenres that have sprung up to satisfy the many millions of romance readers’ demand for more and more stories, even though medical romance is still a hard sell…to some. http://www.julieroweauthor.com

Fri, 11/18 – Harlequin Author Christina Hollis offers tips on the bumpy road to publication. http://www.christinahollis.com

All Romance University lectures are generously provided by our Visiting Professors. RU is a tuition-free zone!

Best regards,

Adrienne Giordano, Tracey Devlyn, Carrie Spencer, Jennifer Tanner, Robin Covington, Kelsey Browning, and Becke Martin-Davis

Today Loucinda McGary is here to teach a Chaos Theory of Writing class about the writing pitch. She’ll also be giving away her newest release, The Wild Sight, to one lucky commenter. Loucinda, thank you for taking the time to visit with Romance University readers!

NOTE: Because of an unforeseen conflict, Loucinda will pop in over the weekend, rather than today, to answer comments.

Kelsey: Could you provide a quick definition of pitching as it relates to writing?

Loucinda: I don’t know about “definition” but to me pitching is the opportunity to sell your story in the most compelling and quick way. This is often the same thing an editor has to do to sell manuscripts to the sales and acquisitions staff at their publishing house. One or two minutes may be all the time you (or the editor or agent) have to convince someone to take a chance on your work.

Kelsey: Would you share your process for writing a pitch?

Loucinda: I try to have two different length pitches for each manuscript. One is the ‘elevator pitch’ which is two or three short, punchy sentences designed to ‘hook’ the listener into wanting to know more. This is the pitch you give to the editor or agent you meet in the elevator at RWA National. Don’t laugh, I met my editor in an elevator at RWA National!

The second, slightly longer version is what I call the ‘cover blurb’ pitch. This pitch expands upon your ‘hook’ and is much the same as the back cover copy on a book. I briefly mention the hero and heroine, the basic conflict, and something unique about the story. For formal editor and agent appointments, this slightly longer version can be expanded upon to include the sub-genre, manuscript length, and any other writing credentials you might have for writing the story. I like to keep the blurb pitch short enough to give the editor or agent time to ask me questions, or vice versa.

Kelsey: What can a writer do to hone his or her pitch writing skills?

Loucinda: As the old story goes, the same way you get to Carnegie Hall… Practice, practice, practice! Seriously, if you are having a tough time boiling your story down to two or three sentences, try writing a pitch for a book you’ve recently read.

Also, if you have critique partners who are very familiar with your story, have them write your pitch. Sometimes they have just the needed perspective that you lack, and you can return the favor for them.

Kelsey: Do you find other skills are necessary for a face-to-face pitch session?

Loucinda: Once again, practice! Do a little role playing with your critique partner or maybe members of your local RWA chapter. The more times you can practice it, the more relaxed you will be.

You do NOT want your verbal pitch to sound like the poem you had to recite in your junior high school English class! I’ve seen lots of people write their pitch out on index card and then proceed to read them at their editor or agent appointment, never once making eye contact with the person to whom they are pitching. Please don’t do this! Jot down a few pertinent words on your index card if you are worried you might forget your hero or heroine’s name, the setting, or conflict. But don’t write out complete sentences you will be tempted to read verbatim. Make eye contact and smile. You’ll be surprised how much more relaxed you feel if you do. 

Kelsey: What would you say are some mistakes new writers make either when writing the pitch or pitching a manuscript?

Loucinda: I’d say the most common error is ‘not setting the hook.’ You must catch the agent or editor’s attention immediately. This person has read or heard literally thousands of pitches. You must make yours stand out! What is the most unique or compelling aspect of your story? Concentrate on that.

I’ve also heard writers fall victim to ‘TMI’ – Too Much Information. You don’t need to give a synopsis of your entire book, and be careful not to ramble. Hit the high points and then stop talking. If the editor or agent wants to know more, s/he will ask. And whatever you do, if the agent or editor says, “Sorry, not for me.” DO NOT try to change his/her mind! Just smile as graciously as you can and say, “Thank you for your time.”

Kelsey: Please feel free to include any other words of wisdom on the pitch.

Loucinda: I’ve noticed lately that a lot of emphasis is placed on “high concept” and I’m not convinced that this makes for the most effective pitch. Too many people think they’ve written ‘the next Harry Potter’ or ‘the next Twilight’, and even if you have, if you are the fourteenth person that day to make the claim, do you really think the editor or agent will take you seriously?

I’d also be very careful about making comparisons with current books and movies for two reasons. First, if you say, “my book is ‘Sex In The City’ meets ‘Supernatural’” or “this is the Latina version of ‘Bridget Jones’ Diary’.” You run the risk that the person you are pitching to doesn’t like one of those books, films, or shows. Second, particularly in the case of movies or TV shows, the person might not have seen or heard of the one in your example, so your pitch will mean nothing to them.

One of my critique partners suggested I pitch the story that became The Wild Sight as “‘Medium’ goes to Ireland.” I didn’t take this suggestion because I didn’t think enough people were familiar with the show ‘Medium.’ Instead I went with: An Irish clairvoyant must use his gift of “the Sight” to solve both a current and a past murder, while dealing with a beautiful woman who claims to be his half-sister.

Loucinda, we appreciate your willingness to share your knowledge about the pitching process! I especially like the idea of having your critique partners write your pitch (wink, wink to Tracey and Adrienne).

Thank you for inviting me!

A life-long avid reader, Loucinda McGary (aka Aunty Cindy) writes the kinds of stories she likes to read — stories with danger, romance and a touch of the unexpected. She joined RWA in 2001, and at the end of 2003 quit her dreaded day job to pursue her twin passions of travel and writing.

 On September 14, 2007 she received “The Call” and made her first sale. Her debut novel, The Wild Sight, a contemporary romantic suspense set in Northern Ireland was released in October, 2008. Her second romantic suspense, The Treasures of Venice will be released in September, 2009, and her third, The Wild Irish Sea is set for a Spring 2010 release. All are from Sourcebooks Casablanca.

 Cindy blogs regularly with Casablanca Authors (www.casablancaauthors.blogspot.com) and Romance Bandits (www.romancebandits.blogspot.com). Please check out her website: www.LoucindaMcgary.com