Wrong! We’re turning the tables on the worldwide observance of romance and giving it a wicked twist because love isn’t always about heartfelt sentimental gestures. Love can be awkward and unkind. Embarrassing and painful. And at times, hilarious.

Give us your absolute worst. The most wretched, overwrought and bruise-worthy purple prose you can possibly fit into one sentence containing no more than seventy words. 

Here are examples written by RU staffers: 

No, she certainly did not want the oysters, Jerrilyn thought as she watched her blind date–with his cadaverously thin,white legs protruding from minuscule, quick-dry shorts and sprawling on either side of his café chair–slurp clam chowder from his fingertips while along his left thigh drooped one pink, slightly furry testicle. (Kelsey)

Sloppy kisses sounded romantic in a bodice-ripping way, but with his tongue slithering down her throat like a slightly furred snake and his stale tobacco flavored saliva mixing disgustingly with hers, she decided to leave French kissing to the French in the future, and to avoid men with hot eyes and flecks of egg in their beards altogether. (Becke)

The party was winding down, as parties do, when my wandering eye caught the startling beauty I just had to have – her black ski mask contrasted with the rough and tumble red locks dangling from just under the hem, and the blue eyes that sparkled with mischief from behind the twin holes in the mask as she aimed the Uzi in our general direction. (Carrie)

It wasn’t the smoldering like a five-day tire fire, wanna-get-lucky look Wanda gave Earl beneath her press-on lashes, or her soft, sweet lips, reminiscent of a mashed praline on Bourbon Street in mid-July, but her breasts, which resembled two fried eggs that had him yearning for a Denny’s Grand Slam breakfast. (Jen)

************UPDATE************

TAINTED LOVE IS NOW OPEN FOR ENTRIES!

Place your entry under our comments section below.

Entries must be received no later than 11:59 p.m. PST on February 14th.

One entry per person.

One sentence containing no more than seventy words.

Judges: Editor Theresa Stevens and the RU staff 

***

First place prize:

A writer’s toolkit – Includes things every writer needs (yes, chocolate too) plus a $20 Amazon gift card. 

Second place prize:

A $20 Amazon gift card.

Third place prize:

A $10 Barnes and Noble gift card.

***

Winners will be announced on Sunday, February 19th.

Contest limited to participants in U.S. and Canada.

Hope you’ll join in the fun!

As the world prepares to celebrate Valentine’s Day, RU is thrilled to announce our first annual Tainted Love Contest.

We want your absolute worst.

The most wretched, overwrought and bruise-worthy purple prose you can possibly fit into one sentence containing no more than seventy words. 

Here are some examples written by RU staffers:

Sloppy kisses sounded romantic in a bodice-ripping way, but with his tongue slithering down her throat like a slightly furred snake and his stale tobacco flavored saliva mixing disgustingly with hers, she decided to leave French kissing to the French in the future, and to avoid men with hot eyes and flecks of egg in their beards altogether. (Becke)

Sadie burped down the foamy tide of Mountain Dew backing her throat, slapped on a sweeter-than-cherry pie smile and sashayed her Spanx-girded hips toward the man whose gentle brown, pan gravy eyes lit the pilot light of her dreams, only to have her hopes flattened like petrified road kill when he asked for a bottle of ketchup. (Jen)

The sun leapt up in a brilliant red burst, hovering behind the peaks of the Grand Tetons- which literally means Big Breasts-turning the tips of them a bright salmon pink, just like the ones on Delia, who lay next to me, snoring peacefully. (Carrie)

************UPDATE************

TAINTED LOVE IS NOW OPEN FOR ENTRIES!

Please click on this link RU’s First Annual Tainted Love Contest and place your entry under our comments section!

Entry deadline is January 5, 2012. All works must have an original
publication date between January 1 and December 31, 2011.

For more information, please see: http://www.gccrwa.com/starcontest/

 http://www.writersdigest.com/short