Posted On September 17, 2010 by Print This Post

Ask An Editor: “The Meet” between Your Hero and Heroine

RU crew, today Theresa Stevens is back with another great Ask an Editor lecture. Want to make sure the first meet between your H/H (hero and heroine) is on target? Then read on!

A special perk today: Theresa and her business partner, Alicia Rasley, have agreed to give away a spot in Alicia’s October character workshop to one commenter today!

Dear Theresa:

One of the most important events in writing a romance novel is, of course, the first meeting of the hero and heroine.  I’ve been kicking them around for my WIP and wondered… What should a writer keep in mind/ask themselves when considering the construction of that first meeting?  How do you decide if the meet “works” or not?


Julie Harrington

Hi, Julie,

That’s a great question. The first meeting between the hero and heroine is a major turning point in a romance plot, which means that it’s a scene worthy of much authorial attention. It should pack a good, dramatic punch in the development of the plot, and it should leave the reader hungry to find out what these two people will get up to the next time they meet.

There’s a lot of information out there about first meetings. In fact, googling “cute meet” yields about two hundred million hits, and there’s a wiki for “meet cute,” which is the 1940s screwball comedy version of the first meeting between hero and heroine. However, a first meeting doesn’t have to be cute in order for it to be effective.

Conventional wisdom regarding first meetings is pretty basic:

  1. The hero and heroine should meet as early as possible in the plot.
  2. The romantic conflict should be initiated during this first meeting (if not before then).
  3. It should be memorable. That is, the characters will be unable to shake it off and return to ordinary life as though this meeting never occurred.
  4. Avoid cliched circumstances (such as two people colliding around a corner), forced plot details (that is, contrivances that don’t suit the character or circumstances), and pettiness (conflict over inessential details).

Beyond that, what’s a writer to do?

Because the first meeting establishes the characters and sets the romantic conflict in motion, it’s important to demonstrate two key facts about the hero. First, we want to see that he’s good hero material. And second, we need to understand that he isn’t quite *there* yet.

Showing his heroic potential is easy. Make him physically appealing, and give the reader hints that he is successful, ambitious, protective, powerful, and so on. These are heroic traits that will convince the reader — and eventually, the heroine — that this man is worthy of her devotion.

The flipside of this is a bit trickier. We sometimes talk in terms of character flaws — make him crabby, make him disdainful, make him a loner or a playboy or a heartless and cruel alpha. The danger in this approach is that you can invest the hero with flaws so unheroic that no rational woman would take a second look at him. For example, if she sees the rogue in a nightclub making out with three different women over the course of the evening, why would she sign up to be number four on that list? Ordinarily, she wouldn’t unless she herself is deeply flawed or, even worse, the dreaded TSTL heroine.

So, if you make him flawed in the beginning, you have to make sure those flaws are not absolute barriers to intimacy. But truly, he doesn’t have to be flawed in the sense that his character contains defects. It’s possible to have a charming, pleasant, winner of a hero who is still not ready for prime time in the first meeting. For example, perhaps his ambition swamps the rest of his character traits and makes him blind to key facts. By enlarging the heroic trait to drastic proportions, it becomes a hindrance to intimacy even if it would not be considered a flaw.

Or other traits — not flaws, but positive traits — can prevent intimacy from developing smoothly. For example, in the movie Serendipity, the hero and heroine meet while Christmas shopping and click instantly. He’s charming, kind, attentive, and generous. He’s also involved with another woman. Though he makes friends with the heroine, his loyalty to his current lover prevents him from pursuing a romantic or sexual connection with the heroine. This is heroic behavior based in virtue, not flaw, and yet it helps establish the conflict and move the plot forward.

If you think in terms of barriers to intimacy rather than outright flaws, you might find new ways to deepen the impact of that first meeting. Let the barriers to intimacy and the heroic traits be demonstrated vibrantly in the first meeting, and you’ll get the romantic plot moving forward in a strong way.

* * *

Theresa, thanks for the fabulous info on the first meet between a hero and heroine!

RU Crew, one lucky commenter will win a spot in Alicia’s October workshop (see details below) on character. Let’s see those comments!

Don’t miss Monday’s lecture when Kim Castillo will tell us why authors should have a personal assistant. (Oh, me, me! I want a personal assistant. Or I’ll settle for a clone, if I must).

Workshop Details:

Do you ever worry that your characterization isn’t deep enough or that your characters are wooden? This is the class that will help you! The character journey is a way of charting through the plot the change in the main characters, giving them both a reason and incentive to change. In this interactive class, you’ll determine where the character starts and ends, and how the plot events can move them along that journey.

Class Begins: October 1, 2010

Class Ends: October 14, 2010

Signup Deadline: September 28, 2010

Class size is limited! Don’t delay!

Cost: $50

Instructor: Alicia Rasley

Alicia Rasley is an award-winning novelist and a nationally known writing workshop leader. She has worked as a fiction editor for a small press, and currently teaches popular fiction in an Master’s in Fine Arts program.

Theresa’s Bio:

Theresa Stevens is the Publisher of STAR Guides Publishing, a nonfiction publishing company with the mission to help writers write better books. After earning degrees in creative writing and law, she worked as a literary attorney agent for a boutique firm in Indianapolis where she represented a range of fiction and nonfiction authors. After a nine-year hiatus from the publishing industry to practice law, Theresa worked as chief executive editor for a highly acclaimed small romance press, and her articles on writing and editing have appeared in numerous publications for writers. Visit her blog at where she and her co-blogger share their knowledge and hardly ever argue about punctuation.

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59 Responses to “Ask An Editor: “The Meet” between Your Hero and Heroine”

  1. Julie–thanks for supplying today’s wonderful topic.

    Theresa–great lecture! As you know, many folks believe the H/H should meet in chapter one, almost page one. But there are several successful books published where this is not the case. What do you believe the secret recipe is for delaying their meeting?


    Posted by TraceyDevlyn | September 17, 2010, 5:24 am
    • Tracey, that’s a great question. I think if the external conflict is super-strong, you can get away with a short delay. Short! You don’t want to hold the first meeting until the midpoint. Hit that big conflict hard and then engage the romantic conflict as soon as possible thereafter.

      Posted by Theresa Stevens | September 17, 2010, 12:01 pm
  2. Theresa’s insights — as always — are global and relevant to any genre. I’m deeply flawed myself though, and likely to assume that Mr. Kisser is conducting research. I’d have no other choice than to offer my lips to science. 😳

    Posted by Molly Swoboda | September 17, 2010, 7:31 am
  3. Morning Theresa!

    That’s my favorite part of writing…the cute meet. If I could just write teeny short stories on those, I’d be tickled pink! Unfortunately, readers demand to know what happens with the rest of the story!….=) My question is, I write somewhat screwball comedy romance, and in one of my stories, my heroine does trip and fall into the hero’s arms. If done well, can it rise above the cliche? Or should I be thinking more outside the box?

    Another great lecture…thanks! And thanks Julie for your great question!


    Posted by Carrie Spencer | September 17, 2010, 8:23 am
    • Carrie, think in terms of context. *Why* does she fall? If it’s an oopsy-daisy, it will be far less compelling than if the fall stems from scene action and conflict. That is, if she’s scaling a trellis to rescue a cat from a burning building, and the hero is the fireman who wants her to stop doing his job, and then she falls and he catches her, it’s much different than the old “walk around corner, collide with hunk” routine.

      Posted by Theresa Stevens | September 17, 2010, 12:05 pm
  4. Hi Theresa. Thanks for a great post. I always love the “meet” scene. For me, I always want it to be an unspoken hint at how the characters will act throughout the story.


    BTW, fantastic sturcture workshop! I’m still absorbing the material. RU Crew, I couldn’t recommend this workshop more.

    Posted by AdrienneGiordano | September 17, 2010, 8:54 am
    • Aw, 😎 thanks. I did warn people that the structure workshop was intensive, and now you know why. Lots to absorb, but loads of fun. (I may be biased and/or have a strange notion of what constitutes “fun.” 🙄 )

      And you’re exactly right — the first meeting should set the tone for the romantic plot. We should be able to see how their personalities will interact over the course of the story.

      Posted by Theresa Stevens | September 17, 2010, 12:08 pm
  5. Julie – thanks for the question. This is a timely topic for me, and will cause me to look critically at the H/H meet in my current manuscript.

    Theresa – I like the term “barrier to intimacy.” I’d love for us and our readers to brainstorm a few more of these. One that we see quite often in romance novels is having been hurt in the past, but that one almost seems cliched to me unless done really, really well.

    RU Crew – what are some other barriers to intimacy that you can think of?

    Ambition comes to mind because I just finished Steve Harvey’s Act Like a Lady – Think Like a Man. In this book, he says men won’t enter a serious, committed relationship until they have their professional “houses in order.” Otherwise, a man has no way to “provide” for his mate.

    Happy Friday, all!

    Posted by KelseyBrowning | September 17, 2010, 10:47 am
    • Ambition is a good one because it’s both an heroic trait and a barrier to intimacy. It all depends on how the ambition is expressed. And on character perspective, of course — think about Pride and Prejudice. Elizabeth views Darcy’s pride as a character defect, but Darcy says, “Where there is real superiority of mind, pride will be always under good regulation” Which of them is correct? Discovering that answer is part of the fun of the plot. (But Elizabeth is correct, of course, because she’s the heroine and that’s how it works.)

      Posted by Theresa Stevens | September 17, 2010, 12:14 pm
  6. Great topic, and very relevant for me at the moment. I wonder if the difficulty of the original meeting is why I keep seeing so many “reunion romances”–the conflict is kind of built in that way.

    Posted by Laura K Curtis | September 17, 2010, 11:23 am
    • You may be right, Laura. Especially with the way romance tends to rely on backstory to generate emotional conflict — reunion romances are tailored to suit that tendency and to surmount the difficulty of making the first meeting memorable.

      I’m thinking about Persuasion by Jane Austen, one of my favorite stories and a reunion romance. Wentworth exists like a shadow over Anne’s actions in the early scenes, and then when he finally appears, the impact on her is enormous. And Austen underplays it beautifully, which I think gives it even more power. But without that ghosting in the early scenes (something modern writers can’t necessarily get away with), the underplayed reunion moment would have less impact.

      Posted by Theresa Stevens | September 17, 2010, 12:20 pm
  7. Thanks for the information. Great stuff to think about. I’m glad I found this website. (Thanks Theresa!) For some reason I’ve never thought about reading up on romance writing, because I’m writing YA and fantasy, although themycurrent WIP definitely has a strong romantic element. This was very helpful to get me thinking more about when my H/H first meet. Great stuff.

    Posted by Erin C. | September 17, 2010, 11:34 am
  8. Mine is sort of a reunion romance. He used to be her boss and she’s hoping he’ll start seeing her as a woman now that they’re no longer working together.

    But I’m having trouble sticking with one story. Too much round-robin. That’s my next goal. Choose a story of my 7 current beginnings and stick to it all the way to an end.

    Posted by Marilou Goodwin | September 17, 2010, 11:38 am
  9. Great post! I love the meet scene as well. The “barrier to intimacy” reference I like a lot! Also, Serendipity is one of my Favs.

    Posted by Linda Graves | September 17, 2010, 12:01 pm
  10. Thanks for the good ideas and information. 😛 The beginning is the hardest part of a plot for me and all help is appreciated. I always fall for my heroes but have problems getting my heroine in the right place.

    Posted by Paisley Kirkpatrick | September 17, 2010, 12:51 pm
  11. Hi Theresa,

    Thanks for your informative post.

    I agree with your advice and am particularly happy that you mentioned not only avoiding cliched ways for the H/H to meet, but also thinking beyond the obvious (or overused) barriers to intimacy (like H or H was hurt before and has sworn off relationships).

    We just have to keep reminding ourselves not to take the easy way into or out of our stories and do that extra character work that kills the dreaded cliche!

    Have a nice weekend!

    Tracy 😀

    Posted by Tracy Mastaler | September 17, 2010, 12:58 pm
  12. Hi Theresa,

    I like my hero to jump through some hoops. Make him change to fit her life. Barriers to intimacy are there too. Maybe he’s been burned in the past and afraid to fall again. A little vulnerability beneath the strong facade works for me.

    Mary Jo Burke

    Posted by Mary Jo Burke | September 17, 2010, 12:59 pm
  13. The term “barriers to intimacy” for me encapsulates what Romance fiction is about. How to overcome those barriers creates the meat of our stories. My Hero and Heroine meet on the first page of my story over the House for Sale sign in her yard. I’m finding that my problem comes in creating conflict big enough to genuinely put them or their relationship in jeopardy. Hopefully, that will be the subject of a future lecture.

    Posted by Evalyn Lemon | September 17, 2010, 1:17 pm
  14. Thanks for these notes! They were very helpful.

    Posted by Courtney | September 17, 2010, 1:33 pm
  15. I agree that in a romance the cute meet should happen as early as possible, but it seems like a lot of time writers are working hard to make it even earlier—i.e. too early. I have the cute meet on page 5 or 6, after two scenes setting up the external murder plot and foreshadowing the conflict between the H/H (and making it clear), and I had one person (not a romance author) tell me how to “solve my problem” and move the cute meet to page one—by completely destroying the barriers to romance.

    Page six is just fine. (I’ve read books where they don’t meet for 100 pages—that felt really long.)

    Posted by Jordan McCollum | September 17, 2010, 1:36 pm
  16. My h/h always meet early on, just like the article says, but I’ve never managed a ‘cute’ meet & greet. In my current WIP, the heroine is in the midst of a fight with a pack of werewolves and he (she thinks) was just passing by and jumps in to help because of the unfair odds. They have obstacles right from the get go because from the brief time in his POV it becomes clear he was already following her for some unknown, not very nice reason.

    In the prior work, the h/h knew each other from 200 years ago when she was still human and for all that time she believed he murdered her little brothers so she wasn’t very happy to have him pop back into her life.

    Posted by Tory M | September 17, 2010, 1:39 pm
  17. Those were some great ideas. If “the meet” doesn’t grab the reader, the rest of the romance story probably won’t either.

    Posted by Meghan Schuessler | September 17, 2010, 2:04 pm
  18. Hi Theresa,

    Great post as usual. Thanks.

    My issue with the meet is timing. I saw your response to Tracey, but how short is short? Sounds a bit like how long is a piece of string, doesn’t it? :mrgreen:

    Is setting up your story – their ordinary worlds, story questions, external conflict, etc – no longer so important? Or is taking a chapter to do that in, for example, a category romance, just too long no matter how big the external conflict?

    Posted by Cia | September 17, 2010, 2:08 pm
    • I think that in general “setting up” a story isn’t going to be as important as the story itself. This doesn’t mean you must launch into the romantic conflict in line 1, page 1, but it does mean that whatever precedes the first meeting has to be viewed with a ruthless editorial eye. And remember, your authorial job in the opening scenes is not to answer questions, but to raise them. Tease your reader a little by withholding information. (But don’t withhold so much that you leave them confused.)

      And that’s how long the string is. lol, I know, it reads like a non-answer, but so much of this is case-specific.

      Posted by Theresa Stevens | September 17, 2010, 3:27 pm
      • Thanks for the string measurement, Theresa. And no, it doesn’t read like a non answer because, as you said, it’s case specific. Otherwise it would be a rule, and we know about rules….

        If I err about story questions, it’s in the opposite direction… I began my current wip keeping secrets from everyone. I was the only one who knew stuff. :mrgreen: I fixed it, I’m happy to report. The romantic conflict is set up from page two or three, just not the meet. Anyway, I’m getting off topic.


        Posted by Cia | September 17, 2010, 6:25 pm
  19. Thank you, Theresa!
    Your posts are always so helpful. There is so much more to writing a good story than just voice. And it’s all that other stuff, like a realistic first meeting that reveals just enough GMC to make the reader want to keep reading, that takes so long to perfect.

    Posted by Wendy Marcus | September 17, 2010, 2:39 pm
  20. I like the “barriers to intimacy” concept. Since I don’t write the gruff, egotistical alphas, my heroes don’t need a whole lot of “shaping” by the heroine. That’s not to say they’re ready for prime-time (as you mentioned), but rather that they have to work out their own internal issues first.

    Posted by Jami Gold | September 17, 2010, 3:32 pm
    • The heroines do push them along that discovery path, though, right? It’s a more effective plot if they learn and grow as a result of each other’s influence.

      Posted by Theresa Stevens | September 17, 2010, 5:56 pm
      • Yes, absolutely! I just meant that I like the idea of the hero deciding to change themselves – because of the heroine’s influence – rather than the heroine forcing them into it. In real life, women can’t force a man to change, so I don’t like writing stories with that idea. I think it’s stronger if the hero *chooses* to change, both for himself and to be worthy of her. 🙂

        Posted by Jami Gold | September 17, 2010, 6:43 pm
  21. Good points. My meet already happened prior to the story, but I use it anyways so that I can hint at my MC’s dark past and the hero’s clumsy way with women.
    Rocky (heroine) has basically been poaching Alex (hero) all semester, thinking from his appearance he is just like her, a bad ass. She is mistaken, his tattoos are religious. His keys fall down the elevator shaft and she offers to help him with his car. Without any explanation she expertly breaks into and hot wires his car as if she were just changing a tire. She then tells him, “You owe me dinner for that.” and thus begins a very unique relationship between a studious Mexican-American Catholic and a seductive wild child from Chicago.

    Posted by Erica | September 17, 2010, 3:41 pm
  22. Theresa:

    Thanks so much for taking time to answer this question. I’m still going round and round on this with a few of my book ideas (the first meet) and I love this intimacy barrier idea. That provides a new way to turn the story and look at it. Very intriguing! Especially when you do want barriers to prevent the characters from getting together right away and you do want flaws, but sometimes the flaws are good traits just…complicated (I have a hero that fits this perfectly, actually). I really enjoyed the way you presented that answer and I’m looking forward to using that to review my current ideas.

    I have to second (or is that 3rd, 4th or 5th at this point?) that issue other people have raised regarding that “cute meet” and when it happens. I’ve been watching several contests these last few months and it seems the readers (in several cases mostly other writers commenting on chapters) are always commenting on how the hero and heroine don’t meet soon enough… but the meetings are happening *in* chapter one. Maybe not page 1, line 1, but still before that chapter ends. Which raises a question in my mind, and I think you touched on it when you said the “setting up of the story” should be used to raise questions more than answer them. I personally like a little “setup” for the story just before the hero and heroine run into each other so you get more of an idea what’s at stake for them. It seems a lot of people have their heroines and heroes meeting right away but a) nothing happens, b) there’s nothing at risk, c) it feels contrived, and d) it feels rushed and to me, that seems to equally defeat the “cute meet” purpose.

    Thanks so much for answering this question and for presenting a new way to look at things. Sometimes that’s all it takes to knock a scene into proper alignment: New perspective.

    Thanks again! I’m so glad I asked it!

    Julie H.

    Posted by Julie H | September 17, 2010, 11:23 pm
    • Oh, that’s exactly why I hate the push to get the H/H on page one, line one—it is contrived. (El señor diccionario defines contrived as “Obviously planned or calculated; not spontaneous or natural; labored.”) And your list of reasons is exactly why.

      Posted by Jordan McCollum | September 18, 2010, 9:49 am
      • TY, Jordan. I hate to say it feels almost like a “rule” now that writers are following without understanding the real intent behind it, but it is starting to feel that way. I’ts like something “everybody” quotes now like “never start with dialogue” or “show, don’t tell.” I’m going to have to open up some recent romances this weekend and see when and how the characters meet just for comparison purposes. But it seems like — just as there’s a danger in having your hero and heroine meet too late — there’s an equally inherent danger in having them meet too soon and sucking the point out of that first meet.


        Posted by Julie H | September 18, 2010, 11:00 am
  23. I wanna win!
    Didn’t I give you an award last year? 😉

    Anywho, I used a tried-and-true method for them to meet…the old “flat tire”
    Well, actually a tree falls on her mechohorse…but it’s the same thing…
    What’s the barrier? He’s suffering a crippling injury, and lost his job, and she’s determined to find someone who fits her unrealistic expectations.

    May still take course anyways.

    Posted by Andrew Rosenberg | September 18, 2010, 12:21 am
  24. Eureka!

    Hi Theresa and Jordan,

    I missed your exchange earlier or I would have found out how long my piece of string was before posting.

    Interesting that I did what Jordan did but it took her 4 or 5 pages, but it took me much longer and pushed my meet into the start of chapter two. Lesson learnt. Until I turn my hand to epics, my meets will be Chapter one!

    That’s it for me on this… finally. :mrgreen:

    Posted by Cia | September 18, 2010, 9:20 am
  25. Wow, this has given me a lot to think about. As I read this post, I was mentally going over every story I’ve written to calculate the effectiveness of that first meeting. Thank you so much for providing such a thought-provoking article for us.

    Posted by Margay | September 18, 2010, 6:29 pm
  26. This was a great read, as always.

    I hadn’t thought much about when their meeting should be, or how it should be, but I found myself reading over each point and nodding. Amazingly, I think I covered most of the basics. I’m very sure it could be better, but I did the bare minimum without any awareness. Always a good feeling!

    Now, though, that I’ve had the heroine and the hero meet, I’m wondering about the antihero. I’m curious what this means when there’s a ‘love triangle’ and you want to complicate who the actual hero is, and who will be with the heroine in the end.

    Posted by Jessica Lei | September 18, 2010, 7:15 pm
  27. Thanks, Theresa! I just read your post about the okra farmer, and the timing of the meet makes much more sense.

    Posted by Deb Salisbury | September 18, 2010, 7:57 pm
  28. Everyone, if you’re interested in reading more on this, I did a quick follow-up post on why first meetings should come early and with little advance set-up.


    Posted by Theresa Stevens | September 18, 2010, 9:48 pm
  29. Great topic–I think the first couple of chapters, and especially that first scene, are the toughest!

    I totally agree with the comments about rules and forcing the ‘meet’ on page 1. I just read a contest entry in which the author took that rule too much to heart and the result was one very confused reader! I think we need a bit of reference in most cases, before that first big scene between the H/H, especially if there is instant conflict between the two. I want to know just a bit about the H/H before they butt heads.

    Also, I’ve grown to hate, hate, hate those coincidental first meetings. For example, the heroine goes to meet someone for a blind date and she’s looking for a guy wearing a red shirt. She doesn’t find him, but strikes up a conversation with a guy in a blue shirt but wonders what happened to Red Shirt. At the end of the scene, once the pair is totally into each other **big reveal** Blue Shirt WAS Red Shirt all along and he just spilled something on himself before leaving the house and had to change shirts.

    It’s just too handy and destroys any potential conflict right off the bat. If the heroine hit it off with Blue Shirt, then Red Shirt walked in the door and he was a good guy, too, AND Blue Shirt’s brother (who Red Shirt had asked to come along to vet his date) I’d be much more interested–now we’ve got confllict, something unexpected and the makings of a story question that would keep me reading.

    Of course, that could just be my personal pet peeve. Maybe some readers really like those types of openings–there seem to be quite a few out there!

    Thanks for the post, Theresa!

    Posted by Bethany Michaels | September 19, 2010, 6:42 am
  30. Great post, Theresa. And, for me, very timely in that I’m working on the opening scenes of a new book this week and that all-important first meet is front and center. 😉

    Posted by Leigh Duncan | September 19, 2010, 9:10 am
  31. Theresa, thank you so much for linking us back to the comments on the Edittorrent board. I think the discussion there – going hand and hand with this one — totally clears up the difference/confusion between what you’re saying about crafting a first meet and the plot purpose of setting external conflict and initiating romantic conflict vs. the point you’re making with this answer and backstory/info dumping/boring openings. Between this column and the Edittorrent blog, you’ve cleared things up for me very, very nicely, and I appreciate you tackling these issues so much. Thank you!


    Posted by Julie H | September 19, 2010, 1:35 pm
  32. 🙄 yeah. apparently, I’ve done all these in my thriller (the first chapter has been read by jami g helping me with issues like head hopping). I didn’t realize there was a name for it (reunion? ugh)

    Open with diaologue. check. Definitely don’t meet first page. check. cute meet. ain’t happening. I don’t do cute well. I want to. I love comedies. But, no. Cute meet is definitely out. How about meeting over dead bodies that you’ve made and he’s been sent to clean up after?

    Posted by Leona | September 25, 2010, 9:47 am


  1. […] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Keira, Patti O'Shea, Theresa Stevens, amaralewis, Lilly Cain and others. Lilly Cain said: RT @TheresaStevens: Talking about first meetings between H/h at Romance Univ. 1 commenter wins a spot in @aliciarasley 's character class. […]

  2. […] editor Theresa Stevens posted twice on the meet between the hero and the heroine. First, about the first meeting between your two lovers, and when this meeting should happen. I actually don’t have much to […]

  3. […] For more tips on first meetings, take a look at this Romance University post from last year on the meet between your hero and heroine. […]

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