Ed Gaffney, Suzanne Brockmann and Jason Gaffney

About a year and a half ago, I took a break from writing legal-thrillers and I co-wrote a screenplay called “The Perfect Wedding” with Suzanne Brockmann (my wife, who is a New York Times bestselling author) and our son, Jason. We liked the result, and we went on to produce the movie. (It’s an ensemble romantic comedy featuring Hollywood veterans James Rebhorn and Kristine Sutherland. It’s in post-production now–we’ll be submitting it to film festivals starting in February or March.)

As the film went through the long journey from idea to completed picture, I got a front row seat to the radical differences between telling a story through novel-writing and telling a story through movie-making. For those authors out there considering pointing their talents (and their keyboards) in the direction of the big screen, here are a few things I’ve learned.

Actor Eric Aragon ("Paul Fowler"), Director Scott Gabriel, Line Producer Matt Dunnam

Lesson One – When you complete the final draft of your screenplay, it is not even close to being finished.

One of the joys I experience as a novelist is reaching the end of the journey with my characters. I really like getting through the climactic moment of the story, tying up the loose ends, and bringing the book to a tight, neat closing. A closing that is very much defined by me typing the words: The End.

And I have never had a reader come to me after reading one of my books and say, “You know what? I think you should change the end of chapter three, and the dialogue in the scene at the diner between the lawyer and the investigator should be tighter.”

It’s not that I write perfect books — it’s just that everyone understands that when the book is out there for sale, it’s done. No changing the end of chapter three. No tightening the dialogue in the diner scene. A reader may or may not like any particular part of the book, but there’s no changing it. It’s published. It’s done.

So I was far from prepared when virtually everyone who read the completed script (I’m talking about everyone — the director, the actors, the investors, my mother-in-law — you name it) acted as if our completed, finished, and very very polished screenplay were just a draft.

Because for the writers, we were done. We’d gone over the screenplay many times, and we’d gotten it just the way we wanted it. We’d written the final scene — we’d written FADE TO BLACK and CREDITS at the bottom of the last page.

And yet, everyone assumed that the script wasn’t finished.

You know what? They were right.

(L to R) Actors Eric Aragon ("Paul Fowler") and Jason T. Gaffney ("Gavin Greene")

The problem is that for book writers, when you’ve gone through revisions and editing, and you finally stand up from the computer for the last time, the writing really is finished. The manuscript goes to the printer, printed books get shipped to the stores, and then (fingers crossed) books get bought by the readers. But when you’re telling a story through the movies, when you stand up from the computer after the last page of the screenplay is written, you’re just getting started. Because what ends up on the screen isn’t necessarily what you wrote on the page. And that’s thanks in large part to something else that I learned about movies….

Lesson Two — Every screenplay has a million co-writers.

There is a very real possibility that dozens of people who work on the movie that you’ve written might end up suggesting or creating something that adds to, or replaces something in your script. The script that was already finished, and that you had deemed just right. And as unnerving as that might sound to a writer, when the right people are on the team, that kind of collaboration can sometimes lead to something very special.

For example, in The Perfect Wedding, a critical moment arises when Richard (played by James Rebhorn) attempts to reassure his wife, Meryl (played by Kristine Sutherland) that despite his recent diagnosis of early-onset Alzheimer’s, no matter what happens, he will never forget her or their children, Paul and Alana. Richard’s dialogue includes the following passage: “They haven’t invented a disease that will make me forget you, or Paul, or Alana, or how much I love all of you. Maybe my body will stop working. Maybe even my mind. But my heart — Alzheimer’s isn’t going to touch my heart.”

No matter what else Suz, Jace and I changed about the script as we went from draft to draft, we always left that section alone. We felt like we’d gotten it just right. The emotion, the language, the content, everything.

And then, our big star, Jim Rebhorn, took me aside and asked me to change it.

I had no idea how to handle the situation. Jim had appeared in over a hundred movies and televisions shows, including blockbusters (Independence Day, Meet the Parents), Oscar nominees and winners (My Cousin Vinny, Cold Mountain, The Talented Mr. Ripley), and Emmy winners (30 Rock, Seinfeld, Homeland). And on top of all of that experience, he was nice, he was smart, and he was really talented. Yet every instinct I had was telling me that the message that Richard was delivering, and the way the language flowed, was going to make this monologue and this scene one of the emotional high points of the movie. I was sure that changing it would weaken the writing, and the scene.

(L to R) Actors Kristine Sutherland ("Meryl Fowler") and James Rebhorn ("Richard Fowler")

But Jim was concerned that Richard’s message to Meryl might mislead people into believing that all Alzheimer’s patients needed to do to counteract any loss of memory was to will themselves into remembering. So he suggested adding some language to make clear that Richard was speaking in an emotional context, not in a clinical one.

And while we certainly did not intend to leave anyone with the impression that Alzheimer’s patients had some control over the loss of their memory, we really didn’t want to tinker with what we’d written.

And then, I got an idea. I suggested that Richard start to say the words that Jim wanted to add, but then get too emotionally caught up to continue. So the new line read, “…Maybe even my mind. But my heart, that’s where … Alzheimer’s isn’t going to touch my heart.”

And you know what? The addition of those two words — “that’s where” — made the scene better. You should see what Jim and Kristine did with that moment. It’s one of my favorites in the movie. And it never would have happened it without Jim’s input.

Lesson Three — You are not in control of your story. (A less delicate way to say it would be: It’s not really your story.)

Imagine this: You’ve written a book, a time travel story, set in Phoenix. The story isn’t dependent on taking place in Phoenix, but that’s what you’ve imagined, and like any good writer, you carefully weave the story into its setting. You think it would make a good movie, and so, as an exercise, you decide to write a screenplay version of the book. You show the screenplay to some people in the film industry, and they’re impressed. One (an agent) decides it’s so good that he wants to try to sell it.

(L to R) actors Apolonia Davalos ("Alana Fowler"), Kristine Sutherland ("Meryl Fowler"), Eric Aragon ("Paul Fowler") and James Rebhorn ("Richard Fowler")

Fast forward a few years. Nothing has come of the screenplay, and you are back to writing books.

Then, one day, you get approached by a producer/director (let’s call him “Mr. Hollywood”) who would like to make your Phoenix time travel book into a movie. And when you show Mr. Hollywood your screenplay, he’s thrilled. He’s even more interested in doing the movie.

And then imagine learning that Mr. Hollywood has met with an investor, and everything is a go, as long as the movie is set in Pittsburgh, and not Phoenix. Because the investor lives in Pittsburgh, and would like to fund a movie that’s set in Pittsburgh.

This really happened to Suz some years ago. And because she wanted to see her book made into a movie, she busted her rear end, researching Pittsburgh and the surrounding area to rewrite the screenplay so that it would believably take place in Western Pennsylvania.

She overhauled the script in a week, in order to have it ready for a big meeting between the investor and Mr. Hollywood.

Talks stalled, and the movie never happened.

(L to R) actors Brendan Griffin ("Kirk Corbett") and Apolonia Davalos ("Alana Fowler")

So what’s the take-away? Unless you write, produce, direct, and star in your own movie, you aren’t in control of the screenplay that you write. Your six-foot tall African-American hero? Now he’s five-foot eight, and he’s from Japan. That beautiful scene in front of the waterfall? Didn’t have the budget — now it’s going to take place in a grocery store parking lot.

And you know that scene with the young girl and the dog? Can’t do it. The actress is allergic.

It’s probably going to drive you crazy.

But if you enjoy sharing the creative process with dozens of others, and if you are lucky enough to be a part of a caring, bright and respectful team, you might find yourself in the middle of an unforgettable and a truly enriching experience.

As long as you’re okay setting the whole thing in Pittsburgh.

I’d write more, but I’ve got to go. Because despite the fact that we wrote the screenplay for The Perfect Wedding nearly two years ago, and despite the fact that we filmed it last year, and despite the fact that we’re less than two months from submitting it to film festivals, I’ve got to help write some more dialogue for the sound edit. Because the screenplay isn’t done yet.

I’m not kidding.

***

Have any of you attempted screenwriting? What difficulties did you encounter that were different from novel writing?

We have a full week – not just our usual Mon-Weds-Fri, but EVERY day! Tomorrow JO ROBERTSON of the Romance Bandits is our Visiting Professor. Hope you’ll join us!

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Bio:

2009 Edgar Award Nominee ENEMY COMBATANT

Ed Gaffney is an attorney, an EDGAR nominee for his legal thriller Enemy Combatant, the critically acclaimed author of three other novels (Premeditated Murder, Suffering Fools and Diary of a Serial Killer), as well as the co-producer and co-writer of the off-Broadway production Looking for Billy Haines, the writer and director of the independent feature film Jolly, and one of the writer and producers of The Perfect Wedding. He lives in Florida with his wife, New York Times bestselling author, Suzanne Brockmann.

Ed’s website is here: http://edgaffney.com/

LIKE The Perfect Wedding on Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/ThePerfectWeddingMovie

I love dialogue. Any kind of dialogue.  My husband will testify to that on a personal level, but today we’re here to talk about dialogue within scenes and don’t need his opinion.  

Please welcome author and scriptwriter Cindy Carroll back to RU for another great lecture.

Take it away, Cindy!

Sometimes the best part about a movie is the dialogue.  But what about books?  Most of the time you remember the description.  You remember the characters.  You don’t usually come away from reading a book thinking – Wow, that dialogue was awesome.  So why not?  Dialogue is tough to get right.  Great dialogue is even tougher.  Dialogue has a big job in a book.

Dialogue should serve one or more purpose:  move the plot forward, develop character, illuminate the theme, take the story in a new direction, give the reader information.  There are other purposes of course but those are the ones I aim for.  It can also reveal how characters feel about each other, foreshadow events, provide conflict.  And as long as you do it right, dialogue is showing.

How do you do it right?  How much do you need?  I would say every scene needs dialogue.  Writing good dialogue is hard.  People say some writers just have a talent for it. And that may be true but I think writing good dialogue can be learned.  One tip writers are given is to listen to conversations around them.  Good advice, just don’t write dialogue exactly as you would hear it in the real world.  Real conversations are full of things that you don’t want in your dialogue.  You wouldn’t include the ums, the ahs, the yeses, the nos, the person’s name etc.

For example:  “Gee, Bob, remember the last time your cousin showed up?  We all ended up in jail because Hank, the town Sheriff , had a grudge against him.”

Another example of bad dialogue:

“Betty, are you going to the wedding?”

“No.”

Wouldn’t it better if Betty said something like “I’ll be washing my hair.”  Or “I’d rather have a root canal without any freezing.”  Her answer is still no but it reveals so much more about Betty and the story.

One more example:

“John, what are you doing?’

“Well, um, I’m, ah, nothing really.  Just watching TV.”

Dialogue should be crisp.  Clean.  Serve at least one purpose not just to add word count.  One thing I would highly recommend is watching movies.  Listen to the dialogue.  Listen to the subtext.  Don’t have characters say something they wouldn’t normally say because you the author need to get the information out there.  Try closing your eyes and just listen to the dialogue.  How much of the story do you get?  By the end of the movie do you know all the important parts?  Do you know what happened?  You’ll miss the visuals yes, movies are a visual medium, but do you get the gist of the story?  Is the important information revealed in dialogue? Can you tell who is talking without seeing them?  If you take the dialogue tags out of your manuscript do you know who is speaking?  You should. Each character should have a unique voice.  All of your characters shouldn’t sound the same.

I love subtext.  The deeper meaning in the actions or the dialogue.  Knowing what the person means without them having to actually say it.  I saw a perfect example of subtext in X2 (X Men 2).  Jean Grey tells Logan he’s a bad boy.  Women don’t bring the bad boy home.  They marry the good guy.  Logan tells her he could be a good guy.  This speaks volumes.  He didn’t say straight out that he wanted to marry her.  But he did tell her he wanted to marry her. 

Why is dialogue so important?  White space.  It helps quicken the pace.  A lot of readers don’t like lots of narrative.  They look for those dialogue passages.  There should be a good balance of dialogue and narrative in your story.  I try to make sure I have at least some dialogue on every page.  After all your characters need to talk to each other.  Sometimes that’s the only way you can realistically get information across.  Just remember to make sure it doesn’t sound forced. 

Now get your characters talking.

***

RU Readers, do you have a favorite line of dialogue you would like to share?  We’d love to hear it!

Thank you to Cindy for joining us today.

BIO:Cindy Carroll joined RWA in 1992 and started out writing novels but turned to scripts when an idea for one of her favorite television shows wouldn’t leave her alone. That first attempt, and her second teleplay for the same show, garnered her honorable mention in the Writer’s Digest 76th Annual Writing Competition in the screenplay category.  She graduated from Hal Croasmun’s screenwriting ProSeries intensive in June of 2008.  Her interview with David Rambo, writer/producer for CSI appeared in the summer special edition of The Rewrit, the newsletter for Scriptscene, Romance Writers of America’s screenwriting chapter.  Currently working on the rewrite of her second feature, Cindy is also developing two new television pilots. www.CindyCarroll.com

Join us on Friday when author Zoe Winters tells us what she wishes she would have known before jumping into the self-publishing pool.

Please join me in welcoming Cindy back for another exciting lecture. If you missed her first post on loglines, click here to learn how to boil your story down to 25 words or less.

Take it away, Cindy!

If you write books switching over to screenplays may seem easy. You already know how to tell a story. You know about goal, motivation and conflict. You know that your characters have to be sympathetic. Show don’t tell is a constant mantra you play in your head. You know the story needs to have a beginning, middle and end. And you know the dangers of the sagging middle. Some of you have even taken courses to apply three act structure to your novel. Or a course on applying Joseph Campbell’s Hero’s Journey to your book. And don’t forget the W method of plotting. Piece of cake to switch sides and write movies, right? WRONG. 

Screenplays and books are two very different animals.  While they share a lot in common they are different disciplines.  But ones I think complement each other.  Learning scriptwriting can help you improve your novel writing.  And I believe that writing novels first can give you a head start when it comes to writing screenplays. 

So what are these differences?  While a good story is a good story, there are formatting differences.  In a book an editor or agent probably won’t bat an eyelash if your manuscript is Times New Roman or Courier New.  Margins won’t be a huge concern to them either.  In screenplays formatting is essential.  That’s why, before you sit in front of that computer and type FADE IN: you should read as many scripts as you can.  In the genre you want to write.  There’s a reason for the 1.25 inch margin on the left side.  There’s a reason slug lines (scene headings) are capitalized. A script page does not look like a manuscript page.  And they need to be written in Courier, 12 pt.  Know how to format your script so it looks like a script at the very least before you send it anywhere. 

Which brings me to the whole read, read, read.  The first thing you probably heard when you announced you wanted to write a book was to read, read, read.  Same goes for scripts.  But you need to know what kind of screenplays you’re reading.  By what kind I mean is it a Spec script (a script written on speculation, no contract)?  Is it a shooting script (with scene numbers in the margins)?  Was it written on contract?  Did the director write it?  Was it written by someone with a track record like Robert Orci and Alex Kurtzman (Transformers)?  All those types will be slightly different.  For example some things a director will put in his script (camera angles, shots, transitions) you should not if you’re writing a spec script.  Robert and Alex don’t have to worry so much about the rules. 

Let’s talk about length.  Size matters.  Books generally come in around 400 pages for a 100,000 word book.  For screenplays the general rule of thumb is 85-120 pages.  But you have a fantastic 300 page script you say?  Like almost any rule in writing this one can be broken – once you’ve established yourself.  That means having writing credits (screenwriting writing credits) or production credits under your belt.  If you don’t have the credits and you send in that 300 page script, even if it’s formatted properly, it will most likely be introduced to the trash can before anyone gets past your cover page.  The reason for the strict page limit?  The general rule of thumb is one page of script equals about one minute of screen time.  So that 120 page script is a two hour movie.  And that 300 page masterpiece is a 5 hour epic. 

Let’s move onto the most obvious difference.  No chapters.  While most books and scripts have a three act structure the script has no chapters.  It has scene headings.  When I started writing scripts I stressed over how to “do” things.  I knew what I wanted to show but I didn’t know how to write it down.  It’s actually not that hard.  You need slug lines.  Those tell the director if the scene is indoors or outdoors and the time of day.  And there’s no need to get fancy.  Just day or night will do.  If it’s actually in the afternoon you can put that in the description part under the slug line.  Think of a scene as being any time the director has to move that huge camera.  So a sequence of events in the living room, dining room and kitchen would actually be three scenes with three separate slug lines.  While in a book that might be all one scene.  For example: 

INT. LIVING ROOM – DAY 

John sits on the couch, beer in hand.  He takes a gulp.  Shakes the can, crumples it and tosses into a pile on the floor. 

With his gaze still clued to the TV he gets up and walks towards the… 

INT. KITCHEN – CONTINUOUS 

John yanks the fridge door open, frowns.  Slams it closed again and stalks to the… 

INT. DINING ROOM – CONTINUOUS 

A note on the table.  John picks it up, reads, crumples it.

                                                 JOHN

                        She took my beer again.

 One thing that is the same is the need to show instead of tell.  However, in screenplays it needs to be all show.  You can’t put in the script what you can’t see on screen.  The director needs to be able to set up the shot.  So no introspection.  The only time you have a little leeway with telling is when you introduce a character.  Everywhere else you need to show because movies are a visual medium.  As I said before, if the director can’t set up a shot for it, it doesn’t belong in the script.  Quick telling sentences won’t work the same way they do in books.  

Sure you can show someone is inquisitive by having them always ask questions, constantly researching facts.  Writing screenplays forces you to really focus on how you show something.  Instead of saying – she was surprised by his sudden appearance you have to show that.  

Another example:  

CAROLYN, 17, smartest girl in high school but also the loneliest.  

You can’t set up a shot for the smartest girl in high school.  How do we know that?  How do you show that instead of just telling the reader?  You could show awards for scholarly excellence on the walls.  She could drop her keys by the phone and you could show no new messages.  No pictures of her and her friends.  She could check her computer and see she only has two emails.  One from her mother and one is spam. 

At first it seems overwhelming and some people just give up.  It’s always hard to learn something new.  But the actual structure isn’t that different from books.  You still need an inciting incident.  You still need turning points.  You want to make sure your sagging middle is tightened up so it’s full of action.  Because of the visual nature of screenplays it’s vital that you show instead of tell and keep everything active. If you want to try your hand at writing a script I recommend downloading some from a website, get a free script writing software just to try and go for it. 

RU Readers, have you ever tried your hand at writing a script? If so, tell us about it!

Cindy Carroll joined RWA in 1992 and started out writing novels but turned to scripts when an idea for one of her favorite television shows wouldn’t leave her alone. That first attempt, and her second teleplay for the same show, garnered her honorable mention in the Writer’s Digest 76th Annual Writing Competition in the screenplay category.  She graduated from Hal Croasmun’s screenwriting ProSeries intensive in June of 2008.  Her interview with David Rambo, writer/producer for CSI appeared in the summer special edition of The Rewrit, the newsletter for Scriptscene, Romance Writers of America’s screenwriting chapter.  Currently working on the rewrite of her second feature, Cindy is also developing two new television pilots. www.CindyCarroll.com

On Monday, medical suspense author CJ Lyons stops by to give us pointers on brand building. You don’t want to miss this!