Good morning and welcome to Crafting Your Career.  Unfortunately, C.J. Redwine could not be with us today for Query Writing 101.

Due to the volume of new readers who may not have seen C.J.’s first post with us, we have an encore for you.  To the wonderful (and dedicated) readers who have been with us since the beginning, we apologize for the repeat. 

How to be an excellent hooker: 

No, not that kind of hooker. I don’t give that kind of knowledge out for free. I’m talking about how to hook an agent, an editor, and ultimately, a reader.

 Before we can talk about what a hook is, we need to talk about what a hook is not.

 A hook is not an introduction of every single character in your novel. Hero, heroine, and villain if you have one-that’s it. You want the heart of the book. Leave the discovery of the other organs to your delighted reader.

 A hook is not a blow by blow explanation of every major plot point. That way lies Query Death, a fate best avoided. Besides, that’s a synopsis, not a hook, and never the two shall meet. You want the spine-the conflict that hurtles your heroine into peril in chapter one and escalates until she finally learns/grows/changes/accepts/acts/does the unthinkable…and comes out a winner on your last page.

 A hook is not a formal, business-y sounding measly paragraph sandwiched between the rest of the stuff in your query. Your hook is your query. The rest is just garnish because if you don’t grab an agent or editor’s attention with your hook, the rest won’t matter anyway.

 Now that we have that out of the way, let’s look at what a hook is.

 A hook is a two to three paragraph blurb that captures both the conflict and the Voice of your manuscript.

 That’s it. Sound simple? If so, please take a moment to slap some sense into yourself and we’ll continue. Condensing your 90k novel of fabulosity into a two-three paragraph blurb is tough. Most of us stink at it the first few times we try it. I know I did. But, like any other area of craft, practice really does make perfect.

 Or pretty close to it.

 How do you write a two-three paragraph blurb capturing the conflict and Voice of your manuscript?

Forget the two-three paragraph thing. Really. I know I just said it, but it’s like the Code on Pirates of the Caribbean. It’s more like guidelines than actual rules. You should feel free to break your hook up as your pacing needs dictate. Take a look at my example to see how I totally flaunted this rule. I did it because it mimics the pacing of my novel (which is one truly excellent way to bring Voice into your hook) and because I was experimenting with throwing business writing rules out the window.

Throw your pre-conceived notions of business writing out the window. Seriously. Yes, a query letter is a business communication and you’re going to keep a business-letter framework by having proper headers, salutations, and a nice tidy paragraph with your writing background and the word count and genre of your manuscript, but that’s where the resemblance ends. Why? Because novel writing is art. Publishing is art meets business. Query letters have to be a successful marriage of both as well. Nothing kills the excitement and Voice of a hook like trying to make it sound business-y.

Understand your novel’s basic conflict. Remember when I said you wanted to only include the spine of the book? A simple formula to help you identify your novel’s basic conflict is this: A must do B to avoid or accomplish C but D is a huge problem.  Fill in the blanks to this and you have your conflict. This is NOT your hook. This is a starting place.

Understand the Voice of your novel. My novel is dark urban fantasy written in a quasi-chick lit voice. Guess what? My hook reveals a dark urban fantasy and is written in a quasi-chick lit voice. The pacing of my hook mimics the pacing of my novel. My MC’s personality comes through. You want to do the same. Identify your novel’s voice. If you’re having trouble understanding how to make the connection between that Voice and your hook, grab five or six books in your genre and read the backs for some inspiration.

Write your hook. Take the conflict, play around with how to present it in the Voice of your manuscript, and tie it all up with either a question (Will Angela throw caution-and her reputation-out the window in time to rescue Jack before the vampires turn him into one of their own?) or a statement letting us know the final stakes (see my hook for an example).

Run it through the Query Shark. (http://queryshark.blogspot.com/) Agent Janet Reid provides an invaluable service to writers by giving honest, knowledgeable feedback on queries (posted anonymously). She’s also been known to request pages from those queries she really likes.

Writing an excellent hook takes perseverance, but when the end result is an agent’s or editor’s interest, the blood, sweat, and multiple revisions you poured into it are worth it. Happy hooking!

 My query:

 Ms. Fabulous Literary Agent
1234 Publishable Ave.
New York City, NY 10001

Dear Ms. Agent,

Alexa Tate is more than human. She can swim underwater without holding her breath, scale a brick building in five seconds flat, and hear the emotions of those about to commit a crime. A secretary by day, she uses her skills to hunt down evil at night. She is stronger, faster, and more lethal than anyone she’s ever met.

Until now.

A non-human hunter has come to town. Using mind-control to inhabit his victims and through them commit unspeakable crimes, the hunter leaves a trail of bodies leading right to Alexa’s door.

Suddenly, Alexa is the prey in an ancient war whose rules she is just beginning to understand.  

To stop the hunter and save those she loves, she must uncover the truth about her origins, keep a certain handsome cop from suspecting her of crimes she may have committed, and unleash the tremendous power locked inside of her without becoming what she fears most: a killer.

Living in New York City can be murder.

Shadowing Fate is an urban fantasy complete at 80,000 words. I’m a member of RWA, and a 2008 Golden Heart finalist. I look forward to hearing from you.

Sincerely,

C.J. Redwine

***

We’ll see everyone on Wednesday when Wayne Levine will discuss why women don’t want to know what men are thinking.

Today, we have a fun Friday treat, talking with author Kimberly Llewellyn about comedy in today’s market. I know many of us are personally invested in romantic comedy and are eager to see light contemporaries make a comeback in publishing. So what better way to kick off the weekend than with a little delve into the humorous? Welcome to RU, Kimberly.

Ryan O’Neal gave a TV interview discussing how he stayed by Farrah Fawcett’s bedside during her final days. He repeatedly begged her to please marry him. Weakly, she finally agreed,  then added in a barely audible voice, “Pre…nup.” 

Doesn’t that make you admire Farrah? Even in the face of death, she kept her wit along with her dignity. That’s levity amid gravity. It’s when you face dire circumstances and you must say or do something funny to relieve tension. Otherwise known as comic relief. Oftentimes, in the darkest of moments, comic relief is all you have left. This also holds true for books, light or dark. A witty retort, a running gag, or wisecrack is a welcome reprieve following a highly tense scene and will serve you well as a writer.

Here are some tips as you pursue comedy in your writing:

What are the comedy hooks? Some favorites include: the baby, the big fat lie, false identity, love triangle, marriage of convenience/fake marriage, newly engaged/married, the bride/the wedding, the big breakup/getting dumped, the holidays, fish out of water, the bet, forced proximity, opposites attract, pygmalion, supernatural event/sudden magical powers, swapping lives/identities, and lovers from two different worlds. 

Do some of these hooks look familiar? They definitely overlap with hooks found in the romance genre. What other hooks come to mind in romance? Do you have your favorites? Are any of them listed above? Can you combine some romance hooks with comedy hooks to create a special story of your own? When it comes to hooks, the bigger the better. It’s not just a wedding, it’s a big fat Greek wedding.

Assignment:  Think about your favorite romantic comedies. Can you think of hooks (or combination of hooks) that were used? For example, the movie, Sweet Home Alabama, primarily uses the love triangle hook and the wedding hooks.

Humor is a girl thing; sometimes, a guy thing. Men and women find different things funny. Know the difference in your story. This will add depth to each character. 

Assignment:  If you’re a woman, read guy magazines. GQ, Maxim, and Men’s Journal will give you real insight on a man’s sense of humor. (If you’re a guy, read Cosmo, to learn about women.) 

Write for a tiny audience. Look, death is universally awful. It evokes sadness in everyone. But humor is subjective. Trying to please everyone is the kiss of death. So write for yourself and also, say, for your best friend. You know which friend I’m talking about. The friend you laugh with until your sides ache and you can’t breathe. Yeah, that’s the one. Write to please her, to make her laugh. You’ll be funny and your audience will eventually follow.

Assignment: Take an existing funny scene in your WIP and make it more over the top without fear. You can always tone it down later if it doesn’t “work.”

Let the humor be organic. Sure, slapstick and screwball are great, but in today’s market, a comic perspective from a character we’ve grown to care about has a lasting effect. (“Hey, will you go out to dinner with me tonight?” “Sure, can I bring my boyfriend?” or “Do you believe in love at first sight or should I walk by again?”) Let the humor “stem from character” or let it happen “out of character.” In other words, the use of the reversal. (“Last night, I seduced a man wearing nothing but my stilettos. How he got into my high heels, I’ll never know.”) Hey, it’s your story. If you want grandma to be singing along to Fifty Cent, much to the horror of her granddaughter, then so be it. Comedy has one rule…rules were made to be broken. Or else why would they call it, “in stitches?” If the humorous act is motivated and makes you laugh, then go for it.  And remember, the joke is much funnier when the characters aren’t in on it. Remember Becky Bloomwood? She was the shopaholic with a serious addiction and mounting terrible debt who took a job as a columnist doling out financial advice.

Assignment:  Look at your hero and heroine. Can you give him or her a flaw that might arouse a chuckle? The angel who’s afraid of heights? The Navy Seal who’s terrified of mice? How about the poor vampire who faints at the sight of blood?

Let the painful truth be your guide. Truth hurts and you’ll  confess anything when in pain. The same holds for characters who have been tortured and tested. Putting your character in pain will keep him or her honest. Don’t believe me? Go back and watch the opening to Sleepless in Seattle.

Recall the painful incidents in your past and how you can laugh at them today. I can still recall my childhood, during my parent’s terrible divorce and the awful custody battle they had over me. (“You keep her!” “No, you keep her!”) Surely, you have some painful memories of torture and humiliation of your own that you can incorporate in your writing today. Being divorced hurts. Being a widow hurts. Being dumped hurts. Hurting is universal. It’s up to you to make it funny so it doesn’t hurt so much.

The truth about writing is that to do it well you have to practice til you sweat blood. The pain of it is, sometimes you don’t want to do the work. So, turn it into a joke. (I hate to work out; I won’t even do my writing exercises.) Or try it with some other occupation. (I’d make a terrible witch…I can’t even have a fainting spell right.) Or how about disabilities? Not so funny? Not unless a deaf person is talking in sign language to someone’s who blind. Or what about the nurse with her Masters in anthropology…does that mean she works in geriatrics? And don’t forget the painful truth about love and sex. (“How long does it take to please a man in bed?” “Who cares?”  or “I’m not dirty, I just write that way.” And anything with the word “vajayjay” in it.). Lastly, even a little potty humor is okay now and then. (Did you change your underwear today? Really? With who?) It’s not about “mean,” it’s about “comic perspective.”

Don’t be afraid to die on stage. Take risks with your wisecracks on paper and with friends. Sometimes you’ll get a laugh. Other times you’ll crash and burn. It’s okay. The other night I was out with some fellow authors. (Caution: name-droppings ahead, watch your step…) Julie Leto, Kathy Carmichael, and I went to see Gena Showalter at a major booksigning event. This night, we had to go through the store’s security metal detectors to pay for the books to be signed. As we passed, the security alarm buzzer went off. I rolled my eyes, pointed to one of them (I won’t say which one), and said to the cashier, “It’s my friend’s IUD. It sets off the alarm everywhere we go. Airports. Courthouses. Jail.” Fortunately, it got a laugh. My friends are tolerant of my wisecracking. But I’ve “died”  before, too. It’s part of the process. So, if you don’t get the laugh, just keep going. Practice, practice, practice.

Assignment: If you want to flex your comedy muscles further, read a book on comedy, like Comic Toolbox by John Vorhaus.

So what about comedy in today’s market? Are you lamenting over the dark and dangerous books that are published because you write light and worry you’ll never find a home for your writing style? Do you long to add new funny words and catch phrases to your comic vocabulary that consists of ol’ standbys like, “sponge worthy,” “Not that there’s anything wrong with that,” and “I’ll be back?” And when grown adults fight on TV and it always ends with, “Well, he started it!” do you still laugh? (Gets me every time.)

Okay, so you have a story with amazing characters and a terrific plot, but it’s on the lighter side. Not so dark. Not so edgy. Not so sellable in today’s market. What’s a writer to do? You have three options.

Ride out the storm. Publishing is cyclical. Continue writing what you love and wait for “your time.” In the nineties, comedy was hot. It will be again. Have your manuscript(s) ready for the time to strike. Pay attention to rumblings and murmuring amid writers, readers, and publishing professionals. Listen for clues that people want humor back in their lives. Pay attention to what experts, like Sue Grimshaw and Barbara Vey, have to say about where the market might be headed. Look at what agents are requesting; this is a good indicator of what they believe they can sell. Look for any hints that they are on the lookout for humor or light books. Watch the sales on Publishers Marketplace/Lunch. Any funny mysteries selling? How about lighter paranormal romances featuring angels or goddesses instead of vampires? What’s the buzz at writers’ conferences? It may be all “dark” right now, but have patience as you continue writing light so you’ll be ready for when the market turns around.

Carve a niche. Sometimes it is up to you to pave the way for the next trend. Isn’t that what Helen Fielding  did when she wrote Bridget Jones Diary and jumpstarted chick lit? Didn’t Diana Peterfreund do the very same with Secret Society Girl and tap into the “new adult” market starving for good stories? Keep writing and consider submitting your work to editors or agents so you are lined up for that moment when an industry professional is looking for something new. A new voice. A new writer. A fresh new style of storytelling with some fun.

Adapt to your environment. You know your strengths and weaknesses as a writer and can decide if adapting is best for you. This harkens back to the “book of the heart” versus “book of the market” debate. Adapting isn’t for the faint of heart. But if you are savvy, write fast, have a complete manuscript under your belt, and are confident enough to combine your comedic elements with the dark, edgy stories of today, then go for it. If comedy is your weapon of choice, why not try a little gallows humor? The more grim the situation, the better your material. When the villain holds the machete up to the spunky heroine’s throat, and she says, “Let’s not lose our heads over this…” I’m gonna like her. You’ll add your own spin to the darker tale. However, if adapting would make you crazy, force you into writing something you hate, or “mess with your swing,” then stick with what you love, because comedy is no laughing matter.

Those are your three options. And no, “shrivel up and die” is not an option, o’ feisty one. When choosing an option, decide what is important to you. Talk to other writers. Start dialogue with agents and editors at venues like conferences and workshops. Study your favorite authors. How are they handling this topsy-turvy market? Are they sticking to what they do best despite the market? Or are they prolific enough to jump on trends? Are they adapting by taking their strengths and applying them to what is selling today?

As you make your plan of action, continue doing what you love while you develop your comedy writing skills. And if you’re a glutton for punishment and crave more comedy tips, see Secrets of Romantic Comedy at Manuscript Mavens. But for now, let’s wrap up with a joke:

How many romance writers does it take to screw in a light bulb? Four. One to screw it in and three more to form a critique group to come up with a better euphemism for “screw.”

Final Assignment:  Can you list the comedic hooks in the following movies?

Knocked Up

Notting Hill

The Holiday

The Proposal

The Wedding Planner

What a Woman Wants

While You Were Sleeping

Share your answers to any of Kimberly’s assignments. Or feel free to ask her questions!

Be sure to come by for Monday’s lecture when author Karin Harlow will give us the scoop on what’s really happening in the world of New York publishing these days.

***

Kimberly’s Bio:

Known as “the Wedding Writer,” Kimberly Llewellyn is the author of five novels: three romances and two comedic women’s fiction novels (Tulle Little, Tulle Late and The Quest for the Holy Veil). She has worked with four major New York publishing houses: Avalon, Berkley (Penguin/Putnam), Kensington, and Prentice Hall (nonfiction). Additionally, she’s worked as a corporate writer and has published short stories and articles with various publications, including the St. Petersburg Times. She speaks at reader festivals, teaches writing workshops, and gives online chats when time allows. She promotes the joy of writing to the TV media, radio, newspapers, and magazines. She is the author of  I Want to Be an Author: Now What? offering insider hints and tips that will shave months and even years off a writer’s road to publication. Available June 2010. Fing Kimberly at: http://www.kimberlyllewellyn.com/, Twitter ((offers daily writing tips) http://twitter.com/KimLlewellyn, Facebook http://www.facebook.com/KimberlyLlewellynBooks, and CleverDivas.com.

I took Margie Lawson’s EDITS class when I was editing my very first manuscript. Let me tell you, Margie helped me see that book in an entirely new light! Today, she’s going to share with us some of the power behind NYT-level writing.

Welcome, Margie!

A big THANK YOU to Adrienne and Kelsey and Tracey for inviting me to be their guest today.  I’m pleased to be here.

Today I’m diving into how to write so well, that your strong writing craft and fresh writing boosts you toward the New York Times Bestseller list.   Sound good?

Please give me ten seconds of your time first.  I want to tell you about my DRAWING for BIG PRIZES.  Anyone who contributes $25 or more in my second fundraiser to support my cousin and ALS, will have a chance to win one of two $450 prizes.

My cousin has Lou Gehrig’s disease. If he’s lucky, he has two more years to live. I am as determined to help him deal with this disease, as I am devastated.   

My determination extends to offering two more $450 prizes for writers. 

Donate $25 on my cousin’s ALS web site, and you could win a prize valued at $450!

Your choice of prizes:

1.  Five Hours of One-On-One Deep Edit Consulting, in Person, by Phone, or Skype — worth over $450!
2.  Registration for a 3-day Immersion Master Class:  Deep Editing Power, in 2010 – -  valued at $450!               
The drawing is October 10^th, 5PM, Eastern Standard Time.  Please check out the details on my web site:   www.MargieLawson.com

So far, only four people have entered the drawing.  And — I’m drawing two names.  We’ll have TWO BIG WINNERS!

The odds are in your favor, big time!  Thank you.   

Now – we get to dive into the fun. 

If you’ve taken some of my editing courses on-line, you may recall I recommend adding  NYT to your margin tracking list for your WIP.  Why?  Because when your writing is powerful, it gives you a boost toward the NYT Bestseller list.

I developed four editing courses – and each are loaded with dozens of Deep Editing techniques that teach writers how to add power to their writing.  One of those techniques is the EDITS System.

When creating the EDITS System, my goal was to determine what components of a scene set the strongest emotional hook. What made a book a page-turner.

The EDITS System is the ultimate SHOW DON’T TELL power tool. Writers use the EDITS SYSTEM to analyze scene components. It shows writers what they have on each page. It shows writers where to add power. It shows writers what’s working, what’s not working, and what’s missing.

When writers use this highlighting system, patterns emerge for each scene. They may be surprised to see that in an emotionally-driven scene, they kept the POV character in their head, locked in internalizations. All thoughts, no visceral responses. If the writer slipped in a few visceral responses, they’d take the scene from the POV character’s head, and the reader’s head, to the reader’s heart.

The EDITS System helps writers find a compelling balance of Emotion, Dialogue, Internalizations, Tension/Conflict, Setting, as well as dialogue cues, action, body language, senses, and more…that works for their specific scene dynamics. 

Given that the story is compelling, the plot is strong, and the characters live in your heart or dreams or nightmares – what writing craft processes could make the difference between a skimmer and a winner?

What can writers do to keep a reader so committed to the read, that they’d rather finish your book, than sleep in, eat chocolate, or have sex?

The answers? Write fresh. Add psychological power. Include the incontrovertible power of the visceral response – accelerated heart rate, sweaty palms, dry mouth, tight chest, clenched stomach, weak knees, blood rushing to chest, neck, and face, adrenaline pumping, heart pummeling rib cage…

Now for more fun! Below – you’ll find one character description, three visceral responses, and ten dialogue cues. Wish I could have a 50 page blog. I have over 2000 pages of lectures loaded with power-packed sections on teaching, make-your-heart-pound examples and dig-deep analyses. So fun!

CHARACTER DESCRIPTION:

Tana French, THE LIKENESS:

I’d been expecting someone so nondescript he was practically invisible, maybe the Cancer Man from The X Files, but this guy had rough, blunt features and wide blue eyes, and the kind of presence that leaves heat streaks on the air where he’s been.

Kudos to Tana French! Don’t you wish you’d written that description??

VISCERAL RESPONSES:

In the EDITS System, VISCERAL RESPONSES are the only things highlighted in PINK. Not a kick in the shins. Not watching someone get shot.

Everything can carry emotion, but the only component of the scene highlighted in PINK is a visceral response. Dialogue, action, facial expressions, thoughts (internalizations) – all may carry emotion. But it’s the visceral response that carries the biggest emotional punch.

If the writer neglects to have the POV character experience a visceral response after an emotionally-loaded stimulus – the passage is not as powerful, not as credible. Not a page-turner.

Here are three examples of fresh writing that include a visceral response.

Greg Iles, MORTAL FEAR:

My insides fell to liquid, seemed to foam up and fill my lungs flooding them and forcing away my breath.  I was eleven again, small and scared.

C.J. Lyons, LIFELINES:

Her breath caught, couldn’t make it all the way down her lungs.  It was as if a malignant mass pressed against her heart and chest, threatened to choke her.  And it kept on growing, twisting her gut, an unbearable pressure.

Tana French, THE LIKENESS:

My hand was on the door handle when for a split second out of nowhere I was terrified, blue-blazing terrified, fear dropping straight through me like a jagged black stone falling fast.  I’d felt this before, in the limbo instants before I moved out of my aunt’s house, lost my virginity, took my oath as a police officer: those instants when the irrevocable thing you wanted so much suddenly turns real and solid, inches away and speeding at you, a bottomless river rising and no way back once it’s crossed.  I had to catch myself from crying out like a little kid drowning in terror, I don’t want to do this any more.

DIALOGUE CUES:

Here’s one more Deep Editing goodie.  I coined the term DIALOGUE CUES to describe the phrases and sentences that inform the reader HOW the dialogue was delivered.  Dialogue Cues share the SPEED, TONE, QUALITY, VOLUME, or PITCH.

Dialogue cues are easy to spot with my EDITS System –they usually come right after the dialogue.  If the POV character is describing how he/she is trying to alter their voice when they speak, that dialogue cue is before the line of dialogue. 

Writers may write short dialogue cues that describe the voice in a standard way:

• His tone was rough. 
• Her voice jumped an octave. 
• His voice had a sarcastic edge.
• Her words sounded more harsh than she intended. 

The first three examples above are basic dialogue cues.  They provide one piece of information regarding how to interpret the dialogue.  The fourth example includes two hits of information regarding the dialogue delivery.

Writers can also write dialogue cues in fresh ways. Here are three dialogue cues from BLACK OUT, by Lisa Unger:

1.  I snap back to the conversation and listen for signs of skepticism in her voice.  But there’s just her usual light and musing tone, the wide-open expression on her face.

2.  I kept my voice flat and unemotional.  I didn’t want him to know my heart—how afraid I was, how much I needed him.

3.  Her cell phone rings, and she looks at me apologetically as she answers it.  I can tell by the shift in her tone that it’s her husband.  Her voice gets softer.

Here are ten dialogue cues from Tana French, THE LIKENESS.

1. All the laughter and façade had gone out of his voice, and I knew Frank well enough to know that this was when he was most dangerous.

2. “Hey, fair enough,” Frank said, in an equable voice that made me feel like an idiot. NOTE:  Stimulus and response in example above.  It works well. 

3. There was a ragged edge to his voice, something frustrated and almost pleading.

4. “Yeah,” Rafe said, but the anger had drained out of his voice and he just sounded very, very tired.

 5. “Don’t you want to hear what I’ve been doing with my day?”  That undercurrent of excitement in his voice: very few things get Frank that worked up.  “Damn straight,” I said.

6. There was something in his voice, something precarious as the smell of petrol, ready and waiting to ignite at the first spark.    

7. I couldn’t read his voice; no one does neutral like Frank.

8. “You’ve always been a funny guy,” I said, hoping the wave of relief wouldn’t leak into my voice.

 9. His voice didn’t sharpen, but it had an undertow that made my shoulders go up. NOTE:  Stimulus and response in example above.  Powerful. 

10. Out in the kitchen, Doherty said something shaped like a punchline and everyone laughed; the laugher was perfect, unforced and friendly, and it made me edgy as hell.
WOW!  Tana French writes fresh!   It’s not surprising her debut novel won a Macavity. 

The Last Example!

Here’s an amplified example from Harlan Coben, LONG LOST.  My Deep Editing Analysis is below the example.

I was about to crack wise—something like “tell all your friends” or “sigh, another satisfied customer”—but something in her tone made me pull up.   Something in her tone overwhelmed me and made me ache.  I squeezed her hand and stayed silent and then I watched her walk away.

ANALYSIS:

1. Showed WHAT WASN’T HAPPENING, what he didn’t say

2. SPECIFICITY – throughout the passage

3. Rhetorical Device – A DOUBLE.  I made up that term – DOUBLE.   SOMETHING IN HER TONE is an intentional echo.  It’s almost the rhetorical device, anaphora — repetition of first word or phrases of three phrases or sentences in a row.   Powerful.

4. Second part of the DOUBLE – goes DEEPER.  Taps emotion.

5. TONE is used as a STIMULUS – and the reader gets FIVE RESPONSES from her TONE:  pull up (stop), overwhelmed, ache, squeezed hand, stayed silent, watched her walk away (did not follow her)     

6. POV character shared what he intended to do, but didn’t – because of her TONE.

7. Rhetorical Device:  AMPLIFICATION:  developed emotion and showed all those responses 

8. COMMUNICATION with HAPTICS – touch

9. Rhetorical Device:  POLYSYNDETON – Last sentence uses multiple conjunctions and no commas.  Makes the read more imperative.

10. CADENCE – strong. 

11. TAPS EMOTION.

I would label the description and all the visceral responses NYT.  I provided a variety of Dialogue Cues — for your enjoyment.  I’d label a few of them, the complex examples NYT.  The writing is fresh – but not so fresh that it trips the reader. 

It’s the kind of fresh that gives the reader an uplift.  It’s cotton-candy-on-your-tongue writing.  It makes you want more and more and more.  It’s the caliber of writing you find in some New York Times Bestsellers.

NOW IT’S YOUR TURN!

Post to the blog – and YOU COULD WIN A LECTURE PACKET!

1.  You may post an example of fresh writing from your WIP or fresh writing from one of your favorite authors.

2.  You may write something fresh – and post it. 

3.  You may post a comment — or post ‘Hi Margie!’

PLEASE INCLUDE YOUR E-MAIL ADDRESS in your post.  THANKS!

For every 25 people who post today, I will draw a name for a Lecture Packet, a $22 value.  Winners may choose a Lecture Packet from one of my six on-line courses: 

1.  Empowering Characters’ Emotions

2.  Deep Editing:  The EDITS System, Rhetorical Devices, and More

3.  Writing Body Language and Dialogue Cues Like a Psychologist

4.  Powering Up Body Language in Real Life:  Projecting a Professional Persona When Pitching and Presenting 

5.  Digging Deep into the EDITS System

6.  Defeat Self-Defeating Behaviors

I teach DIGGING DEEP INTO THE EDITS SYSTEM on-line in October.  It’s a two-part course, each two weeks long.  For people who cannot fit the course in their schedule in October, the Lecture Packet can be ordered through PayPal from my web site.   Parts 1 and 2 of Digging Deep are bundled in one $22 Lecture Packet.

Margie Lawson —psychotherapist, writer, and international presenter—developed innovative editing systems and deep editing techniques for writers.

Her Deep Editing tools are used by all writers, from newbies to NYT Bestsellers.  She teaches writers how to edit for psychological power, how to hook the reader viscerally, how to create a page-turner.

Over four thousand writers have learned Margie’s psychologically-based deep editing material.  In the last five years, she presented forty-nine full day Master Classes for writers in the U.S., Canada, Australia, and New Zealand.

Lectures from each of Margie’s on-line courses are offered as Lecture Packets through PayPal from her web site.  For more information on courses, lecture packets, master classes, and the four sessions of 3-day Immersion Master Classes for 2010, visit:  www.MargieLawson.com . 

Does your query letter lack spark?  Can’t get that hook right?

Romance University can help. 

On October 5 we’re starting a new monthly feature, Query Writing 101. Urban Fantasy author and workshop presenter C.J. Redwine will critique one lucky reader’s query on the first Monday of each month.  Send your letter to QueryWriting101@romanceuniversity.org and C.J. will help you transform it from resistible to irresistible.

*Due to volume we will only be able to answer a limited number of questions/queries per month.

A little over two years ago when my wife began writing seriously, I had no idea how her choice might change her life, and in turn, mine. Now the simple afternoon question “How Was Your Day?” is chock-full of potential potholes. Answers from her might include:

“Great. I found out I’m a finalist in a chapter contest!”

“Not so great. None of my characters played nice today.”

“Interesting. I researched cheeses, pistol crossbows and vintage Corvettes.”

“Not so interesting. I cruised electrical engineering sites to find out if a Mylar chip bag will work as a ground for an electric fence.”

“Crappy. My scores came back from a chapter contest. Not only did I not final, the judges reamed my WIP for too many em-dashes.”

“Not so crappy. My CPs dug me out of a mental hole and helped me brainstorm a plot for the 70,000 words I’ve already written.”

How is a loving, supportive husband supposed to respond to some of this stuff?

The first one is easy enough: “Fantastic! You deserved to final.” (It only took me half-dozen contests to understand the significance of a final.) The second: Perhaps not “What does it matter? They’re only imaginary people after all…” The third: “Did you kill anyone with the crossbow, and did you buy me a Corvette off e-Bay, by any chance?” The fourth: “Ah…no clue.” The fifth: “I’ve never heard of an em-dash, but I’m sure that judge was clueless.” The sixth: Probably not “What’s a CP? And for that matter, what’s a plot?”

But over the past couple years, I’ve learned to listen when she just needs to gripe, and come up with something-anything-when she’s in need of an idea or opinion. I (sort of) understand the difference between agents, editors and publishers. For the first time since college, I’m familiar with the terms draft, edit, and final draft. The most important things I’ve learned are how hard a pre-published writer works, and that writing has little to do with money and everything to do with passion.

Oh yeah…and that research for the love scenes rocks.

Kelsey’s husband is an A-one computer guy who routinely talks her off a ledge when her laptop is having a bad hair day.  He’s also an amazing dad who played single parent for almost three months this year. Thanks for everything, babe.

We are delighted to welcome C.J. Redwine to RU to discuss the all-important hook.   C.J. tells us she fears goats, loves stilettos and frequently lets her imagination run away with her. She writes edgy urban fantasy with a side of comic relief. You can learn more about her at www.cjredwine.blogspot.com and read samples of her writing, which is full of imagination and the occasional stiletto but is noticeably lacking in goats.

Take it away, C.J. with how to be an excellent hooker: 

No, not that kind of hooker. I don’t give that kind of knowledge out for free. I’m talking about how to hook an agent, an editor, and ultimately, a reader.

 Before we can talk about what a hook is, we need to talk about what a hook is not.

 A hook is not an introduction of every single character in your novel. Hero, heroine, and villain if you have one-that’s it. You want the heart of the book. Leave the discovery of the other organs to your delighted reader.

 A hook is not a blow by blow explanation of every major plot point. That way lies Query Death, a fate best avoided. Besides, that’s a synopsis, not a hook, and never the two shall meet. You want the spine-the conflict that hurtles your heroine into peril in chapter one and escalates until she finally learns/grows/changes/accepts/acts/does the unthinkable…and comes out a winner on your last page.

 A hook is not a formal, business-y sounding measly paragraph sandwiched between the rest of the stuff in your query. Your hook is your query. The rest is just garnish because if you don’t grab an agent or editor’s attention with your hook, the rest won’t matter anyway.

 Now that we have that out of the way, let’s look at what a hook is.

 A hook is a two to three paragraph blurb that captures both the conflict and the Voice of your manuscript.

 That’s it. Sound simple? If so, please take a moment to slap some sense into yourself and we’ll continue. Condensing your 90k novel of fabulosity into a two-three paragraph blurb is tough. Most of us stink at it the first few times we try it. I know I did. But, like any other area of craft, practice really does make perfect.

 Or pretty close to it.

 How do you write a two-three paragraph blurb capturing the conflict and Voice of your manuscript?

Forget the two-three paragraph thing. Really. I know I just said it, but it’s like the Code on Pirates of the Caribbean. It’s more like guidelines than actual rules. You should feel free to break your hook up as your pacing needs dictate. Take a look at my example to see how I totally flaunted this rule. I did it because it mimics the pacing of my novel (which is one truly excellent way to bring Voice into your hook) and because I was experimenting with throwing business writing rules out the window.

Throw your pre-conceived notions of business writing out the window. Seriously. Yes, a query letter is a business communication and you’re going to keep a business-letter framework by having proper headers, salutations, and a nice tidy paragraph with your writing background and the word count and genre of your manuscript, but that’s where the resemblance ends. Why? Because novel writing is art. Publishing is art meets business. Query letters have to be a successful marriage of both as well. Nothing kills the excitement and Voice of a hook like trying to make it sound business-y.

Understand your novel’s basic conflict. Remember when I said you wanted to only include the spine of the book? A simple formula to help you identify your novel’s basic conflict is this: A must do B to avoid or accomplish C but D is a huge problem.  Fill in the blanks to this and you have your conflict. This is NOT your hook. This is a starting place.

Understand the Voice of your novel. My novel is dark urban fantasy written in a quasi-chick lit voice. Guess what? My hook reveals a dark urban fantasy and is written in a quasi-chick lit voice. The pacing of my hook mimics the pacing of my novel. My MC’s personality comes through. You want to do the same. Identify your novel’s voice. If you’re having trouble understanding how to make the connection between that Voice and your hook, grab five or six books in your genre and read the backs for some inspiration.

Write your hook. Take the conflict, play around with how to present it in the Voice of your manuscript, and tie it all up with either a question (Will Angela throw caution-and her reputation-out the window in time to rescue Jack before the vampires turn him into one of their own?) or a statement letting us know the final stakes (see my hook for an example).

Run it through the Query Shark. (http://queryshark.blogspot.com/) Agent Janet Reid provides an invaluable service to writers by giving honest, knowledgeable feedback on queries (posted anonymously). She’s also been known to request pages from those queries she really likes.

Writing an excellent hook takes perseverance, but when the end result is an agent’s or editor’s interest, the blood, sweat, and multiple revisions you poured into it are worth it. Happy hooking!

 My query:

 Ms. Fabulous Literary Agent
1234 Publishable Ave.
New York City, NY 10001

Dear Ms. Agent,

Alexa Tate is more than human. She can swim underwater without holding her breath, scale a brick building in five seconds flat, and hear the emotions of those about to commit a crime. A secretary by day, she uses her skills to hunt down evil at night. She is stronger, faster, and more lethal than anyone she’s ever met.

Until now.

A non-human hunter has come to town. Using mind-control to inhabit his victims and through them commit unspeakable crimes, the hunter leaves a trail of bodies leading right to Alexa’s door.

Suddenly, Alexa is the prey in an ancient war whose rules she is just beginning to understand.  

To stop the hunter and save those she loves, she must uncover the truth about her origins, keep a certain handsome cop from suspecting her of crimes she may have committed, and unleash the tremendous power locked inside of her without becoming what she fears most: a killer.

Living in New York City can be murder.

Shadowing Fate is an urban fantasy complete at 80,000 words. I’m a member of RWA, and a 2008 Golden Heart finalist. I look forward to hearing from you.

Sincerely,

C.J. Redwine

***

C.J. will be with us today so now is your chance to get answers to those query/hook related questions.   

Thank you, C.J. for an excellent post!   

We’ll see everyone on Wednesday for Anatomy of the Male Mind.